


A Bitter July

by Heuristic



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Julyberry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 120,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heuristic/pseuds/Heuristic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel wrestles with her feeling for her vitriolic - if not alcoholic- teacher unaware that she is not alone in her struggle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rachel needed a moment on her own, there was only so much listening to strangers telling her how phenomenal her singing was that she could take - a high threshold of tolerance admittedly but a threshold none the less . The adrenalin rush was fading and she was fast heading for the low that always followed after the performance high. Why she thought ringing Finn was a good idea she didn't know, unless it was to speak to someone who was feeling so much worse than her in a bid to make her feel better. She finished Finn's pep talk and ended the call. For her it wasn't just the taking part it was definitely the winning but that wasn't what Finn needed to hear. Why he thought he didn't need to scrutinise the rules of the competition was beyond her understanding but was yet another indication of his unwillingness to properly commit himself to anything or anyone. She was well out of that relationship. She briefly considered giving her Dads a call but quickly rejected the idea. It would take too long to explain what winning meant and would suck all the joy from the moment. Besides her Dads had long since grown accustomed to her winning everything that their delight always felt somewhat muted and forced. There was only one person's reaction she really wanted to see and that was Ms July's.

Rachel sighed. It was thanks to Ms July that she'd decided to sing 'Being Good Isn't Good enough'. Brazen? Well maybe, but while Ms July might have been good enough to once have had a broadway lead role, however briefly, her ambitions were far more lofty. She'd tried to surreptitiously scour the audience whilst she was singing but it was difficult thing to do what with all the emoting and eye closing on high notes that were a necessary part of her performance. Still Rachel was sure Ms Jealous July wasn't there to see just how incredibly wrong she was. To understand just how badly she'd underestimated Rachel. To have her nose rubbed in it by a freshman no less. Maybe she wasn't there because deep down underneath all that bitterness, resentment and envy she actually knew that Rachel, the small town girl from Ohio, would triumphant on voice alone over the broadway royalty that was Alexandria Beentheredonethat. How that must irk. Somewhere in a tasteful but lonely Soho loft apartment Ms July was probably trying to drown her sorrows and wash away the bitterness of her resentment at Rachel's somewhat unprecedented, but in no way unexpected, triumphant. There might be cold gins where Ms July was but Rachel somehow doubted it was a whoopee spot.

Ms July would have untied that tight ponytail and her face would have sagged - Kurt suggested that the bitchy dance teacher probably looked like a walnut once the ponytail was untied. Rachel had laughed at the image conjured up by that remark which had been Kurt's intention as she'd recounted with outrage the latest barrage of insults directed her way. yet Rachel knew from the toned tautness of Ms Julys thighs that her face's smooth planes weren't created by the poor woman's facelift, a tight pony tail. The first time Ms July had danced for them her hair had been down and falling round her shoulders. She'd ripped off her skirt and proceeded to demonstrate just why Nyada employed her. Well it certainly wasn't for her winning personality. Rachel had to concentrate on stopping her jaw from dropping through the floor and fortunately there was a table to hold on to behind her as Ms July had advanced in a predatory and decidedly sexy manner towards her. It only struck Rachel afterwards that the dance had been aimed at her. Okay there was lots of eye contact but surely that's what a good performer did, pulled you into their performance. No, what gave it away was there was only Rachel at that end of the room whereas the rest of the class were at the other. Yet the crawling was towards her, the dancing was towards her and the eye contact was solely at her. Rachel's mouth had gone dry at the moment Ms July removed her skirt and her heart had thundered in her chest as she tried not to focus on the shapely figure in front of her. She'd totally failed, fascinated by those legs rather than the dance moves. Perhaps it was even more impressive that such control could be exhibited by this woman who had definitely had alcohol on her breath. Rachel didn't believe the mouthwash excuse for one minute but had enough self preservation instinct to bite back " oh what the new rum flavoured mouthwash?" Instead she had ended the class with an increased heart rate and the somewhat worrying thought that she actually found Ms July attractive. Only physically of course. Anyway wasn't having a crush on your teacher part of the college experience?

In fact for all of her decidedly unpleasant personality traits Ms July was in fact somewhat of a stunning beauty. Rachel had always had a bit of a thing for bitchy blondes - women that is. Goading Quinn throughout her school career had been one of her major sources of entertainment. She'd been aware how her seemingly imperviousness to the insults and ridicule thrown her way had irritated the life out of Quinn. How her pursuit of Quinn's friendship had made the ex Cheerio squirm huff and almost explode with indignation. Rachel also recognised that there was just a hint of unresolved sexual tension between them and she'd started off with intense eye contact and close proximity as a means of frustrating Quinn more only for her focus to shift and her to begin to wish that Quinn would just kiss for goodness sake. It didn't happen. Quinn was still battling her inner demons and apparently now involved with a married male professor - in need of a father figure much? Although knowing Quinn there was always the possibility that it was just a ruse, a story made up to get everyone off her back about her love life. After all that supposed relationship or brief summer fling with a 40 year old skater Rachel suspected was a complete work of fiction especially when Quinn stumbled and fumbled about to try and come up with a name in response to Rachel's inquiries. Rachel liked to tell herself that Quinn had been liberated by moving to New Haven and was now enjoying a full and active sex life with whoever of whatever gender. Deep down though Rachel knew this was extremely unlikely.

Quinn's beauty though was jaw dropping. Rachel had thought that no-one would ever come close to matching those finely chiselled delicate features. How wrong she was. Ms July was in her face from the first lesson and as she berated Rachel with an oscar winning performance of the cliched bitter teacher Rachel had found herself fascinated by shapely eyebrows and piercing brown eyes. She'd struggled to form sentences as her eyes registered the beautiful features in front of her spewing out half assed insults that would have made Sue Sylvester squirm with embarrassment at their predictable feebleness. Did Ms July really think she was the first to comment on Rachel's nose? She'd been called many names during her time, her favourite being Concorde by that plane spotting socially inadequate anorak she'd briefly shared a class with. Schwimmer was hardly inventive or even amusing, it just showed up quite how old and past it Ms July really was. It wasn't even clever. Perhaps Ms July could learn a few things about subtle hazing from her?

When she'd said "lush" at the end of that first Ms July impromptu performance Ms July had glowered at her and demanded she explained herself. Rachel had gone for wide eyed small town girl look before replying  
"It's Ohio youth slang for great Ms July" she'd managed to hit the right amount of breathy nervous excitement in her tone for the dance teacher to be forced to take it at face value. The narrowed eyes may have hinted at Ms July's scepticism but Rachel was flawless in her portrayal of an eager to please, slightly unworldly wise teenager. After that Rachel would take the opportunity to mutter lush just at the edge of Ms July's hearing always ensuring her eyes were focussed away from the dance teacher and seemingly admiring her classmates performances. She could tell by the tightening of Ms July's already tight features that she was really getting under her skin. She knew she shouldn't goad the woman but somehow she couldn't help it. Always this need to be noticed and it was never going to be for her dancing. Or at least that's what she thought until Ms July had dared to call her unsexy. Suddenly Rachel's determination had increased another notch. Oh she'd show Ms July just how 'unsexy' she was.

Rachel knew she'd need help with the choreography but the choice of song would be all hers. Now Ms July had chosen a Lady Gaga number - no doubt the aging never quite was's attempt to demonstrate her hipness - so it seemed only right that a pop number was the way to go. Ms July was basically suggesting Rachel was innocent so it seemed an obvious choice to go for the whole innocence thing that Brittany Spears had been so adept at selling. She trawled through her Brittany playlist before 'Oops I did it again' just leapt out at her. 'I'm not that innocent' being the line that decided it for her. Rachel chose her outfit to give the vague semblance of modesty, tight fitting but with a little skirt and then decided on red sultry lipstick to help with the clashes of image. A bit of simpering and some running her hands over herself should create the desired effect.

Brody stepped in to help her out and prevent her making an idiot of herself. Apparently the 'unsexy' challenge was annually issued by Ms July who then proceeded to rip to shreds whatever performance that provoked from eager to please, trying too hard freshmen. In order to skirt the artfully baited trap Rachel needed to realise less was in fact more and crucially not go for a solo dance performance. So Rachel honed her vocals and allowed Brody to sort out all the rest. They could only use what props were available in the dance studio and it was one late friday afternoon when Brody finally walked Rachel through what he had in mind. It was perfect, not too slutty but with enough elements of risque to keep Ms July off balance. So they began intensive rehearsals with the hardest part being the simulated love routine with a table between them. Get the timing wrong and it looked like a comedy sketch, get it right and the temperature of the room rose a few degrees. Rachel didn't really feel ready enough but knew she needed to perform before Ms July's usual intimidation onslaught began so Rachel went for it.

The timing was perfect. Ms July lounged at the back of the room as if she could barely bring herself to show any interest but Rachel could see the tightening of her hand around her cane particularly when her dance partners hands cupped her lower regions and she simulated desire. Ms July's eyes never left Rachel and her focus was particularly intense for both the table loving moment and when Rachel spread her legs going for a wanton slightly desperate vibe. Okay, maybe a bit of jazz hands did slip into her performance but there was no way that was what Ms July was concentrating on. Her eyes were glued to Rachel's upper torso. Ms July might be assessing shape and form but it was of the performer rather than of the performance. As Rachel's performance reached a close and she husked out her last few words she realised she was struggling for breath. Not because of a rigorously strenuous routine, because it wasn't, but because the awareness of Ms July's steady gaze was causing her heart to race.

So when Ms July launched into her sneering demolition of all Rachel had been trying to achieve Rachel had allowed her real thoughts to surface. She needed perspective and to exercise some tighter control on the inappropriate feelings coursing round her system so she let Ms July know exactly what she thought of her petty jealousies. Maybe the YouTube comment had hit on a sensitive spot and Rachel had a momentary flash of guilt but then once thrown out of the class she rushed home for a long cold shower to give herself a stern talking to and bring her treacherous libido under control. Rachel could worry about building bridges later even if it required revisiting the old 'sorry if my existence offends you I'll try and be invisible' act of her school years. 

A basket of washing later, sufficient contrition for Ms July to feel powerful again, and Rachel was back in class. On the way she'd helped Ms July with her stretches and had a rather close view of her rear - Rachel was undecided whether that was a deliberate move or not and what message she was supposed to take from it. She'd hoped after that that maybe her interactions with Ms July would become less, well antagonistic and for a very brief period she and her dance teacher had had almost a civil conversation. Ms July advising her not to apply for a particular role and then even helping her manage the journey back to Lima to support Kurt in his need to see Blaine. What a mistake that was. She'd decided to ring Brody for a quick gossip about how she had so moved on from High school performances and to yet again thank him with his patience with her suddenly changing her plans. To her immense surprise Ms July answered Brody's phone and proceeded to boast about bedding Brody. That Ms July would sleep with her students was hardly a surprise, that she'd chose Brody was extremely uncomfortable - maybe it wasn't her Ms July's eyes had been on during her Brittany performance. Rachel hoped the tears were due to her disappointment with Brody's inability to think with anything other than what was between his legs; in reality she knew it was frustration and envy. It should be her not Brody- the thought still had the power to shock her. Surely all this ridicule and humiliation Ms July heaped on her meant something? Trust Finn to appear at that moment and try and make it all about him. Consider it a painful lesson learnt, always stay in New York.

Kurt had spent the entire journey back to New York trying to tease out of Rachel what was wrong. His theories about her not really being over Finn were laughable but kept him from seeing what was in front of him. Rachel knew she spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over her interactions with her dance teacher and working on ways to rile her. There was nothing like a haughty Ms July encroaching on her space with her words dripping with condescension for Rachel to feel alive. Brody was an irrelevance although with his contacts and choreography skills he was definitely worth maintaining a friendship with. She just needed to work on her jealousy issues. Rachel upped the time she spent rehearsing her dance moves - not anywhere that Ms July might catch her because she was trying to will her schoolgirl infatuation away. She was determined to prove something to Ms July; she just wasn't quite sure what that something was.

Rachel then had the unusual experience of trying to keep a low profile around NYADA generally and within dance classes specifically with a predictabiy short lived amount of success. To be fair, Carmen issuing her, a freshman, with one of the coverted invites to perform at the Winter Showcase hardly helped with her not-berry-noticeable campaign. Suddenly everyone was pointing her out as she moved between lessons as her thoughts oscillated between a crazy mix of disbelief and total terror. She had the opportunity to make the biggest idiot of herself in front of some of showbiz's most influential movers and shakers not to mention having to show her ability to handle disappointment when Alexandra Beloushi-wotnot fouetted her off the stage (en pointe no doubt). Fortunately for Rachel the opportunity for her to psyche herself out of being a serious contender at the Winter Showcase was halted in its tracks by the timely intervention of her favourite, and only, dance teacher. Ms July's motives were probably to achieve the opposite of the effect she had but hey, Rachel was hardly complaining.

Rachel's thoughts had been pre occupied with choosing an appropriate song for the Showcase and although the thought of shaking the audience up with Gangham style (was there time to do a Nayda style parody?) amused her she knew something with a little more actual style and class was required. So she wasn't at her most alert when Ms July decided to goad her into interaction. Quite frankly Rachel was tired from all her extra dancing sessions, stressed about her song choice and in no mood to back off from anyone. So when Ms July threw down the gauntlet to her of a dance off Rachel didn't have the wisdom to back off. It was all she could do to contain her laugh when Ms July suggested she was a platypus. Platypus? Really? Was that all that was left in the July arsenal of insults?

Whatever Ms July's intentions were by instigating a dance off Rachel at least now had a reason to be watching her dance teacher closely. The perfect pose to display the perfect planes of that rather perfect body were definitely met by an appreciative audience. Rachel managed an exaggerated 'not bad' nod just to rile the dance teacher a little further as she moved in to a starting position. She was thankful to note she wasn't on her own. The dance routine wouldn't have worked as a solo performance. Rachel concentrated on her steps as the singing was hardly a challenge even with the high notes. As she slid herself down to the floor as her voice rose to the high notes she was gratified to watch Ms July's straight legged manouver over the dance beams. It created the impression she was eager to race towards Rachel and didn't have the patience to go round impediments. Something to store away in the memory banks.

Rachel's position on top of the piano finally gave her the opportunity to look down on her dance teacher and that literal change of status gave her some misplaced bravery. She mimed a drinking motion as she sang 'store the juice' with eye contact firmly on Ms July. The implication was hard to miss. The smouldering glare she received back made a frisson of fear run through her system. Ms July certainly wouldn't be pulling any punches at the end of this performance. Ms July pulled her firmly not roughly across the dancefloor, did a high kick next to Rachel's ear as she momentarily spun into Rachel. Rachel fought the temptation to kiss the pale neck briefly available so heart stoppingly close to her and pushed Ms July away, her slightly misplaced hand accidentally connecting with Ms July's breast. She allowed Ms July her forward somersault of triumph as the song raced towards the end and Rachel's "oh I love my life' was heartfelt. She just enjoyed the few remaining stanzas of the song as they stalked each other surrounded by her classmates. Ms July indicated for the class to back off as the song reached its climax.Now Rachel knew she was for it.

There was a moment of silence as they stood, chests heaving, just glaring at each other. Ms July's appraising look over her did settle a beat too long on her cleavage but the woman quickly had a sneer on her face and comments to match her expression. It all seemed a bit removed as Rachel was busy having a eureka moment about her showcase performance. Dancing wasn't what made her stand out, singing was. Quite frankly she only wanted to participate in the Winter Showcase if she was going to win it. Being good enough to receive an invite wasn't good enough for her - and Barbra had the perfect song for that. She refocused on the conversation at hand and managed to thank Ms July before she hurried off. Rachel had a song she needed to prepare and some images in her head of Ms July that she needed to put on ice if she was going to be able to concentrate.

Rachel smiled and stood up deciding she needed to rejoin the post performance reception now that she'd had a brief moment of solitude. She headed for the auditorium doors only to be met by someone leaving as she was trying to enter. It was Ms July and the door swung shut behind them as they stared at each other, eyes locked together. Rachel quickly taking in the beauty in front of her as her heart thudded in her chest and her brain refused to send words to her suddenly dry mouth. They were standing mere inches apart, she could almost feel Ms July's body heat. A wave of need washed over her as she fought to keep her hands off the glorious body of the women in front of her. Ms July had seen her sing; had seen her win. Rachel's triumphant was complete.

"I.." Rachel managed to croak before being silenced by a shapely, perfectly manicured finger resting gently on her lips. Ms July leaned forward and for a heart stopping moment Rachel thought she was going to be kissed. Her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation and suddenly the warm finger was gone from her lips and she opened her eyes in time to see Ms July disappear through another set of doors. Her confused thoughts and racing feelings were interrupted by Kurt's voice in full excited mode reaching her as he barrelled through the doors she had been about to enter.

"There you are. Come on, Rachel we need to celebrate our triumphs" he gushed as he dragged her to join Brody and a crowd of her peers discussing where they should move on to. A restaurant, a bar or an impromptu party at whoever's apartment was nearest. Rachel was indifferent, she just wanted to have the space to recall the gentle featherlike touch of a finger on her lips and to try and decipher what Ms July's eyes had been trying to convey when locked in that heated gaze with hers. For the first time ever, Rachel's next dance lesson couldn't come soon enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Cassie hurried through the doors away from Rachel and scurried down the corridor as quickly as her heels would allow her. A quick emphatic 'fuck' escaped her lips as she realised her jacket was still in the auditorium hosting the post Winter Showcase performance celebration. She daren't risk going back as there was no way she control herself again in close proximity to Rachel. Not now she'd touched those lips. She stepped outside to hail a cab. The sooner she removed herself from all that youthful temptation the better. She relaxed against the seat and rolled her head back. How had she come to be this pathetic lovelorn miserable excuse of a dance professor? God she needed a drink. Shame she was going cold turkey after Rachel's incessant mutterings of 'lush' in her classes had finally got to her. That impudent flick of a hand in the All That Jazz routine had provided the impetus needed. She wasn't dependent on drink, it just made her rather tedious life more bearable.

Cassie couldn't have known what was in store for her when she took the first class of dance 101 with its usual collection of eager to please trying to project an air of sophistication freshmen. She'd been doing the same class for years, all those shiny dreams and hopes of her students laid out in her hand just waiting for her to crush them. She was practically on auto pilot as she made the obligatory world-worn speech about the inevitability of failure and dashed dreams. She singled out the non anorexic of the class for her brutal 'muffin-top' comment only to notice that one of the newbies dared to show her displeasure at Cassie's jibe. Oh it was all running as smoothly as ever, she now knew who it was she needed to break before the end of the semester, well to be fair, usually two weeks were enough. The big brown eyed ingenue who quite frankly didn't have the looks for even a sniff of a hope of a broadway career would probably be the first to transfer out of her class. Small town girl, big dreams but precious little hope - how many of those had she seen have their hopes dashed on the rocks of reality? It was only as the girl in question identified herself as Rachel Berry that Cassie realised that she'd taken on a little more of a challenge than she'd intended. There had been talk in the staffroom about some big voiced new student who had had even Carmen practically salivating with excitement and predicting this Rachel Berry had the talent as well as the determination and stamina to be successful. Carmen rarely made such a pronouncement and the idea that she had turned the girl down on her application to NAYDA just to test her determination was also unprecedented. The unremarkable, slightly apologetic, keen to please girl in front of her was The Rachel Berry who Carmen was pining the future hopes of Nyada on? Oh please.

Cassie should have expected the face of Rachel Berry to include that rather large hooter after all, seriously, what did she expect with the popular jewish name Rachel? Okay maybe berry wasn't much of a clue. This slightly cowering girl in front of her was meant to be NYADAs next big thing? Well excuse her if she didn't just suspect that Carmen was finally losing her marbles. Cassie had been too busy recalling all the Rachel Berry staffroom gossip to be able to spend time focussing on her insults so she'd had to settle for a rather disappointing 'Schwimmer'. Still, the heightened colour on the girls cheeks was enough for her to know she'd scored some points. Once long ago she'd been the next big thing, now look at the miserable standard of alleged star quality in front of her. She dogged the girl a little during that first rehearsal gaining a little satisfaction from her stumbling - oh and that complete lack of understanding of the cut throat world of performance when she'd thought Cassie was going to help her up? Such a good set up for a put down. Cassie just knew she'd be gaining a perverse pleasure from seeing this one quickly exit her classes. Still maybe she'd be doing the girl a favour saving her years of wasted effort trying to be something she'd never even be considered for. Big voices were a dime a dozen, it was the looks and the moves that made the difference. This pathetic nobody had neither.

How wrong she was. This Berry girl had far more backbone and resilience than she'd given her credit for. She'd dared to challenge Cassie about there being alcohol on her breath - which there was - in front of the entire class. She instantly retorted about mouthwash and watched the jumped up pipsqueak actually fight back a retort. Miss Nothing from Ohio had actually dared to even consider challenging her, Cassandra July, on her own territory of her dance studio? She was so outraged and riled up that she launched into one of the routines she occassionally practised with the seniors just to keep her hand in.This time however she was so incensed she'd ripped off the skirt that had been giving her outfit the semblance of modesty and basically gave the rauchiest version of the Americano number ever, all aimed at the slightly alarmed freshmen in front of her. Said freshman was clinging to the table behind her for dear life and as she nervously licked her lips Cassie realised she just wanted to stalk over to Rachel and pull her head back by her ponytail and smash her lips against hers. The thought shocked her and she nearly wavered in her next step. Just when had her feelings morphed from anger into barely containable lust? It must be the alcohol or lack of food or even just the irritating tantalising air of innocence Rachel projected that just made Cassie want to ... She focussed on counting her way through the rest of the dance to distract herself from her unhelpful if somewhat explicit thoughts. An ice cold private shower was only moments away and then she could go about getting her head straight. She just about held it together to challenge Rachel on her muttering of lush but really her focus wasn't on it. It was unfortunate that her last image of Rachel, looking breathless and in admiration of her performance, was hardly one to help squeeze the lid back on the jar of feelings that had suddenly been unleashed.

One long cold shower and several strong black coffees later and Cassie was ready to rationalise away what had just happened. She was over tired, she'd had alcohol on an empty stomach and the lack of action in the bedroom for a few months now was obviously taking its toll on her imagination. The object of her - she squirmed a bit before settling on - ah attentions could have been anybody. Little Miss Innocent who had stoked the fires of her rage had then become the target of her own over-active over-tired imagination. She knew very little about the annoying girl, probably she was not quite young enough to be her daughter age wise but surely the age difference was enough to make the idea of an entanglement ludicrous besides, she wasn't even particularly attractive. Well at least not in the conventional sense, those soulful eyes could probably bend the strongest will to her wishes and those lips would probably be soft and gentle to the touch. Cassie stopped herself at this point. It was an aberration - she needed to stop drinking during working hours. 

Cassie convinced herself that her strategy of ignoring Rachel's existence bar a few choice putdowns was working swimmingly. Maybe she'd watch the unremarkable teen out of the corner of her eye just a bit and there would be a flood of emotions if the girl ventventures close to her - just plain old dislike right? - but really her new sober during working hours self was back under control. And then she got over confident and cocky. She couldn't even blame her poor judgement on anything she'd ingested. For some inexplicable reason she thought taunting Rachel about being unsuitable to learn the tango because she had no sex appeal was a good idea. She'd dressed it up in the classroom logistics of an odd number of students (although she was glad there'd be no opportunity for the hormone riddled boys to lay their clumsy hands on Miss Innocence) that and Rachel's awkwardness within her own body - ha! She wished. Those soulful brown eyes had gazed all hurt into hers as Rachel blurted out her ambitions for roles on Broadway showing a sentimentality for musicals that Cassie had thought no longer existed in the young. Cassie realised she'd ventured to close as the urge to apologise and just give the youngster a hug nearly overwhelmed her. Fortunately an inner voice screaming 'what the fuck are you doing' was enough for her to abort the planned hug after only a slight twitch of her arms. She hastened away from the danger zone schooling her features to impassive and berating her stupidity. A narrow escape but she'd got away with it or so she thought.

Next class a somewhat differently dressed Rachel, Cassie scoured her curves approvingly, arrived with the stud of the college Brody and announced she was ready to show Ms July that she could do sexy. Cassie would have admired her nerve if she wasn't being distracted by those shapely legs. She absent mindedly acquiesced to Rachel's request to perform as her inner voice howled in outrage at what a bad idea this was. Cassie settled herself at the back of the room feigning disinterest when really she couldn't tear her eyes away from the shapely figure in front of her. The red of Rachel's lipstick stood out in the brown, black and greys of the room. Cassie found herself idly wondering just what those lips might taste like and then the music started and this knowingly innocent vixen stepped out of the misty atmosphere and stopped Cassie's heart. The urge to take her stick and beat Brody senseless for daring to lay his hands on Rachel, even if it was just a dance, was almost overwhelming. She had to settle for narrowing her eyes at him and gripping her stick tighter to ground herself. When Rachel leaned back on the table spreading her legs and seemingly offering herself Cassie found her temperature rising a few more degrees. A few dry swallows and a stern talking to later she had herself back under control.

As the performance drew to a close Cassie realised there was a Brittany Spears song that she now didn't mind. It was hardly a vehicle to demonstrate the versatility and range of someone's voice but she knew she would be recalling this version often. She gave herself a brief moment to collect her thoughts as the song ended and Rachel sought her feedback. She needed to put distance between herself and Rachel and her only weapon was her words. She deliberately praised Brody then savaged Rachel's dancing and choice of song in the hope the girl would quickly exit the classroom in humiliation or outrage, it didn't really matter which. She'd miscalculated - again. Instead of driving Rachel to an embarrassed exit she watched instead as she straightened up and glared at her with such intensity that Cassie felt herself shiver in response. Then Rachel unleashed her true feelings about Cassie's jealousy and her fame now being restricted to that of being a YouTube joke. It was hard not to focus on the chest heaving with indignation in her eyeline but Cassie managed to drag her eyes up to reach Rachel's. The opportunity to exit this encounter and escape the effects this girl had on her had been presented on a platter and she duly seized it ordering Rachel from her class for good. Finally she had a reason to ban her. She could now move on from the unhealthy influence this student had on her - so why wasn't she more pleased?

Cassie had stalked into Carmen's office directly from the classroom eager to gain the stamp of approval for removing Rachel indefinitely from her classes. She'd paced up and down in front of Carmen's desk as she recounted Rachel's outburst and demanded her permanent removal from her classes. Carmen appraised her thoughtfully.

"It seems this Rachel Berry has the ability to get under your skin," ventured Carmen neutrally.

"She's an arrogant, rude, untalented.." listed Cassie filtering out terms she knew Carmen would disapprove of as she spoke. 

"..Student who dares to stand up to you," finished off Carmen," Rather than meekly bending to your will like the rest of the timid sheep you teach."

Cassie glared at Carmen and then leant on the desk to bring their faces closer together.

"In case you missed it the first time, she called me jealous and made insulting reference to a period of my life I'm trying hard to move on from," seethed Cassie.

Carmen met her gaze coolly giving no sign of discomfort at the enraged dance teacher looming over her and encroaching on her personal space.

"Indeed," Carmen said softly," And just what did you say to provoke that reaction?" 

Cassie slumped into the chair behind her. She couldn't really remember what she'd said but wasn't that missing the point. A thought struck her.

"Has Rachel made a complaint?" she asked 

"Should she have?" countered Carmen. The remark hung in the air as Cassie carefully considered her interactions with Rachel. Maybe she should have complained but Rachel didn't really come across as someone who even considered using another person to fight their battles. She had a steely core that allowed her to bounce back unscathed and unsullied by whatever Cassie threw at her.

"Her remarks were in front of an audience so she needs to be punished beyond an apology," Cassie said calmly before adding a little defensively, " and my methods get results so I'm not going to apologise."

Carmen scrutinised her carefully and then sighed. 

"A warning then," said Carmen

"And an apology," insisted Cassie,"You'll need to tell her."

Carmen smiled," Oh I doubt I'll get the chance to speak to her before she's making a beeline to apologise to you," Carmen paused for a moment and Cassie made her way towards the door, "Cassie?," she turned to face the Head of School," Remember you're the adult here."

Cassie made a non committal grunt and then headed to her office. What was that remark meant to mean?

 

Carmen had been right, Rachel was back as soon as her timetable would allow wearing what had to be a world record breaking skirt for shortness or was it just a wide ribbon? Cassie continued with her warm up using the mirror to allow her to check out just how lithe those legs were. A contrite and somewhat pathetic version of Rachel was delivering a long winded apology. Cassie gave her usual 'for your own good' speech and then mischievously decided to let Rachel help her with her stretches. Rachel's tentative hand on her thigh set her nerve ends alight and Cassie placed her hand on top of Rachel's ostensibly to increase the stretch but really to prolong the contact. Such a soft hand. Cassie glanced at the mirror- was that a hint of a blush on the girl's face? She changed to a stretch that practically placed her rear in the girl's eyeline and watched surreptitiously as Rachel's colour heightened and her eyes remained fixed on Cassie's shapely rear. Maybe whatever it was between them wasn't just on her side. Time to remove temptation - she sent Rachel away with enough hand washing to toughen up those soft hands. She needed to get her head in gear and her emotions under control, after all, she was the adult here.

So Cassie decided a more forensic approach was needed. She scrutinised her classes trying to understand her feelings. There were plenty of students who moved with more grace and fluency than Rachel. There were plenty of students who were conventionally more aesthetically pleasing than Rachel. There were even a handful who were both and yet...Only Rachel had any impact on her heart rate. Something about that mix of vulnerability and single-minded determination drew Cassie in. She told herself loudly and repeatedly all the reasons why nothing could happen between them even in the unlikely event that Rachel felt the same way back - age, power imbalance, age, unprofessionalism, age, common fucking sense and of course age. She thought she might finally be getting through to herself when a new sophisticated and older-looking Rachel suddenly appeared in her classes after a makeover from her Vogue employed flatmate if her chatter was to be believed. Rachel didn't just look different but she moved differently with a poise and confidence she'd been lacking before. Cassie's feelings grew rather than diminished.

Cassie could see Brody circling round Rachel ready to add yet another notch to his bedpost. She worked him hard in her lessons as her only outlet for the feelings of jealousy evoked by his blatant pursuit of someone far too good for him. Then suddenly an out of place awkward lump of a boy was seated in her lesson with his gaze fixed on following Rachel. She had a bit more bounce about her, gushed when introducing her boyfriend to her peers although Cassie noticed the smile didn't seem to reach her eyes. High school boyfriend and a relationship headed for the rocks if not already floundering there diagnosed Cassie. The more subdued suspiciously red-rimmed, damp-eyed Rachel who next appeared in her lesson confirmed her suspicions. She wanted to offer comfort but instead settled for toning down her relentless criticism; the urge to offer Rachel comfort by enveloping the girl in her arms and reassuring her she was destined for bigger and better things rather caught Cassie off guard. Just when did the need to be protective sneak under her cynical shields?

Cassie took her upper freshmen into her next class to shield her from the need to offer comfort. It was no surprise to her that Brody headed straight for Rachel but she convinced herself that the smile Rachel gave him was worth the surge of annoyance she was feeling. She couldn't stop herself from moving closer to eavesdrop on their conversation. Her concern about Brodys motives was quickly replaced with alarm at the idea Rachel would even dream of auditioning for Ivan. Ivan made her look like a complete pussy cat. He'd crush and stomp on Rachel's dreams only after ensuring she'd thoroughly humiliated herself first. Ivan thrived on finding out just how far he could push aspiring actors,to find out just how desperate they were for fame. The tomato juice incident still had the ability to make Cassie cringe with embarrassment and shame. Throwing all her resolutions of not interacting any more than necessary with Rachel aside she tried to persuade Rachel not to audition and even mentioned her humiliating audition in a bid to add weight to her argument. Rachel's stubborn insistence that she was ready infuriated her as well as making her want to smile. She was unprepared for Rachel suddenly suggesting she audition too - such naivity - and her teasing response about the role Rachel was suggesting for her was that of a faded ( thankfully not alcoholic or she'd have been completely unamused) southern belle had the girl flustered and blushing in a manner that Cassie had to admit was really quite adorable. She hardened her heart. In the short term she needed to stop Rachel attending the audition and then she could deal with her own misplaced and inappropriate infatuation.

The opportunity to intervene came earlier than expected. Rachel was stretching with her flat mate as Cassie detoured into the room once she'd glimpsed who was inside. The flatmates admiration of her abs was only gratifying as it drew Rachel's eyes to them and then she seemed to struggle to tear them away. Cassie feigned disinterest in the conversation about whether they should go back home but knew her offer of her air miles had sealed the deal. The possibility of Rachel reconciling with that lump of a boyfriend was better than her suffering at Ivan's hands. She now just needed to deal with Rachel's enthusiatic gratitude and her bright eyed eagerness that hinted at her pleasure at being on more friendly terms with her dance teacher. Cassie knew she needed to nip that in the bud but how to do that didn't come to her until later that night as she lay awake as she so often did lately thinking about Rachel.

The genius of her plan was that it killed several birds with one stone, the weakness was that it did hinge on how Brody responded to her advances. Mind you he didn't gain his reputation as a college stud by being a shy retiring wallflower. On the plus side it would deal with her too long abstinence from bedroom activities and hence bring her libido under control, it would put a rift in the Brody-Rachel whatever it was and it would definitely clarify for Rachel that they weren't friends, not that it mattered once she got over her temporary insanity caused by being sex-starved. Okay, becoming involved with a student did go against her own moral code, she did have one thank you very much, but needs must and all that. Besides it would be an act that would ensure nothing would ever happen, however unlikely, between her and Rachel and maybe she'd finally accept that.

It all turned out to be easier than even she anticipated apart from trying to push all her qualms and misgivings to the back of her mind. Maybe Brody wasn't quite as controlled and poised in the bedroom as he was on the dance floor but well, it scratched at itch however briefly. Cassie was lying in her bed having sent Brody off on a snack gathering mission so she could loathe herself in peace. She didn't think she could feel worse and then Brody's phone rang and Rachel's smiling face appeared on the screen. A quick thrill ran through her Helping her realise quite how futile her scheming had been and then she steeled herself as she answered the call. She'd come this far and had the acting skills to carry this off. Rachel's bewilderment and then hurt betrayal carried down the phone making Cassie feel disgusted with herself but she bravely carried on. Rachel finally cut her off mid-rant. Cassie dragged her miserable self out of bed. It was time to send Brody on his way and then find a strategy for forgetting that didn't involve alcohol.

 

In the end Cassie decided she couldn't face the doe eyed disappointment of Rachel in her next class. To be fair she could barely face herself in the mirror despite knowing the outcome would justify the rather questionable means. She worked hard on keeping herself occupied but with limited success. Still, the end of the semester was fast approaching and she could count the number of remaining lessons on one hand. The tension was building amongst the students about the winter showcase although Cassie really couldn't find the energy to even be interested in it with Alexandria being such a firm favourite. That was until the jungle drums were alive with the news of Rachel Berry's elevation to near legend status by her receiving an invitation to perform. Rather than congratulating her though Cassie just used the invite as a reason to pour on yet more scorn only now Rachel didn't just take iit it she fought back. The flashing eyes and exasperated tone just riled Cassie further until she'd challenged Rachel to a dance-off in such a way the girl couldn't really refuse. She stalked to a starting position, insisted on 'All That Jazz' and launched into the number even as her heart raced with excitement and her head groaned in dismay.

Cassie kept her eyes fixed on Rachel. She had made vast improvements since the dance classes began yet unsurprisingly was still was no match for Cassie. Vocally the position was reversed as Rachel hit all the notes with apparently little effort - Cassie could now see what had got the usually calm Carmen excited. A voice to be admired then but Cassie was busy admiring a perky cleavage and the exuberance that radiated form Rachel in waves. She wanted those hands on her hips and that head being thrown back because of what she'd done. Cassie was pulling out all the stops almost as if this was some sort of mating ritual and if she just danced well enough Rachel would be hers. As the song ended and they stood staring at each other surrounded by students Cassie knew the laboured breathing and the pounding of her heart were little to do with the dance and all to do with her desire for Rachel. She saved herself from doing anything foolish by a snarky remark and a quick retreat to claim a towel. One rather out of character sarcastic Thankyou later and Rachel exited the room, head held high and spirits undiminished. Cassie wanted to cry with frustration but instead settled for reassuring herself that she'd done her bit to motivate Rachel for the Winter Showcase. There was nothing that girl thrived on more than a challenge.

 

She tried to stay away, she really did but she just couldn't not see what her interaction with Rachel had inspired. Cassie snuck in just moments before the event started and found a seat right at the back. She'd be able to ogle the object of her unprofessional fantasies without fear of being spotted. The chosen ten were very good at what they chose to do but only two were outstanding, Alexandria and Rachel. Alexandria chose a pretentious piece whereas Rachel chose to just simply sing. As Rachel's voice filled the auditorium the hair on the back of Cassies neck stood up and goosebumps rose on her arms. She wasn't alone in her reaction as a standing ovation greeted the end of the number and Carmen encouraged Rachel to sing an encore. Cassie couldn't believe she had tear filled eyes - maybe the menopause was striking ridiculously early? She knew her efforts to fight her feelings for this mere slip of a girl had been in vain. The urge to wrap her hands in those dark tresses and kiss those pouty lips was just stronger than ever. She was at a loss how to fight it. 

Cassie was waiting for the right moment to slip away unnoticed once the performances had ended and Rachel had been announced, somewhat unnecessarily, as the winner. She wanted to avoid the temptation of those enticing glasses of wine and the threat of polite mind-numbing conversation. She remained seated at the back of the auditorium trying to bring her erratic feelings under control as she watched Rachel be feted and acknowledged in the manner she deserved. A bit of salacious day dreaming about how in a parallel universe she'd show her appreciation for Rachel's talents later and she was ready to make her exit. Cassie was busy congratulating herself on her stealth skills as she slipped through the doors only to find herself in close proximity to the one person she'd hoped to avoid.

Rachel was stood flush faced and with gloriously alive eyes only inches from her. Cassie's heart thundered in her chest and her focus narrowed down to the enticing plump lips a mere head bend away. She could see Rachel was having the same difficulties breathing as she was although in Rachel's case it was probably fear rather than unbridled desire. Their eyes locked and Rachel had then recovered enough to start to speak. Cassie placed a finger gently on those lips to silence her so the moment remained unspoiled. She fought with herself not to use her hands to pull that face towards hers and it was only an immense effort of will that stopped her replacing her finger with her lips like she had so often thought about. She practically ran away in fear diving inelegantly through the nearest doors shocked and appalled at what she'd so nearly done. As she raced away a small part of her brain was busy reliving the feel of those lips on her finger and imagining how they would feel on her lips, how they would taste. Thank God for the Christmas break.


	3. Chapter 3

Cassie leant on the balcony of the verandah looking out over the moonlit lake. Every year her family spent christmas week here since she was a child. She was trying hard not to wonder if somewhere the same night sky was being observed by a certain student of hers. How pathetic. She was spending her a lot of her time running around the lake in a bid to exhaust herself and stop herself thinking about the return to College and all that would entail. She immersed herself in board games with her nephews and chopping vegetables for her mom trying to ignore the surprised looks her family exchanged when they thought she wasn't looking. She even tried reading as a means to escape from her thoughts that invariably circled back to that near kiss by the auditorium. Cassie sighed, She'd nearly had a drink, after all one would hardly kill her, in an attempt to escape her thoughts but as she brought the glass to her lips she could hear a whisphered "lush" in her head and a vision of Rachel miming holding a bottle to her lips filled her mind. No escape from her thoughts then.  
She heard the door squeak open behind her and knew without having to look that her brother Paul had now joined her, leaning alongside her and also taking in the view. A few minutes of silence passed.

"Mom's worried about you," Paul said quietly.

"Mom's always worried about me," Cassie replied. ever since she left home her mom had worried about her. It was one of the reasons she rarely contacted her parents, having to listen to her mom's litany of concerns, legitimate or outrageous always tired her out and made her feel guilty. 

"You're not touching alcohol," stated her brother. Cassie laughed a little bitterly.

"Surely a reason to be pleased," she said. Only her mom could find not drinking alcohol a reason to be concerned. Paul sighed.

"Come on Cass. Usually your coping strategy for the family get togethers is to be at some level of inebriation and keen to share your insights on our failings. Your new sober and taciturn self is incredibly worrying even if somewhat more pleasant company."

Cassie was glad the darkness hid her embarrassment. She always felt she'd been such a disappointment to her parents and then annually behaved in a way that gave them little choice other than to be disappointed in her. 

"Mom thinks you've found religion," Paul broke the silence again trying for a neutral tone. Cassie's sudden outburst of unrestrained highly amused laughter indicated Mom was way off the mark with her theories.

"Why?" managed Cassie once she'd managed to bring her laughter under control.

"She says you've been listening to religious music in your room late at night," explained Paul.

Cassie laughed again before she suddenly found herself sobbing. She'd recorded Rachel's winter showcase performance on her phone and sometimes, okay then often, when her thoughts were confused and racing, she'd listen to the songs with a racing heart and then be reminded of what so very nearly happened. Trust her to forget her earphones. Maybe O Holy Night on repeat was a reason for her Mom to be concerned although the Striesand number could hardly be considered religious. She knew she was behaving irrationally. She wiped her eyes and muttered an "Oh God"

"Is that confirmation of a religious epiphany?" teased Paul trying to hide his concern at Cassie's emotional fragility.

"You idiot," she said fondly turning to hit him gently on the arm. Her thoughts raced. It would be a relief to talk to someone about what was going on for her and yet...Her big brother didn't need to hear about her obsessing over one of her students, someone over ten years her junior. He had two school age children and he'd have a parents viewpoint of just how unprofessional her feelings were even if she'd managed (just) to avoid doing anything about it. She sighed heavily.

"You know you can talk to me about anything?" Paul ventured. He could almost hear her debating in her head whether to confide in him or not. She gave him an unconvincing smile

"I know. It's just.. I.. It's nothing important," Cassie managed to splutter as a fresh wave of tears made their presence felt. Paul stepped closer to pull her into a hug.

"Thank goodness it's nothing that has you in this state otherwise I'd have to worry," he said dryly. He felt her laugh against him.

"Oh ignore me, I've only recently thrown away my alcohol crutch so I'm a bit fragile at the moment," Cassie said as she pulled away from the hug.

"Usual end of the year blues" she offered as she wiped her eyes. His look conveyed his scepticism as he gave a non committal "Okay" in response. She could feel him scrutinising her as if he could discern her problems by looking. It reminded her of how protective an older brother he'd been when they were at school. She knew her resolve wouldn't last long.

"I've met someone. I don't know but I think they might like me too," Cassie blurted before adding," It's complicated."

"like he or she is married complicated?" asked Paul 

Cassie laughed,"I wish it was that simple," She paused. How much to say? He never had a problem with her sexual fluidity but.. ," She's at Nyada too but our positions are a bit different in the heirarchy. Power imbalance would be the phrase." 

Paul looked shocked before managing to say incredulously," You and Carmen?" His sister never ceased to be able to surprise him.

Cassie laughed heartily again," No, not Carmen, please!," she paused," Probably be easier if it was."

She could see him trying to puzzle his way through her statements - more complicated than being married, more difficult than being her boss. He didn't get to be a partner in a Law firm on his looks alone; she feared she'd said too much.

"Maybe just early on set of mid-life crisis," she joked to distract his steel trap brain.

"Feeling the need to trade your car in for something faster, sportier and with less seats?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Considering cosmetic surgery as a way to roll back the years?" 

"No," she replied emphatically.

"Definitely not premature midlife crisis then," he concluded with a slight smile.

He looked at her carefully before asking  
"So just what are the rules about staff teacher relationships at NYADA?"

She knew he'd work it out. At least she hadn't had to say it. Cassie tried to hold the tears thet sprung to her eyes back with her fingers. Self-pity wasn't ever attractive.

"Breach of trust, frowned upon at best with age difference helping that condemnation, sackable offence at worst, depends whether there's a direct teaching relationship and anyway nothing's going to happen," groaned Cassie as she rested her head in her hands. She was trying hard not to think about that particularly poor piece of judgment that led to her bedding Brody. It would be really ironic if that got her fired.

"You could wait three years," he suggested.

"Four or three and two thirds" she corrected. She had thought about it but doubted she could survive feeling like this for much longer. She needed to...just move on emotionally.

"You could change your job," he ventured.

"Who, other than soft hearted Carmen, would employ a broadway joke like me?" Whined Cassie. She held her hands up to forestall his protest. He'd always advocated getting back out there and making that disasterous debut an amusing anecdote of her hotheaded youth. She'd preferred to retire to lick her wounds and not give anyone the opportunity to bring it up again.

"Nothing's happened, nothing's going to happen. It's just harder than I thought it would be," Cassie stated unequivocally. If she thought a one-night stand would cure her than she'd probably go for it, god how she'd go for it, but what she felt wouldn't be that easily resolved and besides Rachel was hardly deserved such callous treatment. She deserved so much more than that.

"So tell me about her" Paul asked.She looked at him in surprise,"You obviously haven't been able to talk about her to anyone else," he added.

"Her name's Rachel and she's a phenomenal singer," Cassie waved her phone at him before adding," my late night entertainment," She smiled just thinking about her," An unconventional beauty with the most expressive brown eyes and an air that is a mix of vulnerable innocence and confident self-assurance," various images of Rachel in her classes flashed through her head. "Never one to back down from a challenge," she laughed at the memory of Rachel being determined to prove she was sexy,"Has a steely resilience, no-one and nothing gets her down for long," Cassie sighed as she smiled fondly.

"So impervious to your charms then?" asked Paul. He knew his sister was a hard taskmaster and sparing with any praise.

"We might have clashed a bit. Maybe had a dance off," Cassie's smile again turned into a sigh,"She's the reason I've stopped drinking."

"I like her already. And you think she might like you because..?"prompted Paul.

"it's the looks we share, the prolonged eye contact, the way she watches me oh and this," Cassie waved her hand," werid tension in the air between us. I don't know, maybe I'm just imagining it."

She ran through yet again the closing of Rachel's eyes as she'd moved closer intent on kissing her the last time she'd seen her before common sense had prevailed. No, she wasn't imagining it. That wasn't a memory she wanted to share with her brother.

"Anyway enough. I'm going to ask Carmen to re timetable me so Rachel's not in my classes and hence not in my life," Cassie explained.

"You're going to confide in Carmen?" Paul asked. Cassie looked justifiably horrified.

"No!" she exclaimed. Now that was a conversation she couldn't imagine having. 'Please change my timetable because I have an enormous crush on one of my students' was hardly a statement to encourage confidence in her abilities as a teacher.

"You think you can avoid this Rachel for the next nearly four years?"asked Paul looking doubtful.

"Maybe not but these feelings will fade and wither. It's just a matter of time" Said Cassie hopefully, doubting the truth of her statement. Not seeing Rachel would just make it easier.

"Well if you ever need to talk you know where I am," he offered.

"Thanks," Cassie hugged him," and thanks for not judging me."

"Well I'm just relieved it's not religion. You haven't done anything wrong Cass, you can't help how you feel. Just promise me you'll look after yourself," he said.

"I'm trying to" she replied," in the meantime want to hear a phenomenal singer? Mom will think I'm trying to convert you." She held her phone up as the first few notes played. It wasn't her place to be proud of Rachel but she was.

 

Rachel spent her winter break following a rigourous daily workout regime to ensure she remained supple and flexible so there was nothing for Ms July to pick on once lessons resumed. She'd tried to keep herself busy which was incredibly easy on the cruise her Dads had organised for them all. Physical exercise was a major part of her day with the occassional film and copious amounts of reading. Rachel tried extremely hard not to think about events at NYADA which proved quite difficult considering that was what practically her dads wanted to talk about, that and whether she was getting back into the dating game. So she settled for detailed accounts about everything except her dance classes and made non-committal noises about whether she had time for a romantic entanglement. Needless to say her dads then dragged her to a kareoke event so she could perform her Winter Showcase numbers for them. That was it, suddenly she just couldn't get that post performance Cassie moment out of her head.

Rachel would find herself waking in the morning with a racing heart and her body positively throbbing with unsated arousal. The remnants of one of two dreams would be running through her head. Each started outside the auditorium where she'd bumped into Ms July after her winter showcase winning performance. In the first Cassie ( at some point she'd murmur 'call me Cassie' with a husky growl) would gently replace her finger on Rachel's lips with a featherlight touch of her own lips. She'd then caress Rachel's cheeks murmuring how amazing Rachel was, how beautful, how delicate and then she'd gently kiss her again. A hint of a tongue would brush against her lower lip, yet more whispered words of how desirable she was, how her kisses were addictive interspersed with soft kisses around her face as a gentle hand on her lower back pressed her against Cassie's firm body. The hand would dip from her lower back to squeeze her buttock at the same time as Cassie's warm wet tongue gained entrance to her mouth. How long the gentle teasing continued varied but the net result was always the same. Rachel would awaken suddenly, heart pounding, nipples taut and incredibly turned on.  
In the second dream everything started the same but Ms July (she never said 'call me Cassie' in this version) forcefully crushed her lips against Rachel's and backed her into the wall behind them, pressing their bodies together. Her tongue was demanding, swiftly gaining access to Rachel's mouth as her hands quickly freed Rachel's breasts from the confines of her dress and her fingers roughly tweaked her nipples. Ms July's thigh was soon pressurising her centre as she recounted all the ways 'schwimmer' annoyed her in between crushing Rachel's lips with bruising kisses and then sucking on her nipples. In the meantime the pressure of that thigh would be edging her closer to...and then she'd wake up in the same highly aroused state as the other dream caused, desperately sucking air into her oxygen deprived lungs.

Rachel initially was embarrassed at her highly imaginative sub-conscious and would leap up for a quick dousing of cold water as she tried to forget the heated images in her head. However on careful reflection she decided that maybe sexual frustration was the issue so if she awoke halfway along the road to release maybe she should just finish off the job and perhaps the highly erotic dreams would stop? It was incredibly easy to bring herself to a climax, she just needed to think about the way Ms July looked at her during the 'All that Jazz' routine. Soon she was imagining her own scenarios with a surprisingly high number of guest appearances of the piano. She'd have to stop once she returned to New York or she'd never be able to enter the dance studio or face Ms July or the piano even without blushing.

Rachel's good intentions didn't last longer than her first evening back on her own in her shared apartment. Kurt had delayed his return so Rachel had the place to herself. She'd done everything she could think of to physically exhaust herself, the run round the block had been rather quicker than she'd intended (as she'd begun to recall Kurt's tales of muggings and drug deals once she'd set off) and yet as she lay in bed her mind was racing occupied with its usual thoughts about Ms July. She hadn't spoken to anyone about how she felt about the woman. How could she, she wasn't even completely sure what if anything was going on. There was always the possibility that Ms July had just been trying to stop her speaking or gloating about her triumph when they'd bumped into each other and she'd had the manners to use a finger rather than clamping a hand over Rachel's at times rather big mouth. Besides they'd be all 'oh you mean the woman you keeping going on about hating you' which to be fair she did and besides there was the minor issue of everyone thinking she was straight. She rolled over again. Right, this was ridiculous. She needed to find out where she stood and then decide on a course of action once she had the full facts in hand. Although the semester had yet to start College would be open so tomorrow she'd go in and find Ms July's office. She'd march in, place her hands on her hips, look the woman in the eye meeting her narrow eyed gaze and ask - no she'd demand - why exactly Ms July had put her finger on her lips and whether.. Here Rachel faltered a bit because asking someone if they were attracted to you seemed to be socially unacceptable judging by some of her hard learned lessons from High School. Maybe she'd just gather all her courage up and she'd press her lips to Ms July's and just see what happened from there. It would all be sorted out tomorrow no matter what and with that Rachel drifted off to sleep with a slightly different scenario running through her head, that of her as the instigator of a steamy encounter.

 

Rachel finally found her way through the maze of corridors to the solid door of an office where a gold sign was set at eye height with black type boldly proclaiming 'Cassandra July'. She could feel her pulse quicken at just reading the name. She ran through imagining herself assertively demanding answers from Cassie once more in her head. She could do this.

On the other side of the door Cassie sat aggressively inserting pencils into the electric pencil sharpener and muttering swear words under her breath. Fucking Carmen and her endless fucking reasonableness and need to understand fucking motivations for every fucking thing. It was a simple request, she just wanted to be moved off of teaching Dance 101, how difficult was that? Okay so slightly rotund, no longer supple as she used to be Lydia Fairweather might need to swap away from dance theory to accommodate the change but it was hardly complicated. It didn't take a genius to work out a straightforward swap was needed. Instead Carmen was all about why the need for change and the only excuse she could come up with onthe fly like that was some ramble about being tired with running the same class year in, year out. Carmen had leant across the table and then asked why that hadn't been mentioned at her performance appraisal at the start of the academic year? Did she not take the appraisal process seriously or was it her reluctance to teach dance 101 was only recently acquired?   
Carmen leaning over the desk, resting her hand on Cassie's and asking if there was something else going on that she should be aware of caused a wave of embarrassment to crash over her. She'd managed to shrug and be non-committal even as Carmen scrutinised her yet more carefully. Her heart had stopped in shock when Carmen had asked her quietly whether this had anything to do with Rachel Berry being in her dance 101 class. She'd gaped at Carmen desperately trying to work out what to say as her mind raced trying to figure out what Carmen actually knew. She'd barely worked things out for herself surely Carmen... Carmen had laughed at her and said the dance-off had been the talk of the school as well as tales of Rachel Berry standing up to her and walking out of her lesson after Cassie had poured scorn on her ability to triumph at the Winter Showcase - surely Cassie could cope with not being right this one time? There was no loss of face to worry about, in fact in Carmen's opinion she'd probably inspired Rachel to a higher standard of performance than she'd have managed otherwise. Cassie had managed to clamp her mouth shut even as Carmen chuckled at her discomfort. Unless Cassie could come up with a better reason other than a very recently discovered dislike of teaching dance 101 the timetable was going to be unchanged. She'd just need to bite the bullet and teach her class the valuable lesson that even teachers sometimes got it wrong. Cassie snarled as she put another pencil into the sharpener creating an impressively sharp point. Now she needed a plan B.

Rachel took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. Her hand was shaking slightly as she raised her fist to knock on the door. She paused, took another deep breath and ran through her lines again. Then gathering all her courage together she knocked firmly and clearly on the door.

The moment of truth had arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

"Come in," snapped Cassie allowing her bad temper to lace her response. What idiot would dare to knock on her door before term started without an appointment? She pulled a fiercely sharp pencil out of the sharpener and tested the point before roughly inserting another pencil into the sharpener and allowing herself to be temporarily soothed by the electric hum.

Rachel faltered for a moment as Ms July's annoyed voice reached her. The woman sounded angry, mind you, when didn't she? Rachel noted her hand was still trembling slightly as she reached for the door handle. Nothing to fear but fear itself, she chanted in her head as the door swung open and she dared to step in. Shoulders back, chin raised. She could do this.  
Cassie looked up mildly curious at the identity of her unexpected visitor. Her heart instantly began to thunder in her chest and her breathing hitched as she took in the sight of a gloriously radiant Rachel. Cassie's memory hadn't been doing the girl justice to the way her dark tresses flowed, framing her face and falling onto her shoulders. Her lips were just as full and inviting as Cassie had imagined. She involuntarily tightened her grip on the now sharp pencil in her hand The sound of the pencil nib snapping sounded like a gunshot in the eerily quiet room. Whatever the reason for Rachel being in her office, it couldn't be a good one. That determined look and the way she was checking out the upper part of Cassie, visible from behind the desk, without any attempt at disguise suggested she wasn't here to discuss dancing. Cassie's mind raced. She knew she needed to seize control of the conversation and her first move would be to regain a height advantage by standing up. She walked round her desk

"So Schwimmer, wish I could say it was a pleasure to see you but it isn't. I was expecting a few more days free from your visage," drawled Cassie. Not her most penetrating insult but the fact she'd spoken first had knocked Rachel off-balance. She could see the girl was building up to speak so she beat her to it yet again.

"Should have known you wouldn't be able to wait until the first dance lesson to rub my nose in your triumphant. You were lucky Alexandria was having such an off day," Cassie added watching Rachel's eyebrows draw together in the classic sign of bewilderment.

"I wasn't.. I wouldn't...I didn't..." Rachel managed to stutter annoyed at her sudden lack of eloquence.

"Come along Schwimmer I haven't got all day to listen to you declining random verbs," Cassie moved around the desk to stand on the same side as Rachel,"What is it you want?"

Cassie arched an eyebrow as she positively purred the final question, leant against her desk and lazily crossed her legs. She was pleased to note how the combination of sultry tones and flashing of legs flustered the girl. Keeping her off-balance was the name of the game. Maybe she'd give up on whatever she'd come for and just scurry away with her metaphorical tail between her legs. Cassie was close enough for a hint of vanilla to reach her. She watched as Rachel swallowed and tried to gather her wits. When she looked like she might be going to speak again Cassie over rode her with a

"Schwim, spit it out," she made a show of checking her watch," so far it's been three minutes of my life I'm never getting back and believe me every moment is precious at my age."

Cassie knew she shouldn't be enjoying a flustered Rachel quite this much but there was something endearing about watching Rachel trying to gather her thoughts and not be disconcerted by Cassie's closeness. She wiped an imaginary piece of fluff off her chest aware of Rachel's eyes tracking her every movement. She'd hold the lip licking back in reserve.

Rachel was berating herself for not factoring in Cassie dominating the conversation during her numerous visualisations of how this exchange would go. It was hard to concentrate with the object of her misplaced desires looming over her with a mischievous if not somewhat predatory look on her face; she hadn't factored that in either. That lazy smile was making her weak kneed and her thoughts were jumbled. She needed to stop being distracted by the close proximity of that taut toned body next to hers. Desperate times called for desperate measures, she needed to channel Barbra. A quick eye close, a long inhale and a mustering of the remnants of her courage. She was a talented assertive woman not a mouse for goodness sake.

"Why did you put your finger on my lips after the Winter Showcase performance?" Rachel finally managed to blurt out. It was a bit more hurried than intended and didn't have the tone of mild curiousity she'd been hoping for, more a squeaky breathless one but... she'd done it. Conversational ball planted firmly in Ms July's court and now she could focus on the slight twitch in that smooth cheek and enjoy the sound of Ms July trying to muffle her involuntary gasp. Ha!

Of all the things Cassie had been running through her mind that Rachel might say, that was definitely not one of them. Trust her to cut straight to the chase. Cassie's already racing heart speeded up further but this time fear was the reason. The conversation was teetering on the edge of extremely dangerous territory, she needed to be calm or at least project the semblance of calm. Attack was the best form of defence and she needed to start now, she'd already hesitated a beat too long and could almost feel Rachel's confidence returning. That hint of a smirk playing around those luscious lips was a big clue as well as those pools of brown finally being able to hold her gaze.

"Quite frankly you'd said enough after your first 'being good isn't good enough'. I was just saving myself from having to listen to yet more of your incredibly irritating, somewhat ridiculous, whiny voice," Cassie responded watching Rachel's eyes narrow as she formulated a reply but rather than stop there, it did after all look as if Rachel was going to argue the toss, Cassie decided to push the conversational boundaries a little bit further. Rachel needed to back off, permanently.

"Why?" she leant into Rachel's space and dropped a voice to a husky growl pleased to note all traces of a smirk had disappeared from Rachel's face to be replaced by an expression she couldn't quite discern," Did you think I was going to.." her face was now the same small distance it was from Rachel's that night. Now was the moment for some judicious lip licking ," kiss you?"

The flare of bright red across Rachel's cheeks was instantaneous along with the immediate averting of her eyes and a giveaway swallow. She was practically squirming with discomfort and humiliation. Cassie stepped away from her and her tone was waspish.

"Oh this really is too precious, you seriously thought..." Cassie threw in a snort of derision for good measure and left that thought unfinished. Now would be a good time for her to exit the conversation but her better judgement was overridden by a need to continue the exchange. Her opponent was on the ropes and bleeding but she, in all her wisdom, just couldn't leave it there.

"Your arrogance is breathtaking," she asserted with a humourless laugh," first you accuse me of being jealous of you as if in someway you might have a modicum of talent for me to be jealous of. News flash honey, big voices are a dime a dozen and the big nosed ethnic look has yet to ever be in demand."

Rachel raised her tear filled eyes to meet Cassie's willing her tears not to fall, the woman wasn't telling her anything she hadn't heard a hundred times before and she'd be damned if she'd let her think it was getting to her. Well, maybe it was a bit hence the tears but it wasn't crushing her spirit. She hadn't come this far by listening to the doubters and naysayers. She was the first freshman to ever win the Winter Showcase and that had to count for something.

"Not only that though you then convince yourself that I what, what is it?," Cassie stooped so she had eye contact," Have a crush on you or are madly in love with you?" Rachel flinched slightly at each statement," What fantasy world are you living in, have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately?"

Rachel just glared at her, unsure how to defend herself. She could feel her anger beginning to build. Cassie didn't have to be such a bitch about everything, there were easier ways to send her away with a flea in her ear. She needed to remember this was her dance teacher and she needed to pass this class. Some self-control was needed.

"Well sweetheart let me spell it out for your deluded self in words of one syllable so your small town brain can understand," Cassie had closed the gap between them again and was working hard to ignore the voice in her head telling her to quit while she was ahead. She decided counting off her points on her fingers would be more dramatic. It helped that Rachel winced every time she counted off a finger.

"One, I like a partner who's pleasing on the eye, not one who threatens to take my eye out with their nose if they suddenly turn around quickly," it was a clumsy insult so Cassie was keen to move on.

"Two, I like a woman with all the womanly features," her eyes swept down Rachel's body," not some boyish slip of a thing with pancakes rather than breasts."

Cassie realised focusing too long on those breasts which were decidedly more than pancakes might be her undoing so she hurried her talk along. Her playground insults weren't effective enough, she needed to up her game.

"Three, I want a partner with the sexual maturity to match me in the bedroom. I don't want some virginal novice fumbling and bumbling around with little clue what to do who orgasms at the merest hint of foreplay." A pause to allow a wide eyed Rachel let the insults sink in.

"Four, your whole being screams inexperience and incompetence. You lack any sexual allure, you can't hold a rhythm or follow even the simplest of instructions."

Rachel's gaze had shifted to the floor.

"And Five your deadbeat ex boyfriend, the one with no future, dumping you tells me all I need to know about your inability to sexually satisfy a partner, even one with the lowest possible standards. So in summary" Cassie raked her eyes up and down Rachel, keeping a look of distaste on her face, "I wouldn't even go there if you dosed me up on anti-nausea tablets and paid me a fortune."

Cassie could see the impact of her words immediately in the slumped posture of the girl in front of her. Rachel was fighting a losing battle against the onset of tears - she should have been the one dumping Finn not the other way round.  
Cassie had to steel herself against the urge to blurt out an apology, beg for forgiveness and wrap the hurt young woman in her arms. She needed Rachel to lash out verbally at her. It was what she deserved. It would help her move on. The silent tears were killing her, she needed angry recriminations. Where was the feisty in your face girl who always bounced back - oh yeah, she'd just totally crushed her. Maybe an onslaught on looks, dreams and lovability was harder to come back from than just a savaging about poor dancing ability? Cassie couldn't quite bring herself to enact the grand finale of throwing Rachel out of her office but she wasn't sure she could watch the repercussions of her harsh words for much longer.

Rachel tried to gather her thoughts together. It had been a mistake to come but at least now she knew precisely where she stood which had been her intention even if she hadn't anticipated quite how crushing an experience it would be. The idea that Cassie liked her back had just been her stupid immature imagination and her lack of experience had led to her humiliatingly revealing that. She fought a futile battle to halt her tears and then gathered herself together. Her dads had brought her up to have manners and she now needed to make a hasty exit so she could reflect on what she'd learned.

"I'm sorry Ms July," Rachel's voice trembled with the effort of fighting back the urge to lash out but she persevered," for troubling you during your holiday."

Cassie hadn't expected an apology and it just made the urge to throw her arms round Rachel and plead for forgiveness even stronger.

"I'm sorry too if I've said anything that's caused you any embarrassment or awkwardness," Rachel's attempt to convey sincerity was hampered by the need to keep wiping yet more tears from her cheeks. Cassie hadn't thought she could feel worse but Rachel was proving her wrong. Rachel walked towards the door and then turned yet again to face Cassie. This time she made no attempt to staunch the steady flow of tears - sometimes once she'd started crying it was almost impossible to stop.

"Finally I'd like to thank you for your honest, if somewhat brutal, feedback," She managed to muster a tight smile, "Hopefully now we can move forward with mutual respect and clarity about where we stand," Rachel's voice gained confidence as she spoke. She'd wanted to know where she stood and now she knew without the slightest hint of ambiguity. Maybe she hadn't needed quite such detailed feedback on why Ms July found her so unattractive, if not somewhat repulsive, but things were as they were.

The incongruity of the smile and the tears jarred on Cassie. She couldn't quite believe she was being sincerely thanked for her cruelty and she kept waiting for the sting in the tail when there wasn't one. This was her last chance to undo the massive hurt she'd caused. A battle raged in her mind and by the time she managed to call out a strangled " Rachel, wait" it was too little, too late. The office door had already closed behind the retreating somewhat devastated student. Cassie dragged herself round the desk to collapse weakly in her chair as the phrase 'honest if somewhat brutal feedback' played in her head accompanied by images of a tear filled face. Bitch didn't even begin to do justice to her behaviour. Cassie was no stranger to self-loathing but seemed to have now plumbed new depths. She tried to tell herself it was all a necessary evil to ensure Rachel kept her distance from her, maybe even gave up her class - it didn't make her like herself any better.

 

 

Rachel hurried back to her shared apartment, the burn in her cheeks gradually fading and slumped on her bed berating herself for her almost obsessive need to clarify things. If she'd only had a modicum of patience she'd have been able to judge for herself over the course of her interactions with Ms July during the next few weeks whether she'd been imagining things - she obviously had. But oh no, she'd decided she couldn't wait and had instead headed into that lions den like some kind of sacrificial lamb. Her preparation had been woeful and her anticipation of likely scenarios had been appallingly amateurish. She should have anticipated Ms July seizing control of the conversation and going on a highly personal attack. Right, she was going to visualise a different outcome to the interaction in order to deal with her currently high levels of humiliation and embarrassment. In reality of course there was no way she could afford to get the wrong side of the only teacher delivering dance 101, not if she was ever going to be considered a triple threat in the future. However somewhere in a parallel universe she could unleash badass Rachel without consequence. So she'd let her imagination off the hook in this far more predictable universe and then it would be time to move on from the quite frankly school girlish fantasies she'd been harbouring. She needed to catch up with her friends, just enjoy being in New York, maybe visit Yale or finally persuade Quinn to visit her here.

Right, that was all for later for now she was going to imagine how in an ideal world she'd have bested Ms July rather than done a very good impersonation of a Cassie July personal punchbag. She blinked away the remnants of tears. So all would have been the same up to the point Ms July had stated never in a million years or whatever the phrase was. Her anger would have suddenly fired her up to the point she was ready to ignore the consequences of her actions. She'd have marched up to Ms July and pushed her firmly in the chest so that she was leant back, supported by her hands, on the desk. The startled dance teacher would have had a mild look of alarm and fear on her face, uncertain of what Rachel would do. Rachel paused, she was a little uncertain herself of what she should do. Play the woman at her own game maybe? Ms July's chest would be rapidly rising and falling and she'd be too busy trying to control her breathing to continue her exposition on all Rachel's failings. Cassandra July alarmed and silent was a bit of a stretch for her imagination but she was up for it. Rachel would step closer so their bodies were almost touching, tension would be thick in the air and then she'd say

"Okay sweetheart," Rachel's tone would drip venom in a manner that made Cassie's previous attempts amateurish in comparison ,"First off," she'd wave a finger dangerously close to Cassie's face causing the woman to flinch, although maybe that particular finger would be a little crass - Rachel was undecided ," the only way I'd be involved with an old washed-up, dried-out, never-was like you would be as a charitable move on my part."

Even though it was in her head she couldn't bring herself to say 'charity fuck' even if it would have been more in character with the role she was portraying. Rachel paused, would she need to expound on why it was a charitable act? She decided against it. She'd only have Cassie silenced in shock for a limited amount of time and besides Cassie was an intelligent woman, she'd be able to expand on the insult herself.

She'd wave another finger threateningly " and secondly," she'd drawl as she skimmed her hand over Cassie's body from thigh upwards to her cheek, barely making contact but causing the woman to shiver and her breathing to become shaky. Maybe run a finger along Cassie's sternum and then raise her chin so their eyes met She'd cup Cassie's cheek and moved in so there was only a hairbreadth's distance between their faces. Cassie's breathing would hitch. She'd watch her swallow nervously as she felt Rachel's breath on her face. Rachel would then move to whisper in Cassie's ear and be pleased to see the involuntary shiver her honeyed tones caused.

"I have no use for Brody's well worn cast offs besides, news flash honey, his feedback was hardly complimentary which is suprising considering just how much practise you've had."

Rachel paused again, was that too obscure a way to intimate that someone was a bit too free with their sexual favours, should she add a 'at spreading your legs'? She could hardly bring herself to even think of the words whore or slut and she was definitely too much of a feminist to use them even in the privacy of her own head.

She'd lean back to look a rather flustered Cassie in the eye and then place a finger on her lips to replicate that moment in the auditorium with roles reversed."I really don't think it's cold enough in here for your nipples to be quite that erect." Did she need to brush said nipple? She'd purr watching a blush work its way up Cassie's cheek. Then she'd finish with a "frankly sweetie," a gentle tap on the cheek as Cassie squirmed under her to try and initiate some contact between them, the sounds of her ragged breathing filling the air," your words say one thing but your body says another."

With that she'd stroll jauntily out of the door, leaving the office door ajar so a flustered, hot, bothered and definitely frustrated Cassie was available for anyone who cared to look in to see.

A couple more run throughs in her head and Ms July wasn't the only one left hot and bothered by the imaginary encounter. Rachel now felt much better about her rather disastrous day. She needed to put the whole sorry incident behind her. Her ridiculous fantasies about Ms July liking her had been well and truly squashed so she could move forward with renewed focus on her Broadway ambitions. She could easily ignore those hurtful remarks, she didn't need to imagine battering Cassie round the face with her alleged 'pancakes' to make herself feel better. The nose jibes and the why she'd never make it speech weren't anything she hadn't heard before. The allusions to her lack of sexual experience and possible ineptitude in the bedroom weren't based on anything other than groundless suppositions designed only to inflict damage. No different really than the 'tranny', 'RuPaul' and 'manhands' remarks she'd endured throughout High school. The only disappointment was that this time the remarks were perpertrated by an adult rather than jealous teenage peers.

Oh and thinking of jealous teenage peers now turned friends, she really needed to contact Quinn and arrange a date for a visit. Rachel quickly dismissed sending yet another e-mail. No, she needed to Skype. After all, if High School had taught her anything it was that Quinn had a great deal of difficulty saying no to her face-to-face. Besides, the fact she'd obviously been crying, which she'd firmly deny, would also play in her favour. Calendar in hand she settled herself in front of her laptop. Quinn Fabray in New York, distractions didn't come much better or much prettier than that.


	5. Chapter 5

Cassandra sat at her desk flicking a pen between her fingers and letting the rhythmic tapping fill the space. She knew what she wanted to do but she wasn't completely sure of her motives, or rather was finding it quite hard to get her head round the fact she would be acting out of concern for the welfare of one of her students. She sighed. The last two weeks had been a roller coaster ride with her thoughts and emotions veering all over the place. She'd managed to put behind her the harsh words she'd said to Rachel - well, not quite put behind her then but repeated them in her head often enough to have become immune to their savagery. Cassie knew if that had been said to her when she was nineteen she'd have crawled back to her parents and changed her career. In the gap between the unplanned conversation with Rachel and the start of the second semester she'd vacillated between dread that Rachel would just quit her dance class, if not NYADA, and fear that the girl would just bounce back into her classes unaffected by anything that had passed between them. After all Rachel did have a phenomenal ability to just brush off withering criticism and turn up quivering with enthusiasm and eager to learn despite whatever Cassie threw her way. She still had flashbacks to a tear sodden Rachel thanking her for her candid feedback – then her belief in Rachel's ability to bounce back would waver. Cassie's anticipation levels before that first lesson had been through the roof, fear and trepidation proving a potent mix. She wouldn't have been able to verbalise what she wanted to happen, she told herself she just wanted Rachel to be less intense so she could begin to not notice or care about her - although really some reassurance that she hadn't in fact broken the girl was more what her more guilty self was after.

The lesson had finally arrived and a nervous but hiding it well Cassie hardly recognised the subdued version of Rachel who slunk into her room barely on time and kept her eyes averted from Cassie. Her clothing was less revealing but still practical, her hair back in a functional ponytail and her make-up minimal. She did exactly whatever was asked without any hint of any emotion. She didn't acknowledge any of the other students or Cassie for the entire class. Cassie had been simultaneously relieved and worried. The lesson had gone better as well as worse than she expected. She focussed on the positives, Rachel hadn't left Nyada, hadn't put in a complaint about her and had obviously received Cassie's message loud and clear. That had been what she wanted to achieve so she should be at least satisfied even if she couldn't manage pleased.

By the third lesson of a ghostlike Rachel in her lesson Cassie could no longer persuade herself that this had been the outcome she wanted. She was beginning to worry that she'd permanently psychologically scarred the girl. This timid mouse of a student showed no discernible reaction to the criticism of others around her and was blank faced for the entirety of each lesson. So Cassie bided her time, decided a change of tactics was in order and waited for the right opportunity to berate Rachel directly. In truth Cassie felt as if she was being ignored or was in some way no longer of any consequence and she loathed that feeling with a vengeance. She was used to evoking intense dislike in the first year students that would eventually move into grudging respect and then finally an appreciation for her methods by the final year. Indifference was not an option or at least hadn't been before now. 

By lesson six in the second week Cassie decided enough was enough and that her only objective for the lesson was to provoke a response from the dancing zombie she had had a hand in creating. She wanted to see a flash of defiance in those brown eyes, the tell tale flick of the hair indicating disagreement with something Cassie had said. So she created a criticism where there wasn't one, calling Rachel out on her timing. Rachel stood with a relaxed posture facing Cassie but her eyes didn't meet her teachers. Instead she looked slightly to the right or left of Cassie's face whilst maintaining an expressionless mask. Cassie cycled through her usual collection of insults, the clueless small town girl, the impact on her aerodynamics of having such a large nose and the standard ‘no co-ordination, no talent and no hope’ jibes. Rachel didn't even blink; she just stood impassively in front of Cassie without the slightest hint of tension in her posture. Cassie was torn between the urge to slap or kiss her – either would get ta reaction that she now found herself beginning to crave. She had to settle instead for thumping the floor loudly with her stick as she walked away from the danger zone. Rachel even had the pwer to infuriate her by doing nothing.

Cassie toyed briefly with the idea of asking her fellow staff if they'd noticed a change in Rachel's general demeanour and attitude. She stopped herself when she realised just how out of character her showing a hint of concern for one of her students would be. Fortunately she overheard Brody making some remark about intending to win the unofficial Callbacks competition later that Friday evening by duetting with Rachel. It didn't take her long to decide she'd make a low key visit to the popular students bar just so she could observe Rachel interacting with her friends and hence decide whether further intervention, counselling maybe, was needed. She could worry about how to make that happen later once she'd ascertained the nature of the problem. It was the best plan Cassie could come up with now that guilt and concern were gnawing away at her. If only she'd reined in her big mouth rather than lashing out at a young inexperienced girl guilty only of correctly interpreting Cassie's behaviour - a wave of shame crashed over her again. Sometimes she wished she'd just kissed Rachel outside the auditorium, consequences to her employment be damned.

 

Rachel tried to contain her excitement, after all she was no longer a giddy schoolgirl but a Winter Showcase winning NYADA undergraduate with poise and patience. Her carefully controlled restraint and poise lasted no longer than a glimpse of blond hair and Rachel found herself running across the station's concourse and crushing Quinn in an excited and enthusiastic hug. The last two weeks had been difficult for Rachel if not exhausting. She hadn't realised how tiring it would be to tone down her natural exuberance, to swallow the need to always answer back and to keep her emotions off her face even if it was just for Ms July's lessons. To all intents and purposes she'd tried to make herself blend into the crowd and avoid being noticed and hence not present herself as a target for the vitriolic teacher. It had, for the best part, been a successful strategy as Cassie had hardly picked on her at all. The only problem was Rachel didn't think she could keep this act up for the entire semester. She was now giddy with excitement and bursting with excess energy that needed expressing hence her currently holding Quinn in a bone-crushing hug. Fortunately Quinn was hugging her back with equal vigour. Quinn then spun Rachel round causing Rachel to squeal with delight, which quickly morphed into laughter.

"Please to see me by any chance?" deadpanned Quinn as Rachel impulsively hugged her again.

"Well to be honest I was just looking for an excuse to skip a lecture on 'the role of effective stage management in Broadway's biggest hits'. I'm sooooo grateful you gave it to me." Rachel's grin was infectious as she hugged Quinn again.

"My God, who'd have thought it, Rachel Barbra Berry, aspiring Broadway star, McKinley High's most perfect student ever, has learnt to skip lessons." Quinn clutched her heart, pulled a face to indicate excessive shock and staggered about as if she were about to collapse.

"I can see the Yale drama department are going to have their work cut out trying to train that over acting tendency out of you," replied Rachel to a delightful chuckle from Quinn.

"You look fabulous Rachel, New York obviously agrees with you," said Quinn as she took in the new more sophisticated looking and attractive Rachel in front of her.

"It's called living the dream," responded Rachel as a hint of a blush appeared on her face at Quinn’s appraisal of her," Not looking too bad yourself, Fabray."

"From being the prettiest girl you'd ever seen to not looking too bad, well I s'pose it had to happen," teased Quinn. She noticed a momentary flash of something cross Rachel's face before she found herself engulfed in yet another hug.

"Quinn you look as stunning as always, in fact I think I'd forgotten quite how pleasing on the eye you are," Rachel told her grabbing hold of Quinn's bag and then taking hold of her hand to pull her towards the subway. "Now come along, there's no time to waste."

"Let me guess, you've a packed itinerary planned for us," Quinn suggested as she allowed Rachel to lead her along, enjoying the feel of Rachel's hand holding hers.

"Of course, it's the only way to fit everything in. There's just so much I want to share with you. Tonight a group of us are going to Callbacks just to give you a little taster of the NYADA experience so I hope you're ready to sing in front of an audience," enthused Rachel, " and before then I want to hear all about Yale and what you've been up to."

"Fine, provided I’m singing a duet with you," laughed Quinn," but you'll need to tell me all about NYADA. Knowing you I expect it's been far more interesting than any of my experiences." 

Rachel had turned so their eyes met and again there was a brief look of,,,(Quinn settled for pain) before Rachel moved into beaming mode.

"Nothing much to tell really, dance, sing, sing a bit more and act," Rachel offered.

"Umm never mind your morning routine what happens once you actually get to College?" joked Quinn. Rachel's laughter was her reward, unguarded, loud and reverberating around the platform. How she loved that sound. 

"Changed your major to comedy?" asked Rachel, eyes sparkling with amusement. Quinn's reply was cut off by the arrival of the train. She settled instead for smiling at Rachel, she'd forgotten how much being in Rachel's company uplifted her. Her enthusiasm for life was just contagious. Quinn mentally scolded herself for resisting the urge to visit sooner; she already knew this weekend was going to be unforgettable.

 

 

Cassie decided to dress down, jeans and an oversized shirt fitted the bill, and to time her arrival at Callbacks so the crowd was large enough for to disappear in but small enough for her to gain a seat in an out of the way location. It all worked swimmingly so here she was nursing an orange juice and soda in a darkened corner that gave her a view across the entire venue. She briefly toyed with putting up the hoodie but rapidly decided against it, there was no reason for her to be looking like an extra from the Hobbit. Cassie scoured the room looking for any sign of Rachel. She just needed to know that Rachel was supported by good friends and was recovering from the encounter with her, and then she could leave. Some sign she was gradually returning to the focussed dare-you-not-to-notice-me self of the last semester rather than the lifeless, joyless shadow of herself that she had become. Cassie's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of raucous gleeful laughter and she automatically searched for the source. As soon as her eyes alighted on a highly amused, shaking with laughter Rachel her heart stopped. The room faded away as just the sight of a radiant Rachel, positively glowing with happiness, filled her vision.

Cassie snapped her mouth shut and desperately sucked air into her lungs. The distinctive loud laughter was Rachel's and of course she hadn't recognised it, there had never been any cause for Rachel to smile let alone laugh in her lessons. The only memory of an amused Rachel was that inelegant snort after she'd called her a platypus. She was watching an exuberant Rachel interacting with a group of NYADA students and realised slowly that the bland emotionless Rachel she had wasted so much of her own time worrying about probably existed solely for her lessons. She resisted the impulse to march over to the group and drag Rachel outside to demand answers and some kind of explanation for making her worry so much. Or rather just to kiss the irritating girl senseless with relief because she hadn't broken her and besides, Rachel was looking stunning under the slightly subdued lighting. Instead Cassie opted for a long sip of her drink to steady herself and to allow her racing pulse to calm down. She'd found out what she needed to know, she could go home now. She idly inspected Rachel's friends, her incredibly camp flat mate, muffin top, brainless Brody, six-pack Stefan (somebody from her last year's class0 and a rather beautiful, at least from this distance, blond girl she'd never seen before. 

Another sip as she watched the group for the dynamics. Rachel was relating some story that had the others hanging on her every word and then laughing as she hit the punchline and pulled an adorably bewildered expression before beaming at them all and basking in the glow of their approval. Brody made a remark that had muffin top over amused and pawing at his arm. Cassie internally did a fist pump, at least Rachel and Brody looked an unlikely combination so she had achieved something with all her self-sacrificing. Besides, muffin top was more in Brody’s league. Camp kid was arching a brow at six-pack Stefan and the double handed limp wrist wave in Stefan's direction was such an enormous giveaway of precisely what was going on there. Cassie scrutinised Stefan's face and body language, the feelings were mutual as far as she could tell. That left.... 

Cassie turned her attention to the blond bombshell and Rachel. They were sitting pressed up together, thighs touching - probably just a result of the rather crowded conditions. Brody getting up to go and buy drinks gave them the opportunity to spread out a bit, which to Cassie's annoyance they didn't take. Bombshell was probably some nobody from Rachel's home town of Hicksville, probably worked as a full time waitress at the local diner and this was her first venture into the big city, judging by that wide eyed slightly dazed look. Yes that would be it, Rachel's best buddy from childhood being dazzled and regaled with tales of New York. Probably called some hyphenated first name like Mary-Sue, Betty-Ann or maybe Tinker-bell (Bim-bo?) by parents who thought two names the height of sophistication. 

Rachel's sweeping arm gestures gave little clue to the topic of her earnest conversation with the blond but Cassie could lip read 'winter showcase'. Bombshell was delighted for her although maybe all that hand squeezing was a little excessive. Cassie could feel her hackles rise. Then Bombshell managed to string a couple of sentences together and was rewarded by Rachel throwing back her head and laughing - surely tales from the diner weren't that amusing? - and then Rachel spontaneously threw her arms round the blond and hugged her tightly to her. Bombshell's evident surprise quickly morphed into a delighted smile as Cassie wrestled with a sudden onslaught of mixed emotions. Anger, regret, jealousy - she wasn't really sure. She had to remind herself that this was what friends who hadn't seen each other for a bit did. Laughing, smiling, touching and hugging - youngsters these days were just more demonstrative. It was only a half-hearted attempt at persuading herself; Cassie could feel her ire rising on every touch or significant look. Any thought of leaving had disappeared completely and when the blond girl headed towards the restroom unaccompanied, Cassie was quickly out of her seat to follow her.

A fierce argument raged in Cassie's head about her sanity levels and what on earth she hoped to achieve as she took a circuitous route to the restrooms to avoid any chance of being spotted. At best she hoped to discover the bombshell was on closer inspection acne scarred, suffering from halitosis, clueless about the dramatic arts and, this was an extremely long shot, Rachel's sister or cousin. She snuck stealthily into the restroom trying to put out of her head just how suspicious and inexplicable her current behavior was. Cassie timed her exit from the stall meticulously so that she just followed the blond and chose the sink adjacent to hers. There was only the pair of the in the room. Cassie ran her hands under the cold water as part of her brain idly wondered whether holding her head under the tap might be a better move – what was she thinking? Looking in the mirror she caught the girl's eye and with a broad smile opened the conversation.

"Hi, you must be new to Nyada this term as your face is unfamiliar," said Cassie lightly. The blond turned to look at her. The clear hazel eyes set in a flawless pale complexion appraised her carefully before a small smile transformed the beauty in front of Cassie from pleasing to stunning. No acne scars then. She really couldn’t fault Rachel’s taste.

"Oh I'm just visiting a friend. I'm currently studying at Yale," replied Quinn politely. Cassie crossed bimbo, sister and cousin off her rather hopeful list. No doubt wonder kid here was studying astrophysics or something. Still, astrophysicists and aspiring Broadway actresses didn't really mix.

"That's impressive. What are you studying?" Cassie asked keeping all her disappointment and envy out of her voice.

"Drama. I'm visiting a friend - you probably know her if you're," Quinn eyes swept over the woman in front of her. Surely slightly too old to be a mature student? " Studying" Quinn felt a bit guilty at the scepticism in her tone but there was something a bit unsettling about the intense way this woman was staring at her, "at NYADA."

"Oh," Cassie cut her polite laughter short when it sounded a bit forced to her ears," I do bit of teaching now and then. What's your friend's name?" She leaned in to look at herself in the mirror and drag her eyes away from the visual perfection presented by Rachel’s friend.

"Rachel," responded Quinn before realising there might be more than one Rachel in all of NYADA,". "Rachel Berry." Quinn had the feeling the woman knew who she was talking about although she was unsure what to make of the momentary eye closure at the mention of Rachel's full name,"She's incredibly talented so if you don't know her I'm sure you soon will. We'll be singing later, Rachel's far better than me but, well, she's rather difficult to say no to."

"Oh I know Rachel,” said Cassie softly and again Quinn was uncertain how to interpret the expression that flitted across the woman's face, "She.." 

Whatever Cassie was about to say was cut off by the sound of Rachel's raised voice as she came through the first of the pair of double doors leading into the rest room.

"Quinn? Hurry up, we're up to perform next," Rachel's voice carried through the next set of doors.

Quinn turned to face the door as Rachel bundled through it smiling as soon as she saw Quinn.

"Sorry Rach, I was just talking to.." Quinn looked around in puzzlement. The woman who had been chatting to her only moments before had seemingly disappeared into thin air. She lost her train of thought as Rachel impulsively hugged her again.

"I'm so please you came to visit. I don't think I'd realised how much I've missed you," said a softly spoken, serious voiced Rachel.

"Same here. Everything seems to have changed so quickly since High School," replied Quinn hugging Rachel back," I think I'll be making better use of those Metro passes from now on though."

"Me too," enthused Rachel as she gently encouraged Quinn towards the exit,"I'm expecting you to show me round the sights and delights of Yale - beyond yourself of course."

"Of course," grinned Quinn,"Next weekend too soon?"

Cassie didn't here the rest of the conversation as the door swung shut behind the two girls. She leant back against the door of the stall she had hastily hidden in and drew in a shaky breath. So blondie was called Quinn. An intelligent, beautiful, high school friend (maybe more) of Rachel’s who just happened to be studying drama. No doubt Cassie would dance the spots off her but a dance-off wasn’t really on the cards. Cassie sighed as she clung to the slight hope that as good friends who had known each other years they would of course be quite tactile. Rachel’s ‘sights and delights of Yale beyond yourself’ nagged at her. Definitely flirtatious. Maybe they just always bantered like that? One thing was for sure, there was going to be a compulsory dance 101 rehearsal next Saturday in the late afternoon and that would scupper any return visits to see wonder kid’s Yale. She decided it wasn’t worth examining her motives too closely at the moment as she was just running on instinct, her instinct being to keep those two apart.

As Cassie made her way back into the now heaving bar she could hear Rachel introducing herself and ‘her good friend Quinn’ to an enthusiastic crowd. Rachel’s showcase triumph had raised her status to unprecedented levels amongst the student body hence the rousing reception. Cassie’s eyes were drawn to the slight stage where the pair of girls stood microphones in hand grinning at each other. As the music started and Rachel began singing the first verse of ‘you’re just too good to be true’ with her eyes fixed on her companion, proving the truth of 'can't take my eyes off of you' and a smile lighting up her face. Any comfort Cassie had been taking in the thought that the two girls were just friends fled as the song continued. A knife to the heart didn't begin to describe the pain in her chest as the performance unfolded in front of her. They sang to each other with big smiles on their faces. The looks they exchanged were hardly difficult to decipher even without how closely their bodies pressed together as they danced, laughing, through the musical interlude. Their voices blended pleasingly together.   
Cassie was hardly surprised at this point to find wonder kid could sing. Probably walked on water and cured terminally ill babies with her smile too.   
Cassie realised she was the only member of the audience scowling. She slowly unclenched her fists. She could hardly decipher the swirling mass of feelings coursing through her but she knew a quick exit was imperative before she said or did anything she regretted. Currently the most likely candidate for inadvisable behaviour was for her to consume copious amounts of alcohol and yell her rage to the skies. She'd never really developed an alternative strategy for coping with strong feelings of disappointment or anger. Somehow she knew a confrontation with Rachel was off the cards after all what could she say? How dare you take me at my word? Why settle for this same aged, beautiful, paragon of virtue here when you can have bitter, old, borderline alcoholic me? Cassie headed quickly out the door - a brisk walk home might help clear her head, she didn't have a strategy for healing her heart.


	6. Chapter 6

Time might be a great healer for most people but an entire weekend of having time to think about just what Rachel might be up to with her perfect companion hadn't healed Cassie in the slightest. She'd given up on a reasoned response to recent events very early on, Rachel ignoring her and finding fulfilment with someone else was the ideal outcome her head insisted. The emotional part of her violently disagreed and although she'd made it crystal clear to Rachel that she was in no way attracted to her, it didn't mean Rachel should move on quite so quickly. Or quite so effectively with a woman who made Cassie pale into utter insignificance when directly compared on almost any criteria. Cassie had re examined every interaction she had with Rachel with a fine toothcomb trying to discern whether she had been guilty of projecting her feelings on to Rachel and assuming she felt this electricity between them when in fact the girl was immune and harboured no such thoughts towards her. She was certain, then strongly convinced followed by reasonably sure and finally moderately hopeful that the attraction between them had been mutual. Cassie was pinning her hopes on that hard to describe atmosphere generated between them during the 'all that jazz' performance and the fact Rachel didn't back away when she stepped into her personal space and that her eyes had fluttered shut when Cassie had for a brief moment leaned in for a kiss. Surely that meant something?

There was only so much time she could spend in the gym and unfortunately physical exhaustion didn’t seem to slow down her thoughts. Her flat had never been cleaner and she’d watched subtitled shows on her TV to just stop her mind dwelling on other things. Cassie considered phoning her brother before deciding there wasn’t really anything helpful he could say. He’d just ask her logical penetrating questions and point out the contradictions in her behaviour, thoughts and feelings. He’d make her acknowledge how irrational she was being – she’d wanted Rachel to be out of her classes which effectively she was, there was just a shadow of her former self attending. She’d wanted Rachel absolutely clear that nothing could go on between them, which Rachel was obviously absolutely clear about as Rachel had not only dared to move on but had done so with a vastly superior far better suited for her female. Cassie had no right to be so, well, livid - with herself for being so fucking spineless, with Rachel for believing her at her word for fuck’s sake and with that woman for being so fucking perfect. What had she been thinking? She’d already crossed the professional line with one student – like anyone would even accept her tale of trying to save Rachel from a mistake with Brody by her actions, she scarcely believed it herself – why not just make a play for Rachel? Just the thought made a thrill pass through her. Ignoring the trail of burnt bridges and boats behind her and the fact Rachel had already moved on just why was she fighting being involved with Rachel so hard? She knew deep down why yet it took the whole weekend before she would even allow herself to think it. Rachel was destined to be a big star and the last thing she would need would be rumours of a tawdry involvement with one of her College tutors during her student days following her around – the lesbian aspect would merely add to the titillation. It was the early hours of Monday morning before she finally admitted to herself that she actually she wanted something longer lasting than just some sort of quick fling with Rachel. She let out a humourless laugh – just when did she become so sappy? Her current emotional turmoil was payback for how she’d treated some of her previous partners - karma was indeed a bitch.

 

Rachel was filled with a warm glow as she lay on her bed that Sunday evening. She'd had a fabulous weekend helped by her and Quinn getting along famously. They'd giggled, laughed and hugged their way through the weekend. They'd even managed to fit in everything on Rachel's list from the picnic in central park to the ascent of the Empire State building. Quinn had vetoed the Staten Island ferry trip on the grounds of seasickness so they'd visited MOMA instead. Admittedly the off Broadway show had been a bit of a disaster on the Saturday evening. Kurt had obtained tickets through his Vogue contacts and it quickly became apparent just why the tickets were given up so readily. The nonsensical plot, highlighted by earnest but rather poor acting had Quinn asking her if being on stage no matter what was really still her life's ambition. Rachel had laughed and said she hoped she'd be more discerning in her choice of roles but a show was a show and that she expected Quinn to be there supporting her regardless. Quinn had responded she'd be there although the thunderous enthusiastic applause she gave at the end of the show might be relief that the end had finally arrived rather than a testament to the quality of the performances if Rachel chose to appear in something similar to what they'd just witnessed. It was a declaration of friendship no matter what and considering their rather colourful history it had made Rachel beam with happiness.

In fact the whole weekend had been a real ego boost. She hadn't realised that some of Cassie's insults had seeped through her shields until Quinn's frequently expressed pleasure at being in Rachel's company made her feel a little taller. They spent almost the entire time hand in hand or Quinn would have her arm round her shoulder making witty remarks in her ear. Rachel had felt on top of the world as they stood at the top of the Empire State building gazing out on the city beneath them. Quinn had commented on the amazing view and for a rather long moment their eyes had met. Time froze until Rachel quickly mentally slapped herself and diffused the moment with a hug. She really should have learnt from her Cassie encounter and then feedback that an intense exchange of looks when faces were close together in no way meant the other person wanted to kiss you. Quinn's lip bite just before she'd dived in for a hug had been rather adorable though. So Rachel had settled for frequent hugs to express herself. There was nothing quite like the warmth of someone hugging her tightly to make her feel valued and loveable. Kurt's hugs were cool, distant and paled into insignificance in comparison. It would be worth travelling all the way to Yale just for a Quinn hug.

The weekend had flown by and it seemed all too soon that she and Quinn were back at the station but this time for a goodbye rather than a hello. They'd hugged and then held on to each other’s arms as they'd exchanged another intense look while Rachel struggled to find the words to verbalise her feelings. Kurt's arrival with coffees had distracted her so she turned to look at him just at the moment Quinn had leant forward and Rachel was surprised to feel Quinn's lips on her cheek. As she glanced at Quinn she could see her cheeks flushing a rather bright red so in order to lessen Quinn's embarrassment at the impulsive gesture Rachel leant forward and kissed her lightly back on the cheek. If anything she was unsuccessful in her plan as Quinn's cheeks only glowed brighter. A stilted conversation as the coffees were consumed followed with Rachel promising to visit Yale in the next few weeks - she laughed off Quinn's lighthearted suggestion that she should visit the next weekend. They'd hugged one last long and intense time before Quinn finally headed to catch her train. 

"You know it's almost like you and Quinn.." Kurt started to say with that expression on his face that Rachel classified as his mischievous gossip face.

"Don't," Rachel cut off what he was going to say and used her hand to gesture he should stop.

"I was merely going to point out that from an innocent bystanders point of view it would look as if," Kurt struggled to come to the point partly out of nervousness at Rachel unexpectedly cutting him off.

"Stop," said Rachel emphatically her hand now up in his eyeline,"Please don't spoil what has been a wonderful weekend."

"All I was going to say was," he tried to defend himself.

"Kurt!" Rachel interrupted firmly and this time he finally got the message. Rachel’s reluctance to discuss her relationships of any sort still held firm.

 

Quinn took her seat on the train and closed her eyes to reflect on what had been an unexpectedly wonderful weekend. She hadn't anticipated such a surge of joy when she'd first spotted Rachel in the station and the fact that Rachel was so pleased to see her too only added to her delight. Quinn had been surprised in her homesick moments at Yale to realise that what she really missed most wasn't her Cheerio friends or the chance to perform in Glee club but the endless optimism, enthusiasm and sheer drive of Rachel. She was the only person who never treated her differently after the birth of her daughter, the only person who had never judged her and found her wanting. In return Quinn had always been hateful, hurtful or dismissive of Rachel's attempts to offer friendship until the very last part of their school career. She didn't know if she could ever make up for what an absolute bitch she'd been but, God, seeing the new look confident exuberant New York Rachel had made her desperate to want to try. 

On that first evening as they'd chatted with a group of Rachel's friends Quinn had realised just how good New York was for Rachel. She was more relaxed and confident, relating funny self- deprecating tales with perfect comic timing. Quinn had felt such affection for her and once they'd agreed to sing together she realised that actually being Rachel's best friend was the minimum she'd settle for. She'd seen Brody's surreptitious longing glances at Rachel and realised it was something more than protective friend that made her want to rip his head off. She'd dared to be just that bit more tactile as she and Rachel danced about performing their duet. Rachel had matched her smile for smile, laugh for laugh and touch for heavenly touch. Quinn had been floating in a haze of delicious anticipation of what might be as they'd all headed home. She hadn’t reckoned on Kurt being ever present for almost the entire time. Okay he shared an apartment with Rachel so maybe she couldn’t begrudge him that but did he really have nothing better to do than accompany them everywhere? Her request to visit MOMA was inspired – she could remember Kurt’s often stated disdain of what passed for modern art so she hoped he wouldn’t want to come – it was an inspired choice. She even managed to persuade Rachel to visit the Empire State building without waiting for Kurt to catch them up. 

Quinn sighed. There had been a moment, a tiny split second moment, when she and Rachel had been looking intently at each other on top of the Empire State building and Quinn had been trying to screw up the courage to just lean in and place her lips on Rachel’s. Her hesitation had been too long as the moment passed with Rachel suddenly impulsively hugging her. It had taken a while for her heart rate to return to normal. That near miss and the resultant rush of emotions had convinced Quinn that there was something between the pair of them that they really should be exploring. She just needed to choose the right moment to talk to Rachel about it. Unfortunately Kurt’s leechlike qualities were then in full force so time with just her and Rachel were only brief moments. Still, Kurt was useful for persuading Rachel to share details of her NYADA life that she’d been rather reticent about, particularly her clashes with her dance teacher.

"So Quinn," said Kurt conversationally in the cab after the off Broadway show to forget," who do you think is most bitchy Sue Sylvester of Cassandra July?"

"Hard to tell seeings as I've never heard of Cassandra," replied Quinn looking to Rachel for help in time to see her eye roll.

"You mean Rachel hasn't told you about her New York welcome in her dance lessons? Or that when she asked Ms July why she was on her to be picked on list Ms July told her she was the list?" asked Kurt enthusiastically.

"Kurt, she's just a bit misguided in how she thinks she should prepare us for the pressures of a life in performance," said Rachel hoping to end the conversation before her confusion around Cassie was noticed.

"Pah," scoffed Kurt," Calling you Schwimmer is going to help prepare you for future pressures?"

"It's no worse than the name calling at High school," replied Rachel defensively. Quinn looked shamefaced.

"So she wasn't the reason you were crying down the phone before I got here," Kurt responded

Quinn could see Rachel was embarrassed.

"And there was me thinking all those early morning renditions of you being Titanium were about steeling you for your dance classes," ventured Kurt.

"I just had the song stuck in my head," explained Rachel unconvincingly.

"Or the reason I had to go shopping with you to find the right outfit for you to prove to her you could do sexy" Kurt was warming to the theme.

Quinn's raised eyebrow made Rachel rerun Kurt's comment in her head and then turn an even brighter shade of red.

"It wasn't like you're thinking," Rachel explained hurriedly," I did a Brittany number.."

Kurt cut off Rachel’s explanation

"And then got kicked out of her class for telling her like it is," crowed Kurt.

"And then got reinstated by recognising how out of order my behaviour was regardless of the provocation," asserted Rachel forcefully.

"Only to resist all future provocation hence the infamous dance off," smirked Kurt. He leant over to Quinn conspiratorially; “Quite why Rachel thought having a dance off against her dance professor was a good idea.." a casual wave of the hand was enough to indicate doubts to Rachel's sanity.

Rachel sighed," She may have out danced me," 

"May?!" Interjected Kurt. Rachel scowled at him and ignored his interruption.

"But I out sang her and besides it gave me the idea for the Winter Showcase," stated Rachel.

"Which she said you had no hope of winning," added Kurt, "Shame she wasn't there to see your triumph."

"Oh but she was," blurted Rachel as another wave of embarrassment washed over her as she remembered their interaction. Kurt was looking at her wide eyed as opposed to Quinn's narrow eyed gaze.

"You never said," spluttered Kurt.

Rachel bit back the childish 'you never asked' on the tip of her tongue and settled instead for a dismissive wave of the hand and an attempted nonchalant "It wasn't important. I think I caught a glimpse of her leaving."

Quinn wasn't fooled by Rachel's attempted breezy attitude. Kurt and Rachel had a long exchange of looks.

"So this Cassandra, a middle aged plump harridan envious of any young talented student?" queried Quinn focused on Rachel for her response. There was something awkward about how Rachel was behaving but she just couldn't quite figure out what the problem was.

"No." stated Rachel a bit more emphatically than she intended. She tried again a bit more softly," not old or plump." 

"She's in amazing shape," gushed Kurt," such toned abs, great flexibility. A real piece of eye candy maybe early thirties, highly attractive but definitely a total bitchy blonde."

"Hmm," agreed Rachel picturing Ms July in her head as they squared up on all that jazz," she's incredibly," Rachel had to bite off the 'sexy' she almost said and squeeze "talented," out of her mouth instead. She could feel Quinn's scutinising gaze on her.

"Talented?" inquired Quinn, eyebrow raised to indicate her total skepticism at Rachel's fumbled and rushed choice of word.

Rachel settled for nodding rather than trusting her voice. Fortunately the cab arriving at their destination saved any further interaction on the subject. Quinn just stored the conversation away for future scrutiny.

 

In the end Quinn made a rather ill judged somewhat poorly thought out move when they were momentarily Kurt-free as he went to fetch coffee while they waited for Quinn's train. Quinn groaned at the memory. Guerilla kisses, or rather Gorilla kisses, were more Finn's style and yet when she found herself tongue-tied and unable to put into words how she was feeling, she'd thought demonstrating how she felt was a good idea. She mentally slapped herself - not really the actions of a high functioning adult. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you looked at it, Kurt timed his arrival impeccably so Rachel turned just at the precise moment she'd moved in for her guerilla kiss. A gentle peck on Rachel's cheek and her wide-eyed surprise as she turned back to look at Quinn left her embarrassingly humiliated. Rachel then leaning in to kiss her on the cheek had left her incredibly bewildered and breathlessly hopeful. If only Kurt would take another walk rather than glancing between the two as if they were a tennis match. She was left with a rearguard action of trying to persuade Rachel to visit her at Yale, the sooner the better - as long as she came without Kurt. She couldn’t tell if Rachel’s laughing off of the invitation to come the next weekend was meant to be a hidden message or not.

 

Cassie had thought she'd put all her resentment and negative feelings behind her until, at the very last moment, just this side of on-time, Rachel slunk into her lessons as meek as a mouse in an outfit suitable for everyday Armish wear – oh okay then, without the hat. Cassie was immediately annoyed although Rachel's peers commenting on her exuberant/amazing/fantastic performance at Callbacks was hardly helping to bring her ire under control. She didn't need to be reminded of that performance thank-you very much and the demure slightly embarrassed yet mute way Rachel was accepting their comments only irritated her further. Maybe Cassie's planned lesson on different turns had been slightly ambitious or maybe the entire group was just totally incompetent whichever it was became irrelevant. She vented to the class generally in increasingly caustic terms before insisting they master the basics of pliés before moving on to something remotely appropriate for their alleged ability. Cassie couldn't stop herself from just standing close to and scrutinising Rachel's increasingly nervous attempts.

" Schwimmer, I've seen more graceful dancing bears. At least make some effort if you're going to bother to turn up. Again," she said trying to keep a lid on her general annoyance with Rachel.

Rachel managed another turn aware Cassie's proximity was in fact hindering her attempts to improve.

"Sort out your posture," growled Cassie before giving in to the urge to pull Rachel's shoulders back slightly and then lift her chin so their gazes met. A second of total concentration on each other as the rest of the room faded away. The 'do-your-worst' challenge she perceived in Rachel's gaze was enough to spur her on.

"Again and this time with some effort," instructed Cassie harshly.

It was an above average attempt and Rachel knew it. Unfortunately her self-congratulatory smirk was spotted by Cassie and only served to irritate her further. She slammed her stick on the ground.

"Okay everyone stop," she ordered," form a circle I want you all to see the appalling standard of performance that I'm meant to drag up into the category of dancer. Schwimmer, if you could just butcher a plié for us."

Rachel resisted the temptation to take Ms July at her literal word, settling instead for her best effort despite the focus of the class being on her.

"See what I have to deal with?" beseeched Cassie to the class,"Sometimes it's just hard to make a pig's ear out of a pig's ear."

Cassie paced around an unmoving Rachel. Rachel fixed her gaze at a point on the far wall and tried to think happy thoughts.

"Maybe, just maybe, if you spent all your spare time practising rather than acting as a tour guide to your country hick friends," Cassie tried to rein the venom in her tone in,"there'd be a slight hope of dragging you up to the standard of being ready for this class."

Cassie stopped pacing and stepped closer to Rachel. 

"Focus on your core and try again. The rest of you I want you to think about what Schwimmer here needs to do to improve as she doesn't seem ready or willing to take advice from me."

Cassie stepped away and Rachel concentrated on performing the best plié she'd ever done. The dramatic sigh of exasperation from Cassie let her know she'd been unsuccessful. Cassie scoured the class

"Muffin top, what advice for the heffalump here?" demanded Cassie.

"Er..I..um" squeaked an embarrassed Lydia before she managed to whisper,"I thought it was good Ms July,"

"And that's why you're never going to make it," snapped Cassie,"Still if you can't see how Schwimmer here could improve maybe you need to join her in practising."

"Lydia, weren't you going to suggest something about the position of my hands?" asked Rachel with a meaningful look at Lydia.

"Oh um yeah," managed Lydia.

"Do they need to be more like this than this?" encouraged Rachel as she rotated her hands slightly.

"Um yes," a highly embarrassed Lydia squeaked.

"Thank-you'" said Rachel glancing at Cassie to be given the nod to try again. Rachel completed another near perfect plié. There was a tension in the room as all the students tried not to be chosen by Cassie to offer advice. She glared at the miserable lot of them trying not to meet her eye.

"Well plenty that needs work there then, don't worry people if Schwimmer continues to perform like this you'll all have the opportunity to offer your advice" she smiled coldly,"So let's get a move on, thunder thighs your pearls of wisdom.”

One by one each student would offer Rachel spurious advice on how to improve, she would thank them for their advice and then perform yet another plié. Cassie would make a disparaging remark and move on to the next student. The atmosphere in the class quickly shifted to an uncomfortable pin-dropping silence and the sweat began to build on Rachel's brow as the effort of holding her posture and composure became harder. Rachel early on realised this wasn't actually about the standard of her turns so would sometimes allow herself to lapse on something to make it easier for the next advice giver. If they were struggling she'd offer a suggestion under the guise of a question. She was beginning to tire and she felt slightly dizzy but she was determined to see the lesson through.

"Maybe Schwimmer you need to take a water break," said Cassie neutrally. Rachel was beginning to look tired and Cassie's irritation had melted away for concern to take its place. What was she hoping to achieve? She'd punished the girl and vented her anger so how to end this? She couldn't quite believe she'd painted herself into this corner. She couldn't see how to end this without a loss of face on her part. The class were obviously increasingly unhappy about what was happening and as ever Rachel showed no signs of backing down. Why didn't she just storm out in protest for goodness sake? This offer of a water break was the best idea she could come up with to end whatever it was she'd started.

"Thankyou for your concern Ms July but I'm fine," Rachel assured her with her Broadway smile " and eager to put the effort in to improve with the aid of my peers."

The offer of advice, its polite acceptance, the performance of a plié and then some indication of disapproval from Cassie continued. Cassie could feel the discontent of the class growing, not enough for open defiance but she caught the odd mutinous look in her direction. She knew she needed to put an end to this.

"Okay people let's call it a day here, there's obviously no hope for bringing Schwimmer up to speed,"she announced only to be interrupted by Rachel.

"Oh please Miss July, there's only three people left to offer suggestions and who knows maybe one of them has the vital advice that will change everything," Rachel met her gaze evenly,"You wouldn't want to deprive me of the chance to improve would you?"

Cassie felt powerless; after all she'd let things progress this far so she bowed to Rachel's request. The final three pliés were of an equal standard to her first efforts. Cassie managed an unusually brief "Class dismissed," as soon as the last plié was completed. She hurried out of the room and made a beeline for the sanctuary of her office. What was she doing? What had she been thinking? She managed to barrel through her office door and shut it before collapsing in the nearest chair with her head in her hands. She wasn't quite sure what her tears were about.

Rachel controlled the urge to run for a towel and a drink and instead walked at normal pace to her belongings. Two weeks of being relatively unnoticed in class and then this? What had changed? She gulped down some water then towelled her face and neck dry. And what was that remark about being a tour guide to country hicks meant to mean? Her fellow students were busy being outraged on her behalf and now full of ideas about what they should have done or said rather than the silent acquiescence they'd actually managed. She laughed off suggestions that she should make a complaint and joked that she could now do pliés in her sleep. Internally though she was less sang froid about everything. Once her temperature, heart rate and breathing were back to normal and she'd managed to bat away suggestions of joining the others at a local coffee shop she headed purposefully to Ms July's office. She might only be slightly better prepared for what to expect but this time she had righteous indignation on her side. She didn't even break stride as the Ms July sign came into view. She opened the door to the office with vigour and stepped in. 

 

"Just what the hell was that all about?" demanded Rachel before she'd even ascertained whether Cassie was in the room. A startled pair of tear-filled brown eyes rose to meet hers and Rachel suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable.

"Oh come on, my pliés weren't all that bad," Rachel added trying to ease the tension, "Honestly thought I was getting better after the eighteenth repitition," she added only for Cassie to seem to be fighting a fresh wave of tears. 

Rachel dropped to her knees next to her visibly upset dance teacher and placed what she hoped was a calming, reassuring hand on her knee.

"Is there anything I can do?" asked Rachel concern clearly etched on her features. Her natural empathy for anyone upset taking over her need to demand answers.

'Hold me, kiss me, love me' screamed Cassie's inner self as she struggled to pull herself together, wiping her tears and trying to ignore the warmth of the hand on her knee.

"No, I'm fine really," she said as a fresh batch of tears was unleashed and she tried to mop them up with her hands. God, what was the matter with her?

"Em yes I can see that," muttered Rachel stroking the knee under her hand with her thumb as she wondered what on earth would leave Ms. July in tears.

Her movement was eventually stopped by Cassie's hand settling firmly on hers. Rachel's gaze moved from their hands up to Cassie's slightly watery eyes. It was another of those heart-racing moments that Rachel chanted to herself in her head meant nothing.

"Rachel," said Cassie firmly,"I'm fine. Really. I just need, would appreciate really, some time to myself."

Rachel stood up abruptly pulling her hand free from Cassie's light grip, embarrassment clearly visible over her features.

"Sorry, sorry. I shouldn't have..I mean..I just..sorry," apologised Rachel as scurried head down across the room and out the door. 

Cassie stared at the closing door and sighed. She'd just handled that incredibly badly leaving Rachel embarrassed and apologising when it really should have been her in those shoes. She hadn’t asked for the girl to follow her. On the other hand she deserved to be confronted about her behavior. Not that Rachel had managed much confronting. She couldn't leave things as they were she needed to, well do something to sort things out. She took a deep steadying breath. Fortunately her crying outburst seemed to be over. Cassie headed to her computer and called Rachel's timetable up on her screen. Rachel’s last lesson of the day was a singing class with Carmen; maybe she could catch her up after that? It would give her time to get over whatever this emotional outburst had been all about, tears of self-pity, tears of despair or tears of regret? It would also give her time to think about what she wanted to say beyond apologising for her behaviour in class today. Oh and the misunderstanding just now and maybe she could apologise for her harsh words earlier in the year? Cassie took a steadying breath, whoa, steady on she told herself. Maybe just apologising for today would suffice.


	7. Chapter 7

Cassie realised she had spent too much of her time pondering what she should say to Rachel and not enough on thinking about logistics as she only now was wondering how to engineer having a word with Rachel. She felt she needed to atone for her earlier behaviour so here she was in a draughty corridor wondering quite how she'd be able to get to speak the words she had spent so long agonising over. Names were the first problem - obviously she needed to avoid calling Rachel Schwimmer almost as much as she needed to avoid calling her Rachel. Just the word Rachel made her far more vulnerable than she wanted to acknowledge but use of Schwimmer would probably mute the effect of any heartfelt apology. She planned to give a sincere yet brief apology avoiding detail - no point bringing up her poor behaviour all over again. She settled eventually after much deliberation for "I'd like to apologise for my treatment of you earlier in my lesson, I was out of order. Thank you for your kindness in my office. It was more than I deserved." A quick exit while Rachel was still speechless with shock at receiving an apology (yes this was the weak part of the plan, would Rachel be left speechless by an apology? Cassie somehow doubted it) and then everything would be relatively fine and Cassie might even be able to face herself in the mirror.

Just the really trivial, totally crucial, problem of how to get Rachel on her own to speak to her and deliver the much thought over apology. There was no way she could intrude on the last few minutes of Carmen's lesson as it would just draw attention to the interaction - and not just Carmen's. She could slip in the room at the end of the lesson but considering she'd never done that before it would look at least a little odd. It wasn't as if she had time to organise a seemingly chance meeting as these rooms were as far from her office as you could get without leaving NYADA premises. She could hardly casually join a group of students wandering down the corridor after exiting the lesson and then siphon Rachel off for a quiet word. Was there any chance Rachel would leave the room on her own? It all seemed hopeless and the time to come up with a solution had run out as the first few students were exiting the room. Cassie suddenly gained a fascination for the notices on the 'Clubs and Societies' notice board in front of her as she berated herself for her ill thought out plan. Just recently a lot of her actions were ill thought out, it was really time she started to get a grip. She hardly dared look at the students passing her but glanced sidelong to check whether Rachel had passed her as they moved on. Just when she though her humiliation couldn’t get any worse the dulcet tones of Carmen interrupted her rather poor attempts at spying.

"I hate to break it to you Ms. July but those Club and Societies are designed for a younger age group and students only to boot. You don’t qualify on both counts,” Carmen said. Cassie turned to find the woman giving her an appraising look. The fact Rachel was with her and making a conscious effort not to look at Cassie only made the whole experience a hundred times worse. 

“Well I was just,” prevaricated Cassie wishing her brain was racing as fast as her pulse rate. She couldn’t think of even a vaguely believable reason of why she might be reading that particular noticeboard but was saved from the trouble by a dismissive wave of Carmen’s hand indicating her explanation wasn’t important. Carmen’s face took on a more serious expression.

“I need to see you in my office today before you leave,” Carmen’s tone was deadly serious.

“About?” managed Cassie disappointed about the way her voice wavered as if she’d been summoned to the Principal’s office like some naughty schoolgirl. Rachel was still studiously ignoring her existence. Carmen glanced at her watch in contemplation

“About five-ish I should think. I’ll call you when I’m ready for you to attend,” replied Carmen, ”Unless of course you intend to spend your time continuing to peruse this noticeboard and so won’t be in your office to receive the call.”

Cassie could have done without the arched eyebrow directed her way. She managed a weak smile in response as Carmen and Rachel headed off in the general direction of Carmen’s office. Cassie sighed. She had the sinking feeling that her day was about to get worse.

 

Rachel’s thoughts were racing as she followed Carmen to her office for the ‘quick chat’ Carmen had insisted they needed to have. She couldn’t think why Carmen had singled her out for a chat. Her singing had been fine, she’d been a bit distracted admittedly but not to the extent that anyone who didn’t know her extremely well would notice. She’d been thinking about why Ms. July might be in tears in her office and wondering if she should have mentioned it to anyone. Also, and it had only struck her half way through Carmen’s lesson, did it mean anything that Ms. July had actually used her proper name in their brief interchange? Was she going to be even more of a target – if that was even remotely possible - for the unpredictable dance teacher now that she’d seen her crying? Carmen opened her office door and invited Rachel to take a seat. After checking whether Rachel wanted a drink (she didn’t) Carmen seated herself behind her desk and gazed steadily at Rachel. 

“So Rachel,” Carmen began as she steepled her hands in front of her face and leant forward to indicate her interest, “how is your dance class going?”

“Quite well I think,” replied Rachel with a small smile biting back the comment that maybe Ms. July might beg to differ. She had improved faster than she'd expected even if fear was part of the motivating factor or a wish to impress the distinctly unimpressable teacher.

“And how are you getting along with Ms. July?” queried Carmen. Rachel met Carmen's gaze steadily. 

“She’s a hard taskmaster with high standards but that’s why I’m improving,” Rachel steered a neutral course. How she was getting along with Cassie didn’t have a simple answer.

“Your pliés up to scratch?” asked Carmen, leaning back in her chair to carefully scrutinize Rachel’s response. She was impressed by the poker face that met her question.

“I think they are now,” replied Rachel as she and Carmen eyed each other carefully. A drawn out silence followed. Rachel decided to seize the initiative. She leant forward over Carmen’s desk with her best wide-eyed, small town girl expression ”What’s this about Ms. Tibideaux, is there a problem?”

Carmen allowed the silence for a little while but it didn’t encourage Rachel to speak. They both knew that the other knew what this was about and obviously Rachel was going to make this easy.

“I had a deputation of students, if not most of your dance class, in here today demanding that I do something about Ms. July’s ‘relentless bullying’ of you,” Carmen stated noting Rachel’s only slightly puzzled expression.

“I don’t feel I’m being bullied, relentlessly or otherwise,” stated Rachel clearly because she didn’t feel bullied. There was some sort of battle of wills going on between the pair of them and she felt as if she had come out of today’s encounter the winner despite her initial irritation that all her efforts to be unnoticeable had failed. 

"I mean, yes Ms. July has exacting standards and yes I often fall short of them and she does point this out but bullying?" Rachel paused thoughtfully,“What does Ms. July say?”

“I plan to talk to her after we’ve finished having a chat,” said Carmen.

“Perhaps you should invite her here now and maybe we can quickly clear up all this mess up together,” suggested Rachel noting Carmen’s doubtful look. She caught her eye, “I would hardly be suggesting it if I thought the woman was bullying me,” a quick smile, “and it will negate the need to relate back and forward who said what. Unless of course it's an official complaint.”

"It was more of an informal request for me to look into it," mused Carmen wondering how she could look into something that the alleged victim denied had happened. She knew that if a person perceived they were being bullied then that had to be accepted at face value but she hadn't had training on dealing with a situation where others perceived the behaviour as bullying but he alleged victim didn't. Carmen might be wrestling with the intricacies of how to deal with the situation before her but Rachel was having no such problems.

"Well you've informally looked into it and there's nothing going on. Sorted then," smiled Rachel and made as if to leave. Carmen held up a finger to suggest the matter wasn't concluded in her eyes. She hadn't risen to her current position by allowing herself to be railroaded by the likes of Rachel Berry. Besides she knew there was a 'bit of history' going on between the pair although Rachel was hardly likely to be quiet if she thought she was being unfairly treated.

"I think I'll take you up on your suggestion," Carmen smiled back as she reached for the phone," and ask Ms July to join us."

Rachel lowered herself back into her seat. Well, this was going to be awkward.

 

Cassie hurried along to Carmen's office trying not to think about what she had done to be in this position. She deserved whatever punishment Carmen saw fit to dish out and she would work on accepting it gracefully. Well accepting in anyway. Perhaps she should preempt the undoubtably awkward conversation by confessing to being harsher than she should have been on Rachel and explain that she was on her way to apologise...Cassie stopped for a moment to centre herself before entering Carmen's office - best professional foot forward and then a colleague to experienced colleague conversation about how she might have inadvertently over stepped the mark. All that effort was wasted as she walked through the door and Rachel's calm even gaze met hers. Her pulse sped up and her breathing became slightly more difficult. Cassie managed to stumble her way to a chair. She was aware of Carmen studying her and Rachel's interaction carefully so she managed a small smile in Rachel's direction. She was relieved when Rachel's initial surprised reaction gave way to a momentary grin back or maybe that had been wishful thinking. 

"Cassie I've asked you here as a concern has been raised," began Carmen but Cassie's attention was still on Rachel and she felt a surge of relief at Rachel's clear indication of not being responsible for the concern," that you have been singling out Rachel for harsher than usual treatment."

Cassie's gaze dropped to the clasped hands in her lap as thoughts raced around her head. Now that the moment was here she found it difficult to admit that 'yes indeed she had been harsh' as she could feel herself teetering on the edge of tears. Yet she also couldn't bring herself to trot out her usual justification of preparing the students for the harsh world out there and emphasise how her methods got results. A slow steadying breath and now to test out whether confession was really good for the soul. 

"I, well I suppose" Cassie struggled to find the right words as Rachel look wide-eyed at her. Was Ms July about to admit to picking on her? Rachel found herself suddenly worried that either she or Ms July would be removed from the class. She needed to head this off.

"I hardly think two interactions since the semester began can be termed as me being singled out," announced Rachel aware of Cassie's surprise and Carmen's annoyance at her interjection.

"Over half a lesson spent focused on criticism of your pliés is quite a long single interaction," commented Carmen dryly.

Cassie sighed heavily," I shouldn't have.." she began only to be interrupted by Rachel

"I was being selfish dominating your attention," insisted Rachel looking at Cassie before switching her attendance to Carmen," Ms July suggested I took a break which I refused and then suggested I stopped but it was me who was determined to carry on to the end of the lesson."

Carmen fixed Casie with an inquiring look," Is that true?" she asked.

"Well, yes but," managed Cassie and then wondered how to explain that although those events happened the whole atmosphere had been different to the one Rachel was suggesting.

Carmen narrowed her eyes firstly at Cassie and then at Rachel before in a voice dripping with sarcasm she added, "And I s'pose Schwimmer is meant as a warmly affection nickname?"

Cassie looked at her hands again unable to meet the gaze of the other two women in the room so she missed Rachel's often-practiced look of bewildered innocence.

"No of course not Ms Tibideaux," Rachel said with a somewhat horrified tone, "From the innocuous and dreadfully uninventive midget, hobbit, dwarf to the personally more crushing tranny, Rupaul, manhands and treasure trail - well I've had that name calling nearly every day for the last three years of my schooling so, quite frankly, Ms July calling me after a vague nasal resemblance to some once famous person pales into trivial insignificance in comparison. I don't need to be hardened to the effects of name calling as I'm already there." Stated Rachel in a matter of fact tone as Cassie had the grace to look extremely ashamed," Besides the word around campus is if Ms July gives you a demeaning nickname then you have definite star potential," lied Rachel. She wondered whether she'd made a misjudgment as she caught Carmen's sceptical look. She hurried on," Ms July is an exacting teacher who consistently demands an outstanding level of performance if she needs to call me an unflattering name to coax the best out of me so be it."

"That is not the issue Rachel, it's whether Ms July's criticisms of your performances are a reasonable and proportionate response or whether she is indeed being unfair and unduly harsh hence abusing her position and therefore bullying you. Or as was said to me 'relentless bullying' of you." Carmen responded calmly.

Cassie was too busy staring at her clasped hands to see the other two women locking eyes next to her. She managed to blink back the excess moisture in her eyes and decided she needed to contribute to the conversation. She cleared her throat nervously.

"I think it would be fair to say that I," Cassie's quiet comment was again cut off by Rachel's louder intervention.

"When I was at high school I needed to take two outfits every day to deal with the Jocks and Cheerleaders favourite method of torment which was tipping ice cold slushies over the heads of non-sporty 'losers' like me," Rachel paused, pleased at how steady her tone had remained and how she had avoided any hint of self-pity," Two outfits, every day when sometimes even four outfits wouldn't have been enough. The shock of a sudden ice shower never lessened and the sweet sickly smell, particularly of cherry, just clung to me no matter how much I scrubbed and showered," She locked gazes with Carmen," I know from painful personal experience what relentless bullying is Miss Tibideaux, I lived through it daily for years. This," she waved her hand between her and Ms July, "is not it."

Cassie was feeling a mix of emotions as Rachel shared her school experiences. Beyond a slightly intensified self-hatred there was an almost overwhelming need to hug Rachel close to her and swear no-one would ever hurt her again, along with a competing and almost as strong urge to go and visit Lima Ohio and scream her outrage at the school staff who allowed this to happen. She wanted to inflict some kind of unspecified hurt on the students responsible. The rational part of her brain knew she was being inconsistent and that her own behaviour wouldn't stand up to scrutiny. Cassie braved a look in Rachel's direction only to be met by a don't-you-dare-pity-me steady glare. It made Cassie hate herself even more.

Carmen finally broke the silence," Thankyou for your frankness Rachel. I think maybe Ms July and I need to have a quick word," she held her hand up as she noticed Rachel readying herself to speak,"I won't be taking the matter any further. This time."

Rachel collected her bag; it was obvious they wanted her to leave even if she felt she needed a few last words with Ms July. She headed for the door making sure she strode confidently with her head held high. As the door closed she just heard Ms Tibideaux saying, "Now you can see why I'm so confident about that girl's ability to succeed, not just highly talented but.." 

 

When Cassie finally emerged from Carmen's office quarter of an hour later she was unprepared to find Rachel waiting for her. The agitated girl promptly exploded with a torrent of words that she had obviously been just waiting to say.

"Look Ms July, I know that you loathe me," Rachel blurted out and at Ms July's attempted protest allowed a variation to her prepared speech," hate, dislike, detest, despise whatever really it's irrelevent," she waved a hand to emphasise the irrelevance,"The point is I need to pass dance 101 and however harsh your methods I am improving," Rachel drew in a deep breath and still kept her eyes fixed on Cassie's feet,"So you need to tell me how it is you want me to behave in your lessons so I don't irritate you and cause you to repeat today's experience. I know you want me out of your class but if you accept that isn't going to happen then imagine how you need me to be in your lessons - well I'll do it. Or at least I'll try. I thought being low key is what you wanted but I don't understand what I did wrong today. You need to help me. Please"

Finally Rachel raised her eye to meet Cassie's hoping a pleading look would help rather than hinder her appeal. Ms. July was hardly reknown for her sympathy or empathy skills but she just wanted to know what she'd done wrong so she could fix it. Rachel settled for interpreting Ms July's expression as one of dismay, which, hey was an improvement on irritation right?, and dropped her gaze to the floor again. 

"Rachel," said Casie gently once she'd managed to swallow the lump that had inexplicably formed in her throat. Rachel continued to look down and not meet her gaze - although such weariness on Rachel's part was probably justified given her own unpredictable reaction to the girl daring to meet her eye. Still, she wasn't prepared to have the conversation with the top of Rachel's head so she placed her hands gently on Rachel's shoulders. When the girl continued to look down, after a visible tensing under Cassie's touch, she moved one hand to lift Rachel's chin so their eyes met. She was suddenly dry mouthed and wrestling to form sentences. She moved her hands to hold both of Rachel's once the urge to initiate an unprofessional contact became too strong.

"Look, it's not you it's me," Cassie glanced down to where her thumbs were gently caressing the backs of Rachel's hands. The skin was soft and warm under her thumbs and the temptation to bring those hands to her lips hard to resist but necessary,"I'm sorry about today," Rachel's wide eyed surprise was almost comical,"I was way out of order. Anyway I'm taking some personal leave effective immediately for a week to," Cassie was derailed by the quick change in Rachel's expression to one of concern. She was either an extremely talented actress or a far too lovely human being. Focus, she told herself, “Well, sort some things out so," she shrugged, " maybe you can go back to being yourself. Um as that's who you need to be."

A quick squeeze and then she released the hands she'd been holding and half-turned to walk away before her tear ducts let her down for the umpteenth time in the day. Rachel suddenly taking hold of her left hand halted her progress.

"You mean you're not taking tomorrow's class?" asked Rachel. 

"That's what taking leave effective immediately would imply," replied Cassie in time to catch Rchel's eyeroll. Obviously it hadn't taken Rachel long to go back to being true to herself.

"But then it will look as if you were suspended in response to the students seeing Ms Tibideaux and complaining about you," worried Rachel. Cassie merely shrugged, what the students thought and what the truth really was hardly mattered.

"But your reputation is at stake!" exclaimed an outraged Rachel. 

Cassie's bitter laughter as she repeated incredulously," my reputation?" only caused Rachel to become more animated.

"You need to take tomorrow's lesson if not for yourself do it for..," Rachel tailed off. Suggesting Ms July took the lesson for her was hardly going to be a winning argument. Possible ways of ending the sentence raced through her head and she plumped for "justice." 

Ms July's amused eyebrow raise was hardly helping Rachel's sudden attack of embarrassment. Maybe not the most convincing argument going, take the lesson for justice. Did that even make sence?

"Just do it," Rachel asserted and then realising she was still gripping on to Ms July's hand she suddenly released it. "Please," she added in a gentler tone. 

Cassie knew she'd be doing it as soon as the pleading doe-eyed 'please' was directed her way.

"Okay," relented Cassie amused to watch Rachel trying to disguise the fact she'd just clapped with excitement. She held her hand up to indicate she hadn't finished, " provided," Rachel suddenly stilled expecting the demands to be outlandish or heaven forbid banning her from the session, "the real Rachel Berry turns up not some Puritan mouse."

As she walked away with a smile on her face Rachel called out after her in bewilderment,"Puritan mouse? I don't understand."

"I mean I'm expecting to see a bit of leg and cleavage," Cassie shouted back pleased her comment coincided with her being able to round the corner before her face was suddenly aflame with embarrassment. Had she really just dared Rachel to show a bit of leg and cleavage in her class tomorrow? She groaned hoping Rachel wouldn't take her literally but knowing that miss-unable-to-resist-a-challenge surely would. Cassie found herself simultaneously fearing and eagerly anticipating tomorrow's class. 

Rachel stared at the now empty corridor trying to equate that jokey last remark with the harsh bitter person her dance teacher usually was. The woman who'd called her Rachel and apologised while gently stroking her hands bore little resemblance to the hard eyed, cold-faced Ms July who had given such a detailed list of reasons why Rachel was so unattractive. Rachel decided reconciling the two different sides she'd seen to Ms July would have to wait. Instead she focused on the final remark directed her way about showing a bit of leg and cleavage. Oh she could do that all right, she had just the outfit. Puritan would be the furthest thought from her mind when Ms July set eyes on her tomorrow. She grinned - tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.


	8. Chapter 8

Cassie dropped another mostly empty rum bottle into the rubbish bag beside her desk. One positive outcome of her sudden leave was that at least her office would be tidied. A pile of clippings of auditions for roles she thought would have suited her followed next - she'd never had the courage to apply for any of them but had still been unable to stop herself looking and occassionally daydreaming about how different things could have been. Her eyes swept round the office taking in the completely clear desktop and the plants lined up on a nearby shelf for easy watering. Whoever Carmen managed to organise to stand in for her, if she found anybody, would be able to use this space. She just needed to take dance 101 and then it would be off to the airport and a visit to her brother's because he was the only person she could talk to. Yes, she'd been friends for years with Carmen ever since they both appeared in an obscure off off Broadway show more years ago than she cared to remember, back when she was a young bright eyed talent with a glittering career ahead of her. She wasn't sure where she'd be now without Carmen pushing her to take a job as a teacher and to utilise her talents in a slightly different way to how she'd dreamed of doing since being a young girl. Carmen had always had faith in her, even when Cassie was being a self-pitying obnoxious bitch. Cassie sighed, but Carmen had a role as her boss so she really hadn't been able to confide in her what was really going on during their conversation yesterday. Cassie prided herself on saying what she meant but Carmen had learnt by necessity the art of saying one thing whilst meaning another so Cassie had run through their conversation several times in her head to try and discern Carmen's true motives.

As soon as Rachel had exited Carmen was busy pointing out how her judgment trumped Cassie's with a "Now you can see why I'm so confident about that girl's ability to succeed, not just highly talented but." Carmen paused to allow Cassie a moment's reflection," such resilience and drive in someone so young. Still think I overestimated her?"

Cassie sighed, " No I think you're right. She is definitely a big hope for the future."

Carmen smiled,"Good job I'm sitting down or the shock of you admitting I'm right and you're wrong might have knocked me off my feet."

"I never disagreed with you," Cassie objected knowing that she had never outright agreed with Carmen about Rachel either. It had just taken her a while to admit what she was actually seeing. She'd been captivated since the 'Oops I did it again' performance that she often reran in her head late at night.

"Rachel's other talent though is her phenomenal ability to get under your skin," prompted Carmen. Cassie feigned a sudden interest in her hands. What could she say? Rachel hadn't just got under her skin; she'd wormed her way into her heart too. Not quite what she'd expected from that eager-to-please, so-excited-to-be-here conservatively dressed, slightly awkward girl who came to her first lesson. 

"I've been a bit distracted," Cassie finally decided to fill the silence. It was a truthful if not entirely honest statement if there was such a thing. Her attempt at defiance crumbled under Carmen's skeptical eyebrow rise.

"I know your methods can be unconventional and may seem somewhat tough," Carmen held up her hand to forestall the usual 'but I get results' comeback," but your treatment of Rachel has been harsh even by your standards and I've never known you to focus on just one student. It just begs the question why?" 

"From lesson one day one," sighed Cassie running her hand through her hair as she cast her mind back to just where all this mess started," She dared to show displeasure after I made a remark about another student, understandable given what we know now about her school experiences, so I decided to focus my attention on her." Cassie was dismayed to find her voice wavering with emotion.

Carmen kept her disapproval in check. It wasn't often Cassie opened up so she was loathe to jepardise it now. Besides Cassie sounded suitably chastened about her own behaviour.

"It started as the usual critical comments and disparaging remarks but instead of being cowed she kept bouncing back, keen to do well and seemingly impervious to all that I threw at her and then when I wouldn't let her participate in the tango lessons because she lacked the sexiness.. Well Rachel was as ever determined to prove me wrong." Cassie paused to wipe away the tears that begun to make their way down her cheeks. A quick image of Rachel being manhandled by Brody sprung to mind, which she quickly replaced, by thinking of Rachel's red lips from that day.

"So did she prove you wrong?" prodded Carmen, wondering whether it was wise for her to pursue this. She couldn't remember a time when she'd seen Cassie in tears, obviously Rachel's revelations about being bullied had made Cassie at least reconsider if not regret her behaviour. Carmen was still quite surprised at this as she'd expected Cassie to make some casual remark about Rachel having victim written all over her.

"Oh yes," sighed Cassie," but I didn't tell her that. In fact that's why she called me jealous of them all and mentioned the youtube debacle." Cassie stopped again. Was debacle a strong enough term for the event that crushed all her hopes and dreams and so irrevocably changed her life?

"So when you were trying to remove her from your classes.." Carmen brought Cassie back from her painful memories. Carmen was recalling Cassie stalking up and down in front of her desk demanding Rachel’s immediate expulsion from her class.

"Yes I'd provoked her and yes maybe it was unfair but I couldn't see how I could continue to have her stoic defiance in class without," Cassie paused to order her thoughts," well I didn't know what would happen and I was worried about my authority." 

Worried about her inability to keep her emotions in check was more the case but she could hardly admit to that. She could feel Carmen's intense scrutiny on her. Fortunately her red faced look would be attributed to her outburst of tears.

"So the infamous dance off was about you asserting your authority," suggested Carmen her tone making clear her disapproval of the event.

Cassie had the grace to blush. What had that been about, it was hardly as if she was six years old and needed a ‘my dancings better than yours’ validation. Mind you, the way electricity coursed between them had definitely made the benefits of the encounter outweigh Carmen's unspoken disapproval. Her mind switched to the days repeated pliés fiasco, definitely a different tone to that. She was deliberately punishing Rachel without Rachel having a clue as to why. The memory of an outraged Rachel bursting through her office door sprang to mind.

"Rachel must hate me," Cassie moaned sinking her face into her hands and battled against her self-loathing. Everything that had happened had been her own fault.

Carmen studied her friend carefully. Since when did Cassie give two cents about what anyone else’s opinion? She was rather worried about her. 

"I think Rachel is self reflective enough to know that you partially if not wholly inspired her Winter Showcase performance," Carmen said," She even thanked you I believe?"

Cassie nodded. It had felt like a sarcastic thanks and only reinforced the idea that Rachel hated her.

"Besides she had the ideal opportunity just now to stop your teaching career in its tracks. She not only didn't take it she actively defended you and prevented you from ruining it for yourself," Carmen allowed her words to sink in." Hardly the actions of someone who allegedly hates you." 

Cassie ran the words through her head again. Did she dare hope..

"The rest of your class though is a different matter," Carmen stated, as this was more Cassie's current major problem.

"They'll get over it," said Cassie dismissively waving Carmen's concern away with a flick of her hand. This was the Cassie Carmen was most familiar with but the sudden contrast was disturbing.

"Don't get me wrong, I heartily approve of the new sober you," Cassie's quick surprised glance at Carmen suggested she thought her drinking issues had been unknown about," but you seem more..emotional than usual. I have no idea what's going on between you and Rachel.." Carmen paused because she really didn't. The pair of them seemed to thrive on conflict with each other and yet it wasn't as straightforward as that.

"I ..it's ..well..." spluttered Cassie weary keeping secrets but well aware of the consequences of confession. Complicated was an apt description but rather over used. Besides there was nothing complicated about her motivations for giving Rachel a hard time in her recent lesson.

"And I don't want to know," Carmen's hands indicated she had no wish to hear Cassie's thoughts on the matter,"but I'm worried about the pair of you." Carmen waited for Cassie to look at her and then leaned forward across her desk.

"For all her resilience and drive there is still far too much vulnerability and self doubt in Rachel," she said softly. "Rather than being given lessons in how hard the entertainment business can be she needs the careful guidance of someone she respects who knows how the industry works and can protect her," Cassie made as if to object but Carmen cut across her," she just protected you. All I'm saying is she needs someone to do the same for her."

Cassie couldn't escape the feeling that Carmen thought that someone was her but that couldn't be right. She reran Carmen's comments in her head. The canny woman hadn't actually said anything out of order. It was about her having to draw her own conclusions. What did Rachel standing up for her in that meeting actually mean? Was it just about a driven student wanting to pass a particular class and not be seen as a victim or was it actually to do with how Rachel actually felt about her? 

"Then there's you," added Carmen. " You seem more unsettled and less satisfied with your job here than ever before and yet," Carmen sighed," in some ways you seem to have started to let your true self seep out from behind your carefully crafted 'hard as nails' persona.”

Cassie sighed but didn't speak. Rachel had wreaked havoc on her usually highly controlled self and even dared float the idea she should be auditioning for roles. No one else had ever suggested that. She knew she was just settling if she stayed in teaching but she'd been so devastated by all the furor around her broadway debut rant that she'd closed herself off for fear of the next hurt breaking her. Now she was just bitter and unloved, endlessly practising and keeping herself at the top of her dancing game for a role she daren't audition for. Even more pathetically she was busy obsessing over a student way out of her league in terms of talent, human decency and age.

"I think Cassie," Carmen placed her hand gently on Cassie's," it might be a good idea for you to take some time out. Think about what you really want," Carmen's steady look seemed to be trying to convey more than her words," and whether being here is the right thing for you. I want you working here because you are an amazing asset to the NYADA but far more than that as your friend I want you to be happy and less...fragile."

"Okay," mumbled Cassie, uncertain how having more time to hate herself would help.

Carmen was quickly round the desk and hugging her closely," I know you don't think it but you deserve happiness Cassie, you just need to be brave enough to reach for it."

 

Carmen's words about being 'brave enough to reach for it' had haunted her. Oh she'd been brave enough to reach for Rachel's hand in the conversation afterwards but she was sure that wasn't what Carmen had meant. Carmen meant trying out for Broadway surely? There was no way Carmen could have known or suspected about how she felt about Rachel was there? And even if she had, there was no way that she would encourage - Cassie always faltered at this point. Carmen was the consummate professional and any suggestion to the contrary was just an indication of how badly she needed time to pull herself together. Cassie gathered the rubbish bags at the door and glanced at her watch. Five minutes until dance 101 - should she go early as usual to the class or should she arrive slightly late just to ratchet up the tension amongst those spineless gutless wonders who'd dared to complain about her behind her back? Oh who was she kidding, she could hardly wait to lay her eyes on her favourite student and soak up as many memories as possible to tide her over the coming week. Then inspiration hit, she could video the lesson under the guise of wanting to give detailed feedback to everyone individually and at the same time not have to rely on just her memories. She reached for the tripod and video bag on her shelf. As an added bonus the video gave her an excuse for being less harsh with her class what with all that video evidence.

Rachel was approaching the lesson with some trepidation. She’d umm-ed and ahh-ed about wearing a dance leotard but had settled for her barely there shorts – the extra amount of leg covered up was minimal but worth the confidence it gave her. A loose top that slid off one shoulder or the other gave a false semblance of modesty and the bra she wore underneath had been chosen for the enhancement it gave to her cleavage. So overall more cleavage but back to the usual amount of leg. She could have asked Kurt for his help but that would have meant a conversation she really wasn’t willing or ready to have. Besides she wasn’t even sure whether she was just being set up by Ms. July for some hazing about her appearance. Rachel had spent the evening just thinking about yesterday’s events. Kurt had been keen to discuss what had happened as he’d heard from Stefan about Ms July really going for her and the class being driven to talk to Carmen about it. She’d down played it and retired early to bed ostensibly with a headache but really to give her space to wonder which Cassie might appear in the lesson the next day. 

 

Cassie was already in her room when Rachel arrived with a breezy “Hi” to her peers to disguise her nervousness. The tension in the room instantly increased and Rachel was aware of the scrutiny of her classmates suddenly focused on her and Ms July. Cassie was leaning back casually on the desk behind her trying to contain her delight at the return of confident, eye-pleasing Rachel. She was going to miss the emotional rush brought on by just laying eyes on her.

‘Ra..Schwimmer.” nodded Ms. July in her direction as her gaze swept up over Rachel loitering on her chest before finally meeting her eye. There was an approving smirk on her face that didn’t shift even as Rachel stepped closer to talk to her dance teacher.

“I’m glad to see you can take my advice,” added Cassie mischievously as the class became pin-droppingly silent to hear what was said.

“Thank-you for your attention and dedication to helping me improve myself,” replied Rachel with a half-grin back.

“My pleasure,” replied Cassie, a lazy smile still playing across her features,” Your commitment to improvement is admirable even when the going gets tough.” 

Rachel recognized this as the closest to a public apology that Ms. July was going to make. The murmuring that was beginning to pick up around them suggested many of her peers had recognized that too.

Rachel stepped closer as the conversation began to pick up around them. Her next comment was only for Cassie.

“It isn’t easy making cleavage out of pancakes,” she said softly trying not to shift nervously from foot to foot. She’d decided that Ms. July needed reminding that she had more to apologise for than just picking on her in class without reason. Cassie took Rachel’s comment as an invitation to survey the results of Rachel’s efforts and she allowed her gaze to linger on the gloriously tanned swells of breast that peaked out of Rachel’s casual top. She leaned forward to speak softly in Rachel’s ear

“Well I think you’ve done an admirable job.” Cassie husked and was pleased to watch a blush rise up Rachel’s cheeks before adding,” I hope you appreciate that I practice what I preach,” Cassie shrugged off her cardigan and then needlessly adjusted her risqué top before casually ran her hands over her thighs as if readying herself to move. Rachel felt her mouth suddenly go dry and her ears redden. The glazed eye, mouth slightly agape look was all the reward Cassie needed. She had no idea what game they were playing but thought she’d just won the first round. However for now she needed to remember there was a class for her to run.

As Rachel made her way back to join her classmates, Cassie reluctantly dragged her eyes away from Rachel's delightfully pert derrier. The decision was made in an instant, no neanderthal in this class was going to have the opportunity to put their sweaty paws on that perfection and if one of those gloriously long legs was going to be wrapped around anybody it would be her. It was her last lesson for a while dammit so she was prepared to live a little dangerously.

"Pair up, beefcake you're videoing, Schwimmer you're with me," instructed Cassie not missing the fleeting look of alarm that ghosted across Rachel's features. She waited until Rachel reached her.

"Unless you'd like to swap roles with beefcake?" she asked trying to keep her apprehension that Rachel would jump at the offer under wraps. An adorable nervous lip lick later and Rachel was declaring her readiness to partner up with Cassie. 

"Right people, close embrace none of this namby pamby arms length and now experiment, mix styles whatever. The basic theme is tango, a dance of seduction remember. Beefcake here will be videoing so I can feedback to you in detail. First half of the lesson is to plan and practise, second half to perform," with that she set off on task and refocussed on the rather nervous looking girl alongside her.

Rachel was feeling a mix of trepidation with a tiny hint of excitement. It was hard to ignore her fear that she was being set up for further ridicule. 

"Ms. July, I hope you've taken your anti-nausea tablets," she muttered loud enough only for Ms. July to hear. She had hoped to come across as nonchalant but the waver in her voice betrayed her anxiety.

Cassie resisted the impulse to say something that would hurt Rachel as much as that remark had hurt her. She had said it after all. 

"Two things to remember if we're going to dance effectively together," Cassie said as she moved to take Rachel in a gentle open hold," the first is you need to clear your mind of any distractions and focus purely on the task in hand and the second," she carefully drew Rachel into a closer embrace,"is that you can call me Cassie."

The sudden rush of excitement caused by pressing Rachel to her meant the 'call me Cassie' came out a little more huskily than she intended but judging by the way Rachel was so stiff and tense in her arms she reassured herself it had gone unnoticed.

An awkward basic eight step manouver later and Cassie knew she needed to do something to relax the girl she was holding if they were going to avoid making idiots of themselves in front of the class.

"Look Rachel, you need to relax and let me guide you. In order to achieve that, well, you need to trust me." Cassie said quietly as she brought them to a halt.

"My dads advised me never to trust anyone who actually said that to me," responded Rachel only to be surprised by Ms July's sudden bark of laughter.

"I'm not sure this is quite the scenario they had in mind," replied Cassie with a smirk. Rachel glared at her so Cassie reined in her amusement.

"Okay, close your eyes and picture yourself dancing with someone you trust implicitly," suggested Cassie. Rachel's list of whom she trusted implicitly was woefully short, dad or daddy. Neither of who would wear a perfume like that currently teasing her nostrils. It was a scent you'd expect Cassie to choose, not too sweet but definitely intriguing. With her eyes closed Rachel's other senses were heightened. Cassie murmured directions in her ear as her brain struggled to identify the scent she was detecting. In between Cassie speaking Rachel was concentrating on trying to hear her breathing, as it was oddly reassuring. Yet by far the most relevant sense was touch. She was suddenly fully aware of Cassie's firm hand on her back and although the thigh touching hold made her face flush it was bettered by the chest to chest hold that Cassie instigated with some comment about Argentinian versus American tango. She couldn't really focus on the words with all her nerve ends jangling and her pulse thudding loudly in her ears. Rachel found herself relaxing and allowing herself to be guided by Cassie through turns and dips. The rest of the room faded away as she focused herself entirely on the touch, sound and smell of Cassie.

"Now you need to open your eyes and focus on mine," murmured Cassie. Their eyes met and Cassie felt another wave of emotion crash over her. She tried to hide her nervous swallow. Dancing with Rachel was definitely one of her worst ideas in that it was an exquisitely sweet torture. Still, said her inner voice - might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. She allowed her hand to dip slightly from its lower back position to a very broderline regulation placement. Encouraging Rachel to wrap her leg round her as they moved across the floor had her libido shooting off any known chart. Judging by Rachel's slightly glazed look she either wasn't faring any better or had been stupified by fear.

Rachel fought to control her breathing so as not to give away any hint of the shortness of breath caused by the proximity of her current crush and the blatantly suggestive moves Cassie was choosing. She should have known what she was letting herself in for just based on Cassies's choreography of the dances Rachel had seen. A few snippets of the Dance Again/Americano routine sprung to mind making her a little more heated. ‘It's just a dance’ she kept chanting (to little effect) in her head. Cassie's intense gaze was suggesting it was anything other than just a dance and for a brief moment Rachel wondered whether she was misreading intentions yet again. So she switched the reflective part of her brain off and decided to just enjoy the moment, or rather, sigh, moments. It had been a while since she'd had a body pressed up against hers beyond the occasional hug and if she'd been allowed to choose who would end that drought then this was the person she'd have chosen. She just needed to enjoy herself and not let any of the moans gathering inside her actually escape.

Reluctantly Cassie called the class to attention to allow couples to show in pairs what they had prepared. She decided that Rachel and her would go last to allow herself time to recover and cool off. The dances prepared by her students were predictably unadventurous if technically very adept. She muted her criticisms trying to find something she liked about each performance to soften her feedback. Finally last two pairs were up, Lydia and her partner alongside her and Rachel. What Cassie had failed to realise was that Rachel Berry was a performer so put her in front of an audience and she couldn't help but up her game. The eye contact went from intense to smouldering, there was a little more attitude and sensuality in the turns and movements that they'd rehearsed. Cassie rose to the challenge admirably. As there bodies melded together they moved with greater fluidity, the dips were that bit lower, their faces just that bit closer and after the spins Rachel found herself held that bit tighter. 

As the music drew to a close, Rachel allowed herself to be leaned back in the classic we're about to kiss pose of the old black and white movies. She could feel Cassie's uneven breathing on her face and realised she must be looking as flushed as she did if not more so. The hold lasted a bit longer than necessary but neither of the two were prepared to be the first to break their heated gaze. The sudden intrusion of applause broke them out of their stupor. Cassie righted Rachel and then stepped slightly away trying to regain her breath. 

"Not bad Schwimmer," she finally managed, once breathing and speaking became a viable option. 

"Not bad yourself," grinned Rachel back at her as there was a collective intake of breath around the room at Rachel's audacity, or was it stupidity? Nerves were instantly calmed by Cassie's laughter as she walked to her desk and waved the remark off.

The lesson was in danger of over running so the students hurried to grab their belongings as Cassie steeled herself to sip at her bottle of water rather than tip it over her head like she really wanted to do. Rachel was dragging her heels wanting to speak to Cassie but uncertain what to say. Besides she was a little over heated in more ways than one. She screwed up her courage; this might well be her last chance to say anything for a while.

"Cassie, I just wanted to say…" began Rachel before she was interrupted by Lydia poking her head round the door to hurry Rachel up or they'd be late for Drama class. Rachel hurried out the door leaving a disappointed but slightly relieved Cassie in the room. It was probably best they didn't talk about that dance. She was about to collect her things from the desk when the classroom door flew open and as she turned to see who it was she found herself enveloped in a brief tight hug.

"Thank-you Cassie, that was amazing," gushed Rachel before releasing Cassie and instantly turning bright red. Sometimes being impulsive wasn’t a plus. She practically sprinted to the door ”Um yes so.. um.. bye.”

Cassie managed a “bye” as the door shut behind Rachel, uncertain whether she’d been heard. Suddenly going away for a week had become exponentially harder than when the day began. As Cassie headed to collect the video camera she noticed it was still recording. Knowing her luck beefcake had probably missed recording the entire lesson and mistaken off for on. Sometimes she despaired at the sheer idiocy of some of these would-be performers. Sighing she gathered everything together and headed back to her office. She had just enough time to catch her flight provided she didn’t dawdle. Memory card in her bag, a last look round her office and she was ready to go. Rachel was the reason she was heading off and Rachel was the reason she didn’t want to go. Cassie sighed as she wondered when or if she’d be back. Time for her brother to work his magic again. 

Rachel was idly gazing out of the window rather than joining in the improvisation activity her group had been set. She watched the distant figure of Cassie hailing a cab and felt suddenly sad. She told herself to stop being so pathetic but the feeling of sadness persisted. She wasn’t sure when she’d see Cassie again although quite how much that affected her was rather surprising. Rachel looked around her friends in the group. There was nobody here she could talk to about what had been going on and not being able to talk to anyone was part of what made this so hard. Rachel sighed, not Kurt, not her dads, none of her NYADA friends. It only really left Quinn, or heaven forbid Finn, to confide in. Another sigh and was that a tear? Rachel squared her shoulders. Right, she needed to talk to someone and the least bad option was Quinn. No, on reflection that was a really bad idea – it wasn’t like they’d been best buddies forever and there was still a small part of her that expected Quinn to use the information to ridicule her. Stoic silence was the only option. Rachel took in a steadying breath. She was an adult not a teenager in desperate need of peer approval or validation of her own judgments. She just needed to up her workout regime and keep herself busy and avoid too much introspection. Out of sight, out of mind was the way forward. Maybe a weekend in Yale wasn’t such a bad idea provided she steered clear of alcohol and the need to over share. The idea grew in popularity every time she thought about it. Settled then, she was Yale bound with a heavy heart and a seal on her lips. A trip away from New York and a chance to build on her friendship with Quinn – what could possibly go wrong with that?


	9. Chapter 9

Cassie was surprised her brother turned up at the airport to meet her and even more surprised to find he'd taken time off work for the duration of her visit. She joined him in his spacious kitchen for a quiet coffee and the last few moments of peace before her nephews barrelled into the house and insisted on showing her their home their rooms, their toys, their garden - at this point Paul stepped in before the neighbourhood tour kicked off. Her nephews excitement at her being there made her feel a little guilty about never finding the time to visit before. Marie, Paul's wife, greeted her politely if somewhat coolly. Perhaps Cassie's bridge building and fence mending would need to start here. Her offers to help with dinner were wisely rejected and her nephews dragged her enthusiastically to play computer games. She had to laugh when the youngest rescued Just Dance from a disorderly pile and insisted she take them on.

"You think taking on your Aunt, a famous if not indeed infamous, dance teacher, would be a good idea?" she asked with a grin.

"I'm the best at this, even Dad says so. You're going down," insisted the older lad.

"You do know great self belief and immense self confidence aren't particularly attractive traits," she replied as her head begged to differ with sudden memories of Rachel singing 'being good isn't good enough'. Okay then, not particularly attractive traits on many people she amended.

He did beat her to begin with but once she sacrificed form for making sure the controller was in the ideal place she quickly began to trounce him. It turned into her teaching him and his brother a few dance moves that were not required by the cartoonish characters on screen. Paul joined them and the grand finale was for the four of them to try and emulate the One Direction routine being danced with such ease on screen. Cassie was unsure whether the fact that Marie who was sat on the sofa watching was a good sign.

"Definitely the boys have inherited my dancing abilities," Marie managed to say before another wave of laughter overcame her. 

Cassie pulled the group in for a pow-wow," with regular practice I think we can prove your mom wrong. Who's in?"

The boys were immediately and enthusiastic whereas Paul acted reticent in order for the boys to try their skills of persuasion. As Marie headed off back to the kitchen and the boys were scrambling to be the first to be sat, hands washed, at the dining table Paul suggested that maybe teaching hadn't been such a bad choice given how she'd instructed and motivated the boys. Cassie laughed

"This was hardly representative of my usual job, bigger classes, bigger egos and far less unconditional love," she quipped

"Oh and there was me thinking you'd left your biggest fan behind in New York," Paul replied watching Cassie's expression change into wistfulness.

"My biggest fan has moved on and is busy discovering the greener pastures of someone her own age," muttered Cassie.

"So you're here to lick your wounds?" Paul asked gently.

"Oh no, I've moved on too. I'm here to sort out my life," Cassie responded before adding with a grin, " Will a week be long enough?"

Paul grinned back," I think trying to sort you out might be a lifelong project."

Cassie managed to fit thumping him before the boys could see them.

 

Cassie had risen early next morning for a lengthy run round the neighbourhood and, as the rest of the house was still slumbering, she decided to check out just what beefcake had managed to film. She tried to ignore her nervousness, uncertain quite what she was afraid of beyond her own disappointment. She'd been doing beefcake a disservice as he'd managed to video at least from the start of the lesson. She resisted the urge to fast forward to her dance with Rachel and instead carefully studied the dances of her students. Using her staff e-mail account she sent the dance routines to the students concerned as well as a few pointers on the main areas for improvement. She kept her comments snark-free as she was feeling a delicious sense of anticipation knowing her routine with Rachel was captured on film. As signs and sounds of life filled the house around her she finally reached the dance she wanted to see. Heart racing in her chest she pressed the play button and watched with bated breath the intense performance on her screen. Their eyes were locked on each other and her hold had Rachel pressed up against her. Rachel was exuding a sultry and sexy vibe that Cassie was matching as the tension ratcheted up. Well, they’d managed to put the seduction into the routine she told herself as her temperature rose and the dance headed towards the Cassie bending Rachel back climax. She was startled from her reverie by her brother's voice cutting across her Rachel fixated thoughts.

"Wow you look as if you're about to kiss," Paul said softly, " That's Rachel I presume?"

Cassie tried to close the lid on her laptop but he put his hand in the way and the video continued to play as an embarrassed Cassie glowered at him and decided to bluff it out.

"Yes that 's Rachel but it's just a dance," she protested rather lamely.

"Indeed," replied Paul his tone suggesting he didn't believe her," looks a little more than that to me."

"That's because we're both very good performers," she grumped as he raised a skeptical eyebrow in her direction,"the Tango is meant to be seductive."

Paul's completely unbelievable,"Of course," along with his knowing grin finally got to her.

"Okay maybe I haven't moved on," she reluctantly conceded," but Rachel's.."

"Either a phenomenally talented actor or just as smitten as you," interrupted Paul indicating that she should look at the screen. 

Cassie turned to see that the unattended video camera had managed to capture Rachel's closed eye contented smile as she'd briefly hugged Cassie after the end of the lesson. Cassie finally closed the screen now that all the damage was done.

"She has a incredibly beautiful, highly intelligent, same aged girlfriend at Yale," stated Cassie, "that hug was gratitude and nothing more."

As Paul made to speak Cassie held her hand up to stop him," Once I've told you everything that's happened you'll view that video clip and me in a different light. Rachel does nothing by halves. That is her performing, nothing more."

"I'm not sure 'thank-you Cassie that was amazing'" Paul chose a lispy, high pitched breathy voice that sounded nothing like Rachel for his impersonation,"can be seen in anything other than one light really."

Cassie slapped him, hard.

"She doesn't sound like that, she isn't some bimbo airhead," she scolded him. He moved out of range just as the boys barrelled into the room to greet her.

"Is the amazing 'Cassie',"Paul chose to use his Rachel impersonation just on Cassie's name," ready to join us for breakfast?"

"Only if the irratatingly juvenile Paul is ready to grow up," she replied as she followed them into the kitchen. Her brother was as annoying as he was loveable. She now felt reassured that he was the right person to talk to even if she was about to paint the most unflattering picture of herself.

 

They were wrapped up warmly against the biting cold as Paul took Cassie for a long meandering walk around the local park. He had allowed her to control the conversation and didn't push her for information. His consideration both touched and irritated her but eventually she could contain herself no longer and then as they paced around the footpaths she finally gave him a detailed uninterrupted account of her interactions with Rachel from that initial first lesson run in to the final last lesson hug that he'd witnessed for himself on her laptop earlier. She laughed at herself about not understanding her reaction to Rachel's 'Oops I did it again' performance and told him about the post Winter showcase encounter where she so nearly gave into her baser desires. Cassie couldn't hold back her tears as she related in excruciatingly painful detail that conversation where she'd been so cruel and Rachel's polite response to all her venom despite being visibly upset. The rest was easy to tell, from her goading Rachel in class just to get a response, the stalkerish outing to Callbacks and the discovery of Rachel's incredibly beautiful 'awesome at everything' girlfriend, through her need to punish Rachel leading to a class complaint and onto the meeting with Carmen. Another onslaught of tears as she recounted Rachel's revelation of being a longtime victim of persistent bullying and just how much that had made her hate herself before she finally relived the conversation with Rachel in the hallway that had made her take the dance class as requested. She didn't need to say too much about that as he'd seen the outcome but she explained her irrational inability to let anyone else lay hands on Rachel and hence here she was, emotionally battered and professionally finished. Whatever the future held, teaching at NYADA was no longer a viable option. Not when just being around Rachel had her behaving so irrationally.

Paul made no judgments as she spoke only offering tissues and putting a reassuring arm round her shoulders when she was at her most distressed. He directed her to a nearby café and their arrival coincided with her reaching the end of her sordid tale. She found seats as her brother fetched coffee and cake. Finally after the relentless stirring of her coffee she dragged her eyes away from her cup to look at him.

"So?" she prompted.

"Well, I'm not going to pass judgment on your treatment of Rachel because you know you're out of order and already beating yourself up about it," Paul said quietly. Quite why NYADA and Cassie weren't on the receiving end of a rather expensive lawsuit he really couldn't imagine. He couldn't imagine the kind of inner steel it must have taken to return to Cassie's classroom to face her after her character demolition.

Cassie's gaze dropped to her hands. Out of order was a generous understatement. Would it have helped ease her conscience if he'd taken her to task? She dared a glance at him and watched his stony features morph into an expression of resignation.

"It's been how you've operated for years now, hurting others before they have a chance of hurting you. The difference now is that you're allowing yourself to think about your actions. That you regret them." Paul continued, wondering whether Rachel would ever be able to forgive Cassie regardless of what the future held.

Paul reached out to place a comforting hand on Cassie's.

"I think it's too late to change anything, I can't undo what I've done. I ..just..I just need to get away," stuttered Cassie feeling a wave of hopelessness.

"Get away?" queried Paul.

"From NYADA," she said emphatically," Rachel," she added softly before a slightly firmer "me mostly". Trying to run away from herself wasn't the most intelligent idea she'd ever had. Mind you it wasn't her worst either. She'd spent how long running away from herself with the aid of alcohol?

"So you're not planning to try and work things out with Rachel?" asked Paul,"She at least deserves that."

"She's my student," she stated emphatically, surely no more explanation was needed? 

"And besides she should hate me or at least be indifferent," Cassie couldn't help herself from adding.

"Maybe," Paul acknowledged Cassie's scowl," but she obviously sees something in you that she thinks is worth protecting. Standing up for you to Carmen - that was the ideal opportunity to get you back but she not only didn't take it, she actively prevented you from sabotaging your own career. That’s neither hate nor indifference. And as for that last dance.." Paul tailed off. How to explain to Cassie what was right in front of her that she refused to see? Or maybe Rachel was just a Teflon coated highly talented dancer oblivious to the effect she had on sister?

"She deserves so much better," Cassie stated somewhat pathetically before firming her voice,"She has better, a beautiful intelligent girlfriend her own age." It was hard to keep the jealousy out of her voice so she headed for safer territory,"Besides in case you missed it earlier, she's my student." 

"The student teacher thing is easily solvable," Paul sighed, "Cassie, only you know how strongly you feel and whether you'd be prepared to leave NYADA just for the chance of something that might never happen...". He scrutinised her expression. The leaving NYADA suggestion didn't even raise a ripple of concern.

"And the small problem of her girlfriend?" prompted Cassie

"Is irrelevant in the grand scale of things. It could just be a one-night-stand, a casual fling, a friends-with-benefits arrnagement," Paul curtailed his list abruptly as he realised Cassie was becominging increasingly irritated with what she perceived as him besmirching Rachel's reputation. At least 'fuck buddies' hadn't slipped out. A change of tack was needed.

" You know there's something there between the pair of you otherwise you wouldn't be in this state," Paul's sweeping hand took in her dishevelled hair, make-up free features and baggy old clothes, "You haven't been like this about anyone before, ever. You can just let the opportunity pass you by in cowardly fashion making all kinds of excuses or you can screw up your courage and tell her how you feel and put the ball firmly in her court. At least you'll know where you stand and don't need to torture yourself in the future with ifs and maybes"

Cassie laughed bitterly, " look Paul, you' re my brother and it's great you believe in me but Rachel hardly needs some bitter Broadway failure, over ten years her senior, confessing to inappropriate feelings for her, it's just.." She couldn't bring herself to say seedy but it was the only word that seemed to fit. 

"It's just what you need to do if you're going to successfully move on. Yes leave NYADA before hand, so the teacher student element is removed," he sighed." you can't change your age that's true. But also irrelevant. You're a highly successful dance teacher; one bad Broadway experience doesn't need to define you - although you've let it. Maybe she has a girlfriend already, maybe not, but you're not advocating having an affair, you're just making Rachel aware of other options available."

"I'm not sure I could respect someone actually stupid enough to choose me," Cassie whined.

"Cassie you need to stop putting yourself down. Forgive yourself for what has happened and start believing you deserve good things. You need to respect her enough to allow her to make her own choices,"

Cassie snorted rather inelegantly.

"You'll be suggesting I need therapy next," She said, her tone indicating just what she really thought of the idea of paying someone to listen to her moan about her life. Paul threw his hands up in mock surrender.

"Been there, done that and learnt the error of my ways," He replied.

Cassie crowed triumphantly," So you finally agree that therapy is a self-indulgent colossal waste of money then."

"No," Paul grinned mischieviously at her," I agree that you think it's a self-indulgent colossal waste of money." They exchanged a quick laugh.

"Look Cass, you owe it to yourself and to Rachel to at least give her a chance to make a choice for herself. She's a rather big variable in all this, you just need to be ready for all eventualities,"He said calmly.

Cassie drained the dregs of her coffee. 

"First things first, let me think about the idea of even hinting about how I feel to Rachel," Cassie stated, wondering how on earth she'd even begin such a conversation if she ever found the courage to do so.

"Well hopefully you' ll try something less subtle than you've done already," replied Paul smugly," although I gather 'that was amazing'."

Cassie rolled her eyes at him. She'd need to watch the video when they returned to the house to check just how inaccurate his impersonation was.

 

Rachel sipped on her fruit smmothie and allowed the conversation to ebb and flow around her. They were fresh from the least taxing dance class ever, probably in the entire history of NYADA. Linda, or was it Lydia?, Fairweather had sidled into the classroom almost unnoticed, apologised awkwardly for her presence and then sat herself firmly and somewhat permanently in a chair and made suggestions about what the class should or might like to do. Disorganised chaos would be an understatement of what had followed, punctuated only by Ms. Fairweather's enthusiastic and rather effusive praise. No one was spared from hearing how exquisitely, wonderfully amazing their performances were. In fact Rachel had almost expected the superlative laden commentary on her stretching technique when she'd idly reached for a bottle of water. She couldn't quite decide whether Carmen was having an almighty joke at their expense by choosing the exact polar opposite of Cassie to replace her so that they'd appreciate what they were missing. Rachel was already there thank-you very much although her remarkably energetic considering they'd just finished a dance class friends were not. At the moment the conversation seemed to be about re-living Ms. Fairweather's hyperbole as if in some way her inanities were actual worth anything. Still, it at least meant the focus had shifted from a forensic examination of every little detail of her and Cassie's tango together. That had been yesterday's and the day before's source of amusement and alleged humour.

Theories had abounded. Carmen was making Cassie video the lesson as a last ditched attempt to rein Cassie's meglomania in. One word out of place towards Rachel and Cassie would be instantly fired, as there was an ancient rarely invoked rule about the Winter Showcase winner being untouchable. Carmen had insisted Cassie dance with Rachel as a gesture of reconciliation - cue rather lewd jokes about who wanted to be 'reconciled' with who if that tango was what reconciliation was about. Lame jokes had followed about Cassie taking 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' literally. Questions about whether Rachel could feel the freezing air emanating from Cassie's heart of ice or was it solid stone? Rachel didn't feel it necessary to point out that in fact Cassie's hands had burned and by the end of the dance she'd been close to combusting under the heated grazes and touches. The close hold was because Cassie was trying to suffocate her like a boa constrictor - Rachel didn't think it was that bad a way to go. Julian suggested Cassie had planned her rauchiest dance to embarrass and humiliate Rachel but...

"Fortunately our Rach," he leaned in conspiratorially to the gathered group as Rachel resisted the urge to explain yet again how much she disliked the shortening of her name, it sounded like a cross between rash and ache neither of which could be considered endearing. Julian's tone became reverential, " matched her raunch for raunch."

The irritating use of her shortened name was instantly forgotten as her cheeks had flamed a brilliant red.

"It was just a dance," Rachel managed to splutter to the jeers of her peers. She didn't even believe it herself.

"And Barbra's just a singer," Julian fired back to be welcomed with a wave of laughter.

"And Romeo and Juliet were just some kids who knew each other," added Luciano prompting the conversation to be momentarily side tracked into 'NYADA's just a dance school' 'Obama's just a policitian' through various icons of star and stage and finally back round to "Ms July's just a bitch."

Rachel had learnt to just let the conversation wash over her and tune out the straight boys innuendo about Cassie taking wanting ' a piece of her ass' at face value and the gays boys off the scale bitchiness as they called out Cassie on her alleged bitchiness. She'd catch the occassional sidelong look from Lydia and resisted the almost overwhelming urge to defend Cassie. Still, on balance being disliked vilified and bitched about must be better than the sycophantic superlative-laden gushing about Lydia Fairweather. Well, at least Ms. Fairweather had taught them something even it was just over-the-top vomit-inducing insincerity. 

Rachel listened in again as Cassie's name resurfaced in the conversation beyond being compared unfavourably to the 'amazingly wonderful and simply divine' Ms. fairweather. Pushing aside the thought that maybe a life of stardom wasn't for her if she couldn't stomach all this faux excessive saccharine sweetness, she honed in on the girls further down the table grouped to watch a video on a phone

"Well not only was I surprised she was actually sober enough to edit and send it to me," gushed Nadia,"but she also managed to keep the e-mail sarcasm free with a polite suggestion on how to improve the performance. Mainly actions for Jonathan of course.."

"Of course," chorused the girls around her, irony and sincerity melding seamlessly.

"Ms. July e-mailed me too with my dance and some pointers," added Tamara waving her phone around,"I mean I rarely check my student account but.." She giggled irritatingly.

Rachel tried to mask her eagerness as she fought the urge to snatch her phone from the table. Her fingers were unsteady as she tapped in her password so it took a few goes to actually get it right. The racing heart and ragged breathing were for naught. Her student inbox sat determinedly devoid of e-mail. She told herself she didn't mind and it didn't matter even as another part of her brain searched for the significance of Cassie sending individual video dances to all participants except her. Julian's suggestion that the rating of the video of the 'JulyBerry' tango probably meant it couldn't be sent without breaching the college's e-mail code caused amusement to all bar her. She feigned nonchalance and forced herself to put her phone away rather than checking it obsessively every few minutes like she really wanted to do. She didn't need a video clip to help her remember that dance; memories of it were seared into her brain. Rachel caught Lydia watching her again as she reached for her phone

"Better text Quinn and make sure she's ready for me," she said conversationally to Lydia impressed with her own ability to resist the lure of checking her student e-mail account. She hastily typed out a completely unnecessary text to Quinn reconfirming her arrival time. Her finger itched to check her e-mail or at least set it up so that her phone would notify her of a new message in that account but Lydia's beady eye was on her. She slipped the phone into her pocket; if Cassie hadn't already e-mailed the clip then she wasn’t suddenly going to do it now she told herself sternly. Maybe she should join in the conversation 'you know you're never going to make it when' that was rapidly heading downhill about advertisments never to be seen in - she sneaked in ' incontinence pads' causing much hilarity. Rachel paused for a moment, if only her high school peers could see her now surrounded by friends who appreciated her for herself. How far she had come in such a short time. Sometimes she just never wanted to go back to Lima ever.

 

Cassie finally had the house to herself and was almost unnerved by the quiet, such a turn around in such a short space of time. She turned her music up loud and danced her way through the spacious hallway just relieved to be unconstrained any more. Just Dance rehearsals with the boys just weren't giving her the workout she needed and the runs around the neighbourhood were hardly taxing. Finally after an energetic session to Lady Gaga she headed to the kitchen for a drink and a snack before setting up her laptop in the dining room. She started surfing news sites, side-tracked into youtube videos of songs she associated with Rachel (a rather short lived activity as the videos disappointingly didn't match up to the Rachel versions in her head or on her phone) and then with minimal amounts of persuasion convinced herself that rewatching the video of her and Rachel dancing wasn't a creepy thing to do. Maybe the argument wasn't so convincing on the third repeat through. She let the video run this time. She wasn't sure what to make of Rachel's unnecessary return to the classroom to thank her but she was finding it hard to continue to convince herself that Rachel disliked her. It didn't mean that Rachel actually liked her particularly not like that but it was a better starting point than she deserved to be at. Cassie sighed. Even if she confessed her feelings to Rachel and even if (and it was a massive if) Rachel decided to give her a chance then the odds were still stacked against them. Rachel's parents would hardly see her as the partner they'd imagined for their daughter, her gay flatmate, Camp Kid, would be equal parts scandalised and terrified, Rachel's friends would be appalled or titterlated (bitchy queens and judgmental but lacking the morals to match dancers being nothing if not predictable), her own NYADA colleagues would be horrified and her few friends would at best think she was going through some kind of age crisis or something far worse (especially if Rachel decided on the virginal schoolgirl look when she met them). It was a good job Rachel thrived on adversity because that would be a sorely needed trait if she and her were to even attempt to get together. Just as her resolve about doing something wavered Cassie re played the dance video. She sighed again as she brought her emotions under control - surely there was a hint of something there that needed exploring despite all the hundreds if not thousands of reasons why it was an extremely bad idea?

Cassie was about to put her laptop away when it occurred to her she hadn't sent Rachel the video along with her suggestions for improvement. Even though she'd sent the rest of her students e-mails doing precisely the same thing it somehow felt borderline unprofessional behaviour and caused her heart to race just a little. Her actions themselves were fine it was just her motivation that was different, she knew she wanted to make Rachel think about her even if only for the duration of watching the video. Her fingers were poised for a long time over the keyboard as she ran through various possible combinations of comments.   
'Well done for putting the seduction into the tango' didn't last long on screen as she cringed at her clumsy phrasing. She needed subtlety.  
'It was a pleasure dancing with you' - too well, too not right she told herself as she erased it. She needed something less formal.  
Cassie finally, after far too much consideration, finally settled on

Rachel,

My only criticism - although it is a rather major one - is that the dance wasn't long enough.

Cassie

The sounds of a car pulling up in the driveway was enough for her to instinctively close the lid on her laptop without realising she hadn't sent her much agonised over masterpiece. It was only later in the evening when she'd optimistically decided to check her e-mail in the faint hope that Rachel had replied in some way that she realised her error. Cassie didn't give herself time to second-guess herself and this time pressed send and then checked her sent folder. She really shouldn't feel so ridiculously pleased with herself.

 

It had taken a while for it to dawn on Quinn that something was just slightly off about Rachel. She was her usual exuberant self...almost. She smiled widely and enthusiastically on greeting Quinn, enveloping her in a tight hug but as the weekend progressed Quinn just knew the dazzlingly smile wasn't quite hitting the dazzle quota Rachel usually managed to fit into it. Rather than her usual chatting filling every moment there were, what for Rachel passed as long, stretches of quiet. It was if she was distracted and then would suddenly switch on the Rachel Quinn was expecting. It hadn't escaped Quinn's notice that Rachel almost obsessively checked her phone but when she'd hinted jokingly about Rachel expecting a text or message from a love interest Rachel had straightened up and pulled possibly the most serious expression Quinn had ever seen her do.

"I can assure you catagorically Quinn that what I am expecting is feedback on a piece of work for college," Rachel solemnly intoned with full unflinching eye contact, almost daring Quinn to disbelieve her.   
Quinn knew she was being told the truth but it was just, well like everything else, off. She could tell Rachel was making an effort not to check her phone so frequently after that but that only made Quinn feel clumsy for mentioning it. They had an enjoyable meal at the vegetarian restaurant Quinn had had recommended to her that was in walking distance of her room and it was only later that Quinn realised Rachel had been deflecting any questions about her away with amusing tales of things that had happened to her or around her. They’d walked back to the dorms with her holding on to Rachel’s arm as if she couldn’t quite believe that Rachel had finally made it to New haven. They sat chatting late into the night as Rachel insisted Quinn told her everything about Yale and it was Rachel’s eager enthusiasm to hear about Quinn’s college adventures that had side tracked her from noticing Rachel’s slight hint of distraction. Her hyper vigilant skills had been on a steady decline since her HBIC days otherwise she might just have noticed something about Rachel earlier.

They were up late the next morning in time to fit in a leisurely brunch as they perused the papers. Rachel kept her phone in her pocket to dissuade herself from looking at it and she and Quinn both pretended they hadn’t noticed the other noticing. They swapped interesting items from what they’d read with Rachel reading primarily from the entertainment and review sections as Quinn focused more on the political pages. Finally, when even Rachel was unable to face another cup of coffee, they headed for the Yale Center for British Art. They chatted their way round the exhibits – the ‘biggest British Art display outside Britain’ as Quinn never missed the opportunity to mention – before in honour of their current location retiring for ‘afternoon tea’. 

By now Quinn’s suspicion has solidified that something was bothering Rachel but her subtle and then not so subtle attempts to find out just what it was were effortlessly side stepped by Rachel. ‘Everything was fine’, ‘all her lessons were going well’ and ‘no, her dance teacher wasn’t picking on her’ were directed Quinn’s way in response to her queries with only the slightest eye-flicker on the final statement. Quinn debated pushing Rachel on the dance teacher topic but quickly concluded that pushing her to talk about something she didn’t want to would potentially spoil the weekend. Besides she had a group of friends eager to hear Rachel sing at the hastily arranged get together that had been organized solely for that purpose. Rachel’s response to the opportunity to sing would be a far better guage to whether whatever was wrong was something to worry about.

 

Rachel had almost stopped checking her phone – well was down to quarter of an hour intervals – when the icon to indicate a new email showed on her screen. She tried to damp down her excitement even as she opened up her inboxes to find a new message in her student account. Dry mouthed, she took a moment to look around her. Quinn was across the room fetching non-alcoholic drinks as her Yale friends were holding heated discussions on how to set up the karaoke machine – typical academics, discussing the theory rather than going for a practical approach. Her excitement now safely under control she tapped the inbox and just the sight of Cassie’s name as sender had her heart racing. She quickly headed for the bathroom and once safely locked in re-read the message. She played a snippet of the attached video wishing the screen of the phone was larger so she could see more detail. Rachel paused the clip and returned to the message. It was hardly a criticism. She gathered her courage together and pressed the reply button

Cassie

You let me know when and we can dance for as long as you like.

Rachel

She read it through once and then with a deep breath pressed the send button. Flushed but excited she bounded down the stairs to rejoin Quinn. The Karaoke was now set up and Rachel didn’t need asking twice as she accepted the challenge to show what NYADA undergraduates could do. Did they want to laugh, cry or both? Rachel had the crowd in the palm of her hand from her first words and as soon as she sang her first note Quinn realized that she’d been concerned unduly. There was no way Rachel could fake that sparkly-eyed delight and sheer joie de vivre she exuded as she performed. As Quinn felt herself moved by the emotion in Rachel’s voice she realized everything was in fact fine. Rachel’s incandescent smile suddenly landed on her and almost impossibly brightened. Rachel was almost floating on a cloud of happiness. She’d finally managed a dance performance that even Cassie couldn’t pick fault with and, even better had even suggested she’d actually enjoyed dancing with Rachel. Okay that was a bit of a stretch but if you squinted and held the email at arm’s length that was really the hidden message. Rachel beamed brighter at her impromptu audience – her excited anticipation for Cassie’s return to NYADA almost matched her current performance high. 

How lucky she was to be her.


	10. Chapter 10

Cassie emerged from a leisurely bath on Sunday morning with the house still to herself. Her brother and family were at church and there was no way she was going with them even if it did lead to awkward questions from her nephews about what would happen to her on judgment day. Bowl of muesli in hand she settled down for a quick surf of the web. With low expectations she logged on to her staff e-mail account and then starred in disbelief at the inbox with its one new e-mail message from Rachel Berry. Her heart was suddenly racing and her mouth dry. She took a calming breath and laughed at herself, no doubt Rachel would have thanked her for the video because she was that kind of well brought up individual. Really, she needed to get her expectations and emotions under control. Cassie forced herself to fetch a glass of water and then sat down again at the screen. Right, now her ridiculous excitement levels had been brought back from the stratosphere she was ready to read what would be a polite, mundane and no doubt immensely disappointing message. She hovered the mouse over the new message – it was almost a shame to ruin her wild flights of imagination of what she really wanted the contents to say. A vision of Rachel in her oops I did it again table pose, leaning back legs apart and saying, "Show me what you can teach me then Miss July, "in a husky tone flitted into Cassie's head. She glanced at the email header – there wasn't a video attachment so she really needed to bring her rebellious thoughts back to planet reality or her disappointment would be crushing. It was going to be a polite thank all anyone who would thank you after you'd verbally torn them apart...Click.

Cassie stared at the screen in disbelief and read Rachel's message again trying to wrap her head around what it meant as her pulse thundered in her ears.

'You let me know when and we can dance for as long as you like'

Was there any way to read that other than as flirtatious? Cassie read it again slowly trying to resist the urge to shout her overwhelming feelings of triumph to the heavens. It wouldn't be appropriate to rush to catch a plane to New York immediately no matter how strong the urge was. And how strong it was! She licked her lips and worked her way through her tried and tested methods of calming herself. Okay. The adrenalin rush was ebbing so she could now think about the wording carefully and see if she was just misreading it to fit with what she wanted. Was it just clumsy phrasing for 'yes let's dance again together sometime'? What about her girlfriend? Cassie paced around the room before returning to stare at the screen as if she could gain some answers from it. Part of her wanted to ask her brother's opinion but another part just wanted to keep this to herself.

Cassie hit the reply button and rather than typing 'what about your girlfriend?' as she desperately wanted to do she went for a lighter tone.

Oh Rachel, be careful with your idle promises. I intend to take you up on your offer and dance you off your feet.

Cassie

She decided the addition of a smiley face would ensure Rachel didn't read it as a threat because really she'd spent the academic year trying to dance the freshmen off their feet. This was different though. She gave herself only a moment to ponder on the wisdom of engaging in this conversation. She hadn't broken any rules but she was skating right along the edge of acceptable behaviour. Too late, the message was winging its way through the ether.

Cassie sat quietly for a moment and then glanced at her watch as she reached for her phone. She scrolled through her contacts until she found Carmen's number. There was no reason to delay the inevitable and she'd maybe feel a little less guilty about her e-mail if she did this now. She sighed, this had been inevitable from the moment Carmen had called her into the office. Fortunately Carmen answered her phone and didn't sound too surprised when Cassie informed her of her intention to resign from NYADA effective as soon as possible. Did she have plans? Only vague ones but she needed to push herself into action. Could Carmen investigate the period of her notice? Carmen suggested sabbaticals or maybe a period of extended leave and although the temptation to keep that safety net was strong she knew she needed a clean break. She thanked Carmen for all her support particularly because she appreciated she hadn't been an easy person to manage. Carmen had laughed and said she'd have her revenge in a leaving speech. Once the call to Carmen ended she e-mailed her resignation keeping her reasons a bland catchall of wanting to pursue her own projects. Really there was only one project she wanted to pursue and she still wasn't even sure if that was a non-starter. She read Rachel's e-mail once again. Still, there was more hope today than there had been yesterday and a little hope was better than none at all.

 

It was early Sunday evening, as Rachel sat on the train back to New York, that she finally had the opportunity to watch the video Cassie had sent her. She'd bounced her way through the day with Quinn, ridiculously happy that Cassie had finally sent the video along with a comment that didn't cheapen the whole performance. A comment that almost in fact suggested she'd enjoyed it. Rachel grinned. She'd resisted the urge to look at her phone while in Quinn's company despite the phone burning a whole in her pocket. She'd focussed her attention completely on Quinn to make up for her earlier distraction. Quinn had seemed to have a bit of a fascination with the current state of Rachel's love life and whether she was at that moment interested in anyone. Rachel had finally admitted that she 'd had her eye distantly on someone (she kept it gender neutral to dissuade Quinn from guessing) but really she just wanted to focus on her studies at this current point in time, there was plenty of time for romance later. When she'd asked Quinn the same question back she'd suddenly became awkward and a little flustered. She'd looked Rachel intently in the eye for an extended moment and for a brief second Rachel thought she was about to reveal some major secret. Instead Quinn had shrugged and said she too admired someone from afar for a while now but the timing just wasn't right. She'd encouraged Quinn to just go for it because anyone would be lucky to be involved with her. Rather than providing Quinn with confidence to take a chance she'd noted a stricken look on the girl's face before she'd laughed without amusement and said despondently,"yeah right". Quinn had hugged her extra tightly as they said farewell and again she had the feeling that Quinn was on the verge of saying something really important. The moment passed and Quinn promised to be down to visit her soon and with that she was on her way.

Rachel focussed her attention on her phone and noted she had another message. She was even more surprised to see it was from Cassie. Surprised and slightly terrified. The rush of blood to her head when she'd sent her reply suddenly came back to haunt her. What had she been thinking? She expected this to be a Cassie telling off about her inappropriate tone and the overfamiliarity in her message - at best that was, she wasn't sure what the worst case scenario would be but no doubt Cassie would have no qualms in detailing her extensive personality failings for her. Oh well might as well get it over with. She clicked on the message and gaped at her screen in shock.

Rachel leaned back in her seat and clutched her phone to her chest. Not only had she not been told off but Cassie had actually used an emoticon! Far more importantly she'd hinted she wanted to dance with Rachel again, well not hinted but blatantly stated she intended to dance Rachel off her feet. Her heart was racing at the mere thought. She finally allowed herself to watch the infamous Julyberry tango. She wasn't sure it would take much more to dance her off her feet. She'd been rather unsteady and lightheaded when they'd finished last time. Dare she reply to Cassie's latest e-mail? Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. She wasn't particularly adept at ..flirting or whatever this was. She froze for a moment, was she seriously flirting with one of her teachers? Her Dads would be horrified. She pushed the unhelpful thoughts aside and watched the cursor flash in the corner of the blank space awaiting her reply. After a while she began composing her answer.

Cassie

I don't make idle promises and I'm counting on you dancing me off my feet - repeatedly. I'm sure there's much you could teach me and I'm keen to learn from you.

Please hurry back. You're greatly missed.

Rachel

She'd replaced 'I miss you' with 'you're greatly missed' as the former sounded a bit too, well, whiny and needy even if it was the truth. Rachel read her message through one more time and then glanced out of the window at the scenery racing past. Life was too short. She pressed the send button and then closed her eyes, clutching the phone to her chest and wondered just what it was she wanted out of this email conversation. Was Cassie just toying with her? This woman had already slept with at least one of her students - perhaps she should ask Brody if it began with harmless emails. Rachel sighed if, and it could be a massive if because her reading of social cues had never been a strength, Cassie was preparing her for a one-night stand then what was her response? Cassie would have the power to crush her completely. She was inexperienced naive and led by her heart. Would she be able to bounce back from being toyed with and then cast aside? Another sigh, why was it her imagination couldn't move on past the idea of being toyed with? The Winter Showcase fantasy of a forceful Cassie sprung to mind. Rachel squirmed restlessly in her seat. Maybe she just needed to go with the flow and damn the consequences.

 

Once the boys were finally in bed Cassie took the opportunity to update Paul on her plans. Well it wasn't much of a plan at the moment after all she hadn't really thought much further ahead then resigning. She should have known that Paul wouldn't be content to leave it there. A long drawn out somewhat painful conversation later, interspersed with Marie bringing in cups of tea and giving Cassie sympathetic looks (which was a first!) and there were the faint outlines of the beginning of a plan sketched out on several sheets of paper along with an even longer list of things to do. It wouldn't be that easy to set up as a freelance dance teacher even if Paul was prepared to fund her with the setting up costs. He was all about drawing up a business plan and setting short term, medium term and long term goals. She had just one goal in mind but decided not to share it. As Paul filed away the papers and wrote yet another list of priority jobs for the next day, Cassie sat idly running her fingers over her laptop with a slightly dreamy expression on her face.

"So," Paul snapped her out of her daydream," if you don't mind me asking, what brought about today's sudden decisiveness?"

Cassie considered carefully for a moment about letting Paul see the message that had galvanised her into action. The last thing she needed was a cold hard dose of reality of him playing it down and saying it meant nothing.

"As much as it pains me to say this, you're right," she said quietly.

"I am?" Paul was confused. He hadn't expected to persuade Miss Stubborn around to his way of thinking for quite a while yet.

"I need to find out where I stand with Rachel and I need to be free from NYADA to do that." She declared boldly and purposefully," and if things don't go the way I want," she fought to keep her voice from wavering. She'd be devastated, she already knew that - you only had to look at the state of her now," then I need to be able to start afresh away from.." she swallowed thinking Rachel but saying "everything."

Paul pulled her in for a hug. There was a lot riding on Rachel and how she'd react to an approach from Cassie. He still struggled to put behind him all those terrible things Cassie had said to her. Was Rachel playing some kind of long term game of revenge? It was a bad time for him to suddenly be having doubts but what did he know about the girl beyond Cassie's looking up at a pedestal viewpoint. He thought about the video - the girl hadn't known she was being filmed when she hugged Cassie after their dance. Was he really ready to gamble his sister's fragile happiness just on those few seconds and what he thought it meant?

"You know you're always welcome here," he managed to say. He'd need to think about Rachel a bit more carefully. it was a shame he couldn't go all protective brother and confront this Rachel and demand to know her intentions.

"I'm not sure Marie would agree with you," Cassie laughed as she stepped away from him.

"Oh I don't know, she brought you tea so that's a breakthrough. Besides the boys might just dance her into submission if necessary." Paul grinned.

"A daily performance of that One Direction routine, all four of you mind, and you can stay as long as you like. I'll be too helpless with laughter to object," Marie called out her voice getting closer as she joined them in the dining room. Marie stepped up to Cassie and suddenly have her a quick hug.

"We just want you to be happy," she said as she released Cassie.

There was an awkward moment before Marie broke the tension with," so can we now just for one evening watch a movie that isn't a tragic romance?"

They'd laughed their way into the living room and hence Cassie didn't check her e-mails until the next morning.

It was Paul who caught her hand to mouth in the classic movie pose of shock in front of her computer.

"Practising for a role in a silent movie?" he suggested as Cassie's wide eyes finally focussed on him.

"I um. It's a um work email," she managed as phrases replayed in her brain. Dance with her repeatedly, being keen to learn, greatly missed.

"Your notice longer than you expected? You look as if Carmen has asked you to do three years to work off your notice," Paul teased.

"Oh it's much better than that," Cassie positively purred with delight at him "This is pleasantly surprised face," she continued with impressive understatement. Another beaming smile at him, "I need to reply to this, give me ten minutes and then we can start on your priority 'Action now' list."

Cassie's attention was already back on the screen in front of her and happiness was now radiating off her in waves. The huge smile on her face indicating something better than a pleasant surprise. Paul looked at her suspiciously, not many things– he couldn't actually think of any – could cause his sister to light up like that. Did she do the lottery? It took all his willpower but he walked away, she'd tell him eventually as a happy Cassie, correction borderline ecstatic Cassie, although somewhat rare, had always been rubbish at keeping things to herself, the joy just seeped out. Unlike the closed off bitter Cassie they'd endured in recent years. He wondered how much of that had been related to her alcohol intake.

Cassie logged on to her personal e-mail account and pasted Rachel's address in. She could feel waves of affection for the girl who had brightened her day merely by sending a few words. A few words she'd needed to hear. Right then, time to at least match the tone of Rachel's email. With a smile on her face Cassie just allowed the words to flow.

Dear Rachel

I'll dance you off your feet as often as you'll let me. I have more to learn from you than I have to teach you but maybe there are things we could learn together.

I'm sure I'm not as greatly missed as you imply but thank you anyway. Is Ms. fairweather complimenting you to death in my absence?

Rest assured I'll be back as soon as practicable.

Soon then

Cassie

She didn't allow herself to ponder, she just pressed the send button. Cassie looked at her watch. Rachel would be in class now and there was little chance of a reply before later that evening. She closed her laptop.

 

Rachel grabbed a bottle of cold water from the fridge and settled on the sofa with her laptop. It had been a busy if not particularly challenging day at college. Kurt was at some late rehearsal Stefan had organised to help him catch up on some of the work he'd missed so she'd have the apartment to herself for quite a while. She knew she had a new email message in her student account from an unfamiliar address. A quick sip of water then a click on the message with a dramatic flourish. It was from Cassie and she needed to use the bottle of water to cool her heated face. She'd be in charge of how often they danced - Rachel had no idea why that particular part of the message sent her pulse racing. She thought the part about they could learn things together was really rather sweet until a particularly lewd part of her brain began suggesting rather racy joint activities that made her blush. She turned her attention to the 'dear Rachel' and wondered whether that was just a polite greeting or whether maybe Cassie had just a little bit of affection for her. She was over analysing everything although was the shift away from Cassie's staff email to a private one significant? Was she beginning to venture into dangerous territory? At the moment their e mail exchange had just been about dancing, hadn't it? Was she reading far too much in to just an innocent little exchange? Innocent howled an outraged part of her brain, you watch that dance video again and then try and say innocent with a straight face. Rachel teed up the video on her laptop - so much better than squinting at her phone - and was about to press play when she caught a glimpse of their newly installed flat screen tv ( thanks Burt). If the video was better on her laptop then how improved would it be on that monster of a screen? Did she have the technical know how to make it happen? Boy it would be worth it if she did.

Twenty somewhat frustrating minutes later plus a few false starts and she was finally ready for the JulyBerry big screen debut. She nearly gave herslf a heart attack by not noticing she'd inadvertently set the volume up full blast. A readjustment, some calming breaths and Ta-da. The hottest tango ever in the entire history of NYADA was now on the screen in front of her in glorious HD. No point in having clearly defined abs unless your TV could pick up that level of definition. She had an almost overwhelming urge to reach out and wipe away the bead of sweat delicately poised on Cassie's hairline. She and Cassie were moving as one in smooth sultry tandem, the intense eye contact was helping to raise the temperature. Rachel gulped her water and fanned herself a bit. Okay maybe innocent wouldn't be the first word that came to mind when watching this and her 'just a dance ' defence was positively laughable. She was glad no one else (bar Cassie) had a copy of this, as she certainly wouldn't be showing this to anyone anytime soon. As the video reached the end she restarted it and this time tried to recall the feel of Cassie's hands and arms around her and the slight hint of her breath on her face. Rachel's pleasurable memories were interrupted by the startling and wholly unexpected sound of the door to the apartment opening.

The roll off the sofa, scrambling for the remote control to switch the television off, wasn't the seamless manoeuvre she'd hoped for. Her muffled "oof" as she hit the floor was overridden by Kurt's dulcet tones.

"Rachel, good manners require you to watch porn in the privacy of your own room rather than in the joint space," Kurt pronounced unable to decide between amusement and disapproval so his tone was hard to place. He had instantly assessed the scene in front of him as he'd entered the apartment. Rachel's surprised squeak and her lightening quick grab for the remote meant he'd only managed a glimpse of the tv screen. Rachel Barbra Berry watching porn, who knew?

"Porn?" exclaimed a wide-eyed horrified Rachel as she surfaced on her knees besides the sofa, relieved to see she had managed to switch the TV off rather than just pause the action. Well, not action in the way Kurt meant.

Kurt eyed her carefully. The flushed expression on her face was such a giveaway even if the guilt of being caught red-handed hadn't been radiating off her in waves.

"You know your wide-eyed innocent somewhat horrified act is really very good," Kurt paused to place his messenger bag on the table, "but the laptop wired up to the tv and your incredibly guilty response – not to mention your currently flaming red cheeks - undo all that excellent acting work."

Rachel harrumphed as Kurt took a place on the sofa next to where she was currently kneeling.

"Or prove me wrong, show me what you were watching," he offered with a huge grin on his face.

Rachel looked from him to the remote in her hand and then to the screen using the time to weigh up her options.

"I must say I'm surprised and a little bit impressed to find you watching lesbian porn," Kurt stated conversationally, alarmed to see that rather than calming Rachel she'd suddenly gone rather pale.

"L..L..lesbian?" Rachel managed to whisper as fear flooded her system. Was Kurt just playing with her? Had he actually recognised who was on the video?

"Well that's what it's usually classified as when you have two women on screen," he explained as if to a somewhat slow child," unless the glimpse I saw was some prelude to a group orgy or..?"

Kurt stared at Rachel in wonder and admiration. So much for his theories of Rachel being a vanilla Berry, first porn and then kinky porn at that.

"I..no..yes..," Rachel was having trouble co-ordinating her thoughts and manoeuvring her tongue to form words. She drew in a shaky breath," It's not porn…,"

"Erotica then, whatever floats your boat," said Kurt dismissively waving a hand. Of course Rachel wouldn't call it porn.

"It's not erotica or porn," she said assertively taking in his defintely sceptical eyebrow raise.

"Sooooo?" prompted Kurt indicating his willingness to watch whatever had been on the screen.

Rachel teetered momentarily on the cusp of confession to rescue her currently being crushed reputation – years of upstanding morally above criticism behaviour being trashed in a moment of misunderstanding - before losing her nerve. She couldn't show Kurt the dance now because she'd already acted suspiciously about it and the last thing she needed was Kurt adding to the NYADA gossip. Besides, knowing him he'd probably want to argue that the way she and Cassie were dancing at least bordered on the erotic.

"It's private," she managed to say hoping fervently the video would stay that way.

"Private eh?" asked Kurt with an infuriatingly smug look on his face.

"It's art," snapped Rachel regretting her outburst almost as soon as the words left her lips.

"Ohhh, arrrrrrrt," drawled Kurt pausing long enough for her to squirm in discomfort " Will you be bringing anyone in particular back to admire your 'art' collection? Or rather your 'private' art collection."

Innuendo dripped from his every word and Rachel's face flared another burst of red as she tried not to think about who she'd like to watch this video with.

Rachel settled for glowering at him rather than voicing her displeasure and running the risk of inadvertently inserting her foot in her mouth.

"Oh, don't tell me let me guess, 'performance art'?" laughed Kurt. Rachel bit back the urge to reply. He'd grow tired of laughing at her eventually.

"Planning on inviting anyone back to help you recreate your art masterpieces?" asked Kurt.

Rachel began to disconnect her laptop from the TV as he continued to grin at her, extracting far too much enjoyment from her discomfort.

She could almost see the light bulb go off in his head as yet another witty remark at her expense occurred to him

"When you said Quinn took you to an Art exhibition while you were visiting was that just a Rachel euphemism for a strip bar?" His laughter at his own joke was intensely irritating. She started to head for her room before a thought occurred to her and she returned to the coffee table and snapped the lid of her laptop shut with a satisfying thunk. Kurt had been to busy being funny for it to occur to him to check her laptop. Her smug triumphant grin with just a hint of relief at him was immensely satisfying but unfortunately short lived.

"Rachel," Kurt said seriously and like an idiot she was lured in to expecting him to apologise but no, "when you said your Dads' were avid art collectors .."

Rachel immediately knew where that remark was heading. She didn't hear the rest of it as she was busy stomping to her room. Sometimes Rachel really disliked the apartment's lack of doors to slam. She sat on the bed and then smiled at her laptop. Never mind Kurt, she had an email to draft and maybe time for just one last look at her favourite piece of performance art to inspire her.


	11. Chapter 11

Cassie's frequent checking of her email finally bore fruit on the Tuesday morning. She was actually motivated to finally set up her e-mail on her phone so that she didn't have to keep opening up the laptop. It was hard to be surreptitious with a laptop but she was just a tad subtler with a phone. So a leisurely bath – because it automatically gave her privacy – and a new message from Rachel from her personal email address. She was smiling before she'd even opened it. It had been sent late last night.

Dear Cassie,

Please hasten back and dance me off my feet. Please.

If excessive and undeserved praise were fatal you'd be returning to a completely decimated dance 101 class. You're needed to motivate, berate and challenge us (or me at least). In case I haven't mentioned it before, please hurry back. It would be an act of mercy to save us from Ms. Fairweather and vice versa but more than that you are missed.

I hardly think there is anything you can learn from me unless your knowledge of Barbra Streisand is anything less than encyclopaedic

I hope this finds you relaxed and well.

Soon, please.

Rachel

Cassie was alternately amused and warmed by the message. It was also an unwanted reminder that Rachel was much younger than her although she was hard pressed to say exactly what it was about the message that reminded her of that. Perhaps it was just the fact she could hear Rachel saying the things she'd written and that combined with her guilty conscience... She had a minor wobble about whether she was acting in a honourable manner. She had to remind herself that Rachel was an adult and able to make her own choices. Besides, everything would be much more palatable to a newly discovered 'honourable' self once she'd properly ended working at NYADA. There definitely needed to be clear water between the end of her employment and her starting anything with Rachel even if it was just to ensure she could look herself in the eye in the future. More importantly Rachel's future career should be unimpeded by any suggestions of anything untoward during her NYADA days.

Resolutions firmly in place Cassie was then able to enjoy the message. That second please just sent a thrill through her as it suggested Rachel was as keen to dance with her, as she was to dance with Rachel. It didn't surprise her that Lydia's excessively praise laden approach to teaching was grating on Rachel. Rachel thrived on challenge whereas Lydia avoided any form of confrontation to the point of hardly daring to assert herself in the classroom. Cassie smothered a laugh; she knew exactly which of her students would be enjoying Lydia's lack of authority and which ones would by now be beginning to miss her. Muffin top would be too nice to be able to criticise Lydia even though she'd recognise she wasn't getting what she needed out of the lesson, Beefcake would be happy to pose, flirt and slack off, Thunder thighs would be getting more exasperated at the increasingly apparent lack of structure but wouldn't have the nerve to do anything about it, twinkle toes and his crew would be lapping up the easily earned compliments and no doubt fawning over their new idol…Cassie thought about each student in turn before finally finishing on Rachel. She could imagine Rachel assertively making suggestions about what the class should be doing and motivating whoever would listen to maintain a Cassie-like level of workout. She smiled and then frowned; she doubted Rachel would be getting an easy time from some of the more sedentary but vocal members of the class. Probably nothing like the grief she used to receive at high school but still. She wished she could instantly go back, march into the dance studio and verbally annihilate anyone daring to give Rachel a hard time. She'd like to think she'd engulf Rachel in a hug but her impression was that Rachel liked to fight her own battles and perceived someone standing up for her as a sign of weakness. Maybe her intense need to protect and Rachel's determination not to accept help was one of the things they could both work on?

 

Kurt wandered bleary eyed into the kitchen in search of rehydration or caffeine or both only to find an insufferably bubbly Rachel singing and dancing as she chopped fruit.

"Someone's happy," he managed to croak.

Rachel turned to beam at him. Happy was a bit of an understatement but she didn't need to correct him.

"So," he gulped down some water to ease the task of talking," what has you so cheerful this morning?"

"Nothing," trilled Rachel even as her eyes slid involuntarily to take in her laptop before returning to meet Kurt's gaze. She was trying not to eagerly await a reply from Cassie. she kept re-reading the emails scarcely able to believe that Cassie was - well, reaching out to her, flirting with her? She was slightly worried that maybe she'd overstepped the mark yet again with her response. was she reading too much into a harmless converstion? Was it inappropriate to be using her personal email account?Daft question , the fact she'd felt a frisson of excitment when she did answered that. Had she come across as a bit desperate to see Cassie again because although she was, she knew it was some sort of unspoken unwritten friendship code thing that you never let on about missing anyone? Had she let too much of the real her show with that Barbra remark because really she was becoming less obsessed and could now go a day or two without a quick blast of an inspirational Barbra tune? she'd been continually teased or derided about her love of all things Barbra so why would Cassie, sharp tongued harshly critical Cassie, be any different? Maybe this was all just one big set up with her as the butt of whatever grand joke was being played out?

Kurt snapping his fingers in front of her face interrupted her downwardly spiralling thoughts

"Hey, where did you go to?" he asked following her eye line to the laptop. He grinned at her and started," any exhibitions.." but before he could finish his thought a stern unamused Rachel was directly in his vision.

"If you're about to make an art related joke at my expense your day is suddenly going to go really badly." Rachel had stepped closer to him knowing how uncomfortable people encroaching on his personal space made him. There was mere milimeters between them, "Are we clear?"

Kurt managed to nod his head as his heart pounded and a smiling Rachel skipped away from him, singing in between mouthfuls of fruit. Sometimes he felt like he didn't really know Rachel at all. He couldn't imagine high school Rachel turning on the intimidation like that and she'd been genuinely scary. He sighed; maybe her friendship with Quinn wasn't something he should encourage.

Rachel's deliberate removal of her laptop to her bedroom, before she rushed out of the apartment in order to ensure she wasn't less than half an hour early for her first lesson, drew his attention back to the laptop. When he'd approached her with his peace offering hot chocolate last night she'd had her earphones in and had been intently starring at the screen. She'd slammed the laptop shut and blushed a brilliant red even as she tried to nonchalantly thank him for the drink. He hadn't thought too much about it at the time but the fact Rachel had been inseparable from the damn thing and had been so shifty about it again this morning… Kurt didn't want to be over dramatic but maybe ..well there was such an affliction as porn addiction. The thought shocked him. He was rushing to conclusions based on Rachel's furtive behaviour since her return from Yale and really that was only a couple of days of an insufferably happy, permanently smiling, laptop addicted Rachel. Okay he could settle this just by sneaking a look at Rachel's laptop. It wasn't really sneaking, not when he had the best interests of his friend at heart.

A further few seconds wrestling with the moral dilemma of breaching Rachel's privacy and then Kurt made his way to her bedroom. Brotherly concern trumped rights to privacy he told himself, trying not to think about how outraged he'd be if he'd found Rachel in his room going through his stuff. Wouldn't happen, if Rachel wanted to know something she'd just ask straight out with little attempt at tact rather than sneaking about in an underhand way said a disapproving voice in his head. Rachel had practically had a heart attack at the mention of the word porn and could barely say the word lesbian so he could hardly ask her if she was addicted to lesbian porn he argued with himself. This invasion of her privacy was the least embarrassing option all round. She was lucky she had a friend like him who cared about her feelings. The laptop was beside her bed. Taking a deep breath he sat on the side of the bed and placed the laptop on his knees. Maybe in the future Rachel would thank him.

Since when did Rachel have a password lock on her laptop? It hadn't been there last week when he'd used it to skype Mercedes. Why did Rachel need a lock on her laptop he asked himself, blind to the fact his actions actually provided the answer. The need for a password made Rachel's actions even more suspect. It was becoming imperative he accessed the laptop. He chose the password hint

"favourite viewing- 9 letters"

Kurt nearly cried with laughter. Rachel was so delightfully clueless sometimes. Only she would decide a password was needed, go to the trouble of setting one up only to then choose the most obvious password going. Even Brittany would be able to crack that clue. He gleefully typed in Striesand.

 

 

Cassie's day was spent looking at cash flow predictions and researching costs of available dance studio spaces in New York. More accurately Paul wrestled with figures and had researchers from his firm investigating properties as she watched numbers dance across the page, signed where he asked her to and made coffee at appropriate intervals. He had worked out how much she needed to charge per session depending on how many sessions she ran a week and her overhead costs. It made her head spin - there was a reason she hadn't gone into a career in business. Fortunately she had financially savvy parents who had helped her with her apartment and drilled into her from a young age the importance of savings, so she had a few months grace to try and make things work. Paul thought it was a viable career move and that was good enough for her. She wasn't ready for his grander plan of a dance school with more than one member of staff although she could see why he would be concerned if everything sank on swam solely on her efforts. Finally Paul had looked up from all the papers in front of him and announced there was just one rather major step to take. They needed to both go to New York to scout out this list of five possible venues for her to give dance lessons in. Locations had been chosen for a balance between accessibility and affordability. There was only so much you could tell from photos, was Cassie ready to show her big brother around NY. More importantly was she ready to return? Cassie's answering smile lit up her face as she felt a surge of excitement. It had been a desperately needed break and she'd be forever in his debt for all his support but yes, she was ready for whatever came next. Paul was soon organising flights for the pair of them.

It was much later that evening, after she, Paul and her nephews had 'owned' the one direction routine, that she sat on her bed trying to compose an email to Rachel. She'd already deleted a long serious heartfelt apology for all those dreadful things she'd said. All that was better in person even if she couldn't quite work out when. She couldn't work out how to phrase news of her return particularly as she'd be back in the city before she was back at NYADA. Cassie didn't want to get Rachel's hopes up - if that was even possible. Her excitement and anticipation were making her overly emotional or sentimental or something. An email suddenly professing ardent admiration was hardly appropriate even if incredibly tempting. Written word wasn't designed to do that job, expressions, body language and tone were all too important to be left out. So that left her with trying to compose a light hearted reply whilst still keeping a hint of something else going. Surely there wasn't much more to be dragged out on the dance comment front? She deleted her rather pathetic professions of excitement at seeing Rachel again and sat starring at the 'Dear Rachel' and willed inspiration, sensible inspiration that was, to strike.

Kurt was jumpy from the moment that Rachel returned to the apartment that evening. He'd been thwarted by the passcode on Rachel's computer despite trying what he considered to be every permutation of small and capital letters to spell out Striesand. A sudden noise at the front door mid- hacking attempt that morning had nearly made him pass out in fear and so at that point he'd abandoned his attempts at detection. He was resigned to having a chat with Rachel but he just couldn't work out where to start. She'd eyed him suspiciously when with a flourish he'd presented her with her favourite blend of fruits in a homemade smoothie as soon as she'd entered the apartment. Kurt realised he might have been a bit hasty in starting his softening Rachel up campaign when she'd had to put the drink down in order to take off her coat and divest herself of her bag.

"So how was your day?" Kurt asked finally managing to drag his voice down from an awkward squeak to a conversational tone.

"Fine" stated Rachel looking at him over the top of her smoothie. Even she could tell something was up. Kurt didn't usual fidget like that.

"Anything exciting happen?' he asked eagerly before adding in a manner he considered smooth," why don't we sit on the sofa and chat about it?"

Rachel's eyes narrowed as she stared at him. She finished the smoothie.

"Why don't we not," she said watching his smile drain away from his face. She sighed. It wasn't his fault she hadn't had a reply from Cassie yet and she was worried she'd ruined absolutely everything somehow.

"Look maybe we can chat later, I just want to chill out for a bit," Rachel managed to offer as she headed to her room. Dance 101 was turning into a bit of a headache and the constant battling just to even achieve half of what they used to was so draining. She was ready to just collapse on her bed and indulge in a bit of self –pity when the sight of her laptop on her bed stopped her. She stepped back into the living space

"Kurt, did you move my laptop?" she asked wondering if she was just losing her marbles a bit. She always left her laptop beside the bed lined up parallel with the bedside cabinet.

Kurt turned to face her and she had her answer from his red cheeks and the difficulty he was having deciding on a suitable expression to pull.

"Are you suggesting I've nothing better to do with my time than sneak in and try and access your laptop?" he spluttered in protest.

There was an immensely uncomfortable pause as Rachel's expression turned to one of disappointment. Her eyes were beginning to tear up. He almost didn't want to hear what she was going to say.

"No," she said quietly," You are."

With that Rachel turned and walked quietly back to her space. Kurt stood uncertain what he should do. Somehow he didn't think confessing up to breaching her privacy because he was worried she might be addicted to porn was going to get him back in her good graces. The deadly quiet from Rachel's bedroom was enough to ratchet up his concern. Rachel always had a musical soundtrack to everything she did. The sound of quiet sobbing just on the edge of his hearing made him feel worse. Surely sneaking into Rachel's space and trying to access her laptop without her permission wasn't that bad? He picked up his phone from the side and headed towards the door. The person who understood Rachel best was Quinn. Could he ring her to talk through what was going on without Rachel seeing that as yet another betrayal? Should he leave Rachel or force her to talk? He didn't have any choice really; he needed Quinn's advice.

Rachel heard the door of the apartment closing and listened carefully for any sound just to make sure this wasn't some kind of trick to lure her out of her room. Although given recent events it was hard to imagine what was stopping Kurt just coming into her room when he felt like it. She wiped her eyes. Perhaps she wouldn't be quite so upset at the gross betrayal of her trust if a certain someone had actually managed to find the time to reply to her. Rachel somehow doubted Kurt has cracked her password code, as JulyBerry was hardly a term he even knew. But that wasn't the point, what if he'd managed to find out what she'd been spending her time watching or even worse read her emails? She fetched herself a bottle of water from the fridge and laid on the sofa. She wasn't good at keeping her secrets. Her Dads had always allowed her as much privacy as she needed and perversely she'd kept very little from them. In fact beyond her doubts over marrying Finn (cue huge embarrassing memories she really didn't need) she'd never kept anything from them, until now. Somehow though she knew whatever this was with Cassie, and at the moment it was actually absolutely nothing a hard voice reminded her, it needed to remain her secret. Besides, if it all turned out to be a misunderstanding on her part then she'd look less like an idiot if she hadn't gushed excessively about her massive crush. She pulled up her phone and scrolled through the email exchange one more time trying to discern where she'd overstepped the mark with what she'd sent. It suddenly occurred to her she needed to put a lock on her phone too and once she'd done that she decided power a quick nap would be a good idea. Today just couldn't end fast enough.

 

It had taken Cassie a while but finally she was ready to send her reply. She glanced at the clock, it was quite late but they were catching an early flight tomorrow so she'd had to gather all her belongings together. Okay so it hadn't taken long to pack and actually she'd spent the majority of her time starring at a white screen. Still, here was her final draft

Dear Rachel

I think you need to be warned about what my dancing has been reduced to in my absence from NYADA (see attached video) my brother and nephews proved more enthusiastic but less able than the usual dance101 students but the song is appropriate for you.

Barbra Streisand? Didn't she sing a bit and appear in the odd film or two? Only teasing, I have her complete works on DVD and CD but don't tell anyone as I have a certain reputation (or infamy) to maintain.

I imagine by now Ms. Fairweather is overseeing anarchy in the classroom. Just concentrate on what you need to do and stop worrying about the others. I don't doubt your ability to do the former as your focus and drive are some of your many admirable traits but your inability to do the latter is also a big part of what makes you you.

Yours,

Cassie

She was far more nervous about this message as it was less easy to dismiss as just a chat about dancing and more a slight raising of her head above the parapet to hint at her intentions. She'd tried numerous sign offs – her preferred 'Soon, I promise' just felt a little too intimate – but leaving Cassie on it's own was just too abrupt. She'd settled on the 'yours' as truthful but ambiguous. She then dithered about daring to send the email. Finally she gathered all her courage together, pushed aside her fears and pressed the button. Too late now.

 

 

Rachel awoke with a start to find Kurt leaning over her with her phone in his hand. Her eyes moved from her phone to meet his stricken gaze.

"I was just..I was putting it on the table" he stuttered cursing whatever Gods had it in for him because he really was just putting it on the table after he'd found Rachel asleep on the sofa and her phone on the floor.

"I wish I could believe you," Rachel said quietly," but for some reason I seem to be having trust issues."

'I yeah well," Kurt sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Is it okay if I sit down?" He asked hesitantly.

Rachel sighed and swung round so he could sit next to her on the sofa.

"Look, I was so out of line even though my intentions," Kurt paused awkwardly. What had Quinn said after she'd finished ranting at him and calling him an insensitive idiot? Oh yeah, keep the apology focussed and not about him.

"Rachel, I'm really sorry and you have every right to be extremely angry with me. If I want to know anything I should ask and it's your prerogative to not tell me everything," Kurt was on a roll with his apology and about to move on to how important Rachel's friendship was to him when her phone lit up with an incoming email message and her eyes slid away from his. Rachel reached for her phone as Kurt manfully started on his importance of friendship spiel. He watched as Rachel's face positively lit up as she accessed her messages.

"I need to read this," she interrupted him excitedly before noting his distinctly unimpressed look. She schooled her features to a more serious expression.

"Kurt I forgive you and our friendship is also important to me," her hand on his arm emphasised her words, "but you really need to leave my things alone."

She smiled at him and then skipped to her room. He couldn't help but feel disappointed. Quinn was right, Rachel forgave too easily and for some reason he was annoyed that she hadn't made him work harder for it. The sound of her amused laughter drifted across the apartment and he struggled with his confused emotions. He was trying hard not to think Rachel was somehow in the wrong.

Rachel wiped away a tear of laughter as she replayed once more the 'what makes you beautiful' video the Cassie had sent. The four of them were in perfect unison as they danced although Cassie lip-synching to the lyrics as she gave attitude to the camera was both amusing and hot. The serious expressions and total concentration of the two boys was just so cute as they moved around in a carefully choreographed routine. Who knew that this side of Cassie existed? Rachel felt her heart swell as she read the comment about the song being appropriate for her. As for Cassie being a closet Barbra fan, Rachel sighed surely that couldn't be true? She felt overwhelmed with emotion as she read about her admirable traits. And a 'yours' at the end. She shouldn't be so susceptible to praise but she couldn't help herself. It was almost impossible to reconcile the Cassie who wrote this e-mail with the woman who had been so cruel to her just five weeks ago. There was nothing in the message about a possible return date but in a way that didn't really matter.

She resisted the urge to reply immediately because despite having a message that had been well worth waiting for she still felt a bit put out about how long she'd had to wait. Not to mention the doubts she'd gone through. She pushed her laptop away and just lay on the bed revelling in the feeling of delicious anticipation and excitement that was racing around her body. It was hard to imagine what it would be like to see Cassie again. In some ways she almost didn't want the woman to return because how could they continue whatever this was that was going on by e-mail? Maybe if Cassie took the class again she'd be reminded just how irritating she found Rachel and how her drive and focus made her a demanding and difficult student. She clamped down on those thoughts. As long as she had some warning about Cassie's return she'd be able to prepare herself to keep her emotions in check.

 

 

Cassie was on her third coffee and still not capable of an intellectual discussion. Paul was busy humming cheerfully as he consulted his list of things to do. They dropped their bags back at her apartment and were now heading by cab to NYADA. Paul wanted her to check her notice period as well as pick Carmen's brains about attracting clientele. She'd tried to do that by phone but had been railroaded in her half asleep state into making an appointment. She wasn't sure how she felt about her unexpected return even if she had a few days of leave left. She was trying hard not to even think about the possibility of catching a glimpse of Rachel. After all, NYADA was a huge place and she couldn't be that lucky.

Her return was hardly low key. As she and Paul walked towards Carmen's office she was greeted by numerous 'welcome back's and variations on that theme.

"I didn't know you were quite that popular," said Paul as another smiling student shared his pleasure at seeing Ms July back.

""It's a school of dramatic arts," she huffed at him," Sincere insincerity is the first lesson."

She'd chosen a poor time for her appointment, as the corridors were crowded with students moving between classes. Five minutes later and all this could be avoided. Cassie was about to follow Paul into Carmen's office having successfully battled waves of students when something made her look to her left along the corridor. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the one still person in the hordes of swirling students. Rachel. She was stopped in the corridor starring wide eyed at Cassie as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. Her expression was a cross between stunned and shocked. Cassie felt her breath hitch; she'd forgotten just how beautiful Rachel was. Those expressive dark brown eyes were boring into hers but before she could think about something to say an amused Paul was pulling her into Carmen's office. All she could think about as the conversation flowed around her was why hadn't Rachel been more pleased to see her?

It was as they headed on to the first appointment to look at a dance studio space that Cassie had her answer. She could finally focus on the email icon on her phone. It was a cheerful note – so different from that last expression she'd seen on Rachel's face- suggesting the One Direction routine might prove challenging for dance 101 the way they were going, that she'd be given a Barbra quiz to check the veracity of her claims to being a fan and then some appreciation of a few of Cassie's traits (An admirable exercise in wishful thinking). The last paragraph made the simple request that Cassie warned her of her impending return so Rachel could prepare herself if 'Promise me you'll warn me' could be called a simple request. Fuck. Cassie would need to bring everything forward starting with calling in a favour from Carmen.

Rachel was glad Kurt had been invited on a last minute trip to the theatre, as she wasn't sure she could have dealt with him this evening. She just needed to have some time to herself to think about the unexpected return of Cassie to NYADA. She'd specifically asked for a heads up and then there the woman was, looking at her with an amused smirk on her face. Rachel's insecurities were back with a vengeance. It was almost as if Cassie had waited for her email asking for something and then deliberately snubbed her. She'd dragged herself, a quivering mass of hope and fear, to dance 101 only for the usual chaos, overseen nominally by Ms Fairweather, to be in place. Little dancing happened, instead the room filled with gossip about Cassie being back and having some poor hapless man in tow. Theories abounded about how Cassie had got her claws into him and as the theories became wilder Rachel finally snapped impatiently

"Oh for goodness sake it's her brother"

She was misguided if she thought that would close down the conversation instead attention was then directed to her and how did she know whom it was.

"Because they look alike," she'd managed wishing she'd kept quiet. Once her lack of any insight was acknowledged the conversation returned to conspiracy theories around the reasons for Cassie's reappearance. The rest of the day had carried on in the same irritating fashion.

Rachel checked her phone with little expectation. Cassie would hardly be replying to her email after ignoring the request she'd put in it. She'd just been a bit of entertainment for a teacher bored while on leave. Stringing Rachel along was in danger of becoming a popular sport. It wasn't clever to catch her out because she was just too gullible. Rachel pulled back from the pool of self-pity she was in danger of wallowing in. She had her comfort clothes on, (polka dot leggings and one of her Dads old jumpers) so all she needed now was comfort food. Her musings over which ice cream flavour would provide the comfort she needed was interrupted by a firm knocking on the door. She sighed, well whoever it was would just have to put up with the damage to their retinas brought about by the multicoloured polka dots on her leggings.

Rachel pulled the door open slightly more vigorously than intended to be greeted by a tasteful bunch of flowers being held out to her. She traced back from the flowers to find they were being held by a nervous but stunning looking Cassie. Rachel's heart went into overdrive as she drank in the perfection in front of her and tried to remember how to speak.

Cassie gazed at Rachel taking in her eyes as wide as saucers look and the way her hand trembled as she accepted the flowers. The tension in the air between them was palpable. She licked her lips and dragged her eyes up from where they'd settled on those full lips in front of her to gaze in those dark eyes she'd been dreaming about.

She cleared her throat but her voice retained its huskiness. It'd be a miracle if she could get the sentence out before spontaneously combusting in a ball of lust. A shaky breath and she was ready.

"I've come to claim that dance you promised me."


	12. Chapter 12

Rachel was struggling to comprehend what her eyes and ears were telling her because this really couldn't be happening. Cassie didn't know where she lived, couldn't have turned up without warning and wouldn't be asking for a dance. Rachel was in shock. The expensive bouquet's tasteful elegance was lost on her as she took a step back and made a heroic effort to calm the thundering of her heart. Oxygen was suddenly scarce so quick shallow breaths were required even as her eyes eagerly roamed over the beauty in front of her. This wasn't possible. Cassie looked stunning, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders and a hesitant smile on her face. Rachel hadn't dared imagine a context in which they actually would dance together again but, if she had, she wouldn't have dared hope that Cassie would appear on her doorstep looking quite so incredibly alluring.

Cassie had stepped into the apartment, closed the door behind her and slipped off her coat in the time it had taken Rachel to take a pace backwards and place the flowers on the table as well as find the co-ordination to drag her jaw up from the floor. Her gaze never left Cassie's face but now hundreds of questions were racing through her brain along with half composed statements of shock. All that was offset by a massive feeling of excitement and anticipation that was coursing through her veins as a sensible part of her brain pleaded with her to be calm because wonderful things like this didn't happen to people like her. There had to be a catch.

Cassie could see Rachel was readying herself to speak so she stepped forward and raised her two index fingers in a manner identical to that which had preceeded the 'All that jazz' routine only this time Cassie's expression held an affectionate and warm smile. She hit play on her phone and held her hand out to Rachel, surprised to note the tremble in her own hand. Rachel gently reached out her hand and without processing the idea Cassie brought the hand to her lips and tenderly kissed the back of Rachel's hand. It was at that point a smile played across Rachel's lips accompanying the look of dazed happiness on her face. Cassie kept her eyes on Rachel as she kicked off her heels to make their heights similar, pushed her shoes aside and slid her arm around Rachel's waist to bring their bodies lightly together. It was a moment she'd been frequently imagining although the jolt of pleasure was far more intense than she'd anticipated. From the involuntary and momentary eye close on Rachel's part she hadn't been alone in that sensory overload.

The tinny sounding music from her phone was just audible over the sound of their ragged breathing as she led Rachel through a few simple steps. It was hard to do anything complicated as she lost herself in those expressive dark brown eyes and focused on the feel of Rachel's hand resting lightly on her back. The realisation that Rachel's thumb was gently caressing the bare skin under her hand encouraged Cassie to tighten her hold and press the girl closer to her. As she fought down the urge to moan, a small part of her brain wondered how such a small touch could have such a huge impact on her level of arousal. This wasn't dancing, it was just an excuse to have Rachel pressed up against her and to soak up the experience to tide her through the drought that would need to follow.

Rachel was weak kneed from excitement and light headed with want after just a few minutes of being held in Cassie's embrace. She was fighting the urge to drag Cassie into her room and beg her to ravish her. Ravish might be an old fashioned way of putting it but the end result would be the same. She knew from the tightness in her nipples and the pool of desire building between her legs that those lips on her aching breasts would be enough for her to experience an earth shattering orgasm considering how far along that road she was just from dancing. This was probably, no make that definitely, the most intensely erotic experience of her life and they were just swaying against each other. Her thoughts were suddenly clouded by realising she was in danger of being that 'virginal novice who climaxed at the merest hint of foreplay' that Cassie had accused her off mere weeks ago. It was like suddenly being doused in cold water. How could she possibly think that this was anything other than some kind of set up?

Cassie watched a flicker of doubt pass over Rachel's features and realised she was being selfish immersing herself in the reassuring feel of Rachel wrapped in her arms when in fact an explanation and a grovelling long overdue apology and a plea for forgiveness were needed. She hugged Rachel to her, stroked her hair and husked in Rachel's ear

"We need to talk first and then tango later," it sounded far more suggestive than she'd intended," if you still want to," she added slightly hesitantly because this could still all go wrong.

Rachel clung to her for a brief moment and gave her a quick squeeze before releasing her. Her head was warning her to be wary but her body was craving contact. Cassie kept hold of Rachel's hand and began to guide her towards the table. At least with a table between them it would be harder for her to act on the impulse to pull Rachel into her and meld their lips together. Just before they were about to be seated she noticed Rachel's eyes sweeping over her then looking at herself and she hesitated.

"I need to ..I should change," muttered Rachel suddenly aware of the disparity in their appearances. She felt awkward and a bit ridiculous at the contrast between a glamourous Cassie and a sloppily dressed her. How could she seriously believe that Cassie was here for her?

"Rachel, you look beautiful," Cassie tried to reassure her but Rachel was in the full on grip of her insecurities. Beautiful, as if. Cassie had overestimated her gullibility if she thought Rachel would seriously believe that. She could make herself more attractive but beautiful? She knew she wasn't and she was okay with that.

"Only if the 'big nosed ethnic look' has suddenly come into fashion. Don't treat me like an idiot," whispered Rachel as she drew her hand back from Cassie's grasp.

Cassie recognised her own phrase instantly and her heart immediately sank. Everything was suddenly going wrong, the intimate atmosphere so carefully created was slipping away and she wasn't even sure why.

"Rachel, please," she pleaded as her voice wavered. She reached out to Rachel but her hand was left untouched as Rachel wrapped her arms around herself and her expression changed to neutral. Suddenly it was a young and vulnerable Rachel in front of her and Cassie's heart ached.

"I shouldn't have..I didn't," Cassie took in a shaky breath and tried to order her thoughts as she felt tears gather in her eyes. She had no right to be upset she told herself sternly. They gazed warily at each other.

"You are beautiful" Cassie managed because she wasn't going to back down on the truth," I' m so sorry about all those hurtful hateful things I said. I know I don't deserve it but please," she looked imploringly at Rachel " please," her voice was barely above a whisper," give me a chance to " she tailed off. Explain? Grovel? Make it right? Would any of them undo the damage? She wiped the moisture from her eyes.

Rachel's natural urge to comfort someone upset fought with her attempt to be more worldly wise.

"Don't just give me a chance, give us a chance," Cassie pleaded. She could sense Rachel was wavering. "Please?"

This time when she reached out a tentative hand she thought carefully what to say.

"For you and me " She suggested, her heart now racing in fear. There was an extended pause as Rachel's eyes looked from the extended hand and met Cassie's gaze as if assessing her honesty. Finally a hesitant Rachel reached out her hand to take the proffered hand. Cassie clasped it gratefully in both of hers.

"Thank you," she said in relief as she guided Rachel towards the table, unwilling to let go of her hand as if it was the only thing stopping Rachel from running away.

Rachel's thoughts were racing. She wished she could forget what Cassie had said to her in her office but it was now in the forefront of her brain along with a nagging doubt that this could possibly be really happening. She wanted to dare hope but really, look at her relationship track record, it was hardly as if people fell over themselves to go out with her. E mails were one thing but the reality was, in the flesh, most peope found her irritating in anything other than small doses and weren't shy about telling her. She didn't know what Cassie was really after, a complicated humiliation scheme? Some kind of notch on the bedpost?, and she wasn't really sure where she stood because she'd take a one night stand eagerly and gratefully (even if that made her a doormat or 'easy') and deal with the emotional fallout later. And yet she wanted to believe, however naive, pathetic or unlikely it might be, that Cassie was here for love. That just maybe Cassie might feel a fraction of what she did.

Cassie realised she was standing on the edge of an emotional minefield mostly of her own making. This wasn't the time for subtlety or timidity. For once in her life she needed to be honest about how she felt even though there was a risk she wouldn't be believed. Rachel was looking at her as if she were afraid of what Cassie might say. A shaky breath, a nervous swallow and she was ready.

"Almost from the first moment I saw you I've been incredibly drawn to you and such a strong attraction terrified me. I tried to protect myself by lashing out at you rather than dealing with the maelstrom of emotions you make me feel by just being near," Cassie's words were heartfelt but Rachel wasn't looking at her. Cassie felt her opportunity slipping slowly away. Words were never going to be enough. She pulled Rachel's hand to her and placed it over where her heart lay racing with fear in her chest.

"Here, this is what you do to me," she waited. Surely Rachel could feel the thundering under her fingertips?

A small smile began to form on Rachel's face at the sudden ridiculousness of being able to feel a heartbeat over the pounding of her own and the distraction of Cassie pressing her hand against her chest.

Emboldened Cassie reached for Rachel's other hand and pulled it in to join the first. She waited for Rachel to raise her gaze from her hands to look at her. All that wide-eyed vulnerability just made Cassie want to melt.

"My heart is in your hands," she said softly watching Rachel's eyes grow watery. Only the sound of breathing could be heard. Then Rachel placed Cassie's hand on her chest even though she knew the jumper she was wearing would prevent Cassie from feeling the her own heartbeat.

"And mine is in yours," stated Rachel softly, her voice heavy with emotion as she wrestled with her doubts.

It was an intense shared moment; one Cassie didn't want to end. Whatever the future held this moment would always be one to treasure, when she first began to dare hope. She couldn't stay in this dizzy with anticipation state. She needed to repair the havoc she'd wreaked with her deliberate designed-to-wound words.

"I need to apologise for all those dreadfully hurtful things I said. I'm so sorry, more than I can express for being such a cruel, deliberately spiteful bitch. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm a jealous, hateful,.."

"Shh Cassie," Rachel leaned forward and her hand squeeze " we both need to work on putting all that behind us." The fact Rachel aimed a tentative smile at her was far more important than her words. Cassie knew blubbering in relief and gratitude wouldn't be helpful so she fought down the strong emotions threatening to engulf her. She really needed to be discussing with Rachel the reason for her presence in her apartment. Rachel's hands in hers, she drew in a steadying breath and stated her intentions.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here. It's because I'm hoping we can explore whatever this is between us," Cassie freed her hand to indicate, rather unnecessarily, that she and Rachel were the us she referred to even as she winced at her clumsy phrasing.

Rachel was slowly figuring it all out. No doubt Cassie had seduced Brody with a dance, probably one requiring more input than that little shuffle they'd done earlier, but she'd probably not needed the flowers for him. 'Explore whatever this is' wasn't exactly the most romantic invitation she'd ever had but then she was hardly an expert. Maybe it was above Finn's 'let's do it' on her chart of worst propositions ever. Cassie was a smooth operator she'd give her that, with her flowers, invitation to dance and that hand on heart moment that just made her want to cry. But she was responsible for keeping herself from being overawed no matter how tempting. She needed to put her schoolgirl fantasies of ever lasting love behind her and join the adult world. Cassie wanted to sleep with her, she was desperate to sleep with Cassie, and they had a few hours before Kurt would return so why was she so disappointed?

Cassie watched Rachel take in the flowers and then her eyes narrowed and there was a slight straightening of the shoulders before she said matter of factly

"A one night stand."

Cassie had practice at keeping her face expressionless but Rachel's words wounded her. So Rachel just wanted to tick 'sleep with a teacher' off her must do list of college experiences whereas she was looking for something far less fickle. Something far more committed, emotionally engaged and adult. Still, she'd take it. She just needed a moment to shrug off her intense disappointment and put her hopes in perspective.

"I .. Er. If that's all you want," Cassie managed to choke out in a somewhat strangled tone.

Rachel stared at her intently and carefully considered Cassie's words turning over the 'all' in her mind before throwing caution to the wind.

"God no, I want so much more than that," confessed Rachel before slapping her hand over her mouth before she said too much, if she hadn't already.

She'd always been dreadful at the 'playing hard to get' that people who were successful in relationships could master so well. Rachel knew she came across as desperate, needy and clingy as she'd had the feedback to prove it and yet she seemed powerless to change herself. She could feel embarrassment rising up her cheeks. What an unflattering picture she must present, red-faced, awkward and clothed in polka dots. She really hadn't changed that much from high school despite the make over. This would be the ideal moment for some caustic Cassie put down now that she'd finally revealed too much. If she'd dared to look she'd have seen Cassie's surprise transform into a broad smile as Rachel's words sunk in.

"Me too," Cassie didn't try and keep the excitement out of her voice.

She watched Rachel's face break into a broad grin as the meaning of Cassie's words had an effect. They sat for a moment just smiling at each other, hand holding and probably looking like a pair of idiots. They were momentarily at a safe place and Cassie wanted to savour that for a moment before embarking on the roller coaster of emotions that seemed to come from her conversations so far with Rachel.

After a suitable pause Cassie knew she needed to move the conversation along before she gave in to the urge to abandon all attempts at restraint and just kissed the desirable girl in front of her.

"I've resigned from NYADA," she said noting Rachel's immediate surprise.

"You've decided to try out for Broadway, that's fabulous," an excited Rachel replied almost bouncing in her seat.

"Er no," responded Cassie wondering quite where that thought process had come from.

"You should," gushed Rachel, "You're such an amazingly talented dancer. Everyone needs to have the opportunity to see you on stage."

Cassie waved away the compliment, " I..well.." she wasn't sure what to say in the face of Rachel's earnest conviction of her brilliance.

"Cassie," said Rachel assertively," from one outstanding talent to another, promise me you'll at least think about it."

Cassie smiled at the brief glimpse of the confident Rachel she usually saw in her classes before she shrugged non-committedly. She should have known Rachel wasn't going to let it go and quickly caved in the face of Rachel's pleading expression with a

"Okay."

Rachel had a pleased with herself look on her face for a moment before her attention snapped back to the initial remark.

"So why are you leaving NYADA?" asked Rachel in genuine puzzlement because beyond a role on that stage why would anyone leave the highly regarded post on the teaching staff?

"Because I'm currently your teacher," explained Cassie as if everything was obvious from that one statement. Rachel was having difficulty putting the pieces together. They agreed they wanted to 'explore whatever this was' but why was Cassie being her teacher a problem beyond the obvious one of maintaining professional decorum in the classroom? Cassie registered just how cute Rachel's puzzled face was with furrowed brow.

'Rachel, we can't be involved while I'm your teacher," Cassie explained gently.

"But you and Brody," exclaimed Rachel because she genuinely didn't understand. Cassie's smile immediately faded and a blush appeared on her face making Rachel feel guilty about mentioning it. For Cassie the memory was almost painful to think about. She tried to remove her hands from Rachel's but Rachel just strengthened her hold wishing she hadn't said anything.

"It should never have happened. It's something I'll always regret," Cassie sighed closing her eyes as if she could hide from her actions," I behaved inappropriately, recklessly and stupidly."

She snapped her eyes open to look at Rachel surprised to be met by a sympathetic rather than disgusted look.

"Besides you deserve more than some tawdry illicit affair," Cassie said sincerely.

"But your job," began Rachel.

"Rachel,' Cassie interrupted," I want to do this right,' she indicated Rachel and her,"I've done many things wrong but this, this I'm determined to do right."

Rachel felt a rush of affection for the older woman.

"Your career," managed Rachel to an ironic snort from Cassie. Cassie leaned closer into Rachel.

"You're going to be a big star, we both know it, and showbiz is incredibly bitchy. You don't need to be dogged by gossip about an involvement with a teacher from your NYADA days and no matter how discreet we are, that would happen."

"But you shouldn't..I mean it's a big step," managed Rachel suddenly wondering whether it would add a pressure to their potential relationship that they really didn't need.

Cassie raised a hand to gently stroke Rachel's cheek touched that Rachel's concern was about Cassie rather than herself.

"Rachel, I've already resigned. Before I knew how you felt or even if there would be an 'us'. This is about me, not you. I'm ready for a change," said Cassie seriously

Rachel searched Cassie's face for the truth of her words unable to escape the feeling that she was a major part of the reason for Cassie's decision. She was both moved and slightly scared by the idea.

"So about there being an us, you're still currently my teacher," stated a puzzled Rachel.

"Ah but nothing's going to happen," began Cassie before Rachel's raised eyebrow as she looked pointedly at their entwined hands made her laugh," Well I only came tonight because you saw me at NYADA and when I read your email afterwards I didn't want you to think I'd deliberately ignored your wishes," a touched Rachel smiled at her,"I originally intended to wait much longer before talking to you but.." Cassie gave a helpless shrug,"so after this evening's conversation we need to ..um..keep a distance between us until a decent amount of time has passed.."

"Decent amount of time?' queried Rachel were they talking days, weeks, or heaven forbid months because she wasn't sure she had the patience, will power or self-restraint. She was ready to drag Cassie into the bedroom now and only fear of scaring Cassie off or coming across as 'easy' was stopping her.

"Um well I'll need to work off my notice which will only be four weeks as I've accumulated so much leave," began Cassie noting Rachel's displeasure at four weeks," so during that time I'll still be your teacher so," Cassie sighed, "I'll need to resist the almost overwhelming urge to touch you and I'll be relying on you not to," another sigh but this time with a hint of embarrassment," tempt me."

"Puritan mouse behaviour?" asked Rachel with amusement, "Even that seems to provoke you."

Cassie reluctantly acknowledged the truth of that statement. Rachel's mere existence provoked her into channeling her desire into annoyance.

"Well you'll need to be more explicit Cassie, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable" said Rachel with her most sincere expression.

"Well," replied Cassie as she eyed Rachel to judge how much detail was needed," you know, think about what you're wearing to class."

"What I'm wearing?" asked Rachel not believing Cassie was really going down that path.

"You know, nothing too..ah," Cassie licked her lips wondering how she'd got herself to this point, "provocative."

The stage was set for a bit of fun. Rachel then proceeded with astraight to name items from her wardrobe with a detailed description about how low, tight or revealing each item was along with illustrations with her hands on her body. Cassie was dismissing each one as unsuitable, her voice becoming progressively croakier as images of Rachel wearing each of these items burned into her overheated brain. Perhaps just banning Rachel from the rest of her lessons was the only answer. She was slow to catch on that Rachel was deliberately teasing her until Rachel was unable to hide her smirk.

"Those polka dot leggings would be ideal," huffed Cassie in mock offence before throwing her hands up, "Okay that was silly of me, but you know what I mean."

Rachel grinned at her obviously pleased with herself.

"So for four weeks we're back to how things have been although maybe you can avoid giving me such a hard time," sounded out Rachel," and then?"

"And then there needs to be a suitable interval between my employment ending and us beginning to date" Cassie explained. It had all seemed so easy in her head but now she was explaining it to Rachel it all sounded a bit ridiculous.

"So no interaction in the meantime?" asked Rachel.

"Well we could still email or maybe text," replied Cassie tentatively," and maybe the odd phone call but definitely no face to face contact."

"So definitely no dancing," clarified Rachel. Cassie shook her head

"No hugging, no hand holding," Rachel waited for Cassie to confirm that each was not allowed before finishing with," and definitely no," she wet her lips with the tip of her tongue and then purred, "Kissing."

Cassie's eye close and slight moan was the reassurance Rachel needed. She wouldn't be suffering alone.

"In that case can I have a hug now?" asked Rachel. She'd hardly finished the question before Cassie was pulling her up from her chair and holding her tightly. If only she could just stay like this, warm and secure.

Eventually and reluctantly Cassie drew away slightly

"I still need to dance you off your feet and then I need to go before your flat mate returns." She reached for her phone to avoid looking at the disappointment on Rachel's face that no doubt reflected what she was feeling.

"A last tango?" asked Cassie extending her hand.

"Definitely not the last," replied Rachel as she stepped into the offered embrace.

It was a far more charged dance than before. The touches were firmer, bolder and more intimate. The tension was electric between them and this time Rachel fully relaxed into being led by Cassie. It was all over too soon and as they stood fighting for breath at the end, eyes locked and chests heaving. Cassie was struck bythe enormity of the task of keeping her distance from Rachel. She just wanted to take her right then and judging from Rachel's darkened eyes and glazed expression, she'd let her.

"You are so very beautiful," Cassie managed to say taking the opportunity to yet again stroke the soft skin on Rachel's face.

Rachel suddenly buried her face in Cassie's shoulder.

"I don't think I can do this, you know, wait," she mumbled into Cassie's shoulder.

"We owe it to ourselves," reassured Cassie gently stroking Rachel's hair, "We're worth waiting for."

It took another half an hour between hugs, trembling bottom lips and exchanging phone numbers before an elated Cassie finally made it out of the apartment and barely avoided bumping into Kurt in the street. She could probably float back to her home but a cab would be quicker. Her face seemed to be fixed in permanently smiling mode. She couldn't remember the last time she was so exhilarated and hopeful.

Rachel barely had time to process the events of the evening - that Cassie was attracted to her, that Cassie was giving up her job to pursue a relationship with her, that she had never felt quite so desirable or as incredibly happy - before Kurt was back. He was busy giving a detailed account of the show he'd seen - wasn't it amazing that Carmen had given him last minute tickets? - as he rustled up hot chocolate for the pair of them. It was as he finished recounting all his thoughts on the show it began to dawn on him that something was slightly different. Okay, so the fact Rachel had hardly spoken was incredibly unusual but it was more than that. Her sparkly bright-eyed look wasn't too unusual but the barely contained waves of excitement positively rolling off her were. Rachel rarely held back on her smiles but the current beam on her face was putting her previous efforts into the shade. He followed her gaze to settle on a bunch of tasteful elegantly arranged flowers on the coffee table that positively screamed expensive taste.

"So, what's with the flowers?" he asked. Rachel shot him a slightly coy look.

"I thought the apartment needed cheering up." Her teasing smile didn't convince him, besides these weren't a bunch of flowers you'd be able to purchase anywhere in their neighbourhood.

"Secret admirer?" he hazarded watching Rachel blush in response. His raised eyebrow and encouraging look failed to persuade her to elucidate further.

"Anyone I know?" Kurt wheedled. Well that little embarrassed look was a definite yes.

Rachel placed her empty mug on the table and stood up. She knew deception wasn't one of her strengths and that combined with a desire to share her newfound euphoria was probably a recipe for disaster if she stayed around Kurt.

"Kurt, I'm choosing not to tell you as is my prerogative," announced Rachel,"See you in the morning."

He watched her skip excitedly to her room. Rachel, you had to love her. She couldn't keep a secret to save her life. That 'prerogative' was a massive clue. Kurt sipped on the last of his drink and grinned. It was good to know that Quinn had finally, finally got her act together. He was impressed at the classy way Quinn was choosing to woo Rachel, what those flowers probably cost would feed a student for a month. Quinn and Rachel would make such a lovely couple. He smiled, maybe he should play along and let the pair of them think they could keep a secret.


	13. Chapter 13

Rachel found it difficult to fall asleep that night, partly because of a need to re-live the conversation she'd had with Cassie several times searching for nuanced meanings she might have missed and partly because just thinking about being held by Cassie and holding her caused her heart and thoughts to race. So many sensations to reconsider and meaningful exchanges and looks to ponder. She wondered whether a kiss would have made her sense of disbelief more or less acute. Finally she'd sneaked in to the living space and chosen a few flowers from the rather impressive bunch dominating the table to take back to her room. Now, when the sense of disbelief grew strong, she could just turn her head, glance at the flowers and wonder at her luck. Cassandra July had indeed turned up, uninvited on her doorstep to present her with flowers and request a much-anticipated dance.

She had toyed with her phone quite extensively, debating whether sending a text message so soon would smack of the desperate insecurity that she actually was suffering from. Rachel knew her obsessive need for reassurance and her clingy behaviour had put previous relationships under pressure but she couldn't quite believe that given the immense array of talent and beauty available at NYADA that Cassie would choose her. In her admittedly limited experience it wasn't how the world worked. Finn settled for her but spent his time regretting his mistakes with Quinn, comparing her unfavourably with her and trying to change her into something less...well, her. Why would a stunning experienced woman like Cassie even look at her twice? Never mind resign from a perfect job on the slight chance that Rachel might be interested in her. Rachel would then begin to doubt everything and suspect some kind of grand humiliation plan. There would be a moment of resignation then she would recall the way electricity seemed to fill the air between them as she and Cassie danced that tango. Now that kind of tension was impossible to feign. Cassie as an ex Broadway performer could no doubt turn the tears on and off at a moments notice so her tearful moments in their conversation could be treated with suspicion but the air positively vibrating with a tension that made goosebumps appear on your arms - well that couldn't be faked. But why her? Then Rachel's thumbs would hover over the keypad of her phone. Would one brief reassuring text be so bad? And if a text was okay why not a brief phonecall? Or maybe that would come across as a bit desperate...and then Rachel's thoughts would cycle round again. It was hours before exhaustion defeated her racing thoughts and she finally succumbed to sleep.

 

It would have greatly reassured Rachel if she could have seen into a certain dance teacher's Soho apartment. Cassie's euphoria that maybe, just maybe, for once in her life something was going to go her way lasted the cab ride home and an evening of Paul's good natured teasing. She kept the details sparse although her appearing with a bunch of flowers and requesting a dance seemed to provide Paul with ample comedy material. However once he'd retired to bed Cassie sat at the kitchen table sipping a glass of water and allowing the doubts to creep back in. Rachel was barely an adult, an incredibly talented and rather attractive 'barely adult' admittedly but surely their life experiences were so vastly different, their expectations from a possible relationship so widely divergent, that there was no possibility of whatever it was they were going for working out? Was it really sensible for her to throw away steady high status employment for a teenager who would eventually see her for the jaded bitter old woman she was? How long would it take for that youthful enthusiasm to become deadened by exposure to her well-worn cynicism? How long before someone else eminently more suitable with similar hopes and dreams and, more importantly, of a similar age captured Rachel's attention? When she went through their conversation she realised Rachel hadn't actually made any statements that demonstrated unequivocally an interest in something long term with Cassie. She'd initially suggested a one-night stand and, apart from later saying she wanted something more than that, it had been Cassie talking about feelings – Rachel worryingly hadn't volunteered anything back. Okay she'd asked for a hug and had teased Cassie a bit but beyond that she hadn't actually said anything about being attracted to her, liking her, wanting to be involved with her. 

Her phone remained stubbornly silent. Cassie tried not to be disappointed - had she set some ground rules about not contacting each other? Would a 'sleep well' message really be so bad? She started and then deleted several different messages. She made an effort to change the direction of her thoughts from what hadn't happened to what had. Twenty--four hours ago she only had stolen moments from a class dance routine and a few friendly e-mails to rest her hopes on but now ...The memory of a gentle thumb stroking her back, the reassuring feel of Rachel's hands in hers, the heavenly sensation of a body pressed lightly against hers and a head resting on her shoulder were all vivid in her mind. It was all heart-warming stuff that made the last weeks of NYADA employment stretch out in a seemingly infinite manner in front of her. How was she going to be resilient enough to last all that time when she was finding just a few hours enough to plague her with doubts? Would it be harder or easier to see Rachel in her lessons practically everyday for the next month knowing she could look but not touch? It was late, she needed to be up early and reasonably coherent for the various viewings and meetings her brother had planned for the pair of them. She resolved that the first thing she’d do in the morning was text Rachel. Faint heart never won fair lady, or dark one for that matter, and the meek only inherited what no one else wanted. Feeling more secure now with a plan of action in mind she finally headed to bed, smiling at herself in the bathroom mirror on the way for the first time in ages.

 

Rachel eyed the rather beautiful flowers in front of her on the table as she munched thoughtfully on her cereal. She was aware of Kurt grinning at her as if he knew something he shouldn't and she had a momentary panic that Cassie had left a signed card amongst the flowers until the more sensible and awake part of her brain pointed out she'd been given not sent them. She still inspected the flowers carefully aware of Kurt watching her. As she smiled a cautious greeting at him – she didn’t want to give the impression she wanted to talk about the flowers - her phone buzzed with a text.

Morning beautiful

It was enough to send her pulse racing and almost caused her to splutter on her mouthful of cereal. Kurt watched Rachel positively glow with happiness as she read the text. And there was him thinking Quinn didn't do early mornings.

You are beautiful and I'm going to keep telling you until you believe me and then I'll keep telling you because you believe me.

Rachel managed to resist the urge to squeal and settled for hugging her phone as a telltale tinge of red coloured her cheeks. She was speechless or rather textless, uncertain how she could possibly match that.

It's Cassie by the way

Rachel smiled. Of course it was, it was hardly as if she had a myriad of admirers sending her cute texts. She began to formulate a rather tame reply when her phone buzzed again.

I hope this is the right number.

This time Rachel laughed and, ignoring Kurt's inquisitive looks, began to hurriedly send a response.

A good morning to your lovely self, yes this is the right number and your messages have brightened my day immeasurably.

Rachel wouldn't have worried about what she considered to be a rather boring message if she'd seen the momentary relief and then face splitting smile of the recipient. She'd have been less impressed by the single finger gesture that Cassie immediately needed to direct her brothers way after his being sick impersonation. The gesture was short lived, as Cassie needed all her fingers to text.

And yours has just brightened mine - have a good day at college. Let's talk later :)

On receiving the reply Rachel's happiness quota raised another notch. She didn't think talk actually meant talk but at least it meant she could look forward to another exchange later in the day.

Look forward to it, have a good day too. R x

She knew the R wasn't needed but decided the x looked a bit odd on its own. Her heart raced at her audacity. She wasn't sexting was she?

Cassie gazed long and hard at the text. Probably that was just the usual way Rachel signed off all texts but given the lack of anything else to hold on to she was going to interpret it as an indication of Rachel liking her. Her brother asking her if he needed to confiscate her phone in order to get any sense out of her for the rest of the day was enough to snap her out of her Rachel centred thoughts. Well for the moment at least.

 

A distracted Rachel muddled her way through her lessons with her thoughts fixated on a song she wanted to perform and record. Sometimes when an idea took hold it was impossible to shake and nothing could be achieved until she’d at least acknowledged the idea. She spent her lunchtime calling in favours and sorting out a backing track with the help from some of the band. Once lessons finished she was busy trying various combinations of instruments for a backing track before settling on a stripped down acoustic guitar only. It was silly her spending so much time on a song that would only be heard by one person and that didn't count towards anything but she couldn't help herself. She might not be good at expressing her feelings in words - despite an extensive and she liked to think sophisticated vocabulary - but she was good at expressing herself through song. Rachel finally left NYADA with the song finished and her phone filled with increasingly terse texts from Kurt demanding to know exactly where she was. She hadn't realised it was quite so late. Headphones in, she made the journey home and tried to decide as she listened to her song whether she could send it without being too .. too whatever it was she usually was – clingy, needy, desperate. On arriving home she threw caution to the wind and sent her song in an email to Cassie along with a text

Look at your email. This is for you because I say things better through song. R x

Now the drive to do something had lifted and been replaced with the fear of rejection or ridicule.

 

Cassie was sprawled on the sofa waiting for Paul to return with takeout when the text came through from Rachel. When she realized an audio file had been attached she rolled off the sofa to retrieve her laptop despite having previously vowed not to move. Her feet ached from all the walking about she’d reluctantly done thanks to her brother’s lack of appreciation about map scales. Cassie wasn't really sure what she expected as she finally opened up the audio file on her laptop but Rachel's very personal interpretation of 'I could have danced all night' wasn't it. She hadn't expected Rachel to be actually singing herself although when she thought about it it would have been stranger if she hadn't. She knew within a few words in it was Rachel and the effect on her was just as powerful as it had been at the winter showcase. She closed her eyes as she played the song again allowing herself just to focus on the sound. Rachel had taken a well-known often-sung tune of excitement and managed to reinterpret it so that a hint of melancholia ran through it, an almost painful thread of disbelief provided a counterpoint to the upbeat lyrics. It captured perfectly the excitement mixed with trepidation of their current situation. Cassie was immediately reaching for her phone without even pausing for thought.

A slightly breathless Rachel answered after only a few rings. 

"That was amazing," enthused Cassie.

Rachel released the breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding and managed a rather shy "thanks"

"Was that an audition piece or something from your school days?" asked Cassie. It was obviously a carefully planned and rehearsed piece.

"Um no it was.. It was something I put together to day after college," said Rachel so softly that Cassie had to strain to hear her, "for you" finished Rachel almost apologetically.

There was a moment’s silence as Cassie tried to understand what she was being told and Rachel wrestled with the fear of having done something wrong. It was Cassie's turn to be softly spoken

"No one's ever sang a song just for me before." Well, she hardly had a back catalogue of successful relationships to draw on and she didn't think she'd been involved with a singer before although if she couldn't remember names there was little hope of her remembering their professions. Maybe she'd had more than her fair share of insults to counter the lack of songs.

"You don't mind?" Rachel's question was hesitant as if fearing her response. 

"No of course not," Cassie struggled to vocalise what she was feeling,"I'm touched," (possibly in the head said an inner snarky voice)," it makes me feel," she paused, maybe it was a little soon to be sharing how she really felt," makes me feel like I want to rush over there and hug you." She amended. A hug was the PG version of what she wanted to rush over and do.

"Please do," said Rachel hoping she didn't sound quite as pathetic as she feared she did. There was another pause as if Cassie was weighing up the feasibility of such a trip. The moment was broken by a somewhat forced laugh on Cassie's part.

"So tempting," she said softly before her tone became a little firmer, "Instead I'm going to focus on how waiting until I'm not your teacher is the right thing to do. Every time I waver in that I'm going to play this song to remind me of your prodigious talent."

"I didn't sing it to keep you away," mock grumped Rachel as she savoured the word prodigious in her head.

"No but at least I can extend my listening from 'Being good isn't good enough' and the now unseasonal 'Oh Holy Night,'" responded Cassie forcing a reluctant laugh from Rachel. 

Cassie recounting her recording Rachel's winter showcase performances and then her mother thinking she was discovering religion because of her playing them late at night in her room followed, as Rachel bemoaned how poor said recordings must be and they both steered clear of the herd of elephants in the room by not discussing their post performance encounter. From here the conversation meandered into Rachel inadvertently revealing the link to more songs from her youth on her MySpace page. In return Cassie jokingly referred Rachel to the best of the various youtube clips dedicated to her downfall only to instantly regret it when Rachel’s soft empathetic “oh Cassie” brought a lump to her throat. Their conversation covered college, Cassie's dance studio search and finally - with Kurt calling Rachel at one end of the phone and Paul insistent that Cassie's dinner was getting cold at the other - they finally managed, on the third attempt, to end the conversation. 

Rachel sat on the sofa initially amused at Kurt implying he knew the identity of her flower giving not-so-secret admirer. She adeptly side stepped his questions about her returning home so late as just by being far too detailed in her response about what she'd actually been doing meant Kurt lost interested before she needed to reveal what song she was working on. However he wasn't so easily moved on from his musings about expensive bouquets of flowers and the rather small pool of potential Rachel admirers. She really didn’t need him pointing out the dearth of candidates for a ‘fancies Rachel’ short list. Her amusement at his cluelessness ceased abruptly and the smile instantly disappeared from her lips once an insufferably smug Kurt began his impression of a psychic. He had started by closing his eyes and massaging his temples before saying

"I can see ..It’s a woman...a blonde woman." It was rather perturbing to realise that Kurt had a full back career of charlatan psychic.

Rachel, although mildly perturbed by this, had hidden it well with a sarcastic - or her best attempt at sarcastic, as it was a tone she found difficult to master -

"Amazing Kurt you've narrowed it down to 20% of the population."

Kurt was unperturbed at her scepticism and with a bit of over acting added

" She's older than you."

Rachel felt her amusement begin to drain as Kurt opened his eyes to grin at her. It was too easy to read Rachel he thought before closing his eys again again and adding

"Oh and she used to disguise her feelings by picking on you."

Rachel was trying hard to disguise her panic. Maybe not such a charlatan after all. How could Kurt possibly know? He was now grinning at her, reveling in her inability to hide her discomfort. Fear was beginning to seep through her as her mind raced to calculate the dire consequences of Kurt knowing about Cassie before her employment at NYADA had ended. How did he know her inner voice wailed? What had she done wrong? Were Cassie and her going to be over before they even started? Could Kurt be trusted to keep a secret? – daft question, of course not. Her thoughts raced faster than her heartbeat. Fortunately Kurt was so keen to show off his insight that Rachel was only left on the edge of terrified for moments before he felt compelled to add

"I'm seeing Pom-poms, an ex-cheerleader perhaps?"

Her laughter was slightly too loud as she struggled to disguise the extent of her relief. Kurt was obviously under the rather absurd misapprehension that Quinn was her secret admirer. Rachel grinned at him, suddenly genuinely amused. Kurt had a brief moment of doubt before reminding himself about the worry he'd seen on her face at ‘blonde’, ‘older’ and ‘picking on her’. She'd pulled herself together by the mention of pom-poms so maybe the NYADA acting lessons were having an impact.

" My lips are sealed," Rachel assured him," flowers to brighten the apartment is my story and I'm sticking to it."

Kurt smiled back," I give you a week, tops before you crack and need to reveal all."

Rachel’s confident smile contradicted his prediction. She began humming 'Once I had a secret love’ as she headed to her room. She could keep a secret for four weeks, no problem.

 

It was very late by the time Cassie accessed Rachel's MySpace page to watch a painfully earnest, yet still endearing, younger Rachel sing her heart out. It was an eclectic mix of genres with a high proportion of standard Broadway classics, numerous Barbra numbers and then pop songs that spanned the decades. Rachel sang them all with the same gravitas from an emotionally draining 'my man' to a bubble gum pop 'oh ah just a little bit'. Somehow her total emotional investment in whatever the song never veered into ridiculousness. She switched effortlessly from a painful vulnerability on some tunes to a knowing playful coquettishness on others without the quality of the singing ever diminishing. Cassie wondered briefly whether her feelings were clouding her judgment before concluding that wasn't the case because she could recognise that Rachel was wearing some of the most hideous outfits she'd ever seen. Although admittedly there was something oddly engaging about the prim knee high socks paired with an almost indecently short skirt and topped off with some absolutely horrific blouse or jumper that demanded to be declared illegal. She'd need to know Rachel a lot better before she teased her about her those.

When Cassie turned her attention to the comments she was expecting fulsome praise about the singing, maybe some teasing about the clothes and suggestions for future songs. Instead she was shocked to read vicious, spiteful attacks unrelated to the performances. The mildest suggesting Rachel should be sterilised and the more extreme referencing why her mother abandoned her and directing homophobic abuse at her family. Cassie sat stunned, staring at the screen in disbelief. She wanted to race round and hug Rachel tightly but it was extremely late and any hurt caused by these comments was inflicted a long while ago although maybe the damage was longer lasting. The hate campaign seemed to be spearheaded by a 'Sky Splitz' who had managed to comment on every single video. For someone who professed to hate everything about Rachel they seemed to spend an awful lot of their time commenting on absolutely every single song Rachel had uploaded, sometimes more than once. Cassie's anger also managed to include a little irritation at Rachel for not deleting these comments and for inadvertently leading her to see them. Why hadn’t she deleted these comments rather than leaving them there for others to read? Although Cassie had heard Rachel briefly mention the relentless bullying at high school seeing these comments in black and white just made the whole thing far more real. It also forced Cassie to think about all the various names and remarks she'd directed Rachel's way in the brief time she'd known her. She tried to reassure herself that her comments had not crossed the line in the same way these vitriolic highly personalised attacks did, but she knew their office encounter contradicted that argument. So instead she sat as the laptop screen became blurry as her tears of regret? shame? guilt? clouded her vision. Rachel deserved so much better than she had to offer. Maybe she should step aside for the Yale wonder kid Quinn? Cassie headed to bed in a pensive mood. She was tired. Everything would look different in the morning. Maybe.


	14. Chapter 14

Rachel's anticipation for this moment had been nearly unbearable. As she tried to stride confidently down the corridor towards the dance studio her insides were churning and her thoughts were racing. NYADA jungle drums had been full all morning of the news; Cassandra July was back and looking to feast on the fear of freshmen. Rachel fought to rein in her excitement; discretion was the name of the game. Or it was until she entered the room and was suddenly frozen to the spot as her eyes desperately drank in the vision in front of her. Cassie was wearing her usual figure hugging black dance outfit with her blonde hair loose in a tussled effect. Rachel stood motionless as her classmates bumped into her, surprised by her sudden halt in the doorway. Their complaints or apologies were drowned out by the thundering of Rachel's heart. It was Lydia's gentle tugging on her hand along with her whispered," Don't worry we've got your back" that finally snapped Rachel out of it. She hastily dropped her bag on the seat and begun her warm ups determinedly avoiding having Cassie in her eye line. The cartoon version of this encounter would have her eyes out on stalks, heart beating out of her chest and body in the air and drawn as if by a magnetic force towards Cassie. Fortunately she could hide just how profound the effect of Cassie's proximity on her was. Rachel allowed herself a quick peak at her teacher - the effect on her system was as strong if not stronger than when she first walked in the room all those months ago. Or more accurately since that moment Cassie crawled towards her mid-dance and she realised her sexuality was more fluid than she thought. Rachel was suddenly doubtful about surviving one lesson of this, never mind four weeks. Cassie momentarily catching her gaze and her almost imperceptible eyebrow raise was the only acknowledgement of what interactions had preceded that day's lesson. Rachel licked her dry lips; now to put all those acting lessons to good use.

Cassie's eyes swept over her students who were practically standing to attention in front of her after she'd called them away from their warm ups. No welcoming smiles, just hints of fear and resentment on their faces - bar Rachel who's attempt at a neutral expression could only be described as an unsuccessful cross between a cat who got the cream and a startled by headlights rabbit. Still, if that were the only sight of Rachel she was going to get all day, she'd take it. Cassie swung her stick behind her shoulders and sauntered along the line of nervous students in a parody of a general inspecting her troops. Maybe there was a fallback career option in the army for her.

"Sorry to disappoint Michael, but I haven't been fired for alcoholism," drawled Cassie. She couldn't decide whether his shock was because she used his first name rather than 'beefcake' or if it was because she knew what he'd been saying about her during her absence. The rising red on his face and neck was all the response she required. It was perhaps a little unfair that she'd found out from Rachel who had said what in her absence.

"Nor, Tamara, have I been drafted in to play all parts in the Mean Girls sequel 'bitchy women'," said Cassie evenly, gratified to note Tamara was close to collapsing from embarrassment. Such a herd follower, she'd be lucky to make the chorus line of some third rate show.

"In fact rumours that I'm abroad servicing all our brave troops in Afghanistan, and not just with my dancing." Cassie stopped in front of Julian pleased to note he was unable to meet her eye," are merely the product of a rather misogynistic imagination aren't they Julian?"

The silence was uncomfortable and, as Cassie sauntered along the students' occasionally stopping and making as if to speak before carrying on, the tension mounted. Rachel was looking awkward but for a different reason. She hadn't realised Cassie would actually use the information she'd inadvertently provided her. She'd just been countering the far more vicious suggestions that Cassie had made, albeit in a jokey manner, with the truth. Although her classmates deserved being called out on what they said she still felt uncomfortable about it.

Cassie walked to the front and broke the silence by thumping her stick on the ground.

"So, let's see if you've devoted as much time in my absence to your dancing as you have to your salacious, inventive and amazingly inaccurate gossiping.." and with that Cassie put them through their paces with a strenuous routine. No one dared catch anyone else's eye even if they were desperate to talk about the incongruity of Cassie using their actual names rather than the nicknames they'd grown accustomed to. When Cassie called the rehearsal to a halt only a handful of students were able to remain standing, all of them from the group Rachel had cajoled and bullied into working with her during Ms Fairweather's sessions. Cassie stood, barely out of breath and without a hair out of place as she surveyed the carnage around her.

"In my absence I can only suppose that the majority of you were slacking off." Her contemptuous gaze swept the more exhausted class members. "While I was away perfecting a variety of dance routines," here the sweat free Cassie managed a surreptitious wink at Rachel - Rachel nearly laughed as the One direction routine sprang to mind - " you've been.. well, over-exercising your mouths and under exercising your bodies."

Cassie paused to fit in a rueful shaking of her head; "Unless there are plans for a musical adaption of Dumbo for the stage in the next few years you'll all be having careers waiting tables. Your ears might suit you for the part Adrian but your dancing isn't up to that of playing the role of an elephant. You're not nearly graceful enough."

Cassie's eyes swept the class again. Everyone was just waiting, almost eagerly, for the obligatory Rachel put down. After all, Cassie had brought up Dumbo so surely she'd be drawing a parallel between the size of Rachel's nose and that of an elephant's trunk and knowing Cassie it wouldn't be in a way that favoured Rachel. The moment passed. Cassie had a final gaze around the room before heading for the exit being careful to keep her eyes away from Rachel. She wasn't sure how much more self-restraint she could display in the face of such extreme provocation - that top that allowed glimpses of tanned abs and those clingy shorts were leaving little to the imagination. If she 'd thought she could get away with it she'd have added a handstand into the routine just to see if the top would slide down to reveal a glimpse of Rachel's no doubt lacy bra. God, when did she turn into a teenage boy? As she walked down the corridor she could hear the classroom explode into sound behind her. Cassie smiled; she was back and exceeding everyone's expectations.

Lessons continued in a similar vein for the next few days. Cassie called everyone by their first names and made minimal personal remarks, preferring instead to focus on aspects of performance that didn't quite reach her stringent standards. Beyond prolonged eye contact, the briefest glancing touches and the odd word of advice on improvement, Cassie and Rachel's interactions in the classroom were minimal. It wasn't quite the same outside the walls of NYADA. A daily morning text greeted Rachel, always commenting on her beauty. Every evening they had long chats on the phone catching up on each other's day. Rachel had taken the opportunity to discuss why Cassie quoting information she'd given her in confidence was so unsettling. What if her peers realised Rachel was the source? Cassie had, to Rachel's surprise, quickly apologised for putting her in a potentially awkward situation. Rachel who was used to her feelings or fears being trivialised by her previous partners felt her affection for Cassie increase further.

There was even one aborted attempt at Skype-ing before Cassie's technical incompetence and Kurt's nosiness thwarted their efforts – not that Rachel had many complaints when Cassie's attempts to fix her in built laptop camera had provided a lot of unintended cleavage shots. She'd laughed at Cassie's increasing irritation, resisted the urge to make some quip about old people and technology, before calming her by providing her version of what she'd seen during Cassie's first aid attempt on her camera. Kurt's inherent nosiness meant once technical issues were resolved, a jumpy Rachel abruptly cut off contact when he suddenly appeared in her room and she'd slammed her laptop shut. They'd agreed after that that phone calls were just less hazardous to their health.

On Thursday Rachel had returned to find yet another tasteful bunch of flowers had been delivered to the flat in her absence and the similarity in the choice of blooms left little room for doubt in Rachel's mind of who had sent them. Kurt however had been unable to contain his curiosity and his blurted, someone frustrated, 'there isn't even a card" had been enough for Rachel's smile to grow wider. She wasn't sure whether her enjoyment at Kurt's obvious irritation at being kept out of the loop made her a bad person. The thought was merely fleeting; she needed to make a call to purr her gratitude to the woman who was currently doing an excellent job of maling her feel incredibly special as well as incredibly sexually frustrated. Rachel's knowledge was admittedly limited on that actual logistics of what two women would do in bed but that didn't deter her rather fevered imagination giving it its best shot particularly as she lay in bed at night still in a state of mild disbelief about recent events. A dominant demanding Cassie in the dance studio was currently her fantasy of choice, the risk of being caught somehow giving the imagined encounter more of an edge.

Finally, at the end of the college day on Friday and with the prospect of a weekend free of Cassie sightings, Rachel found herself heading towards Cassie's dance studio without any particular purpose in mind. Her purposeful stride gave way to a hesitant walk as she neared the permanently open door of the studio. A conversation raged in her head. An annoyed voice insisted she'd agreed not to see Cassie outside lessons for the next few weeks whilst a gentler more manipulative voice insisted there was nothing wrong with her wanting to catch a glimpse of her...teacher? Secret admirer? Potential love interest? Girlfriend? Despite their numerous and long conversations they'd never actually defined what they were to each other. Should she be worried about that? Surely asking someone to be your girlfriend was immature high school behaviour? Cassie hadn't really said anything specific. In fact they were the modern day equivalents of pen pals just with additional bunches of flowers and songs thrown in. Rachel was beginning to think her slowed down acapella version of "I will wait' probably needed the disclaimer attached of 'if I don't die of sexual frustration first'. Her train of thought was disrupted by her walking into the studio and realising that Cassie was in fact there. Rachel's racing heart and suddenly dry mouth meant her ability to speak was momentarily impeded.

Cassie looked up from the pages scattered on the table in front of her when she heard the footsteps entering her room cease. A stunned looking Rachel was gaping at her seemingly in a state of shock. Cassie was immediately concerned and had taken an involuntary step forward even as she managed to speak

"Rachel," concern laced her voice," Are you okay?"

"Oh yes I um it's just," replied Rachel dragging her eyes away from Cassie to focus on her nervous clasping and unclasping hands.

"It's just?" prompted Cassie gently, heart hammering in her chest. Was Rachel giving up on them already? Had someone said something?

"It's just I wanted to see you one more time before the weekend," Rachel was so softly spoken that Cassie had to lean forward to hear her words. She didn't dare close the gap between them, as the urge to hug Rachel was almost overwhelming. Cassie also tried to hide her immense relief. Experienced womenof the world she reminded herself.

"I'm glad you popped in so I could see you too," reassured Cassie. Rachel's gaze rose from her hands to meet Cassie's eyes. Her hesitant step forward caused Cassie's heart to begin racing again.

"Could we, would you just hug me? Just briefly, just for a moment?" asked Rachel softly. Cassie groaned.

"Rachel we agreed," she replied, knowing the tiniest amount of persuasion was needed for her resolve to crumble.

"No-one would know," pleaded Rachel braving a small step forward as Cassie took a hesitant step back.

"We'd know," Cassie was even less convincing," Look Rachel this really isn't fair.."

Cassie's gaze switched to something behind Rachel before she added, " Well at least promise me you'll think about it. The Winter Showcase winner performing would mean a lot to me and make the whole event bearable."

Rachel's bewildered expression was adorable but quickly disappeared as Cassie continued with, " So Carmen, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Rachel spun round so fast she nearly lost her balance. If Cassie had succumbed to Rachel's request then Carmen would have caught them mid-hug or who knows, maybe doing something even more incriminating like kissing. Somehow Rachel doubted she could carry off Puck's well used response from school of "I was helping her look for her chewing gum.' The massive fallout that would have resulted had Carmen caught her and Cassie …well it didn't bear thinking about.

Carmen briefly acknowledged a pale slightly scared looking Rachel before focussing her attention on Cassie.

"I was coming down to see if you'd changed your mind about refusing a farewell gathering on your last day although if you're asking Rachel to perform.."Carmen smiled happily switching her gaze between the two women. There was an awkwardness in the air that Carmen couldn't quite place. Her smile faded slightly, "Unless I've misunderstood.."

"No, no" Cassie hastily over compensated to give Rachel a moment to catch up on the conversation,'' If you can persuade Rachel to sing then I'm happy to agree to a farewell do. At the moment she's proving reluctant to show off her talents."

Rachel could see Cassie smirking as Carmen's attention switched to her.

"In that case," Carmen's voice was warm and friendly, "Rachel if you explain to me the reason for your hesitancy maybe I can allay your concerns?"

"Well," prevaricated Rachel as she desperately racked her brains for a reason to turn down the request to sing. It was just so far out of her realm of experience, why would anyone turn down the opportunity to showcase their talents? Cassie's smirk was widening as the moments passed and she still couldn't think of a reason," I ..um.." Rachel delayed further.

"Carmen if I may interject," a sincere Cassie offered,' but I think it might be because Rachel has strong feelings about me," Rachel's surprised gasp rather reinforced her point. "She doesn't particularly like me." Cassie hurried on before dropping her voice and adding regretfully," In fact I think she might even hate me."

Carmen's glance at Rachel coincided with her suddenly flushing bright red, which Carmen wrongly interpreted as confirmation of Cassie's suggestion.

"And although I can't say I'm not disappointed or even a little hurt," continued Cassie as she put her hand to her chest and pulled a pained expression. Rachel's narrowed eyes were enough to warn her she was pushing her luck," I just don't think that's a reason to deprive others of the opportunity to watch her perform."

Carmen could feel in her bones that something was off but Rachel's glare at Cassie hardly contradicted what she was being told. Cassie's smile was perhaps a little wider than it should have been but then Cassie smiled so rarely it was hard to make a definitive judgement with so little data to work on. Better instead to focus on the task in hand, Rachel. It was time for her to offer the wisdom of her years as a performer to the potential star in front of her. Personal feelings needed to be pushed aside if one was going to have a successful career, like she'd had, in the entertainment business. She'd smiled so many times at people she disliked over the years that she'd almost trained her face into thinking that was the appropriate response. Hide of an elephant, the patience of a saint and more faces than a dodecahedron – never mind talent, looks and the ability to smile at people you detested were all minimum requirements for a shot at success.. Perhaps she should be the one to clue Rachel in.,

"Rachel, why don't we retire to my office for a brief chat over a cup of tea?" said Carmen as she headed to the door. Rachel knew it was an instruction not a question. Brevity wasn't a quality usually associated with Carmen sharing her experiences as a performer.

" I hate you," she muttered to Cassie as she headed after Carmen.

"That's what I said," grinned Cassie managing to fit blowing a kiss into the moment when Rachel glanced her way before leaving the room. If she were going to be stuck with a leaving party that she really didn't want then at least Rachel performing would sweeten the whole experience.

Rachel was lying on her bed Skyping with a slightly down Quinn when Cassie's usual 'Is now a good time to call?' text came through. Rachel's conversation with Quinn didn't falter even as she texted back suggesting a delay of half an hour. She was pleased she could disguise the fact that seeing a Cassie text always caused a thrill to run through her. Her smugness would have evaporated immediately had she realised how badly she had under estimated Quinn's expertise in reading her body language. Any idiot would have noticed the sudden face splitting grin and twinkle in the eye as Rachel checked her phone but less than a handful of people - in fact maybe only one person, who had been conducting an intensive undercover field study on the Berry phenomena for years - would have realised Rachel using her right hand to sweep some of her hair unnecessarily behind her right ear accompanied by a small momentary smile of disbelief, was an indication of someone Rachel liked actually returning her interest. Quinn had been trying to provoke that reaction for a while now.

"So," Quinn said conversationally keeping her tone light," who was that on the phone?"

"Oh, that was er," Rachel couldn't believe how easily she was knocked off balance. If only there was a Subterfuge 101 class that she could take and retake and retake. "Just someone from NYADA." Despite her thumping heart Rachel managed a nonchalant tone with a throwaway hand gesture to reinforce the message. Quinn waited patiently, because Rachel always struggled not to fill a silence.

"You wouldn't know them," blurted Rachel trying not to face palm at the idiocy of the statement. Of course Quinn wouldn't know them, she was in New Haven for goodness sake. Quinn raised an inquisitive eyebrow but this time Rachel resisted the urge to plunge in conversationally.

"Do 'they' have a name?" Quinn prompted watching Rachel shift nervously on the screen in front of her.

"Um yes, of course," Rachel laughed unconvincingly,"It's...um...Sandra." she couldn't quite hold Quinn's gaze even if she was telling a partial truth.

Quinn quickly recovered from the fact it was a female name and launched her next question while Rachel was still off balance and looking a little uncomfortable. Suddenly Quinn was desperate to know everything about this Sandra.

"A new love interest?" asked Quinn

"Um, no I'm focussing on my studies," lied Rachel eyes fixed on her laptop keyboard.

Another extended silence as Rachel bit her lip to resist the urge to confess everything.

"So is this Sandra in one of your classes?" Quinn eventually asked.

"Oh yes," Rachel replied with relief now on firmer truthful territory, "She's in my dance class."

It was Quinn's turn to be stumped. Rachel rarely discussed her dance class so she had little to go on to try and keep the conversation flowing. If Kurt hadn't mentioned it on her last visit she wouldn't even know Rachel had a dance class apart from the fact it had to be a staple for an academy of dramatic arts. For all Rachel's verbosity somewhere between Lima and New York (or Finn fixation and adulthood) she had learned not to discuss what was really important to her. Sometimes Quinn felt the more Rachel said, the less she actually knew about what was going on for her emotionally. Rachel's silences spoke volumes but she'd only recently begun to realise that. The moment had passed and as Rachel began asking her about her Yale activities she knew she'd have to chat to Kurt if she wanted further information. Rachel's phone interrupted their conversation and that smile was back.

'Catch up with you later Quinn?" asked Rachel waving her phone about. Quinn kept her disgruntlement about being abandoned so Rachel could converse with Sandra to herself. Maybe now was an ideal time to contact Kurt and wheedle information out of him.

So while Cassie fought to keep her irritation that Rachel had been skypeing with wonder kid Quinn under control – skypeing or Quinn she might be able to handle, but both was severely testing her – Quinn was phoning Kurt.

"Sorry to interrupt your conversation with, what was your friend's name again?'' asked Cassie in a deceptively casual tone.

"Quinn,' offered Rachel, 'and we were just finishing" Cassie's relief was short lived, " Besides we usually Skype a few times each week" added Rachel helpfully in a bid to stop Cassie feeling bad about interrupting the conversation.

"She must be a good friend." Floated Cassie.

"Well, we're working on it," replied Rachel

"A fellow Glee club member from school?" asked Cassie and Rachel was immediately chuffed that Cassie was showing an interest in her non-NYADA friends.

" Oh Quinn's more than that, she's amazing. Captain of the cheer leaders, Valedictorian – although I think that was a mistake and should have been me but my demand for an investigation was overruled - scholarship to Yale.." Rachel allowed pride at all Quinn had achieved to seep into her voice," and beautiful too."

Cassie wished she hadn't asked. Of course Rachel would hold in high esteem anyone who was a friend during her bullying at school and cyber bullying out of school. Cassie had yet to discuss this matter with Rachel because she felt it needed a face to face conversation in a safe environment and she also needed to have made amends about her own behaviour.

Rachel reran her words in the momentary silence that followed.

"Not as beautiful as you of course," Rachel amended but it was too late to undo the seeds of doubt that had taken root in Cassie's mind even as she replied a jokey "Of course" to Rachel.

The conversation lightened as Rachel recounted her conversation with Carmen, forced on her by Cassie's teasing. Cassie's apology was anything but contrite although her amusement lessened when a serious Rachel shared Carmen's advice of putting her strong feelings about Cassie aside. Fortunately Rachel's pretense of carefully considering that advice was shortlived. She had perfect recall of the name dropping that had accompanied Carmen's tales of who she really couldn't stand in the entertainment circles she moved in, much to Cassie's amusement. Rachel had eventually agreed to perform at Cassie's leaving event but had failed to persuade Carmen that Cassie needed to perform the dance routine she'd been working on during her absence from NYADA. Cassie had laughed partly with relief before a slightly more serious conversation followed on why Cassie was so reluctant to have a leaving do. She eventually shared her fears that no-one would want to come to see her off, staff or students - it was hardly as if she would ever have won a popularity contest at NYADA in all her time there. She listened to Rachel's spirited defence of her methods and glowing description of her talents feeling her affection for the young woman grow. Rachel's rose tinted view of her might not be shared by many if any of her students past or present but it didn't stop her feeling that having someone standing up for her was something she could get used to.

Quinn's attempted conversation with Kurt was equal parts infuriating and uninformative. His insistance that if she didn't have anything she wanted to share ' and honestly Quinn Fabray bare in mind how terrible Rachel is at keeping secrets' then he didn't have anything he wanted to share. His smug knowing air was still irritating even over the phone. She couldn't care less about his highly attuned Gaydar and his reflections on the usefulness of Finn as a smokescreen. In fact once suitably exasperated by his vague insinuations she'd asked him directly what it was he thought he knew. It had stopped Kurt in his tracks. He'd stumbled and fumbled over his words briefly before drawing to a silence. Quinn seized the opportunity to ask about Rachel's 'new friend Sandra'. She couldn't tell whether his curt ' never heard of her' and other statements of ignorance were due to his annoyance with her or because he genuinely didn't know anything. The conversation ended with both sides feeling dissatisfied. Kurt was annoyed Quinn didn't just give up on all the secrecy rather than treating him like an idiot and as for all this Sandra nonsense...

By the time Monday rolled round Rachel was almost relieved to see the back of the weekend. Kurt had been grumpy and permanently annoyed with her for the entire weekend and she hadn't been able to ascertain why. At one point he'd asked her to name all the female students in her dance class based on a highly suspect recollection of a conversation he'd had with some girl who wanted him to pass on her regards. The fact Kurt couldn't describe anything about the girl and, even more suspiciously, couldn't remember what she'd been wearing – seriously, like Mr Fashion Police had 'forgotten'… he could name every outfit Rachel had ever worn to sing any song she named - it would have worried Rachel if she could have seen a reason why he'd want to lie. In between the classmate conversations 'maybe her name had begun with an S?' he'd been making pointed remarks about her and Quinn underestimating his emotional intelligence and scowling at the flowers on the table. She was quite happy not to up her emotional intelligence if doing so meant interacting with flora in the manner he was doing.

Meanwhile Quinn had been putting her under pressure to name a weekend when they'd next see each other and she'd been fobbing her off with increasingly pathetic excuses. Partly because she felt shark Quinn could smell blood in the water around her vagueness about 'Sandra' and she didn't want to be subjected to a fullscale Fabray interrogation and partly because an overly optimistic side of her still hoped Cassie would maybe arrange to meet her away from NYADA, say at Cassie's apartment? Besides Kurt and Quinn meeting up didn't bear thinking about so if she was going to see Quinn it would have to be on Quinn's territory and being in New Haven would put her at a massive disadvantage. Then there was that odd vibe from Cassie about Quinn as she tried to put words in Rachel's mouth about how amazingly talented her best friend from school was. Did she have a boyfriend or was she interested in girls? If Cassie hadn't been such an experienced woman of the world Rachel would have thought she was jealous. Instead she upped her Cassie compliments, avoided mentions of Quinn whenever possible and decided once everything was out in the open she'd need to organise a meeting between the pair of them. She was sure they'd get along famously with so many personality traits in common.

To top it all off, her Dads had been in touch and overly inquisitive about her love life - or rather their perception that she didn't have one. All their well meaning platitudes of 'the show must go on' 'getting back on the horse' and 'don't hide your light under a bushel' had been almost as irritating as their well meant advice on how to meet suitable boyfriend material i.e.'a nice young man'. The fact she wasn't interested in finding a boyfriend and that her perspective girlfriend didn't meet, in their eyes, any of the criteria they'd outlined as Rachel's ideal partner (nice, young or man) only made the distance between them seem greater than ever. She had no idea of when or how she would broach the topic of her current romantic interest, she just knew it would be a while away. Rachel found herself retreating into distraction provided by researching the ideal song for Cassie's fast approaching leaving party and for the rest of her time wishing the weekend away. She spared a glance at the flowers on the table as she headed out the door. A big plus with weekdays was that she'd get to see Cassie even if it was only from afar. Just over a week into the whole shenanigans and she was struggling to keep up with what piece of misinformation she'd fed to whom. Obviously a career in espionage was off the cards. Still, there were now only three weeks left of Cassie's employment at NYADA and things could only go more smoothly and become easier from here right? She had a feeling this was going to be a good week.


	15. Chapter 15

Cassie would have been in a state of disbelief about her NYADA days being numbered if Lydia Fairweather hadn't made a point of mentioning at every conceivable opportunity. The irritating woman obviously had her eye on taking dance 101 for the remainder of the academic year, if not moving on to running the course permanently in the future. Cassie steered a neutral course through such conversations, side stepping Lydia's prompts for her approval and only being stirred into action over Lydia's rather scathing criticism of 'that pushy overachiever, Rachel Berry - one of those relentlessly ambitious performers who wouldn't be averse to sleeping her way to success.' She'd tried a mild rebuke of 'That's a bit harsh Lydia' even as she seethed internally. She tried to steer a Lydia-free course after that but that fateful Thursday kicked off with a short staff meeting and Lydia had her cornered as soon as Carmen had finished the briefing. Cassie couldn't decide what was more disconcerting, Lydia's obsequious expression or the fact she'd placed her cold damp hand on Cassie's arm.

"Oh Cassie, I hope you didn't take my criticism of Rachel too seriously," smarmed Lydia as Cassie settled for a neutral expression to hide her distaste.

"I gather from my sources that Rachel has moved from person non grata into the position of teacher's pet so I wouldn't want to cause offense," Lydia scanned Cassie's face for a reaction with little luck. Mind you, Cassie always was a stony-faced cold one, but worth staying on the right side of if she wanted to take over her dance class permanently. The thought about restraining her behaviour was fleeting - what Lydia really wanted to do was rattle Cassie's cage. 

"I'm sure she didn't have to sleep with you in order to have the chance to perform at your leaving gathering but others are not, of course, so generous in their conclusions. I thought you should know,” added a rather-pleased-with-herself Lydia. Was that a flash of anger or fear she just saw in the ice queen's eyes? She tried to disguise her surge of delight. 

"Lydia, please don't waste my time with idle student gossip and baseless innuendo," Cassie managed to say politely having to filter out swear words and epithets as she spoke, “Carmen organised all the performers for the leaving party and I’m sure she'd be horrified to hear any suggestions of impropriety not to mention how angry she'd be about staff members perpetuating such malicious stories."

It wasn't the 'fuck off, you talentless manipulative scheming bitch' that she wanted to say but it served a similar purpose as Lydia paled noticeably and withdrew her hand from Cassie's arm. As Lydia slunk away from the encounter Cassie reflected on the exchange. On the plus side it served as a timely reminder that she wouldn't miss the back-biting and vicious gossiping that being in a performance college seemed to inspire and not just amongst the students. All those egos, limited opportunities and a propensity for the dramatic...well it was hardly surprising that the rumour mill worked overtime and then some. On the minus side, the phrase 'teacher's pet' and the fact there seemed to be rumours that Rachel was sleeping with her for the right to perform were far more worrying. The suggestion she might take advantage of her students' ambitiousness only irked her but the trashing of Rachel's character was uncalled for and unnecessarily vindictive. And she knew just who would be responsible for that - wasn't beefcake now dating Alexandra Beloushi? No prizes for figuring out his motivation then. She just wasn't sure how to close him down. Had she inadvertently done something in her lessons to give the game away about her feelings for Rachel? It was an unsettled Cassie who finally headed off for her first class.

 

It was while fumbling around in the cupboard next to what was her first teaching room that Lydia's words were to return to Cassie. The cupboard was obviously being used more as a dumping ground for old equipment rather than a storage space judging by the rickety chairs and broken furniture cluttering up the cramped space. Cassie was searching for a set of small cones that she'd once used to liven up a dancing lesson years ago back when she was younger and enthusiastic enough to try and make her lessons interesting. Fox trotting around the dance floor staying within a route marked out by cones without looking like you were trying to do that had proved a popular crowd pleaser in the past. Maybe it was time to ease up on dance 101 a little bit and inject a small element of fun. The problem was in the low light and dusty conditions her enthusiasm for the idea was rapidly waning. Cassie was trying not to make too much noise, as the walls of the cupboard were flimsy partition walls obviously installed in a bid to cheaply turn one massive room into two smaller sized classrooms plus rather useless storage space. She could hear on one side Bertrand extolling the virtues of Shakespeare's comedies as a means of drawing the working classes into the wonders of live performances whereas on the other she could hear the idle chitchat of students readying themselves for Improv and drama. Her attention was suddenly focussed on the student chat as Rachel Berry was mentioned. She headed closer to the wall, the search for cones all but forgotten.

"No, that's just Michael being Michael. What I'm saying is there's no smoke without fire and I think if you just dare to look carefully there is something going on between Rachel and car crash," stated a female voice matter of factly only to be greeted by much scepticism by whoever was listening. 

Cassie almost couldn't muster the energy to be outraged at her unimaginative nickname. Car crash Cassie - at least it taught the students alliteration if nothing else.

"Dream on Lucinda," joined in a male voice. Lucinda. Cassie racked her brains before a meek quiet girl sprang to mind. Average in an able group. Obviously one of life's observers so possibly worth listening to. 

"From the hazing of that first lesson through the incessant nose centred insults and small town girl digs, on to that dance off and then that infamous death by plié lesson - well if that's how car crash shows her affection you really wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of her,” continued the male voice to laughter from his peers. They'd all seen the level of animosity directed Rachel's way for just daring to exist. They'd even been appalled enough to actually complain about it. 

Cassie tried not to cringe at the reminder of her unprofessional behaviour.

"Ah but if you put all that aside," responded Lucinda to loud protests.

"If you ignore all evidence to the contrary your argument will always be right," quipped another voice.

"Just think about that tango,” Lucinda insisted over the hubbub.

"Which we're all now making more of than it actually was. Ms July was trying to intimidate and humiliate Rach but it backfired because Rach met the challenge," insisted another voice. 'Muffin top?' wondered Cassie. A loyal defence for Rachel but an entirely inaccurate description of Cassie's motives. 

"Just hear me out," stated an increasingly exasperated Lucinda. "It all changed around then, suddenly Rachel is Car crash's biggest advocate during her absence and then once car crash is back it's all first names and minimal insults to anyone. Surely I'm not the only one to see a glaring omission once Dumbo had been brought up." There was a pause as voices were raised but Cassie couldn't decide whether they were in agreement or protesting about what was said.

"And anyway," Lucinda's voice rose to make itself heard above the swell of noise, "Rachel's singing at Crash's farewell - doesn't anyone find that just a bit odd?"

"Not if she's going to sing a farewell and good riddance song," interrupted yet another voice, "all the better if it's done in a hauntingly beautiful note perfect manner."

Cassie rolled her eyes, revenge through song? Were these students really older than five?

"More than that it's not about what's said, it's about what's not said. The significant looks on both sides for almost the entirety of the lessons. Group activity? Crash is watching Rachel. Pair work - watching Rachel. Stretching in front of the mirror Rachel's watching Crash. They watch each other in what they think is a surreptitious manner continuously. It's barely been more than a week and it’s obvious."

Cassie could feel her levels of anxiety rising. 

"So obvious that no-one else has noticed," protested muffin top gamely. Cassie sighed, well only one person until now. She knew she'd been sneaking glances but she hadn't realised it had been noticed. Drastic damage control was needed.

"I s'pose the allegedly 'casual' touches have evaded your notice too," groused Lucinda. “Something’s going on between the pair so why don't you all just open your eyes for the next lesson and see what's in front of you. Just watch Crash when Rachel enters the room."

Cassie's thoughts were racing. First Lydia and now this. She'd be out of it soon but Rachel's reputation needed some protection.

"Yeah whatever so what's this I hear about Natasha, Sebastian and..." continued the conversation on the other side of the wall as Cassie threaded her way back through the jumble in the cupboard. She was too preoccupied to even register the pile of cones she'd initially set out to find. 

 

Cassie still had no firm plan in mind by the time dance 101 rolled round other than to try and not look at Rachel. She could almost feel the gazes of her students upon her, their eyes snapping to watch her every time someone new walked through the classroom doorway. Her attempts not to look directly at whoever entered the room meant she was resorting to shifty sideways glances as her self-consciousness levels grew. Cassie reluctantly acknowledged that ignoring Rachel was going to be beyond her. Where was she anyway - since when did being late to her lesson suddenly become okay? It felt as if the anticipation within the classroom was mounting. Only Rachel was left to still arrive. Cassie gathered the class together for a joint warm-up as her mind veered between concern at where Rachel could be and annoyance that Rachel's absence meant she was under a disproportionate amount of scrutiny. Even if she'd been aware that Carmen had waylaid Rachel on her way to the lesson her mood wouldn't have improved any in the unnatural silence of the dance room.

Rachel hurried down the corridor and raced through the doorway to Cassie's class before skidding to a halt, heart racing and breathing laboured. She hated being late. Cassie could hear the class wide intake of breath and felt her skin crawl as twenty two pairs of eyes suddenly fixed their attention on her trying to gauge her feelings and form a judgment of her motivations based on how she responded to this moment - or at least that was how it felt. She could feel the colour rising on her face as she momentarily registered the beauty of an out of breath, bright-eyed Rachel. It was performance time. She just needed to persuade her current audience that there was nothing going on between her and Rachel.

"Schwimmer, how nice of you to finally decide to grace us with your presence," drawled Cassie schooling her features to impassive even as the use of that old nickname had the same effect as a slap in the face on Rachel's features. The effect was momentary before the trademark straightening of Rachel's shoulders. Out of the corner of her eye she could see a smirk on Lucinda's face. Okay maybe she needed to up the insults a notch.

"Your sense of entitlement is breathtakingly arrogant even for you," Cassie said injecting disapproval into her voice. "One winter showcase win over a woefully talentless field and you think you can just turn up to a lesson when you're ready rather than when it really starts. Although to be fair your nose was here on time it was just the long wait for the rest of you to arrive that made you late."

Rachel allowed the insults and disparaging tone to wash around her as she fought back her shock. She could spend time processing, analysing and determining what this all meant later. Maybe she was extra vulnerable because of the unexpectedness of the attack however her priority now was tear-free survival in front of her peers. She had to bite back the urge to lash out in return and settled instead for her stock response of a look of defiance.

Cassie closed the gap between them and stood hands on hips trying to intimidate Rachel with her height.

"Something you wanted to say Schwim?" she goaded, pleased she'd managed to handle that all-important first contact. Lucinda was looking distinctly confused. Cassie's triumph was short-lived as her eyes read the bewilderment in Rachel's. She'd explain it all later she reassured herself, they'd laugh and everything would be back to what passed for normal between them. Her surge of being pleased with herself at her quick thinking solution to a potentially risky problem led her then into a bit of drama as a grand finale just for drama's sake. As Rachel strode into the group to take a position near the back Cassie couldn't resist a further verbal poke.

"I consider it one of my greatest achievements that I've managed to teach you when not to answer back," Cassie added sarcastically.

There was a slight flip of Rachel's hair and an attempt to let the remark go but Rachel was fighting a losing battle over her outrage as she turned to face Cassie.

"And there was me thinking my parents $35,000 annual fees were for me to be taught dancing," replied an eerily calm Rachel to an audible gasp," by an inspirational and sober member of the faculty." She allowed her words time to sink in before adding a perfectly timed, "But hey, I guess life's full of disappointments." The Implication being that Cassie was a major one.

There was a moment as the thrown down gauntlet rested between them and Cassie reeled in shock at Rachel's inferred insult about her sobriety or rather lack of it. She resisted the urge to lash out in response to her hurt, trying to keep in mind that she'd provoked all this without Rachel having any idea about what was going on. Yet she needed to respond to Rachel's apparent challenge to her authority.

So her comments were just for show. Her predictable reply was that even Rachel's parents investing such a sum on a nose job, with the extra supplement for heavy lifting equipment, wouldn’t be enough to guarantee a showbiz career in much the same way as a vast sum wouldn't make it possible to teach her miserably unco-ordinated self how to dance. NYADA was about learning to keep it real. The uncomfortable silence that accompanied her comments was reminiscent of her first term lessons as were Rachel's avoidance of any eye contact and her stoic refusal to comment any further on Cassie's pronouncements. She chose Rachel to demonstrate 'how not to do it' and picked holes in all her efforts. By the end of the lesson no one, however deluded, would be foolish enough to suggest anything other than intense dislike between the pair of them - job done.

Rachel had been counting down the minutes to when she could make her escape as a means to avoiding thinking too deeply about what was happening. She quickly realised that giving in to the temptation to answer back only made the situation worse so focussed instead on a steady countdown to when she could finally escape the classroom and Cassie's unwanted attention. No other thoughts were allowed. There was no way she could allow herself to think about just how humiliated she was feeling. Five and a half minutes. Nor could she devote time to pondering Cassie's motives. Four minutes three quarters. Why send her daily texts about how beautiful she was, she'd had one this morning even, if this was always on the cards? Three minutes. Did it increase Cassie's enjoyment in some way to catch her so off guard? Two and a quarter minutes. And thinking about the pain in her chest was definitely off limits. One minute. She managed a controlled and she liked to think dignified exit at the end of the class even if there was a strong urge to lie on the floor curled up in a foetal position crying. There was no way she'd give Cassie or anyone else the satisfaction of seeing her upset. Rachel was on autopilot as she headed out of NYADA and back to her apartment. She had an intense wish to be on her own with her racing thoughts.

Cassie realised she'd left her phone in her office so a text to Rachel would have to wait until the stragglers had cleared her room. Muffin top was the last to head to the exit after a torturously slow gathering together of her belongings. She hesitated on her journey and then suddenly with a set of her shoulders changed direction to head towards Cassie. The girl was either shaking with fear or trembling with rage as she met Cassie's gaze.

"Yes Lydia?" prompted Cassie.

"If you weren't already leaving I'd put in a complaint about how mean you just were to Rachel," Lydia managed to say, pleased to have got her words out in the correct order without her voice wobbling too much. Her annoyance increased at Cassie's eye roll on her use of the word mean.

"Maybe your time would be better spent consoling Schwimmer rather than berating me," replied Cassie after some thought and the careful dismissal of responses designed to insult Lydia. 

Lydia's eyes flickered to the phone in her hand and then back to holding Cassie's gaze.  
"She wants to be on her own," Lydia shook her head sadly, "I think youe finally got your way and she won't be in any more of your lessons in the future," Lydia took a few steps to the door before turning round again, "You're not a very nice person Ms July."

Cassie stood bemused by the table. Things must be serious if Lydia was outraged enough to be calling her 'not a very nice person'. She smiled; Rachel would be impressed to hear her timid, far too ‘nice’ friend had stood up for her. Her next class was gradually filing into the room. Her call to Rachel would need to wait. 

 

Rachel had managed to remain mostly tear-free on the journey home by judicious choice of tunes to listen to through her headphones. Her control wavered when the downstairs neighbours had given her the bunch of flowers they'd taken in on her behalf but beyond the quivering of her lower lip she'd managed to hold herself together until the sliding door of the apartment was closed behind her. Then she slid to the floor, back against the door, arms around her knees and finally allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks. She couldn't distinguish between the various contributing factors of her tears - hurt, humiliation, disappointment, even anger at herself for so quickly being lulled into a vulnerable state. She just allowed herself to feel rather than trying to make sense of what had happened or discern motivations. The one big plus was that the true extent of her humiliation was unknown to nearly everyone. It was scant consolation, as the hurt she felt was independent of the number of people aware of her pain. A glance at the flowers on the floor beside her was enough to provoke a fresh wave of tears. She would allow herself to wallow in self-pity just for a little longer and then she'd focus on a plan of action.

 

Cassie finally made it back to her office and settled herself in her chair with her phone in hand. Rachel's timetable was up on her computer screen so she knew if she rang now she wouldn't be in a lesson. She pressed the button to make the call, amused at the fact she still felt a thrill at the prospect of speaking to Rachel. Cassie's smile faded slightly when the phone wasn't answered by the third ring.

Rachel pulled the vibrating phone out of her pocket and hastily wiped her eyes free of tears so she could focus on the name of the caller. Cassie. It took no time to make the decision to decline the call.

Cassie was surprised when her call went to voicemail but the perky "Sorry I can't take your call at the moment but I'm busy pursuing my dreams!" made her smile. "Leave your message after the middle C," followed by a sung 'la' just made her smile wider. Just when she thought Rachel couldn't get any cuter.

"Rachel honey, it's Cassie. I just.." Rachel hit the delete button without hesitation. Cassie had overestimated her gullibility if she thought she could talk her way out of what had happened in the lesson today. Was she hoping to have another go after softening her up again? Or was she calling to check just how much impact she'd had? Rachel wasn't going to play these games. She stood up and placed the flowers on the table. She resisted the urge to throw them away. Too many questions from Kurt and then she caught her red-eyed look in the mirror - definitely too many questions from Kurt. What she needed was to be left alone.

Her phone lit up with a text - Hi Rachel, I just wanted to check... again she hit delete. She had no interest in what Cassie 'just wanted to check'. She might not have learned to keep her hopes on planet reality - really those idle moments of imagining her and Cassie being a future Broadway power couple were just wishful thinking - but high school had taught her (eventually, admittedly) that you didn't keep giving people further opportunities to hurt you.

Rachel realised she definitely needed to get away and she needed to go now. She couldn't stay here looking at those flowers, trying not to think about that evening and hiding from Kurt who would have the best of intentions at heart but would be unable to just let her be. Lima was off the cards too. Not only did she not have the money for the flight but there would also be her Dads' overeagerness to be involved in her life to negotiate. Her Dads made Kurt appear incredibly restrained and tactful in comparison. Her options had been limited to start with but now she was down to testing out her relatively new close friendship with Quinn. Could she invite herself to New Haven? She didn't allow herself time to overthink it. Quinn answered on the second ring.

"Hi Rachel, is everything alright?" Quinn's friendly greeting had Rachel blinking back tears.

"Hmm," Rachel replied side-stepping the question. Quinn was instantly alert to the evasion. Rachel's usual variation on the 'living her dreams' response was notably absent.

"Quinn, I need a few days away. I was wondering if I could come and visit," Rachel managed to enunciate clearly despite the new onslaught of tears at hearing a friendly voice.

"Of course, it'd be great to see you," enthused Quinn, "when are you thinking of coming?"

"Tonight." stated Rachel only to have her confidence thrown by Quinn's startled echo of "tonight?"

"Look don't worry about it. It was a stupid idea," rushed Rachel suddenly keen to end the call, "No idea what I was thinking, of course you'd..."

"Rachel," said Quinn loudly cutting across Rachel's mutterings, "tonight's fine. Just let me know what time your train is due to arrive and I'll meet you."

"No that's not necessary," insisted Rachel, slightly irritated at the implication she needed to be met, "I'm perfectly capable of finding my way to your place."

Quinn could now hear the tell tale quiver in Rachel's voice.

"I'm not doubting your ability to use Google maps, it's just as a friend I want to come and meet you," reassured Quinn choosing to ignore Rachel's irritated tone.

"Oh," Rachel managed.

"Besides you sound like you need a hug sooner rather than later," ventured Quinn softly.

"I don't want to talk about it," whispered Rachel.

"And I won't make you," soothed Quinn,"Just get yourself here and we'll take things from there."

It was all Rachel could do not to sob down the phone with relief. As she threw a weekend case of clothes together Quinn was busy texting her with the various possible train times. Now that she had a plan to focus on and a friendly face awaiting her, she began to feel a little better. She still packed some tissues just in case.

 

Cassie wasn’t sure at what point during the day she realised all was not well as it was a creeping realisation. Okay, Rachel had never not replied to a phone call but she had called at an unusual time and without a pre-warning text. The fact the text she sent remained unanswered an hour later was the first hint of something being wrong. She initially put it down to texting at an inconvenient time - well if you didn’t have time to talk you’d hardly have time to text right? But time continued to pass without a response to either of her attempts to contact Rachel and that was just odd on two counts. The first was that there had never been anything more than a four minute delay between her texting Rachel and receiving a reply of some sort even if it was just to say now wasn’t a good time. The second was that Rachel had thanked her after that encounter in her office when she’d been so obnoxiously rude which suggested good manners had been drilled into Rachel and hence surely she’d feel she’d need to text even if it were to explain that she wouldn’t be texting? Perhaps she’d misplaced her phone?

In the end, as Cassie’s disquiet at not hearing from Rachel rose, she decided decisive action was needed and hence found herself outside the small classroom where René’s class on ‘soliloquys and monologues’ was being held. She found herself inventing a completely spurious reason to interrupt the last few minutes just to check whether Rachel was in his lesson. The irony of René delivering his views on the topic in an unchallenged well-worn series of lectures failed to amuse her today. Rachel wasn’t present so her invented message from Carmen failed to be called into play. Cassie retreated to her office in the vain hope that maybe Rachel would now be answering her phone. The phone just rang unanswered only now without the possibility of leaving a message. Cassie sat at her desk trying not to overreact. There would be a simple explanation. Rachel couldn’t have thought she meant what she’d said in class today could she? She dismissed the thought almost as quickly as she had it. Rachel knew her better than that by now, all their conversations had to count for something. Rachel would receive her flowers on her return home and the pair of them would no doubt be laughing at this miscommunication when they finally chatted at their usual time that evening. 

 

Friday hadn’t been a kind day to Kurt. He was only mildly irritated that Rachel had just ducked out of her agreement to accompany him and Stefan on a Bee Gees number at Callbacks that evening even though it hinted at a lack of professionalism that would hinder Rachel’s chances of a successful Broadway career. Nor was he put out by her disappearing act last night when it was her turn to cook or the fact she left him a note propped up against yet another ostentatious bunch of flowers, completely unmentioned in the brief ‘I need to get away’ note. He could even let slide her increasingly ridiculous pretence that there was nothing going on between her and Quinn even as she’d skipped a whole college day for an extended weekend stay with her not-so-secret admirer. No, it was the fact he found himself having to cover up for her as he dealt with a succession of queries about where Rachel was and whether she was okay. He’d made rather vague allusions to her being under the weather but just the sheer volume of enquiries he’d had to deal with was irritating him. Kurt hadn’t realised quite how many friends Rachel had made at NYADA and he was just a tiny bit envious. Just when he thought the worst was over Ms July had stopped him in the corridor and practically hauled him into her office for a chat. She had a vaguely maniacal gleam in her eye and the smile she directed at him was probably identical to the last thing a seal saw before becoming a shark’s supper.

“So M...Miss July,” Kurt cursed his wavering voice but something about this woman just scared him, “how can I help?”

Cassie had been so intent on tracking Kurt down after Rachel had failed to appear in her lesson that morning that she hadn't really thought about what to say. She stared at him as she gathered her thoughts. She'd managed to stop herself from appearing uninvited at Rachel's apartment last night wanting to demand answers but that restraint meant she'd only had a fitful night's sleep and now the payback was acting on impulse rather than carefully considered thought.

Kurt could feel his embarrassment and discomfort grow under Ms July's glare.

"Rachel's not in today because she's ill," he ventured helpfully. He wouldn't have had Ms July pegged as someone who'd be concerned about her students, and let's face it particularly not about Rachel, but then he hadn't realised just how many students would be asking either.

Cassie struggled hard to contain her immense relief. She'd always known there'd be a simple explanation.

"Ill?" she queried. Perhaps she should go mop a fevered brow or rush round with whatever the vegan equivalent of chicken soup was?

"Um yes," managed Kurt. Did Ms July just smile on hearing Rachel was ill - what a bitch.

"Migraine? Fever? Vomiting?" asked Cassie finding herself listing the symptoms on the yellowing 'beware of Meningitis' poster positioned just behind his head. It would need to be something serious to stop Rachel making it in to College. She knew because she'd had a death-warmed-up Rachel in her lessons before.

"Er yes," spluttered Kurt. He hadn't really been asked about Rachel's symptoms before now but maybe the more she was suffering the happier Ms July would be. 

"And you thought it would be a good idea to leave her at home on her own?" accused Cassie hearing her voice rise in a cross between outrage and concern.

"Well I, no. I mean," Kurt managed to reply under the withering gaze of an outraged Ms July. He drew in a shaky breath. She looked ready to rip him apart and as much as he liked Rachel he hadn't signed up for this.

"So someone's looking after her?" asked Cassie.

"Um yes well," prevaricated Kurt as his mind momentarily provided an unwelcome image of how Quinn might be looking after Rachel.

"You don't seem very sure," challenged Cassie," Is she getting better or has her condition worsened during the day?" Cassie noted his rattled expression,"I'm assuming you're a good enough friend to keep tabs on her condition? You realise you’ve described the symptoms of Meningitis?"

Kurt was outraged at the suggestion he was uncaring and ignorant so channeled his irritations to give him the courage to speak. As if he’d have left Rachel at death’s door, no matter how irritating she could be.

"Look Ms July, the only thing Rachel's suffering from is being lovesick," groused Kurt surprised to see Ms July's startled look," so she's skipped college in order to spend an extended weekend in New Haven with her not-as-secret-as-she-thinks girlfriend."

The look of shock on Ms July's face was priceless. Surely as a Broadway performer, however briefly, she couldn’t be homophobic?

"Although we'll be having words when she returns Sunday afternoon because I don't see why I..."Kurt allowed himself to vent.

Cassie could see Kurt's mouth moving but all she could hear in her head were the words 'New Haven' and 'girlfriend'. She held her hand up to stop him mid-rant, mildly amused when he flinched as if he thought she was going to hit him. She desperately needed some time and space to think. Or fall apart. Or something.

"Thank you for your honesty," Cassie managed as she hurried Kurt towards the door. She closed the door firmly behind him and ran a hand over her face as she headed for her desk.

Nothing made any sense - she ignored the tiny voice in her head telling her it all made perfect sense, that she was just too stubborn or deluded to see it. She reached for her phone in the rather forlorn hope that this time her call would be answered. It just rang and rang. Cassie kept pressing redial as the office around her disappeared behind a blur of tears. So this was how being truly hopeless felt. Maybe she just needed to start getting used to it.


	16. Chapter 16

Quinn was reluctant to release Rachel from the hug she had her in to let her return to whatever it was that had caused her to suddenly seek sanctuary with Quinn in New Haven. She wanted to just hold and be held by Rachel forever - that wasn't too much to ask was it? She'd spent the past few days internally debating the wisdom of actually letting Rachel know how she felt but deep down she knew the timing was just so wrong. Rachel was in a fragile state despite her efforts to present a facade to the contrary and although Quinn didn't know what or who - disappointment in love and Sandra were her best guesses - had led Rachel to run to her, she knew comfort was what was being sought. Maybe not the type of comfort she was keen to offer but her moment would come. Now was not the time to spring on Rachel the surprise of her attraction to her. Even if that sad face of Rachel made her heart swell with affection and the temptation to try and hug and kiss her to a better place was almost overwhelming. She was able to restrict herself to hugs although iron willpower was required not to then run her hands through those dark locks or hold Rachel tightly against her and dare to move her hands away from the safety zone of Rachel's mid back. Quinn just needed to wait a suitable amount of time, a few weeks maybe?, and then she promised herself she'd be visiting New York to finally confess her feelings to this wonderful woman currently snuggled in her embrace. 

The hug ended abruptly as Rachel pulled away to look at her vibrating phone and then reject the call. Their brief time together had been punctuated by rejected phone calls. The frequency had diminished from a frantic every five to ten minutes on that Thursday evening to roughly once every half an hour. Quinn had determinedly refrained from commenting about it, the pair of them had both studiously ignored the phone calls, pretending they weren't happening. The one time the phone had rung whilst Rachel was in the shower Quinn had itched to answer it, desperate to find out what was going on. Somehow she didn't think screaming "what the fuck did you do?" at whoever was on the other end of the phone would have helped even if it would have made her feel a little better. The opportunity passed as Rachel, clad only in a towel, snatched the phone from the table and with her best attempt at stony-faced indifference rejected the call. You didn't need to know Rachel well to see the pain she was trying hard to hide. On that occasion Rachel had returned to the shower only to emerge suspiciously red-eyed sometime later. She had waved away Quinn's "is everything okay?" with a far too cheery and adamant "yes of course, why wouldn't it be?" Quinn had to bite back the urge to list all the reasons why everything obviously wasn't okay starting with that insincere smile. 

"They're very persistent," commented Quinn nodding at the phone still held in Rachel's hand. She felt like a bit of a bully as Rachel's eyes immediately became teary.

"Ummm," croaked Rachel in reply as she hastily slid her phone into her pocket. Quinn had been true to her word about not pushing Rachel to talk for the entire duration of her visit. It seemed odd she wanted to mention it now just when Rachel was about to board the train back to NYC. 

"It just feels like there's unfinished business going on at the moment and maybe you need a conversation for closure," ventured Quinn hesitantly.

"I don't want to talk about it," whispered Rachel with a wobble in her voice.

"I know Rach," soothed Quinn reaching out to stroke Rachel's cheek, "but maybe you need to. At least think about it. I'm here if you need me. I can be with you within two hours. Whatever you want." 

"You're a good friend Quinn," managed an emotional Rachel as she suddenly hugged Quinn tightly.

"And you're a beautiful, talented woman who so deserves to be happy," responded Quinn just wishing she could be the one Rachel would be happy with, "Anyway you need to board the train unless you want to wait another hour to catch the next one."

Rachel reluctantly released her grip on Quinn. Much as she wanted to continue to avoid facing up to what was bothering her she knew she needed to return. 

"Thanks Quinn, you've been great," Rachel said sincerely as she turned in the doorway of the train.

"Glad to be of service," grinned Quinn before adding timidly after a furious debate in her head. "It's just...well...running away isn't an answer."

"I'd like to think of this weekend as more of a time out or a tactical retreat," replied Rachel before noting Quinn's worried look, "I'll be okay. If necessary I'll channel Santana."

Quinn laughed at the image in her head of Rachel going all Lima Heights with perfectly enunciated street talk. Suddenly reality was even stranger.

"Yo sis don't youse laugh at me, I haz razor blades in here," said Rachel indicating her hair as she moved her head from side to side in an exaggerated attitudinal manner. Quinn burst into loud laughter at the incongruity of the vision before her.

"Promise me," Quinn gasped trying to breathe through her amusement, "you'll take lessons from Santana before attempting that again."

Rachel mock pouted. She had managed to make Quinn laugh which would make the goodbye less sad. The train was on the verge of leaving so with a smile and a wave Rachel made her way to a seat.

Quinn waved as the train pulled away feeling a mix of emotions. Her phone distracted her with a new text from Rachel

Shame we didn't have time for me to channel HBIC Quinn Fabray for you :) 

Quinn texted a reply wondering whether deleting texts had become an automatic reaction in Rachel and so hers was destined never to be read. 

Careful, you don't want me breaking out the sexy librarian chic look to aid my channeling of you ;) 

The speedy response to that was enough of a reassurance that Rachel hadn’t developed a Pavlovian-like delete response to texts…yet

Maybe next time. Thanks again, I really appreciated your company.

Quinn sighed wondering whether the time would ever be right for her to reveal how she really felt.

No problem, it was my pleasure. Let me know when you're safely home.

Will do xxx

Quinn smiled at her handset. For now she’d just have to settle for those hypothetical kisses.

 

Rachel put in her earphones, chose her chilled playlist and closed her eyes. Her sudden trip away had merely pressed a pause button on all the things she didn't want to deal with and was now heading back into the middle of. She tiptoed around the edge of just what all that was and instead decided to reflect on her weekend. Quinn had met her at the station and they'd had a quiet late night meal in a companionable silence interrupted only by the frequent vibrating of her phone. Quinn's raised eyebrow and a look from the phone to her was the closest she came to asking Rachel about what was going on, That first inquisitive eyebrow raise had had her shifting uncomfortably in her seat and asserting "I meant it when I said I didn't want to talk about it." Quinn had reached forward to gently place her hand on Rachel's and said softly, "okay. If you change your mind I'm here." That had been when she was most tempted to share her pain but the moment quickly passed. She balked at just how much background would be needed to set recent events in context and she wasn't ready to receive sympathy or pity on just how easily she'd been played.

Quinn had skipped lectures the next day in order for them to take a train to Newport for a walk recommended by one of Quinn's friends. It was an invigorating cliff top walk to 'blow the cobwebs away' although such was the wind it was lucky only cobwebs were dislodged. The views had been amazing even if there was a chill in the air. They'd sat huddled on a bench eating the lunches they prepared, listening to the roar of the waves and being buffeted by the wind. It had been an inspired choice of activity and Rachel had sat on the train back feeling rejuvenated and just all round happier. Maybe leaving her phone at Quinn's had helped. That evening she'd opted to see a movie with Quinn rather than going out with a group of Quinn's friends. It was a sci-fi action blockbuster - not her usual choice of genre but, as Quinn had pointed out, there was nothing like the possible destruction of Earth to put your life in perspective. To no-one's surprise, the earth was saved by a small ethnicly diverse band of misfits triumphing over the odds in a fearless wisecracking style. Quinn had pitched the movie idea of their Glee club saving Earth against a violent, seemingly unstoppable race of aliens whose only weakness was a susceptibility to perfectly harmonised singing or maybe a top F causing instant destruction on a molecular level. They'd chosen harmonised singing to allow more of the Glee club to star in the movie, then spent time choosing the right songs and deciding who needed to be the early upsetting fatality (when nervousness in the face of an alien onslaught led to disharmony in the singing) and which characters would be the love interest. The escapism was just what Rachel needed and she actually managed to sleep reasonably well that night with Quinn's suggested film titles running through her head, 'I know what you sang last summer' losing out to Arma-Glee-Dom for being her favourite.

On Saturday she'd chosen cultural over physical activities so Quinn produced a list of museums and art galleries they could visit. Quinn mentioning art galleries reminded Rachel of that then embarrassing but now amusing misunderstanding with Kurt when he'd accused her of watching porn. She'd been about to share the amusing anecdote with Quinn before she realised she couldn't really explain what she had actually been watching that had led to her highly suspicious behaviour. Then her eyes were suddenly tear filled as she remembered what that video had actually led on to. Quinn had quickly hugged her and reassured her that the artwork she might see really wasn't that bad. Rachel had found herself laughing through her tears. She again left her phone behind and her cultural day, along with viewing art that actually wasn't too awful, was topped off with accompanying Quinn to watch some live music at a nearby venue. They'd returned back to Quinn's room late that evening partially deafened by the loud music. She could remember being almost on autopilot as she checked her missed calls first then moved on to delete texts and emails before bed. Quinn had seen what she was doing but didn't comment and that respect for the boundaries she'd set made her feel a surge of affection for her friend. 

They had risen late, well relatively, on Sunday and a gentle jog around the local park was followed up by a leisurely brunch and perusal of the papers at Quinn's favourite cafe. They were joined at various intervals by Quinn's friends for light-hearted conversations and affectionate teasing of Quinn. Rachel did her best to try and work out which if any of the many people who joined them might be Quinn's secret crush that she'd once alluded to. It was a fruitless activity. Rachel could identify who might be interested in Quinn but despite knowing Quinn for years she had no insight on whether Quinn returned the interest. Quite frankly, Quinn spent more time interacting and looking at her than she did at anyone else so her very presence was distorting that which she was trying to observe. Her science teacher would have been proud of her remembering that although the straightforward name applied - the observer effect - did rather aid the memory. Rachel had looked up to catch Quinn's trademark raised eyebrow in her direction and worried that maybe she hadn't been quite as discrete in her observations as she'd hoped. Her apologetic grin had been met by a shy grin back from Quinn. It had made Quinn seem oddly vulnerable for a moment but then their order of yet more coffees had arrived and the opportunity to ask about that expression was lost with it.

From the cafe they'd eventually made their way to the station with her spirits dropping with every step closer to the journey home. Quinn had sensed her trepidation, had taken her hand and insisted on seeing her on to the train. Rachel smiled at the memory of Quinn's expression when she'd deliberately hammed up her Santana impression. She wanted to leave Quinn with a smile on her face rather than worrying about her. After all, there was no reason for them both to feel down. Rachel hoped Kurt would be out for her return but knew the chances of this would be incredibly low. Of course he'd be torn between wanting to berate her for her sneaking away for the weekend and wanting to pump her for details about her non-existent romance with Quinn. Rachel sighed, there was no way around it, she'd just have to endure it. It might serve as a useful controlling-your-emotions rehearsal for her dance lesson tomorrow. This time her sigh was heavier. Maybe now was the time to rationally think about what was going on?

It didn't require much thought. She had been led on a merry dance - unfortunate but highly apt phrasing - by her beautiful but heartless dance teacher. She'd been her usual susceptible self whilst Cassie had amused herself by building her up to tear her down. What Rachel couldn’t figure out was the timing. Of course the let’s keep it a secret routine was obviously to ensure she’d be more isolated when Cassie finally reverted back to form – and it had worked. She hadn’t felt able to talk to her closest friends about what was going on and the timing was such that it made a complaint to Carmen a pointless exercise even if she had had the nerve to do so. The flowers, the phone calls, all an elaborate build up – an impressive amount of time had been dedicated to setting her up. Perhaps she should be flattered. But the timing just didn’t make sense. Surely the best lesson for tearing her down would have been their last lesson ever rather than some unremarkable midweek class? She still had time to arrange the ultimate in-your-face last word by whatever she chose to sing at the farewell to Cassie performance. If she sang that was, at the moment Taylor Swift’s Mean was a rather tempting choice particularly if she could adapt the words to something about having Broadway ahead of her unlike Cassie. Rachel sighed, not really her style and besides, despite everything, she didn’t really want to hurt Cassie – if that was even possible. No, the timing was just odd. Maybe Cassie hadn’t been able to stand the pretence of caring about her any longer? But then why all the phone calls, texts and e-mails? Perhaps she shouldn’t have been so quick to avoid them all.

Rachel sighed again. She’d learnt the hard way at school to ignore texts, e-mails and messages from people who wanted to hurt you. She didn’t even want to think about the number of times she’d been stood alone outside a film, seated at a diner or worse on the doorstep having a conversation with a bewildered parent apologising but their daughter was away. All these happened after apparent messages of contrition and then fake offers of friendship. Rachel stamped down ruthlessly on that train of thought before self-pity could set in. What was there on the plus side about recent events then? It took a moment but on the plus side she wouldn't need to tell her dads that she was dating a woman - she'd always been determinedly straight - who was over ten years older than her - and her dads treated her as younger than she really was so that only emphasised the difference - and who had once been her teacher - her dads were more in tune with conservative small town views than they'd like to admit. Her overprotective fathers had never been keen on anyone she'd dated, however briefly, although the advantage of Finn was that he'd never noticed the subtle sly digs her dads threw his way. She could hardly imagine just how outraged they'd be that an older manipulative woman had 'abused' her position of trust and ensnared? entrapped? defiled? - if only - their innocent naive baby girl. Oh yes, it was a massively major plus point that she didn't need to worry about all the emotional housework that would be needed to keep her dads from trying to wreck her relationship.

Rachel had two weeks of lessons left to survive. She was in a better place now to ignore whatever Cassie chose to throw at her. She should focus her energies on her Broadway plans and just leave the inherent messiness of relationships well and truly alone for the foreseeable future. She didn't need someone else's approval to validate her. Rachel's resolve wobbled slightly as an inner voice muttered about how nice it would be just to be loved for herself. There was plenty of time for that later - although if she couldn't find someone to love her in NYADA's huge pool of potential partners maybe she was unlovable? Still, thought Rachel as the train pulled into Grand Central Station, here she was living in the city she dreamed about from childhood, attending the College she'd more recently dreamed about and on the cusp of fulfilling her lifetime dreams. Maybe it was greedy to expect personal relationship happiness on top of all that.

 

 

Cassie's weekend had passed infuriatingly slowly with more than enough time to reflect on her thoughtless actions and all the ways in which she didn't deserve happiness. Friday had been one long sleepless night plagued with regrets and startling clear hindsight of how she should have handled things. Her unanswered phone calls, texts and emails only added to her growing desperation. By Saturday morning she was ready to travel to New Haven and comb the streets looking for Rachel even if it was an exercise in futility. If searching was a lesson then finding the needle in the haystack would be the gentle warm up task and finding Rachel in New Haven would be the difficult extension task for the most able searchers. She briefly considered turning up at Rachel's apartment and dragging wonderkid's address out of the self-centred gay boy flat mate but that seemed to require her to reveal her relationship with Rachel just at the time when it had ceased to exist. Kurt might have been happy to out Rachel to her but even she could see the inappropriateness of outing Rachel and her to him. She just wanted to be doing something rather than moping about all forlorn and powerless.

It had taken a phone call from her brother to bring the semblance of rationality to her sleep deprived thoughts. He argued that if Rachel had headed off unexpected to New Haven the chances were she wanted to get away from everything which at least included Cassie if not consisted exclusively of Cassie. In the unlikely event Quinn was Rachel's girlfriend and if, even more improbably, Cassie managed to locate them, then nothing apart from all round awkwardness would be achieved. She accepted the logic of that but Paul wasn't finished. He then proceeded to look at events from Rachel's perspective. How her experiences of being bullied online and at school would have made Cassie's sudden unexpected attack all the more hurtful and obviously she wouldn't answer calls or read texts as she'd be expecting more of the same. He had ruthlessly knocked back Cassie's half-hearted attempts to justify her behaviour. From Rachel's viewpoint she'd entered into a secret sort of relationship only to be suddenly attacked. She couldn't even go to friends for support, as the relationship was secret. And anyway speaking of Rachel's friends, what kind of friend would 'out' her to her supposedly hostile dance teacher?

In Paul's opinion, the 'girlfriend' in New Haven was a red herring although if that woman did have feelings for Rachel then Cassie was making it extremely easy for her to be a supportive, caring and sympathetic friend which would be a huge step along the road to being something more. Cassie hadn't thought she could feel worse but Paul proved her wrong. His advice was, if Rachel even deigned to talk to her again and quite frankly he wouldn't blame her if she didn't, they needed to have a conversation on neutral territory where Cassie needed to apologise profusely and repeatedly for her insensitivity and the unintentional hurt she'd caused. She also needed to put aside her jealousy and suspicions around this Quinn woman as the current situation had come about as a direct result of Cassie's actions alone. Everything else was just a distraction. It was a chastened, tearful but also more determined Cassie who finally ended the call. The inklings of a plan were beginning to form.

 

Rachel was heading across the main hall of Grand Central Station debating whether she would splash out on a cab when she first heard her name called. She was turning to locate the speaker as a second relief filled "Rachel" met her ears. As her eyes alighted on the speaker a few feet away from her, her brain finally put together the aural and visual information it was receiving. Cassie. Suddenly Rachel's pulse was racing, her mouth was dry and the ability to form a thought other than 'Cassie' had fled. She realised she was gaping and that it was a look that made her lose thirty IQ points from her actual score. Her eyes were busy drinking in the dishevelled and tired looking woman in front of her. This wasn't a version of Cassie she had seen before. Cassie was casually dressed in jeans, trainers and a well-worn sweatshirt topped off with a dark jacket. She had minimal to no make-up on resulting in a softer look that emphasised her red-tinged, tired eyes. Rachel had the immediate urge to hug her but fought with her automatic need to provide comfort and instead managed a rather squeaky

"W...what are you doing here?" 

"Waiting for you," replied Cassie trying to inject affection into her tone as well as give a reassuring smile. She was relieved that Rachel wasn't, for the moment, ignoring her. 

"But how did you know I'd...I mean," Rachel waved her arm generally in the direction of the train platforms and hoped Cassie could discern the question she seemed unable to formulate.

"Kurt mentioned New Haven, I've met every train today hoping to find you," explained Cassie as she watched a mix of emotions play across Rachel's face.

Rachel was trying to process what she'd been told. Cassie had spoken to Kurt? She wasn't sure what she felt about that. Cassie had met every train? An immature romantic part of her was impressed - she stamped down on that feeling quickly. It wasn't her problem if Cassie had nothing better to do with her time than passenger spotting. There was still a tiny miniscule part of her that remained touched. Ignoring electronic attempts to communicate was one thing but ignoring the person in the flesh was a whole different ball game particularly when you harboured a huge crush on them like she did. Not so much a flight or fight response but more a flight or surrender choice. Rachel, perhaps for the first time ever, now understood how difficult it was to be indecisive. 

"Please can we talk? Please let me explain," pleaded Cassie reaching out for Rachel and then deciding against it. Her hands returned awkwardly to her sides. Rachel looked as if she was ready to run on just the slightest pretext and maybe her unwanted touch would have been enough to trigger flight. The round brown eyes that met Cassie's gaze gave little away and Cassie's optimism wavered in the face of Rachel's studied neutral expression. She could feel her anxiety and fear levels rising - maybe there just weren't any words that could undo the damage she'd caused? When Paul had said he would understand if Rachel never wanted to talk to her again she'd reassured herself it was just hyperbole. Now, faced with such a calm expressionless Rachel, she wasn't so sure. She didn't have a plan for dealing with Rachel refusing to talk to her. In fact she didn't have a plan beyond apologising profusely and hoping for the best.

"At least let me apologise. Please. You deserve an explanation even if it is too late and you've moved on," Cassie fought down a sob as her voice trailed off. Tears gathered threateningly in her eyes. This was probably her best opportunity to persuade Rachel to talk to her and she was failing to make any inroads on the now stony faced woman in front of her. Beyond dropping to her knees and pleading for the chance to explain, she was all out of ideas. 

Rachel was torn with conflicting desires. Rachel Barbra Berry of old would have relented after the first 'can we talk?' and would no doubt have been working hard to ensure Cassie didn't feel too bad. In fact she’d have apologised for her own behaviour by now. New York Rachel was meant to be older, wiser and better at protecting herself from others. Okay, it was still a role she was adapting to because whilst changing her outside was easy the inside was much more tricky, but surely she had to learn something from all her High school experiences otherwise what had all that pain been for? She glanced again at the teary anxious Cassie in front of her. And yet, one glance of someone in apparent distress – apparent because Cassie was an actress after all – and her resolve to be more resilient and tough was already crumbling. Did she owe it to both of them just to listen? Would that be reasonable? Listening didn't necessarily mean capitulating did it? Rachel recognised though that she was a sucker for a sad story and combine that with the fact that really, she was desperate for Cassie's justification to allow them to get back on track, then the danger of just stopping to listen became all too apparent. Would a half-hearted apology be all that was needed for her to be satisfied? It was simple really, did she leave now when, although the pain level was higher than it had been for previous relationship endings, it would be manageable eventually. Or did she, despite all her experiences to the contrary, allow Cassie the benefit of the doubt making herself susceptible to yet another and potentially far more painful put down? To let Cassie draw her in yet again so that she could stomp on her feelings one more time? Just what did it take for her to learn to toughen up? Would she, in two weeks time, be cursing herself for her weakness in letting Cassie back in? Rachel’s eyes flickered to where the cabs were. If she left now would she be plagued with what ifs later? Maybe it came down to her judgment of Cassie's possible motivations. Rachel looked at the increasingly nervous woman in front of her. It boiled down to a simple choice, stay or go?

A poster from her dads study suddenly sprung to mind. It was an Einstein quote defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It was time she grew up and toughened up. Decision made, Rachel seized the handle of her weekend bag and began to stride purposely towards the cabs. Her sudden movement caught Cassie by surprise but she quickly scurried after Rachel desperately wondering what else she could say. Her repeated pleases and let's talk were having little, make that no, effect. Rachel hailed a cab and continued on seemingly impervious to Cassie's pleas. She was about to climb into an annoyingly available cab.

"I was only trying to protect you," blurted Cassie in an unfortunately accusative tone. She'd finally managed to force a reaction out of Rachel although the stare wasn't one she ever wanted to be on the receiving end of again. Disappointment, resentment and maybe a touch of outrage in that look? For a moment she thought Rachel wasn't going to speak but she was mistaken. Rachel turned just before she entered the cab. Her voice laden with emotion she finally managed to choke out

"Maybe the only protection I need is from you." 

Cassie stood in disbelief and shock watching the cab drive away carrying any hopes of sorting out this mess with it. Despair was threatening to move in and crush her. What now?


	17. Chapter 17

Rachel's regrets began almost immediately on seeing the stricken look on Cassie's face as the cab pulled away from the kerb. Would it have hurt her to listen? Possibly. Probably. There was no pain-free way out of the situation she found herself in. Rachel's thoughts and emotions were in turmoil but she didn't really have time to second guess herself as the driver was making far too efficient progress back to her apartment block. She needed to steel herself for seeing a possibly, make that definitely, miffed Kurt. She dabbed at her eyes with a square of tissue to try to prevent her mascara from smudging. Maybe her remark to Cassie had been a bit harsh - she needed to wield the tissue again just at the thought. She needed to stop thinking about it else even Kurt would notice her distraction. Rachel took a few calming deep breaths. Then a few more, before straightening her shoulders and raising her chin. Just deal with the here and now and leave anything else until later - always time for regrets in the early hours of the morning when everything always seemed so much bleaker. Yet more calming breaths were necessary and the rarely used strategy of conjuring up mental images of fluffy kittens. It was a much more together Rachel who exited the cab ten minutes later.

Rachel slid the door of the apartment open although her extra cheery 'Hi I'm back' tailed off as the sight of the flowers Cassie had bought her immediately dominated her view. The beautiful blooms seemed to taunt her. Her reflexive gulp echoed loudly around the apartment. She didn't have time to gather her wits together before Kurt appeared half-smiling before her.

"Oh for goodness sake Rachel you've only been apart a few hours, surely Quinn's flowers haven't set you off already," he mock-scolded her as he gave her one of his light almost no contact hugs.

"I think it's hay fever," managed Rachel pulling herself together with a massive effort. It was just a bunch of flowers for goodness sake; she really needed to toughen up. Kurt’s sceptical look told her all she needed to know about Kurt’s opinion of her imaginary hayfever attack.

Stefan was in the apartment too and Rachel was aware of his careful gaze on her as Kurt flitted about - apparently getting ready to go out. He was living proof that men could in fact multi task as he combined getting ready with haranguing her. He managed to vocalise his disappointment and hurt about her just sneaking off without warning, about her letting him and Stefan down at the last minute for Callbacks – maybe in the future she’d be relegated to backing vocals only - and he wasn't even going to mention that it had been her turn to cook. Teeth cleaning temporarily silenced Kurt. Backing vocals? Oh well. Rachel resisted the urge to point out he had in fact managed to mention her missing her turn on the cooking rota as she really didn't want to endure the conversation on flat mate etiquette that would surely follow. As Kurt headed into his room with a possibly clashing necktie crisis, Stefan took the opportunity to approach Rachel as she stood by the fridge sipping a glass of water. Her ‘I'm fine’ facade was already begining to crumble.

"He doesn't mean it harshly," reassured Stefan. Alarmingly Rachel felt her eyes well up at just the mere hint of kindness.

"I know," she whispered back before Kurt appeared with a selection of neckties seeking their opinion. He managed to squeeze in an insult about definitely not choosing the one Rachel preferred. She didn't have the enthusiasm for the obligatory protest and could barely muster the energy for the required eye roll. 'Please go out in whatever necktie' she chanted repeatedly in her head.

"And," continued Kurt, pleased he could finally vent his frustrations on the cause of them, "you left me to cover for your absence on Friday. My day was ruined by constant inquiries about you and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse Ms July hauled me into her office and practically accused me of leaving you to die alone of meningitis - I mean what kind of person does she think I am?"

Rachel decided against investing energy puzzling out why meningitis came up. She wanted a blow by blow account of that conversation but now probably wasn't the right time.

"I didn't ask you to cover for me," she mumbled half-heartedly. 

"Well I didn't, I told her you were off gallivanting with your," Kurt paused as he considered the wisdom of sharing with Rachel his actual words. Not only had he actually inadvertently outed Rachel, he'd done so to the least sensitive, most hostile anti-Rachel person ever, "friend." He finished weakly. God. He’d said girlfriend to Ms July. It probably wasn't possible for that woman to be any nastier to Rachel than she already was but if Ms July plumbed more depths of obnoxious bitchiness it would be his fault. Should he warn Rachel?

Rachel looked at Kurt's suddenly pale features and realised that what was unspoken was probably more important than what had been said. It hardly mattered now. She just wanted Kurt and Stefan to leave her alone.

"So how was New Haven?" asked Stefan to break the lengthy awkward silence that had followed Kurt's last remark.

“Fine,” managed Rachel, keen to close the conversation down.

“Did you go anywhere interesting?” prompted Stefan surprised at Rachel’s almost unheard of retreat into monosyllabic interactions.

“Or was Quinn too busy showing you her modern art?” smirked Kurt noting with satisfaction Rachel’s apparent embarrassment and taking it as confirmation of his suspicions.

“So tell me,” drawled Kurt with appropriately dramatic arm waving,“ is Quinn as wonderful in the bedroom as she is at everything else?”

“Kurt! ” protested Rachel drawing on her last reserves of energy, “We’re..”

“Just friends, yes I know and so don't believe” finished Kurt as he headed back to his room to adjust his necktie.

"We don't have to go out," said Stefan gently. Rachel had been uncharacteristically quiet and was looking decidedly fragile. Hard to imagine she was back from an extended weekend with a secret lover, there was none of that post euphoric exhausted but sated bliss, instead Rachel looked more like one did after a breakup.

"Please," managed Rachel fighting the urge to scream, “I just need some time on my own." Her weak attempt at a smile was unconvincing. "Really! I'm just very tired."

Kurt was back and had caught the end of what she'd said.

"Well that's what you get when you cross an athletic ex-celibate with a driven perfectionist," he teased settling for a knowing eyebrow raise to emphasise his point.

"Why thank you Kurt, no-one's ever called me athletic before," responded Rachel sweetly as she handed Stefan his coat and hurried him and Kurt towards the door sending them on their way with a forceful "Enjoy your evening."

Finally, finally the door closed and the sought after silence descended. Unusually Rachel didn't choose to play any music. She wasn't in the right frame of mind for her break up playlist with its stirring anthems about surviving and coming back stronger. She texted Quinn a brief message about being home safely and slowly it dawned on her that there were no attempted calls, texts or e-mails from Cassie since their encounter at the station. Rather than relief she felt hurt. Cassie was respecting her wishes she tried to tell herself as two large tears rolled down her cheeks; it felt more like vindication of the viewpoint that Cassie had in fact never really cared. It was definitely time for a strategic retreat to the shower.

It was in high school Rachel had learned the benefits of crying in the shower. Privacy, warmth, the immediate washing away of tears, along with the failsafe excuse of shampoo in the eye if one emerged looking a little red-eyed from all those tears. Her overprotective fathers had been the need for such a strategy. After a series of daily slushyings and her being adamant she didn't want them to go to the school to sort it out they'd said one more incident and she'd be transferring to Carmel High. The thought of being at the same school as "it's too late for me to be your mom" Shelby had at that point in time been more soul destroying than the prospect of yet more slushyings. So the next day, after her record breaking fourth slushying of the morning, she decided she needed to make a stand and involve a teacher. Maybe Mr Schue hadn't been the best choice of confidant but her choices had been limited and at least he wielded a slight hint of power over the main instigators of her slushyings. So she'd sat in his cold office in her sticky slushy-stained outfit as his unwelcome and rather patronising advice consisted solely of how she could fit in better and irritate her peers less. It was a tacit admittance that she in someway deserved what was happening to her, or that he at least approved. Her manners prevented her from leaving once his agenda became apparent so instead she politely sat it out until he ran out of ways of explaining how it was all her fault. It shouldn't have been a surprise, it wasn't as if he'd ever protected her in his class from the outrageous insults and name calling she was expected to endure. Yet it was still a bitter crushing disappointment. She had gone home desperately downcast and still somewhat sticky from the latest slushy attack. She'd had her first hour-long shower, learnt how to hide her pain and finally accepted the tough lesson that the only person you could rely on was yourself. Maybe she'd been beginning to forget that here in New York.

 

Cassie placed the newly purchased bottle of vodka on the kitchen table and took a seat to stare at it for a moment. She had been alcohol-free for a few months now but what was the point? She wanted to escape at least for a while from the pain she was feeling and vodka had always been her quickest route to oblivion. She'd resigned from her job, had an uncertain employment future ahead of her and the first person to break through her walls and make her feel anything had ripped her heart from her chest and stomped on it - or at least would no longer talk to her. She couldn't help herself from thinking back to that tango, those e-mails, dancing in Rachel's apartment and their laughter-filled phone conversations. Cassie forced down a sob and then stormed around her kitchen looking for a glass. She dismissed the shot glasses in preference for a tumbler. A quick release from her memories was what she needed. Rachel needed protection from her? Pah. Cassie angrily cracked the seal on the vodka bottle. She needed protection from her more like. From those dark expressive eyes, those long tanned legs and from these intense feelings. She poured a half glass of vodka; her uneven movements caused the vodka to splash onto the table. Cassie swirled the liquid in her glass and briefly considered calling Paul before dismissing the idea. He'd only take Rachel's side and she just didn't need that at the moment. The glass was at her lips when her phone rang. She hesitated momentarily and then set the untouched vodka down on the table to check caller-id. 

"Paul," she managed to croak out, "how are you and yours?"

"All fine," came the irritatingly cheery reply, "but more importantly, how are you?"

Cassie grunted a response that gave little away. Or maybe it gave everything away.

"You were always at your most despondent as a kid on Sunday evenings so I thought I'd just catch up with you. Wouldn't want you falling into the clutches of the demon drink again eh?" Paul continued brightly.

There was a strained pause before a far too sympathetic, "Oh Cassie."

"I haven't drunk anything," she managed defensively.

"Sounds like there's an unspoken 'yet' on the end of that." replied Paul. The comment just hung awkwardly in the air. She was an adult now, she made her own choices even if they were bad ones. She didn't need to justify herself to anyone.

"So has something else happened?" asked Paul gently. It was enough for Cassie's defensive shields to be breached and her floodgates to open. She updated Paul on recent events, vacillating between self-pity and anger but managing to keep her voice steady. Maybe she didn't need alcohol to vent and bemoan her bad luck generally and her unsuitability for Rachel in particular. Paul just listened, yet again offering no judgments. Cassie was reminded of the walk in the park where she'd eventually confessed to all that was going on - it felt like a lifetime ago. 

"So any further pearls of wisdom to offer?" she asked a little bitterly, "perhaps you'd like to tell me how I've deserved all this."

"Cassie, you're my sister and I love you…" he started.

"But?" Cassie challenged. Really he just needed to cut to the chase and let her get back to self-medicating with vodka.

"But I'm not sure you can afford my amazing advice," Paul quipped.

The unexpected response had Cassie reluctantly smiling and her anger disappating. "Not that amazing," she grumped, "your last suggestion of a neutral venue did me little good."

"Actually I think your comment about for her own protection sabotaged my suggestion. Oh and a free tip for the future, never ever claim you did something your girlfriend doesn't like for her own good, it's just never going to be a winning argument." Paul went for a light tone. 

"Yeah well thanks for your perfect hindsight but Rachel was marching away from me and," Cassie sighed, "I just wanted her to talk to me. It doesn't really matter anymore anyway, Rachel's made it pretty clear we're over."

Paul hesitated and then dived in.

"I'm not sure she did. 'Never speak to me again', 'leave me alone' or 'stay away from me' are all clear messages. Needing protection from you is more a statement of how things are and an acknowledgement that she cares enough about you for what you do to hurt her." Paul expanded on his theme hoping he was right. 

"But you were saying you wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to me again," accused Cassie. Did she dare hope Paul was right - was there some hope of being able to salvage the situation?

"Yes well ostensibly bullying someone who is trying to move on from a history of being bullied isn't exactly a great foundation to build a relationship on. I think it's healthy she chooses to protect herself rather than just turning the other cheek. Your problem is finding the opportunity to explain why things aren't as they appear on the surface."

"Made somewhat complicated by the fact she won't talk to me face to face or on the phone," moaned Cassie. Paul's advice of talk to her was hardly helpful, she knew she needed to do that but Rachel wasn't prepared to listen, "easier said than done unless you have any bright ideas on how I can make Rachel listen."

"She's still in your class isn't she?" prompted Paul.

Cassie's mind raced with possibilities. She couldn't believe her brother was suggesting this.

"You mean apologise and declare my feelings in front of the entire class?" Asked a somewhat stunned Cassie. She could do that if that was what it took to win Rachel back. Bugger all the secrecy and trying to protect her or Rachel from future gossip. She didn't have a reputation to protect. Desperate times called for desperate measures and all that. Perhaps the grand finale could be a raunchier version of Americano where she pulled Rachel up to join her in the dance. Suddenly the room felt rather hot.

"Well I wasn't thinking of anything quite that drastic or at least not yet," replied Paul, surprised his usually closed off defensive sister would even consider a public declaration of her feelings, "I was thinking of something slightly more subtle - what about subliminal messaging through the music you choose for your lessons?"

It was an interesting idea and far less of a threat to Rachel's future career than a teacher's confession of love. Cassie mulled it over.

"Is there a song called 'please just let me explain why I was such an insensitive idiot'?" added Paul.

"No" replied Cassie not really focussing on the conversation as she ran through songs in her head that might fit in with what she wanted or rather needed to say.

"Okay well I can hear the cogs turning from here. Maybe I need to leave you to your lesson preparation," Paul suggested. He hoped the idea was enough to keep Cassie away from alcohol for the rest of the evening.

"Thanks Paul," there was a pause as Cassie pulled her thoughts together before she added sincerely, "you're such a wonderfully supportive if occassionally annoying brother."

"Cassie I just want you to be happy because you deserve to be even if you struggle to believe that," It was a rare moment for them both, "Just promise me you'll think before you speak or act in the future" Paul finished off.

"Jerk," blurted Cassie.

"I think you'll find that's 'wonderfully supportive if occassionally annoying' jerk to you," replied Paul solemnly. Cassie was smiling as she put down the phone. It was time to scour her music library.

 

Rachel felt her ability to present herself as happy and cheerful drain away from her as the dance lesson loomed closer. It was hard to come to any conclusion other than the gloves were now off and Cassie would be picking on her mercilessly. Not that it could be any worse than before but it was just Rachel was in a more fragile state. She'd briefly considered skipping the lesson but quickly dismissed the idea. She needed to pass dance 101 and attendance was part of the criteria for successfully moving on. Surviving two more weeks of being the butt of Cassie's jokes and the focus of her ire couldn't be harder than the years of persistent targeting in high school. She just needed to put recent events down to one of those learning experiences that she'd be able to laugh about later – make that much later. Rachel was at the door of Cassie's room pulling all her reserves of inner strength together when Lydia suddenly put an arm around her shoulders.

"If Ms July starts on you we'll both walk out," reassured Lydia.

Rachel managed a weak smile back, "thanks Lydia that's a kind offer but don't jeopardise your position for me."

"Well after telling her she was mean and not a very nice person when she was horrible to you last time, I'm not sure there's much of a position for me to jeopardise," replied Lydia as they moved to place their bags by the window.

"That was kind of you Lydia but really you didn't need to," responded Rachel somewhat taken aback that a) Lydia would stand up for her and b) she lived to tell the tale.

"Of course I did," insisted Lydia, "I'm just sorry I didn't have the courage to speak in front of the whole class. Are you sure you're okay Rachel, you look a bit…"

Rachel cut off Lydia's thoughts on how she looked by a hasty, “Just tired."

The conversation ended there as Cassie called the class to order. Her gaze swept the faces of the students in front of her managing to avoid Rachel's. Her peripheral vision managed to take in Rachel's averted gaze and slightly slumped posture. She felt a bit better knowing she wasn't the only one suffering but also guilt at being responsible for all this unnecessary extra drama. Next to Rachel muffin-top was glaring at her with all the menace she could muster. Unfortunately given Lydia's predisposition to see the good in everyone and everything, there wasn't much menace to muster. A sudden thought struck Cassie that maybe Rachel had confided in MuffinTop and she was for a moment unsettled. Muffintop's menace faded quickly into an expression of concern in light of what she was reading from Cassie's face. Cassie abruptly pulled herself together. Fortune favoured the brave, carpe diem and other such stuff.

"Okay," Cassie sauntered to the front of the class using her swagger to disguise the fear racing through her veins, "with just two weeks left of my tutelage it's time to see whether you can apply what you've been taught. So this week I'm going to play you a tune at the start of the lesson and by the end individually, in pairs or even in groups you need to come up with an interpretative dance."

Various expressions of bewilderment met her pronouncement. No one was howling in outrage - so far so good.

"Right, choose who you're going to work with and let's get the show on the road," Cassie gave the class time to sort out their groups as she lined up the music. She called the class to order and played the song.

"David Gray, english singer, released this around 2000," Cassie allowed the song to play on a bit more, "pay attention to the interesting drum beat - that definitely needs to be picked up in your routine."

The song drew to a close, "Oh and it's called," Cassie paused to try and catch Rachel's eye but her gaze was on her hands,"'Please Forgive Me'."

It was now Cassie was relieved she'd given up on her late night search for the ideal song with the ideal lyrics settling instead for titles that would convey her message. Most apology songs were slow and rather dirgeful so she'd struggled to find anything with the right message that could be danced to. Not that it really mattered, It all seemed to be going wrong already with Rachel too wrapped up in whatever was going on in her head to notice the significance of the song choice or even that a song had been chosen. Lydia was guiding her to work in a group of four but Rachel came across as not really engaged in the task. Cassie frowned. It was early days yet she told herself as she allowed the class to divide up into groups and use the audio file she'd sent them. She needed to give the idea a few days to work before implementing her fall back plan of throwing herself into full confession mode in front of the class. It was a delicate balancing act; every day that passed made the likelihood of her heartfelt public confession being instantly followed up with humiliating rejection more likely.

Cassie circulated around the groups and pairs impressed at some of the routines being pulled together and offering suggestions to the rather more staid groups. She studiously avoided making any comments directly to Rachel or even making any eye contact. To the casual observer it would look like Cassie was ignoring or blanking Rachel when in fact the opposite was true. She was hyper aware of the listlessness of Rachel's performance, her lack of contribution of ideas to the group and her inability to keep the sheen of tears away from her eyes for very long. Should she force the pace? Insist on Rachel staying back at the end? Press a tear-stained letter of explanation in her hand and not ler her leave until she read it – not that she’d actually committed one to paper yet? She was gradually aware of Lydia's inquisitive gaze on her. Instead of a scathing remark, Cassie settled for a self-deprecating smile instead then quickly moved on to another group.

Rachel had come to the lesson fully prepared for Cassie to unleash yet more abuse in her direction and possibly even up the level of humiliation. There was no reason for her to hold back now with her having so little time left at NYADA. So Rachel was unsettled by the reality of Cassie determinedly ignoring her. Once Rachel had found the courage to brave a glance in Cassie’s direction she realised the woman could sweep the room with her gaze and not see her. At first she’d thought it was just all part of some build up to Cassie trying to catch her off balance – ignore her and then suddenly pounce but as the lesson wore on she realised that wasn't the case. Even her most wooden, least co-ordinated attempt at dancing failed to elicit a response from their usually hypercritical dance teacher. Things were worse than Rachel had imagined, as far as Cassie was concerned she had ceased to exist and that really hurt. There was no more entertainment to be had at her expense so Cassie had moved on. Logically Rachel knew she should be pleased but then why did she feel so depressed? There wasn't much longer until the end of the lesson. If she could survive this one the other lessons would become easier. She used what little energy she had to ensure she was the first student out of the door when the lesson finally ended. She didn't hear Cassie calling after her, hesitantly asking for a word as she was too focussed on holding herself together until she had the privacy of a bathroom stall for a quick sob. 

Rachel's withdrawal into herself over the next few days was drastic enough even for Kurt to notice - okay so maybe Stefan had helped point him in the right direction. She was leaving the apartment even earlier in the morning than usual as if to avoid him, spending an inordinate amount of time in the shower in the evening and then retiring to her room 'tired'. To be fair she looked drained and somewhat exhausted but he couldn't figure out why with the amount of sleep she was allegedly having. He wasn't sure if she was eating properly as he hardly saw her and the one time he'd insisted she cooked dinner as it was her turn, she'd served up two plates of food for him and Stefan, claimed to have eaten earlier before disappearing off for yet another incredibly long shower. His admittedly rare attempts at conversation were met with a brittle beaming smile and short answers insisting things were 'fine' that closed down the interaction. Kurt was uncertain what to think, when Rachel suffered setbacks in the past she always bounced back more determined and focussed after a brief spell of crying but this was something entirely different. This quiet hermit like behaviour was outside the realms of his Rachel experiences. Kurt was debating whether he needed to call Quinn or not with his concerns, but then maybe Quinn was the problem? When Kurt rose excessively early that on yet another morning to find himself in an empty apartment the decision was made a showdown with Rachel was needed. If there was no change in Rachel's behaviour by that evening and if she continued to insist she was fine when she obviously wasn't, then he'd screw all his courage together and contact Quinn. 

 

By Wednesday Lydia insisted, in a very unLydia like manner, that Rachel joined their usual group for lunch rather than sloping off to wherever it was she sloped off to. She wouldn't take no for an answer and Rachel wouldn't be excused until she'd obviously eaten something that Lydia considered sufficient to qualify as lunch. So currently Rachel was sat next to her, half half-heartedly chasing salad around her plate but managing to consume very little of it. Lydia had watched the vitality and life drain out of Rachel as the week progressed even as a less pronounced but similar malaise seemed to be affecting Ms July. Even today's upbeat number of 'I want you back' hadn't had either of them smiling. Rachel was mechanically stumbling her way through lessons hardly engaging at all as Ms July seemed to be retreating from interaction with them all as much as possible. The two things would be unrelated in her head if she hadn't noticed the look on Ms July's face as Rachel hurried for the exit after each lesson. It was hard to describe but a desperate hurt was what she'd finally decided on. She seemed to be the only person who noticed and it was such a fleeting look each time she could just be imagining it. Particulalry when you considered the huge amount of trashy romance stories she secretly read and the fact that Ms July's intense dislike of Rachel had never exactly been secret. In Lydia's head intense dislike always turned out to equal true love but with heated arguments on the way and the obligatory major misunderstanding before love triumphed over everything. She snorted inelegantly at the thought of trying to apply that scenario to Ms July and Rachel. So wrong on so many levels. Maybe sometimes intense dislike was just intense dislike. 

Rachel's musings on whether cherry tomatoes had evolved into spheres in order to aid their survival as she chased one with a fork around her plate was interrupted by the placing of a pad of paper and a pot of money in front of her.

"Come on Rachel it isn't that hard, predict tomorrow's song, a dollar a guess, no repetitions. Right song wins the kitty, rollover to Friday if necessary and if still no winner proceeds to charity," Julian rattled through his standard explanation.

"Song for what?" asked Rachel.

"Dance 101," Julian continued impatiently with his trademark eyeroll, "Surely you've noticed a theme?"

Rachel's bewildered expression indicated she hadn't. 

"Obviously," continued Julian patronisingly, "CarCrash is straight out of a relationship break-up and exorcising her demons through therapeutic dance."

"Or she has the most god awful collection of music on her i-pod and the shuffle function hates us," suggested Tyrone

"’Please forgive me on Monday’," Julian counted off his first finger," Tuesday was Pat Benatar's…"

"We belong, we belong, we belong together," warbled Tyrone in a rather scarily accurate imitation of Ms Benatar as Michael thumped the table to imitate the drumbeat from the track. For a moment Rachel thought the entire table, if not the entire cafeteria, was going to burst into song and dance in a Fame like manner before reality quickly intruded.

"Then there was today's upbeat 'I want you back'. To be honest I was worried it'd be Mariah Carey's without you - never been so glad to be wrong," added Julian.

"I'm sure Ms July had tears in her eyes on the 'oh baby give me one more chance, to show you that I love you'" Tyrone used the opportunity to burst into song yet again.

"And there was me thinking she'd had her tearducts soldered shut to avoid expressions of emotion," muttered Tamara somewhat ungraciously.

"More likely the sun was in her eyes," suggested Lydia.

"Or they were tears of despair on seeing Tyrone's paltry dance offering - hip thrusts being so last century..." 

Rachel tuned out the conversation around her as she wrestled with whether there was meant to be significance in the choice of songs. Was Cassie trying to send her a message? It was such a totally ridiculous notion. She tried to push the idea away but some ever-hopeful part of her brain insisted on whispering 'maybe' in her ear. She scribbled 'I won't give up' on the list, practically inhaled the salad left on her plate and then beat a hasty retreat to google lyrics in the privacy of the restrooms. There was no way a sophisticated person like Cassie would be reduced to such a teenage-like tactic and yet was it too much of a coincidence surely for the song titles to be so meaningful? Although they were only meaningful if Cassie hadn't moved on, hadn't been toying with her and wanted to be back with Rachel as much as Rachel needed to be back with her. She sighed uncertain what to think as the start of a headache began to form. She didn't have any more time to dwell about it; her next class was mere minutes away.

Rachel's Wednesday evening was spent in her room avoiding Kurt and dedicated to an almost forensic like examination of the lyrics of the songs Cassie had played so far. The results were disappointingly and depressingly inconclusive. There were apt phrases but other parts that didn't really apply. So Rachel then decided to consider meaning. This was far more subjective and after scrolling through various forums where interpretations varied wildly - but almost invariably someone made reference to whatever song being about faith and God - Rachel was as uncertain about whether the song choices were significant or not as when she started. A voice in her head was calling her pathetic for scrabbling around trying to decide whether she was being sent a not-so-hidden message through song when the woman in question wouldn't even acknowledge her mere existence. How many lessons of being completely blanked would it take for her to get the message that Cassie wanted no more to do with her

Cassie's desire to take action rather than being involved in a waiting game increased as the week progressed. Her unsubtle song choices were falling on deaf ears and for her own sanity she needed to find out where she stood before the weekend arrived so she could spend the weekend inebriated if necessary as part of the healing process. It was only a week but it felt like a lifetime and the uncertainty was wreaking havoc on the both of them. Maybe she needed to force Rachel's hand. By the end of that Thursday, one way or another she and Rachel would have a long overdue conversation and beyond that she didn't dare plan. So early Thursday morning, when the cleaners were still working their way though the building, Cassie fuelled only by excessive doses of caffeine was busy recording her own version of the day's song choice. It was time to pull out all the stops. 

 

When the time for dance class finally came around Rachel was torn between nervous anticipation and a a half-hearted attempt to attach no significance whatsoever to Cassie’s choice for the day's song. Her logical side insisted the song titles were a bit like a horoscope in that anyone could read a significance into it and make it apply to their own situation. Her battered optimistic emotional side preferred to believe otherwise even if there was little empirical data to back such a stance. This time a week ago she'd been happy she reminded herself. A week wasn't just a long time in politics. Rachel steeled herself and entered the class to be quickly joined by her ever-faithful dance companion Lydia. They took their places stretching and warming up at the back of the class. There was a strange expectant atmosphere in the room as everyone waited with barely concealed interest for Cassie to reveal the day's tune.  
Cassie wouldn't have been the talented teacher she was without the ability to sense when there was a different vibe to a class. She swept the class quickly for some clue but came up empty. She could feel the anticipation in the air and it made her feel unusually nervous as she lined up the song for the day's make or break lesson. The thought alone made her jittery but that combined with the strange atmosphere in the room and the total attention of everyone being focussed on her made her uncharacteristically clumsy. She fumbled about so much that the song that blasted out of the speakers after her intro of ' today's tune is....' surprised her almost as much as the rest of the group.

"One Direction," breathed a reverent Tyrone as the introduction to 'That's what makes you beautiful' played to a stunned, pin-droppingly quiet audience. Then there was a sudden burst of laughter and some ribbing of Julian that she didn't quite follow.

Cassie was uncertain how to retrieve the situation but her indecision made it harder to undo her mistake. So she left the tune to play, gradually realising that this song was possible inspiring the group more than the one she'd intended to play. Rachel's puzzled gaze met hers momentarily before she hastily looked away. Cassie cursed internally but decided to just let the lesson run as the students seemed to be enjoying their heated discussions of boy band dance routine moments. She definitely needed to catch Rachel at the end of the session.

Now Rachel was completely bewildered at what to think. Was the song chosen because it was meant to have significance for her? Was it chosen to show it had no significance as a kind of snub to her? Was it even the right song because Cassie had looked quite startled when it first played? ‘Nothing to understand’ insisted her stern inner voice, the song titles are random so move on and stop pathetically scrabbling for a meaning where there is none. Rachel pushed the unhelpful thoughts aside. She'd been quite a boy band fan in her youth so maybe she could bring some of those long ago moves to the current routine being hammered out in her group. Soon she was immersed in a complicated co-ordinated routine that had the five of them breaking out into peals of laughter as things kept going wrong; four of them jumping to turn one way as a perfectly in time Lydia managed to jump and turn the other way brought Rachel close to tears. The class were called to order to show their work still leaving time for Cassie to lead the entire class in one huge co-ordinated routine that had everyone smiling by the end. Cassie had started with the Just Dance moves as a warm up and then gradually increased the complexity of the routine, pleased to note the class were keen to meet the challenge rather than dropping out. The unusually animated voices at the end of the lesson provided Cassie with the cover she needed to call Rachel over to talk to her before she could make her usual speedy departure.

"Yes Ms July?" asked Rachel, eyes fixed firmly on the top of Cassie's cane.

"I...look...I just wondered…" Cassie struggled to order the thoughts in her head, "I thought we might…"

"Come on Rachel or we'll be late," interrupted Lydia, her voice uncharecteristically high pitched as she moved to stand next to Rachel, vibrating with nervousness.

"Just check your e-mail as I want to... run a possible song selection past you," managed Cassie finally.

Rachel grunted in response as Lydia finally plucked up the courage to drag her towards the exit glaring at Ms July as they went. Cassie watched them leave as she weighed up her options. Beyond turning up uninvited on Rachel's doorstep she was fast running out of ideas.

It was the end of the day before Rachel allowed herself to access her e-mails to understand what on earth Cassie had been talking about. She was on her way home when she finally dared to open the email, sent to her personal address no less, to find a brief message

Attached is a special version of the song I meant to use in today's lesson before technology intervened. Please listen to it carefully.

Rachel clicked on the audio file and an acoustic version of 'Listen to your heart' began to play with the third person 'he's' changed into first person 'I'm'. She played it again feeling a sudden thrill as she realised the singer was Cassie. Cassie had taken the time and trouble to record a song for her? Surely there was only one way to interpret being sent a personalised version of 'listen to your heart'? She listened more intently through the next play back. Her rather expensive earphones allowed her to pick up the barely descernible hitch and the slightly thicker tone on the last 'listen to your heart, before you tell me goodbye'. With the song on repeat Rachel finished the journey home on automatic pilot trying to decide on what, if anything, she should do next. Listening to her heart was what usually got her into trouble - did no one write songs about ‘listen to your head’? Do the sensible thing? Follow your brain? Take no chances? Rachel sighed as she opened the apartment door. It was all very well telling her to listen to her heart - in an emotionally moving song no less - but surely an apology was more in order? This wasn't just about her and her heart but more about Cassie's casual disregard for its fragility. Her musings were cut short by a determined looking Kurt coming to stand in front of her. She removed her earphones slowly – the fact this conversation had been coming for a while didn’t make its arrival any more welcomed.

"Rachel" Kurt began, projecting as much solemnity as he could muster into the name.

"Kurt," Rachel matched his tone and then mimicked his stance by folding her arms.

"I really think we need to talk. I couldn't help but notice…" began Kurt

"Fine," interrupted Rachel holding her hands up as if in surrender, "but could we 'talk' later? It's been a long tiring day and I need a shower."

"Well okay, provided the shower doesn't last all evening," snarked Kurt as Rachel headed to her room. He watched her pause and then turn to face him.

"Do you know why I think we work so well as flat mates?" Rachel asked.

"No," replied Kurt warily. Rachel never asked a question like that without having a carefully prepared answer that always left you feeling a bit worse about yourself.

"It's because of a lack of judgement or criticism about each other's behaviour. We don't go prying into the other's business and we just let each other be." Rachel stepped forward to place a hand on his shoulder. "I particularly value being able to be who I want to be and knowing that if I needed anything you'd be there for me. I've never had that privacy before, I've always had my Dads prying into my every slight mood change and I didn't realise how exhausting that was until now. I know if I wanted to talk about anything you'd listen and if I didn't you'd let me not talk about it without making me feel guilty. That level of trust is just so special."

Kurt was uncertain how to respond. She'd just very nicely told him to mind his own business. He knew she meant every word of what she'd said.

"I hate to see you hurting," he managed.

"I know," replied Rachel gently. They hugged briefly and Rachel headed to her room again. Maybe a shower was a good idea after all.

 

Cassie had been all jumpy and unable to settle since she'd sent Rachel that e-mail. She'd been obsessively checking her phone even if she wasn't sure what kind of response she expected. An acknowledgement of receipt maybe? She didn't even know if Rachel had even opened the e-mail, or heard her song, or even wanted anything to do with her. She finally decided action was definitely more her style than inaction, purchased a cheap phone and began to make her way over to Rachel's apartment. The pair of them needed a conversation and even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear she needed to find out where she stood. She'd given Rachel space with no idea whether that was the right move or not. They'd managed the briefest bit of eye contact today so surely that meant there was some hope? Cassie stopped at the all night, somewhat seedy, diner around the corner from Rachel's block and with a strong black coffee in hand carefully considered what text to send from her new clunky phone with its new unknown to Rachel number. If Rachel was still mad at her she had just this one shot at a text. It was approximately twenty minutes and several cups of coffee later before Cassie threw caution to the wind and sent the text. Now she just needed to wait.

 

Rachel emerged from the shower some time later almost eighty percent certain that she needed to ring or maybe text Cassie. She could demand answers about just what on earth was going on. She would need to gauge exactly what Cassie's motivations were while keeping her own thoughts and feelings carefully restrained. She'd need to be dispassionate and aloof - Rachel checked out in her mirror her attempt at an aloof and dispassionate expression; she looked half hopeful with a hint of desperation thrown in. She replayed last Thursday's lesson in her head and gazed at the mirror again, now she looked cross and outraged. Somewhere in the middle was the expression she needed. She began towelling her hair dry before finally noticing a new text message on her phone. It was from an unknown number.

Meet me by 8 in Ed's diner round the corner from your apartment block or I'm coming to yours regardless of Kurt. We need to talk. We're both hurting and I miss you so much. Cassie 

Rachel stared at her phone in shock as she reread the sentence about Cassie missing her. Then her eyes took in the time at the top of the screen. It was 8:05 pm already. Damn her newfound preference for long showers. Rachel stumbled about her room hastily trying to get dressed as fear coursed through her system that at any moment Cassie would be knocking on her door. She so didn't need to be dealing with Kurt right now on top of trying to sort things out with Cassie. Jeans and loose sweatshirt in place, Rachel finally pulled on some socks, slipped into her trainers and raced to the apartment door trying to pull her still damp and uncooperative hair into a ponytail. 

"Just realised I needed to get something from the corner store. See you later," she directed at Kurt as she threw herself out the apartment door and began running down the stairs. 

Her heart was racing from the exertion rather than the fear of Cassie and Kurt meeting as she made it out of the door of the building. Now that the fear of Cassie knocking on the door had subsided she was free to take a more measured pace on her way to the diner. Was Cassie on her way to hers? Would she even still be at the diner? Maybe she should text? Rachel checked her pockets as she walked, no phone, no money but she had managed to grab her door keys. Just great. She slowed her pace as the diner came into sight. A quick pep talk about being restrained and keeping her feelings under wraps seemed appropriate. She needed explanations and apologies. If Cassie was still in the diner she'd be immaculately turned out, incredibly calm and much better placed for this conversation than Rachel was. Cassie held all the cards in terms of experience and being cooly calm, she needed to be equally cool and rational. Rachel took a calming breath and allowed her eyes to gradually focus on the female figure nervously pacing the pavement in front of the diner. The woman was anxiously checking her watch and seemed too preoccupied with the thoughts in her head to take in her surroundings. It slowly dawned on Rachel that it was Cassie currently wearing out the pavement in front of the diner obviously as apprehensive as she was. Her surprise was tinged with relief. Not so calmly collected then and maybe just as uncertain and anxious as she was. She took a few more paces forward stepping out of the shadows and directly into Cassie's eyeline. Rachel watched the emotions play across Cassie's face from wide-eyed shock to momentary disbelief and then finally pleasure.

"Rachel?" asked Cassie, relief and reverence saturating the word as her face transformed from a worried look into a pleased smile and she took a step towards her. Relief, excitement and fear were a potent mix of emotions racing through her. She wasn't aware of raising her arms to greet Rachel she just knew she wanted to be close to her. To touch her and make sure she was really here. Rachel had chosen to come to the diner, a good sign surely? Why was Cassie finding it so difficult to breathe?

"Cassie," breathed Rachel aware of the huge rush of adrenalin coursing through her veins and making her heart race. Thoughts of restraint fled as she found herself drawn towards the smiling, so pleased to see her woman. It had been too long since she'd seen that smile. She felt an overwhelming need to touch Cassie and they both moved towards each other at what felt like an agonisingly slow pace. Suddenly she was enveloped in Cassie's arms pressing her face into Cassie's neck as they hugged each other tightly in a manner suggesting neither was going to let go in the near future. There was a gentle moan but Rachel was unsure if that was her or Cassie. 

Cassie pressed Rachel closely against her, inhaled the flowery scent of her shampoo and was unable to resist lightly kissing the top of Rachel's slightly damp head. However difficult or painful the road ahead might be Cassie realised it would be worth it just for this, the comfort and pleasure of having Rachel in her arms fiercely hugging her.

"I'm so sorry" she found herself muttering on repeat finally realising just how sorry she really was to have so thoughtlessly nearly jeopardised all this.

"Shhhhhh" soothed Rachel before reluctantly pulling away from Cassie slightly so she could look her in the eye as Cassie continued to apologise. Rachel silenced her with the lightest touch of her finger to Cassie's lips before using her hand to stroke her cheek.

"Talk later," whispered Rachel, " for now I just want you to hold me."

"Okay," replied Cassie as Rachel nuzzled back into her embrace and sighed contentedly. She gently stroked the back of Rachel's neck with one hand as she drew circles on her back with the other. She felt tears prick in the corner of her eyes but this time from an almost overwhelming sense of relief and happiness. However difficult the conversation ahead might be at least she already knew what the outcome would be and she vowed to herself to never give Rachel reason to ignore her in the future.

 

Rachel had in the past been accused (and fervently denied) being clingy but now she was in danger of earning the description without any regret. Her heart swelled with affection and a smile felt permanently plastered on her face as she marvelled at the transformation in her feelings wrought by just being held by Cassie. Her determination to be rational and aloof had barely lasted longer than her setting eyes on Cassie and realising that she was just as uncertain and unsure as Rachel was. It was a thought that gave her most hope for the future. They were in this together as equals and from the wavy Cassie was holding her she realised the older woman wanted this as much as she did.


	18. Chapter 18

Kurt checked the time on his phone again. It was 30 seconds later when than he last looked at it but at least an hour after Rachel had raced out of the apartment as if her room was on fire. Considering how long Rachel had been gone she obviously didn't mean their local corner shop as she could have been there and back on fifteen trips in the time she'd been gone. He drummed his fingers a few more times on the table until the past-their-best flowers came slowly into focus. And that was another thing, the usual Thursday bunch of flowers had failed to materialise today. Kurt was unsure how the recently subdued Rachel, the lack of flowers and Rachel's unexpected sprint out of the apartment were related and she'd all but banned him from asking. He sighed and glanced at his phone again. As flat mate it was legitimate for him to be concerned about Rachel's well being; it was dark out, it was late and the area they lived in was decidedly shady. Besides if anything happened to Rachel, Ms July would be ripping him apart judging by her reaction when she thought he'd left Rachel home alone dying of Meningitis. When it came to Rachel's heartfelt disappointment in him versus Ms July's ire directed at him there really was no contest. He phoned Rachel's number - he just wanted to check she was okay.

A faint 'don't rain on my parade' ringtone sounded from Rachel's room. He tracked it down with his phone held tightly against his ear. Rachel's phone was on her bedside table along with her wallet. How could she buy anything without money? In fact the room was a bit Mary Celeste-ish now he came to think about it, almost as if Rachel had disappeared mid hair drying. He looked at her phone but beyond his missed call there was no other information available because of the screen lock. Kurt sighed replacing the phone at a similar jaunty angle to the cabinet edge, as he'd found it. That was odd too because Rachel always liked things parallel or perpendicular - maybe she was testing him? He quickly scurried out of her room - he didn't want to be caught invading her privacy again. He perched on the edge of the couch and ran through what he knew. Rachel had exited the building like a rocket without her phone (hadn’t she once said something about always being ready for the call to stardom no matter what the time?) or any money, (so she wasn't really buying anything), leaving her room untidy (Rachel was obsessive about tidying everything away and didn't even realise that such behaviour was odd) and he wasn't supposed to be worried. Kurt was uncertain what to do short of scouring the neighbourhood. He scrolled down his contact list and his finger hovered over Quinn's number. If anyone knew what was going on with Rachel it would be Quinn. He didn't have a choice.

An out of breath Quinn answered on the third ring with a concerned "Kurt, is Rachel okay?"

"She's fine," he grumped back automatically before asking, "why do you think I'm calling about Rachel? Can’t I just call you because we're friends?"

Quinn's amused laughter irritated him further.

"Okay friend," said Quinn teasingly, "to what do I owe the pleasure of a phone call if it isn't you seeking advice or information about Rachel?"

Kurt was momentarily stumped for a response and then he improvised rather than letting Quinn be proved right.

"Well I was ringing to invite you to New York as my guest to surprise Rachel," he said," so indirectly my phone call is related to her."

"Oh," was all he managed to get out of Quinn.

"She's been a bit down recently and well I don't need to explain to you about how you always cheer her up," managed Kurt awkwardly. “Anyway," he hurried on, “she’s performing at Ms July's farewell shindig next Friday and I thought you could come along as my guest."

There was a silence on the phone and Kurt worried that he'd inadvertently done something wrong. There had been no flowers today he suddenly remembered.

"I mean... um... Unless you two have... er... fallen out," he managed.

"No, no of course we haven't," replied Quinn before adding in a hesitant small voice, “Do you really think Rachel would want me there?"

It was Kurt's turn to laugh.

"I can't think of anyone she'd want more to be there," he stated confidently. Honestly Quinn should consider a career in performance as her shy uncertain act was just so convincing.

Quinn struggled to keep her hopes in check at his words.

"Okay then yes," Quinn replied trying to keep her excitement out of her voice. Maybe she could have a heart to heart with Rachel then. The mere thought filled her with an interesting mix of hope and fear.

"Excellent," said Kurt. Maybe him organising Quinn to come on a surprise visit would mean an end to this ridiculous pretence that nothing was going on between the pair of them. Rachel would be able to talk about her difficulties of being in a long distance relationship rather than moping about like someone had killed her puppy and avoiding him because of her inability to keep a secret otherwise.

"Your visit is to be a surprise so no warning Rachel before hand," he pointed out.

"Yes Kurt," replied Quinn dryly, "I do understand what is meant by a surprise."

Kurt asked about how things were going at Yale in a bid to eventually work the conversation round to Rachel's exceedingly odd behaviour that evening. Quinn was mid a-funny-thing-happened-in-my- seminar tale when Kurt received a text from an unknown number. It was Rachel letting him know she'd 'become side-tracked' so might be a bit late coming back but she didn't want him to worry. He half listened to Quinn as he stared at the screen wondering what to reply. Once the conversation with Quinn was finished he pushed aside the urge to send a concerned parent text (Where are you? Who are you with? What time will you be back?) and settled instead for something briefer and allowing a hint at his irritation to creep in.

 

 

Cassie relaxed her hold on Rachel once she finally managed to process that this was indeed happening, Rachel was in her arms possibly crying tears of relief or happiness if the dampness on her neck was anything to go by. As the first few drops of rain began to fall she gently pulled away from Rachel so they could stand with their foreheads just touching. The urge to steal a taste of Rachel's much thought about slightly quivering lips was extremely hard to resist particularly when the tip of Rachel's tongue nervously moistened them like that. She mustered all her resolve.

"We really should talk," croaked Cassie. There was a heart racing moment as Rachel's gaze swept over Cassie's lips and her eyes momentarily closed when she thought Rachel would take the decision out of her hands and kiss her but the sudden increase in rainfall intervened. Suddenly they were reaching for the diner door laughing, breathless and a little damp from the downpour. Cassie led Rachel to the still empty booth where she'd sat earlier and then once they were seated an awkward silence descended. Cassie placed her hand over Rachel's as she thought about where to start. They were interrupted by a gum-chewing waitress with a hostile manner that suggested she didn't gain much job satisfaction in her current role. She managed to pop her gum twice whilst asking, “what d'ya want then?" before her disapproving gaze settled on Cassie and Rachel's linked hands. Rachel's attempt to move her hand was prevented by Cassie holding it a bit tighter and rubbing her thumb across the back of Rachel's hand reassuringly.

"We'd like two coffees and a bit of privacy," said Cassie firmly before focussing her gaze on Rachel again.

With an audible harrumph of disapproval and a final snap of gum, the waitress left.

Cassie moved her other hand so she could cradle Rachel's hand between hers. Both times she'd met Rachel away from NYADA premises she'd had to apologise. She fervently hoped this would be the last time such an apology was needed. 

"Although I was a thoughtless and insensitive jerk last Thursday and don't deserve your forgiveness, I'd like to explain why I acted the way I did," she finally managed to blurt as her voice shook with emotion and her vision was suddenly slightly blurred with tears.

"It's not important," soothed Rachel, uncertain she wanted to hear some confused explanation about Cassie wanting to punish her for making her feel things she was afraid of. A rather awkward stilted conversation with Quinn along the same lines had been an experience she'd vowed never to repeat.

Cassie looked at Rachel in surprise. Not important?

"Of course it is," insisted Cassie before trying to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere, "Wouldn't want you thinking I deliberately set out to hurt you." 

Cassie's weak attempt at a smile was halted as she realised Rachel's gaze had slid away from hers and was now fixated on their hands. It caused a sharp pain in her chest as she realised that was precisely what Rachel believed.

She managed a pained, "oh."

Cassie fought her instinctive reaction, which was to be angry that Rachel had such a low opinion of her and her motives. A bitter 'well if you think that, then there's little point in continuing this conversation or relationship' balanced precariously on the tip of her tongue. In her head the voice of reason - it sounded suspiciously like her brother's - was pointing out that Rachel had every right to think her capable of setting out to deliberately hurt her as that was precisely what she'd done in her office before the start of term. She swallowed her angry words.

"I just thought...well now that I'd moved on from denial and told you how I feel," Cassie paused to take a steadying breath 'and given up my job for you' added the still angry voice in her head, “that we'd moved on to a different stage in our relationship." She brought Rachel's hand up to press against her cheek but Rachel's gaze remained fixed on the table top, "I," she bit back the 'love you' she nearly said. It was too soon for that and this was hardly the right time or place, "I don't want to see you hurt, I want to stop anyone from ever hurting you and I'm ashamed I inadvertently did so."

"I' m sorry that I thought," mumbled Rachel before being cut off by Cassie gently reaching out and gently lifting her chin so her gaze met Cassie's.

"You have absolutely nothing to apologise for," Cassie insisted before her voice softened, "and every reason to think the worst of me but my intentions were in the right place even if my actions were misguided..."

Cassie was back to holding Rachel's hand against her cheek forcing a closer proximity between them as she related the overheard conversation that had led her to giving Rachel a rough ride in her class. She was aware of Rachel's eyes searching her face for the truth of what she was saying.

Rachel couldn't help feeling a little foolish as Cassie relayed the overheard suspicions and her decision to counter the claims by a public display of disdain. She couldn't help feeling that she was yet again a victim of her high school experiences and the expectations they created that people wanted to hurt her just because they could. Obviously she hadn't moved on as much as she hoped. Cassie was adamantly refusing to let Rachel apologise and yet that didn't stop her feeling guilty about her part in their recent drama.

"I appreciate that you don't think I need to apologise," started a teary Rachel, "however I think it's important I explain why I reacted the way I did."

The pause Rachel took to gather her thoughts was interrupted by the firm setting down of two coffees causing the drinks to spill on to the table. The sudden silence was punctuated by the obligatory snap of gum.

"Two coffees, if you can find a spare hand to drink them with," stated a hard disapproving voice.

"Thank you for both the coffees and your concern," replied Cassie calmly without breaking her hold or gaze from Rachel's. The slight surprised smile she detected was all she needed to focus on.

There was some exaggerated teeth sucking before the waitress finally left them alone. It was enough time however for a lone tear to make its way down Rachel's cheek. Cassie gently wiped it away with the back of a finger but soon, much to her increasing concern, the tears were flowing far more frequently. Finally Rachel pulled back from Cassie's touch, wiped her tears away and straightened her shoulders. She flicked a glance at Cassie and then focussed on her hands firmly interlocked in front of her and resting on the table.

"When I was in high school," was the opening phrase that finally allowed Rachel to begin to talk about experiences and feelings that she'd thought she'd dealt with. She kept her gaze away from Cassie as she didn't want to see pity or annoyance at how pathetic she was. While she was secure in her belief in her talents through whatever was thrown at her, her school experiences had convinced her that as a person she was annoying, difficult to be around and high maintenance - and that was just for starters. So while she recounted in a matter of fact manner the things she had already revealed such as the slushyings and the name calling - all of which she mainly linked to jealousy of her prodigious talent - her voice wavered as she moved on to how no-one dared partner up with her for school projects for fear of being targeted too, of how she was the only one not to receive invites to girls nights, parties and basically any social gatherings involving her high school peers. All of which, although disheartening and potentially depressing, would have been bearable because she had plenty of friends outside school through her involvement in dance classes and choirs...

What really had been the most distressing was the constant raising up and then crushing of her hopes. How small kindnesses would build up into supposed tentative friendships and she'd just be beginning to think that maybe she'd turned a corner in her relationships with her school peers only for there to be some humiliating grand finale where she was left sitting alone in a cafe, standing forlornly outside a movie theatre or arriving at the supposed venue of a party to find only a darkened house. If she was lucky she would only need to keep herself busy the requisite amount of time to be able to return home with her Dads none the wiser. If she was unlucky then there would be a group ready to hurl insults and the occasional slushy as they berated her for her belief that someone might actually want to be her friend. It was only a small but highly influential hard core of girls who revelled in tormenting her and it was only a few incidents before she hardened her heart to supposed approaches of friendship but it had left her always waiting for the other shoe to drop if someone was nice to her. It was why she had thought the worst of Cassie's motives when she had gone suddenly from friendly and supportive to all out bitch. It had brought back painful memories.

Cassie had been prepared for the name-calling and slushying tales. She knew from the cyber bullying she'd seen on Rachel's MySpace page that it was a little more personal than just the jocks picking on the non-jocks but still the viciousness and the carefully planned cruelty shocked her. She hadn't realised that she'd started crying until Rachel became blurry in front of her. Strong emotions of anger and shame surged within her and she was lost for a suitable response as Rachel finally finished speaking. She couldn't undo what had happened to Rachel in high school nor could she undo the pain she had caused.

A silence hung over the table so Rachel braved a look at Cassie to gauge how ridiculous and pathetic Cassie might consider her to be. She didn't know what to make of the fact she had a tearful Cassie in front of her. She had never said anything to anyone about her school experiences - beyond that completely fruitless attempt to get Mr Schue to step in - so she was unsure what response she expected. She'd managed to upset Cassie and that hadn't been her intent. It was just natural for Rachel to want to offer comfort so without thinking about it she reached out to rest a hand on top of one of Cassie's. The move provided Cassie with the impetus to speak.

"I'm so sorry. I can see how my apparent complete change in attitude and you having no-one to talk to would have triggered painful reminders of school." Cassie gave a heartfelt sigh, "it was never my intention to hurt you and I'm so sorry I did."

Rachel felt a bit guilty and a need to underplay her experiences once she'd noticed Cassie's reaction. 

"Things did become better in my final year," reassured Rachel, wondering whether she should maybe have censored her tales a little bit, "I did have some good times." Mainly performing in Glee club and by ignoring the often-unfriendly attitudes towards her she realised. Finn had provided some distraction but his inability to stand up for her had made her believe she in some way deserved what happened. Cassie had stood up for her more with her challenges of the waitress than Finn had managed in their months together.

"Rachel, please don't minimise your feelings in order to spare mine," Cassie looked intently at Rachel, "total honesty is what we need if we're going to work," she added softly, as a sarcastic voice in her head asked when she had suddenly become an expert on relationships. 

Cassie's slight opening of her arms was all the invitation Rachel needed to throw herself into a comforting if somewhat awkward hug. Even the sneering look directed their way by the waitress couldn't diminish the emotional high Cassie was on just from having her apology accepted and Rachel in her arms. She'd explained and Rachel had forgiven.

Rachel pulled slightly away to be able to watch Cassie's face as she cleared away the last thing that was bothering her.

"In the interests of total honesty," Rachel paused and looked slightly uncomfortable with a hint of guilty. Cassie drew in a steadying breath even as her heart dropped. It was as she suspected. She steeled herself for Rachel to confess to some kind of involvement with Quinn and tried to think about an adult calm response even as the very idea caused her insides to churn, "I made the remark about your lack of sobriety because I was trying to hurt you."

Cassie was unsure whether to cry or laugh with delighted relief. She settled for a neutral stance even as a grin danced around the corners of her mouth. Rachel's body language and gaze screamed sincerity.

"Nothing more than I've deserved over the years," she said, initially waving the remark away before taking in Rachel's expression more fully. Damn this total honesty idea, “but it was undeserved at that point and it did hurt."

Cassie took in Rachel's crestfallen features.

"Rachel if you need my forgiveness you have it." Cassie raised a hand to cup the soft smooth cheek of Rachel's face to keep their eyes locked. “But it's a small thing. Far more importantly, thank you for trusting me with your school experiences."

Cassie was impressed with how calm she sounded when really inside she was raging at how Rachel had been treated. It felt like a topic that would need to be visited several times although now was really not the moment as Rachel had her tears under control and was once again holding on to her tightly.

 

"So how did Kurt figure in your schooldays?" asked Cassie in a bid to find a happier aspect to Rachel's recollections. Rachel had implied she'd been friendless at school so Cassie was keen to find out just how Kurt and the enigmatic wonder kid Quinn fitted into Rachel's past seeing as they all seemed quite close now.

Rachel drew away from the hug, her face suddenly pale. Her gaze shifted to take in the time on the clock above the diner counter.

"I said I was just popping out to the shops. He'll be worried about where I am," Rachel was half out of her seat before a thought struck and she asked Cassie for her new phone. She quickly sent a text message. Cassie was impressed that Rachel could recall Kurt's mobile number until Rachel revealed she memorised numbers as short musical snippets with each digit assigned a different note. Cassie's usual number was a particularly discordant cacophony of sound. She didn't think it was a memory aid that would catch on.

Rachel harrumphed at the text she received in reply to hers. Cassie raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"I can tell he's really annoyed with me," stated Rachel as she passed over the phone, "all that text speak and not even a proper sentence at the end." 

Cassie watched Rachel rein in what was obviously a common topic of complaint and glanced at the text in front of her.

Thx 4 letting me no. Mite not w8 up.

Cassie read the message but was none the wiser. She'd take Rachel's word for it.

"So you and Kurt at school?" she prompted keen to gain some insight into the boy. Her opinion so far wasn't yet bordering on favourable.

"He was targeted too. He did a lot of dumpster diving, endured the same slushy attacks and verbal abuse. He was even seriously physically threatened at one point,” explained Rachel skirting around commenting about him and her. 

"So you and he were friends through shared experiences," stated Cassie, her opinion of Kurt beginning to creep into positive territory until she noticed Rachel's hesitancy. Her eyes narrowed, "or maybe not at first?" she suggested.

"We didn't really get along at first but we're past that now, I mean I'm sure the makeover here was his way of apologising for that excruciatingly embarrassing high school one where he set me up,” explained Rachel hurriedly, only realising her error as Cassie's expression hardened and she echoed "set you up?" back at Rachel.

So after a sip of lukewarm weak coffee to settle her nerves Rachel gave a potted history to Kurt and hers rather antagonistic relationship through high school with the diva-offs, the friendship when he wanted something and the makeover she'd really rather forget about. How he dealt with his bullying by picking on her rather than empathising with her. She countered this with their shared interest of anything Broadway, their impromptu performance on the wicked stage and how they'd become closer over their similar career ambitions. Her relating Kurt's Midnight Madness challenge as an act of friendship to help her keep her ego in check had Cassie biting her lip to stop herself from expressing her outrage. Midnight madness was a well-known device used mainly as a tool for punishing anyone who dared to be too talented. The audience was packed with seniors whose hopes were already being crushed and who were ready to take it out on some young upstart. Voting was usually rigged beforehand but the difficulty was always in finding a challenger who was prepared to be seen winning despite an inferior performance. The most generous interpretation she could come up with was that Kurt had been unaware of how it all worked and had naively taken part. Yet it still rankled. Kurt's opportunity to enter NYADA had come as a result of Carmen's rush of blood to the head on seeing a flawless Rachel perform. His way of thanking Rachel was to challenge her to a midnight madness contest. Somehow she didn't think Rachel was the one with ego problems.

Cassie found the urge to punch Kurt didn't diminish even as Rachel moved into relating their happy times. It seemed from where she was seated that Kurt was extremely effective at manipulating Rachel into doing what he wanted and her recent conversation with him when she was worried about Rachel had revealed a young man solely focussed on himself and how Rachel's behaviour affected him rather than worrying about her. Throw into the mix his 'not-so-secret girlfriend' revelation that had caused her so much angst and his position on her shit list was sealed. Cassie somehow doubted he'd managed to relay that part of their conversation to Rachel. That kind of casual outing spoke volumes about his character. Still, he was Rachel's friend and it wasn't her place to interfere in that. She wanted to move the conversation on to the Yale wonder kid.

"So if not Kurt, at least Quinn was there for you during the tough times," suggested Cassie before instantly regretting it as she took in Rachel's pained expression. It was slowly dawning on her that Rachel stating she had no friends at school was a fact rather than dramatic story telling hyperbole.

"Um well she... Er," prevaricated Rachel before hurriedly adding, "she was one of the instigators but it's not surprising when you consider the rigid bigoted household she grew up in with its focus on being seen to be upstanding. Never mind the relentless condemnation of difference," Rachel's pause for breath allowed Cassie to speak.

"One of?" she asked calmly as 'slap Quinn' joined 'punch Kurt' on her fantasy to-do list.

Rachel squirmed in her chair before adding, "Okay so maybe she was the main instigator of everything directed my way but her family were so repressive, hateful, homophobic and xenophobic that she didn't..."

A sudden flash of inspiration hit Cassie

"Quinn is SkySplitz," she breathed, more in disbelief than anger. Rachel instantly looked flushed.

"She was young and..." blustered Rachel

"Cruel" interrupted Cassie, stony-faced.

"I was going to say foolish but it all changed after the pregnancy, losing the cheerleader captaincy, her family throwing her out, losing Beth to adoption," Rachel sighed, "she didn't need the additional punishment of being temporarily paralysed in a near fatal car accident while rushing to prevent my ill-advised but eventually aborted wedding."

Cassie stared dumbfounded at Rachel. She understood the words individually but together they made Rachel's or rather Quinn's life sound like a badly written soap. Had Rachel said wedding?

"It's a long story," soothed Rachel as she stroked Cassie's cheek, "but suffice to say despite an initial antagonistic start we're now good friends."

Cassie's incoherent grunt suggested she was unconvinced. She was still distracted by the idea that Rachel had nearly gotten married. It just didn't fit with her preconceived notions of Rachel as a sexually inexperienced yet majorly ambitious individual. She really needed to spend time on getting to know Rachel better but for now it was important for Rachel not to be so isolated from her rather motley ill-chosen set of friends. She considered suggesting Rachel deleted her MySpace account or at least the comments there before deciding it wasn't any of her business and hoping those comments still plagued Quinn as reminders of her outrageously poor judgment. Instead she was going to ensure Rachel had support in case they, heaven forbid, fell out in the future and her lack of respect for Rachel's closest confidants was irrelevant. She certainly didn't think she'd survive another misunderstanding that resulted in Rachel withdrawing from her. After all, she'd had her brother to talk to and keep her sane, Rachel had had nobody.

"I think you should choose which of your friends you want to let in on the secret about us," Cassie started as she watched Rachel's expression change to one of bewilderment, “just to make everything less... stressful."

"But what about, I mean we're not a secret if we tell people," spluttered Rachel. It was Cassie who'd been so adamant about secrecy so why the sudden change?

Cassie smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring manner, “I’m only suggesting one of your close friends is in the know. It's just an idea so you're not so isolated."

Rachel quickly considered a rather short list of possible candidates. Lydia was by far the kindest most likely to be non-judgemental friend and yet Rachel didn't think she was the right choice. She rather doubted Kurt's ability to keep a secret although admittedly not having to sneak about to make phone calls or meet up with Cassie would improve the quality of her life immensely. Then there was Quinn; based on nothing more than a gut feeling she felt Quinn would be disapproving. Then Rachel felt a twinge of guilt, what did it say about her or rather Cassie and her if she didn't want to tell anyone about them? Cassie appeared to be getting restless so she'd opted for Kurt and, in a triumph of hope over experience, tried to persuade herself that he would have her best interests at heart and so keep their secret. She fervently hoped this wouldn't be a choice she would come to regret but admitting she wasn't prepared to tell any of her friends hardly seemed an option.

 

So it was less than fifteen minutes later they were stood outside the door of Rachel's apartment each summoning up the courage for the next step. The walk back had been mostly silent as Rachel struggled to find the right words to express what a phenomenally bad idea this was. 'I don't want to do this' stuck in the back of her throat and in the meantime Cassie was sending her all these reassuring looks. Rachel's trepidation was escalating by the minute - no, make that by the second.

Cassie could tell Rachel was nervous - she wasn't exactly doing much better herself. She knew this was the right thing to do even if it meant giving some snit of a boy the power to make her life difficult. This was about Rachel and what she needed. As a hesitant Rachel began to pull back the door in front of them she reached for her free hand so they could interlace fingers. The feeling of dread was matched only by the nervous racing of her heart. From the look of Rachel she was faring little better. With a deep breath Rachel stepped forward gently coaxing Cassie with her. They were met by a silent rather dimly lit living space. Loud relieved exhales of air were followed immediately by Rachel throwing herself into Cassie's arms muttering, "Thank God". It wasn't quite the reaction she'd been expecting but the touch of Rachel's arms around her neck as she pulled their bodies closer together wasn't something she could ever imagine complaining about.

A husky "I'm not ready to share you" in Cassie's ear was enough to have her quickly moving from surprised to weak kneed and positively melting. She stuttered her way through explaining she thought Rachel needed or wanted someone to confide in beyond her as Rachel's warm breath on her neck seriously impeded her ability to make a sensible argument. 

"What I really want or need is for this evening to never end," murmured Rachel as she hugged Cassie tightly again, “I’m finding it hard to believe we're here together and I'm afraid that if you leave..." Rachel tailed off as she realised her planned end of the sentence made her look insecure, clingy and possibly a bit unhinged.

"I know what you mean," Cassie whispered back. It was while they were apart that doubts would set in so now they were only recently reconciled, it seemed risky to separate. Yet they could hardly stand hugging in the dimly lit apartment all night.

Rachel pulled back to look at Cassie as she asked nervously with a blush painting her cheeks  
"Stay with me" 

The physical reaction in Cassie was immediate and she wrestled to bring her libido under control even as her nipples hardened and all sensation promptly focussed on a small but highly influential area between her legs. As she tried to gather her scrambled wits together to list all the reasons that staying would be a really bad idea Rachel pinned her with a coy pleading look and a desperately needy "I just want to be held by you. Please."

It was hardly a fair contest leaving Cassie idly wondering whether she'd ever be able to refuse Rachel anything when she deployed that look against her even as she caved to the request. She was having stern words with herself about lines she shouldn't cross as they made their way to Rachel's room. Rachel's breathy reassurances that Kurt was a heavy sleeper and a late riser did little to help rein in Cassie's racing imagination.

A furtive trip to the bathroom combined with an attempt to squeeze herself into one of Rachel's t-shirts later and she was ready for bed. She could feel Rachel's eyes focussing on her abs visible because of the shortness of the shirt she'd been given. Rachel moistening her lips with her tongue as she did so suddenly made Cassie aware of the enormity of the task ahead of her. Resisting temptation had never really been her forte. Electricity raced up her arm as Rachel gently reached for her hand to draw her to the bed. In no time Cassie was laying on her back with Rachel cuddled tightly into her side, head resting on Cassie's shoulder and a hand gently stroking Cassie's abs. A contented Rachel was just happy to have finally managed to touch the abs she'd thought so much about ever since first glimpsing them. They were smooth and deceptively soft. It was all she could do to stop herself from bringing her lips down to taste them. A rather overheated Cassie was biting the inside of her cheek and fighting the nearly overwhelming urge to grasp Rachel's hand from where it was teasing her abs and move it further southward to where its ministrations were desperately needed. She was so sexually frustrated that the mere thought of Rachel touching her intimately had her on the edge of an embarrassing climax. She directed her thoughts to the next day’s song choice in a bid to distract herself. The change in Rachel's breathing and her feeling a little heavier pressed up against her clued her in to Rachel being asleep. Now she dared to press a light kiss to the top of Rachel's head and softly ran her hand along her cheek. Rachel turned a little so her legs were entangled with Cassie's and there was suddenly pressure just where Cassie had needed it. It was an exquisite kind of torture. Cassie sighed as she dared to run her hand down Rachel's back and thought about resting it on Rachel's rear - it was going to be a long night.


	19. Chapter 19

It was barely light when Cassie decided it would be an appropriate time to make a tactful tactical exit from Rachel's bed and apartment. There was absolutely no sense in taking any unnecessary risks when she was a mere week away from ending her employment with NYADA. Besides it was apparent to her that Rachel obviously had some qualms about letting her loose lipped chinless wonder of a flatmate know what was going on between the pair of them and that suited her just fine. Rachel had remained snuggled up to her for the night enjoying the sleep of the innocent as Cassie wrestled against the urge to touch the tempting flesh pressed against her. It was amazing that she'd actually had any sleep to awaken from given all the temptations that had been within, well, touching distance.

Rachel's t-shirt rode up as she turned in her sleep allowing the hint of a breast to show in the glow of the streetlights. The only way to stop herself from licking a route from the tempting curve to what she envisioned would be a pert and inviting nipple was to imagine the mock outraged articles that would appear on-line in the unlikely event she was caught with a student's nipple in her rather older teacher's mouth. As a reward for her restraint - it took some time - she allowed herself to gently touch the firm ass outlined to best effect by the rather skimpy shorts Rachel was wearing. She pushed the headline of 'lecherous predatory teacher cops a feel' away from the front of her brain by concentrating on the feel of Rachel and how much better it would be once the necessity of a barrier of clothing between them was removed. Cassie's smugness was short lived as Rachel mumbled in her sleep and then rolled closely into Cassie with her arm coming to rest across Cassie's chest and her fingertips within easy touching distance of where Cassie's nipples were suddenly standing at attention against her t-shirt. It would be so wrong to move Rachel's hand. She settled instead for running her hand through Rachel's hair and gently tracing the profile of her nose. She was considering a risky outlining of those talented luscious lips when a rather sleepy and barely coherent Rachel asked her if she was okay. Cassie's mumbled affirmative sounded decidedly squeaky to her own ears but was enough to satisfy the adorably sleepy girl. Rachel rolled over and then encouraged Cassie to be the big spoon. Just when Cassie thought she'd bested all the temptations that could be thrown her way, Rachel wriggled backwards slightly so that her rear was pressed tightly against Cassie's groin and then she sighed contentedly. Cassie smothered a groan and hoped her embarrassingly high level of arousal remained known only to her. At some point, exhaustion had trumped horniness and she'd fallen asleep.

Cassie awoke to find their positions had switched in the night and Rachel’s arm draped possessively but lightly across her body. She eased her way from under Rachel's arm and slid out of bed. It was a bracing temperature in the apartment - student finances not running to central heating - so little encouragement was needed for Cassie to dress quickly. She was in need of a shower, preferably an icy cold one. She walked softly back to where Rachel was sprawled out across the bed and sat gently alongside her. She couldn't leave without saying goodbye and she daren't risk a note going astray so she would need to waken the sleeping beauty in front of her. Rachel looked so young and just so - she couldn't think of anything other than adorable. It seemed a shame to wake her. She brushed some of Rachel's hair back behind her ear and tenderly ran her fingertips down her cheek. So young. So innocent. Cassie's potential spiral into self-doubt was circumvented by a croaky "Cassie?"

"Shhh," Cassie soothed continuing to stroke Rachel's cheek, “Much as I'd rather stay I think it'd be prudent for me to leave now."

"Okay," replied Rachel moving her hand to squeeze Cassie's. She couldn't let the woman leave without a final touch of her. Rachel could barely believe they'd spent the night cuddled together in her bed. It had been ages since she'd slept so well. She hadn't even realised it was possible to sleep that well with someone else in her bed. She focussed on Cassie. This amazingly stunning woman had chosen to spend the night snuggled up with her. Her heart raced with excitement at the mere thought. 

"Thank you" breathed Rachel, suddenly shy as the enormity of risk she had persuaded Cassie to take, "I shouldn't have..."

"Thank you and I'm glad you did,” replied Cassie reassuringly before adding a teasing; “I’ll see you later in class."

Cassie's decision-making processes were mostly sensible and restrained until she decided a farewell kiss on the forehead was in order. As she leaned forward to gently press her lips against Rachel's tanned smooth forehead she inexplicably found herself lured instead into tasting the moist pouty slightly ajar lips that she had spent many an hour speculating about the taste and texture of. They were as soft, if not softer, than she had expected and the brief heavenly contact sent her pulse and arousal rate soaring. It was Cassie's dazed state that allowed Rachel's gently insistent hands to cup her face and pull her back in for a slightly firmer, still somewhat chaste kiss.

Rachel had whiled away many a night imagining what it would be like to kiss Cassie. Usually in her imagination an infuriated Cassie chose to silence Rachel with the judicious application of her lips to Rachel's in a bruising, take-your-breath-away kiss, often pressed up against a suddenly handy door or wall. As the softer romantic side of Cassie became apparent Rachel had imagined a more romantic location - top of the Eiffel tower was maybe a bit far to travel to - but the New York equivalent with a declaration of heartfelt longing preceding the long awaited melding of lips together. The reality was less dramatic but the gentle, almost shy way in which Cassie's lips met hers far exceeded anything she had imagined and although she was light-headed with sheer joy, she had the presence of mind to guide Cassie's lips back to hers just so this time, rather than being awestruck by sensation overload, she could actually actively participate.

A reluctant Cassie pulled slightly away to whisper a half-hearted rather husky "we shouldn't..." Only to be overruled by a sparkly-eyed insistent Rachel purring, "Oh yes we should" as she yet again pulled an all too willing Cassie in to meet her lips, sliding a hand to the nape of Cassie’s neck to dissuade her from withdrawing from their next kiss. This time as their lips met Rachel took the opportunity to run her tongue briefly along Cassie's bottom lip. It was enough of an incentive for Cassie to push her concerns about Rachel's lack of experience aside and for her to deepen the kiss. She quickly realised that Rachel was no novice when it came to kissing and Cassie's last vestiges of restraint and honourable intentions crumbled under the cross between a whimper and a moan that Rachel made in response to her upping the ante. Kissing Rachel was addictive and although they occasionally parted breathless and grinning inanely at each other, such separations were minimal and thankfully brief. Cassie’s kiss addled brain could only berate itself for resisting the temptations of Rachel’s highly skilled, deliciously soft lips for so long. 

Rachel could only wonder at why she had wasted so much time kissing boys. If only she’d known how incredibly soft and tender a woman’s lips were. Or maybe it was just Cassie who had the ability to move her from a half awake state to a scorching ball of lust just with a few restrained kisses. Cassie was pressed against her as much as the bedclothes between them would allow and it wasn’t enough. As Cassie’s tongue teased and explored her mouth she could feel her excitement levels rising. If anyone had suggested before this morning that she could have been brought to the edge of what promised to be the most intense orgasm of her life just by kissing she’d have laughed heartily. Kissing had always been a necessary chore before now that had to be endured in order to keep a boy interested. Now, now, she finally understood what all the fuss was about. She tried to fight the urge to writhe and moan under Cassie’s skilled ministrations but it was a losing battle. Rachel managed after some judicious tugging of clothing to place her hands on the bare flesh of Cassie’s back. Cassie’s resulting involuntary gasp had Rachel teetering on the edge of a glorious sensory overload. She tried to pull Cassie closer to her for that added bit of pressure just there where she needed it when the obnoxious blaring of her early morning alarm suddenly caused Cassie to jump and pull away.

There was a moment as a wide-eyed Cassie gazed at her in momentary bewilderment before the pair of them began to laugh.

“For a moment I thought your dads had had you fitted with a chastity alarm,” commented Cassie as she caressed Rachel’s cheeks. Rachel laughed at her remark.

“If it was possible I’m sure they would have. It’s actually an alarm to signal the start of my workout,” replied a still heavily breathing Rachel before she added with a grin, "but my workout started a bit earlier than usual today.”

It was Cassie’s turn to laugh and then lightly kiss Rachel.

“You’re amazing and incredibly beautiful,” she started only to be interrupted as Rachel drew her back in for another kiss, "but we ought to show a bit more self-restraint...”

The rest of Cassie’s sentence was lost as they both demonstrated how difficult self-restraint was.

“I really should go,” managed Cassie as they drew apart to catch their breath and she rolled over to pull herself up into a seated position on the edge of the bed. She realised her statement had been half-hearted and unconvincing even as Rachel pushed herself up and captured her lips again.

“I’m not stopping you,” grinned Rachel in between light kisses.

Cassie groaned before pulling Rachel into a hug.

“You know you are but I need to go before Kurt...” Cassie lost her train of thought as warm lips found a rather sensitive spot to play with on her neck. She found herself pushing Rachel back on to the bed as their tongues duelled for dominance. Cassie knew she needed to leave but her resolve was easily weakened and Rachel was hardly helping. Time passed unnoticed as they exchanged endearments and yet more kisses.

If Rachel’s alarm had been a shock it was completely topped by the sound of Kurt calling out to Rachel from just outside her curtained room.

“Rachel, I know you’re awake I can hear you. I think we need to have a chat.”

“Kurt?” managed Rachel in a strangled tone before controlling her fear and adding a calm, "I’ll be out in just a minute” despite Cassie doing her best to distract her.

“Well if you’re decent I’ll just come in,” replied Kurt as Cassie had the dubious pleasure of watching Rachel pale and go wide eyed with alarm, ”I bring hot black coffee,” Kurt added. 

“Just a moment,” called out Rachel as her eyes desperately scoured the room. She dismissed the thought of Cassie climbing out of the window even before it had fully formed. For all her graceful agility, Cassie was no spider woman. She dismissed the wardrobe too. It was so rickety that she had to take care just when hanging anything in it; certain it wouldn't withstand a person in it. The consequences of the sudden collapsing of the wardrobe and Cassie spilling out of it whilst she was mid-conversation with Kurt didn’t bear thinking about.

Cassie could see the thought processes play out across Rachel's face as she scanned the room and was understandably relieved at the quick dismissal of the window option. It was time to help out. She placed a calming hand on Rachel's arm and then leaned forward to whisper in Rachel’s ear, ”Time to put your acting classes to good use," before adding a resigned, "the things I do for love,” as she lowered herself to the floor and rolled gracefully under Rachel’s bed. Rachel pulled a robe on even as she tried not to focus on the fact Cassie had just implied she loved her. She adjusted the bedclothes before taking a deep breath and calling Kurt in. She was going to need that coffee he'd been offering.

Cassie listened to the murmuring voices above her and yet again tried to shift position quietly and without catching more of her hair in the bed frame. She was fighting the urge to laugh at the ridiculous situation she found herself in. Here she was a fully grown woman hiding under a teenager's bed, listening to Rachel give the performance of her life above her and all she could think about was a strong cup of black coffee. Well, that and assessing her chances of getting out of the apartment unnoticed by Kurt. Perhaps they should have just brazened it out because if she were found under Rachel’s bed things would be far worse.

Rachel practically inhaled the coffee Kurt offered as he sat down beside her on the bed. Maybe he’d put her vibrating with happiness down to caffeine overload. She eyed Kurt over the rim of her mug, as he seemed to debate what starting point to take with her. Time to head him off.

“What I’m really loving about the whole New York college experience is not having to account for my whereabouts every second of the day,” she sighed wistfully as she fixed Kurt with a sincere wide eyed look, ”Just being able to do things on a whim is just so,” she paused, ”liberating.”

“Yes well um,” managed Kurt before Rachel suddenly cut him off with a hug.

“And you’re such an ideal flatmate,” she flattered shamelessly, "being concerned without prying. It’s such a rare talent, most people wouldn’t be able to do that.”

Kurt pulled away from the far too enthusiastic hug that Rachel was giving him. She was clearly telling him to mind his own business but he wasn’t just going to back off. He needed to play her at her own game.

“As a concerned friend I can’t help noticing you’ve been a bit withdrawn recently and it’s hard not to worry when you suddenly race out of the flat like you did last night,” he said quietly.

Rachel looked down at her hands before looking at him hesitantly, ”Well,” Rachel began with a little squirm, ”It’s just, well it’s a bit awkward but then relationships are,” Kurt tried to control his excitement. Was Rachel about to confess to her fling with Quinn or whatever it was? It was almost worth braving being up at this hour for.

“You know, when it’s the start of a new relationship and things are a bit fragile and tentative,” Rachel sighed, ”What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been trying to give you the space you need to explore your relationship with Stefan without me being too much of a third wheel. I’m sorry if that’s made me seem withdrawn.”

Kurt gaped at her, as his planned triumphant response of “I knew there was something going on between you and Quinn” was suddenly no longer apt. There was reason he didn't usually get up at this time in the morning - oh yes the inability to think, that was it.

“I’m sure you’d do the same if roles were reversed.” Rachel added pleased with her ability to wrong foot and silence Kurt, if only temporarily.

"Umm well you don't need to hide from us Rachel besides," Kurt leaned into her conspiratorially, "I think Stefan's a huge fan of yours and is half hoping your talent will rub off on him.” Two could play the flattery game. “So last night?" he prompted with a casual indifference that belied the intense level of curiosity he felt.

"Yes well I must have got my dates wrong as I was surprised by the start of my menstrual cycle and I didn't think I could send you to the shop on my behalf to purchase the appropriate...uh...essentials." Explained Rachel putting all her effort into keeping a straight face as Kurt squirmed with embarrassment. He had paled on just the mention of the word menstrual and was struggling to disguise his discomfort even as he edged slightly away from Rachel.

"Don't worry, it's definitely not catching," she teased him.

They both sipped their coffees as they waited for Kurt to move on from his discomfort.

“Are you really okay?” asked Kurt. He looked at her closely, “I know I don’t usually see you in the mornings but your lips look a bit puffy and swollen.”

Rachel had no way of stopping her face flaming as her mind raced for a reply.

“I think I’ve been biting my lips in my sleep as I’m worried about next week’s performance at Cassie’s farewell,” Rachel realised she’d used Cassie instead of Ms July but hoped Kurt wouldn’t pick up on it, ”I haven’t even finalised a song yet.”

“Hmm. Well what about 'Ding dong the witch is dead'?” mused Kurt. 

“Kurt you're sounding dangerously like the bitchy gay dancers you always moan about. You know 'walking stereotypes giving gay men a bad name' and I know you’re better than that,” Rachel replied hastily to cut Kurt off from expanding on his thoughts about Cassie.

Kurt was momentarily chastened before replying, ”You shouldn’t worry about it. You don’t owe that woman a thing. Besides,” Kurt grinned at Rachel at a slowly dawning thought, "You’re the one who called Ms July a paler, meaner version of the wicked witch of the east. That's where the idea of the song sprung from."

“Yes well,” responded a suddenly flustered Rachel, ”that was before I properly appreciated her teaching abilities.”

“Yeah, right,” scoffed Kurt as he laughed at her before adding sarcastically, ”You’re definitely a big fan of hers.”

"No...I’ve sort of developed an... er... affinity for her methods,” stuttered Rachel.

Kurt’s laughter was louder.

“Oh right, abuse as a motivator. Who knew?” scoffed Kurt, “As for her and Brody..”

Rachel’s glare was enough to know he needed to drop the subject. He held his hands up in a gesture of conciliation. They sat in silence drinking the rest of their coffees.

“Thanks for this Kurt,” Rachel waved her mug at him, ”I could get used to coffee in bed every morning.”

“Don’t even think about it. This is just a one-off as early mornings are so not me,” Kurt stood and headed out of the room.

 

Kurt was halfway to the kitchen when it occurred to him he should have collected Rachel’s empty mug while he was in her room. So he turned and popped back to collect the mug only to be met by the sight of Rachel on her knees adjusting the hangings on her bed and even more weirdly, even for Rachel, talking to them. Had she really been telling the creases they could come out now? He cleared his throat and watched Rachel jump guiltily. He tried not to roll his eyes at Rachel's borderline OCD habits, at least she recognised her behaviour was a bit odd judging by the intensity of the blush on her cheeks. Lining up the drapes was one thing but talking to them was quite another. He held his hand up to stop whatever attempt to defend the indefensible she was going to make. 

"I'll leave you to converse with your bedclothes in peace," he smirked, "I'm going to shower and then perhaps we can have breakfast together."

Rachel managed to nod in agreement. Kurt whistled his way back to his room to find his favourite designer products for his shower. Behind him Rachel sank on to her bed clutching her heart. There was only so much excitement she could take in one morning – was it possible to die of an adrenalin overdose?

A smirking Cassie finally emerged from under the bed.

"A paler meaner version of the wicked witch of the east" grinned Cassie, "I think you might need to work on your insults."

"Mmm," replied Rachel wasting no time in stealing a quick kiss," I know just the person to teach me."

They smiled at each other before moving in for a hug.

"Right, let's get you out of here while Kurt's in the shower," ventured Rachel, ”I’m not sure I can take any more surprises.”

“Good idea, we can’t have much luck left now,” smiled Cassie, ”And I’m in desperate need of a coffee.”

Rachel peeked out into the living space. She couldn’t hear the shower but then Kurt was probably busy lining up his various designer products and debating the smell needed to match his chosen outfit. She took Cassie by the hand and headed towards the front door. Kurt's sudden appearance as he made his way to the bathroom had Cassie hitting the deck as if she'd been shot, her involuntary yelp as she landed drew Kurt’s attention. Cassie slid silently behind the sofa.

"Everything okay?" asked Kurt as he noticed Rachel standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, "Did you really just squeak?"

"More of a startled girlie yelp," replied Rachel also surprised by Cassie's exclamation as she hit the floor, "I'm used to having the flat to myself this time in the morning."

“You’re very jumpy today,” commented Kurt, ”Maybe strong early morning coffee is a bad idea.”  
With that he finally headed into the bathroom.

Rachel stood still, sucking in some deep breaths trying to control the racing of her heart. She waited for the sound of the shower before finally indicating to Cassie that she could emerge from behind the sofa. As Cassie brushed herself down Rachel turned her iPod on and tried to ease the front door of the apartment open under the cover of her music.

“Girlie yelp?” queried Cassie slightly miffed as they stood in the doorway.

“Adorable girlie yelp,” soothed Rachel.

"I'm too old for this, I don't think my heart can take It." muttered Cassie 

"Let me make it worth your while," replied Rachel as she pressed her lips to Cassie's before encouraging her out of the door.

"Cassie?" Rachel whispered down the hallway causing Cassie to turn to face her, "Remember you're only as old as the woman you feel."

It was worth the exaggerated eyeroll she received in return. Rachel closed the apartment door and found herself smiling and itching to dance. She scrolled through her playlist until she located 'Friday I'm in love'. Turning up the volume, she allowed herself to dance round the kitchen singing along as she prepared a fruit salad for her and Kurt.

 

Cassie decided against heading home, settling instead for an almost leisurely breakfast before heading in early to NYADA for a shower and change of clothes. She caught herself singing in the shower and that giddily happy look she glimpsed on her face in the mirror would have to go. She schooled her features to disapproving, only for an involuntary smile to break out. Maybe she’d just have to learn to live with her face exuding the happiness she was feeling. She could always claim it was excitement about new challenges if anyone asked. Cassie hummed her way to the teachers’ lounge for another shot of coffee. She knew she really shouldn’t have stayed overnight at Rachel’s and that they certainly shouldn’t have kissed. She sighed even as she brought her fingers up to her lips. It was hard to regret actions that had caused such intense personal happiness. Nothing could ruin her mood; she just needed to be better at hiding her euphoria. The door of the staffroom opened and Lydia Fariweather's whining tones filled the space

"Carmen's always had a soft spot for her why else would a broadway washout with a vodka addiction be allowed to," there was a small pause as a surprised Lydia registered Cassie's presence," Cassie," she said brightly without a trace of embarrassment at possibly having been overheard," I was just telling Susie here how much NYADA was going to miss you."

Behind Lydia's back and out of eyeshot Susie rolled her eyes and waited for Cassie's verbal annihilation of Lydia - it didn't come. Cassie stood, causing Lydia to flinch involuntarily.

"Lydia," Cassie paused to sigh," please find some personal happiness rather than sucking the joy out of everyone and everything around you." Cassie placed her mug in the sink,"I can recommend it," she added as she strode out of the room.

Lydia grabbed Cassie's mug out of the sink sniffed it and then put it down," Seems like Cassie's started on the sauce even earlier than usual," mumbled Lydia feeling somewhat foolish now that she'd remembered vodka was virtually odourless.

"No," replied Susie reflectively,"I think she's just finally happy in herself judging by the way she was humming as she left."

Lydia frowned, something was terribly wrong with the world if Cassie was happy and she felt almost duty bound to do something about it.

 

Rachel was working hard on keeping her emotions under control as she skipped into her dance lesson with Cassie. She was bursting with happiness and bristling excessive energy, it was all she could do to keep her beaming smile in check. She'd floated in a gloriously happy haze through the worst NYADA's least inspiring teachers could throw at her. Her excessive praise of Fridays in response to Lydia’s inquiry about her cheerfulness had Lydia looking at her as if she had a screw loose. Rachel had been trying not to countdown to this lesson but she had and now it was finally here. She bounced into the room slightly nervous about what her reception would be - they'd been too lip locked to actually discuss it. What if Cassie ignored her? Or worse, what if Cassie picked on her? Then Rachel’s glance met Cassie’s and her smile grew wider even as the pair of them hastily glanced away from each other. Was that a hint of a blush on Cassie's cheeks? That lithe body had been pressed into hers only hours earlier and those lips…Now it was Rachel's turn for a heated face as her memories made her blush. One more week she told herself sternly. One more week and then a decent respectable gap of time reminded her inner voice of reason. She ignored it.

Cassie called the class to order and led them through a light warm up before it came time for the introduction of today’s chosen tune. She ran her gaze around the students as she carefully lined up her song.

“Okay a bit of nostalgia to end the week. Pairs I think” said Cassie calmly even as gaze caught Rachel's and her heart raced as a smile threatened to break out on her lips. There were and odd number of students in the class so she'd have to join in which was fine because she felt like dancing. It would be prudent sensible thing for her to choose someone other than Rachel. Julian sidling up to Rachel and placing his hand on her shoulder was enough to divert Cassie immediately froma sensible prudent path.

"Rachel, you're with me," instructed Cassie trying to keep her tone neutral even as Rachel's delighted skip to stand next to her made her want to laugh.

"Okay today's tune is..."

‘River Deep, Mountain High’ began to play from the speakers.

Cassie reached for Rachel’s hand and pulled her in maybe a little closer than was necessary as she whispered suggested dance moves in her ear. She didn't need to whisper but the tantilising closeness of Rachel and the involuntary shiver she made as Cassie's breath teased her ear made the action worthwhile in Cassie's book. It was the ideal song to capture their current mood. On the second play through they spun and twirled their way exuberantly through the song. It was the first time Cassie had heard Rachel laugh while dancing, sparked by some of Cassie’s more outrageous moves. Rachel made a comment about being glad Cassie wasn’t wearing that skirt as ripping it off and tossing it aside probably didn’t suit the current song. Cassie countered that she was glad Rachel wasn’t wearing that lipstick or she would have been obliged to lick it off her and slowly too. Rachel’s blush was just adorable. They sang and smiled at each other oblivious to the world around them. Cassie pulled Rachel in so her back was pressed against her front as she sang ‘Do I love you my oh my’ into Rachel’s ear. It was then she noticed Lucinda’s speculative gaze on the pair of them. She held Rachel a bit tighter, caught Lucinda’s gaze and smirked at her while raising a knowing eyebrow. She was amused as Lucinda looked away. Rachel smiled at her and she grinned back. Finally it was great to be her and the future was looking amazing. 

The grand finale of everyone dancing was uplifting and energetic. Cassie was focussed solely on Rachel and her obvious delight in dancing without fear of ridicule. She didn't notice that Carmen had stepped into the room until her applause broke through the exhausted panting of the entire class. Cassie passed a heavily breathing red-faced but smiling Rachel a bottle of water off her desk as Carmen walked towards them. Carmen's eyebrow raise at the gesture made Cassie aware of her mistake but she couldn't exactly take the bottle back now. At least Carmen would now realise it didn't have vodka in it - either that or she'd think Rachel had a drinking problem too.

"Bravo, I was coming to check whether Rachel was having second thoughts about next week's performance but..." Carmen's gaze swept over the pair of them, "well, whatever the disagreements you've had in the past you seem to have kissed and made up about them."

Cassie kept her gaze on Carmen even as her face lit up and a scorching heat radiated off from it. Rachel's sudden choked gasp suggested she probably wasn't faring any better so Cassie didn't brave a look. 

"Well I think I've talked Rachel out of singing ‘Mean’," drawled Cassie with a nonchalance she didn't feel. Who said her acting lessons had been wasted on her?

"I still haven't finalised my choice yet," managed a still slightly out of breath Rachel. She now dared to brave a glance at Cassie and was slightly pleased to find she looked as red in the face as Rachel felt "so you'll need to be nice to me for a little while longer."

“Sounds a little last minute on the preparation front,” teased Cassie.

“Oh don’t worry, it’ll be something good,” replied Rachel.

“And there was me thinking being good wasn’t good enough,” mock sighed Cassie only for Rachel to suddenly laugh.

"You’re living dangerously,” Rachel warned waving a finger at Cassie as the pair grinned at each other. Cassie’s eyebrow raise was her only response.

Carmen’s glance wavered between both of them trying to ascertain what the new dynamic between them was about before dismissing it as unimportant. Arrangements for Friday were well under way and she somehow doubted that Rachel didn’t have a specific song in mind or even a few in reserve too.

“Anyway Rachel,” Carmen interrupted the smiling marathon going on in front of her, ”I’m sure you won’t disappoint.”

“I know you won’t,” seconded Cassie with a smirk and suddenly Rachel was blushing fiercely yet again. 

Carmen sent Cassie a disapproving look even as Rachel headed off hurriedly to collect her belongings - she was in danger of being only on time to her next class instead of fashionably early. As the students headed off and Cassie gathered her few belongings together she was aware of Carmen loitering, seemingly waiting for an opportune moment to bring up what must be a potentially awkward topic of conversation judging by her nervous hand clasping. She wasn't sure how brutally honest she was going to be if Carmen asked her for her thoughts on the suitabilty of Lydia Fairweather as her replacement. 

"You know it's great to finally see you enjoying your classes so much," ventured Carmen. Cassie paused her movements to look at Carmen and wonder where the conversation was heading.

"I think I've finally faced up to my demons," stated Cassie matter of factly,"and I'm beginning to look forward rather than back."

Carmen stepped a little closer and placed a hand on Cassie's arm as she asked, "Does that mean you're happy now?"

Cassie laughed with amusement, "Oh yes, definitely. So happy I'm even being nice to the freshmen."

"And all it took was for you to resign your post here," Carmen pointed out.

"This job, your kindness and the expression of your faith in me when around me all my dreams were falling apart have been so important to me even if I haven't always shown that," there was a pause as both recalled heated arguments of the past,"but I think now is the right time to move on."

"As long as you're sure that's what you want to do, I could always find space for you here, not that your pride would allow you to ask," offered Carmen. Cassie gave a wry smile, how well Carmen knew her.

"Thanks," replied Cassie giving Carmen a quick hug. Carmen held on to Cassie's forearms and took the opportunity to look her closely in the eye before asking one last time, "and you're sure you're happy?"

Cassie bit back all the smart remarks that sprang to mind and settled instead for a "totally sure, totally happy," and then because all this seriousness was a bit heavy she added flippantly, "Only another shot at Broadway could make me any happier."

Suddenly Carmen's expression turned into possibly the smuggest self-congratulatory look Cassie had ever seen on anyone

"Well," drawled Carmen, "funny you should say that..."


	20. Chapter 20

Cassie sank into the chair behind her desk. Maybe it was for the best that Rachel had an iron tight arrangement with Kurt for that evening that - judging from her increasingly frustrated text messages - she was finding it impossible to extract herself from. Kurt had decided that he and Stefan needed to include Rachel more in their social arrangements and had even gone so far as to allow her to choose whether she wanted to sing Maurice or Robin Gibb's part in the planned Bee Gees performance at Callbacks that evening. That was as much of a concession as Kurt was prepared to make so the song of choice had led to much bickering via text with Cassie being kept in the loop by an exasperated Rachel. She seemed convinced their performance would be a 'tragedy' regardless of the chosen tune although Kurt's preference for 'You should be dancing' was trying Rachel's admittedly limited patience. She'd suggested 'staying alive' might be a bit ambitious for Kurt if he carried on being quite so Kurt-like and he responded the only tune he really wanted to hear her singing was 'you win again.' Although the Bee Gee debate was proving an amusing distraction, part of Cassie's brain was still mulling over the bombshell Carmen had dropped on her. She needed space and time to process it all and thinking was difficult with Rachel around. Thinking about anything other than Rachel whether she was around or not was also hard but Carmen's comments had managed the nigh impossible and she had spent the day torn between dreamy thoughts of Rachel and scared thoughts about Carmen's words. It was the kind of offer she'd used to dream about in her, admittedly rare, optimistic moments before the dark clouds of depression and despair returned to swallow her up.

Carmen had carefully mentioned she'd been approached by Mark Beaufort recently at a fund raising NYADA event to solicit her opinion on whether Cassie would be amenable to an approach to discuss a new project he had in mind. Mark Beaufort – often nicknamed Midas for his uncanny ability to choose financially rewarding projects to back – was turning his attentions away from film to a co-written musical that was a pet project for him. When Carmen had informed Cassie that the title of his planned production was Redemption, the reason for him seeking her out suddenly became crystal clear. She'd snorted in disbelief only for Carmen to point out that the number of fallen-from-grace performers eligible under the need for redemption of some kind would be enough to run the play simultaneously in ten cities around the country and that him seeking her out must mean something. Cassie had dismissed the idea with a 'yeah right' that only served to irritate Carmen further. The conversation was then suddenly all about Carmen and how she had wrestled with her conscience trying to decide what was the best thing to do, how awkward being the middle person had made her feel and how she thought Cassie was ready, indeed had been ready for years, for this second chance. Cassie had just remained silent. If Carmen couldn't see the Pandora's box of emotions she was forcing Cassie to open just by mentioning this offer then it wasn't her job to enlighten her. She hated the way excitement was making her heart beat erratically and her mind was already racing with ideas for an audition song. Performance whore, she scolded herself. Impressing wide-eyed freshmen was a whole different ball game to being good enough for the stage and she didn't need the reminder of just how much she failed to come up to scratch. She'd managed to thank Carmen for making her aware of the offer and had even managed to accept the proffered business card without a hint of a tremor in her hand.

"At least think about it," Carmen had pleaded as she recognised Cassie withdrawing into herself, her features perceptibly hardening. Cassie had managed a tight smile back; she knew she'd be unable to do anything else.

Cassie tapped the expensively sturdy business card on her desk.

A sounding out meeting couldn't hurt - could it? She was deceiving herself, it shouldn't but it would. She had fallen such a long way, so quickly and so painfully that she had for years ruthlessly crushed this need to redeem herself. Cassie had worked hard at convincing herself performing on a stage wasn't really what she'd wanted for her whole life and yet a few words from Carmen and that ambition was back with a vengeance. It was hardly as if she'd be able to resist the lure of an audition no matter how ill-advised the plot, how small the part or even how unsuitable the role was for her. Just the chance of being back on stage would be enough of a temptation for personal standards and morals to be thrown aside. It would be the opportunity to put right what had gone so terribly wrong and prove to the world how badly she'd been misjudged - how could she resist that? To metaphorically raise her middle finger and shout "look at how talented I am and how wrong you were."

She tapped the tastefully embossed card a few more times and then began to rotate it between her finger and thumb between taps.

It was just a sounding out meeting, she wouldn't be committing herself to anything, and indeed she could withdraw at that point. Cassie sighed, she knew herself too well. Go to a sounding out meeting and she'd be picturing her name in lights from the first insincere statement about the role being written for her. In fact she wouldn't need any soft soap at all such was her longing for another chance. 'You're looking for a short brunette? Give me enough time to dye my hair and have shortening surgery on my legs' kind of longing. It was impossible to keep her racing thoughts in check; she was being offered a sounding out meeting and yet in her head was accepting a fucking Tony for the role after having gained worldwide acclaim for a uniquely moving interpretation of a difficult role. She'd been prepared to tip tomatoes over herself wearing a slip when auditioning for Ivan for fuck's sake and that was before she was quite this desperate for just a chance. How far she was prepared to prostitute herself for just a shot on Broadway worried even her, never mind trying to keep her expectations realistic. It didn't take much to see disaster, doom and heartbreak written all over this offer.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

And even If she did go, if she did audition if she did get the part and if she and Rachel were still together (this last point was the one that worried her most) then - it was a massive stack of ifs already - then her life would come under intense examination by the hostile elements of media who had so successfully and gleefully torn her apart before. You didn't choose a cast who had crashed and burned, with various degrees of spectacular, for a production called Redemption without expecting to exploit those histories to maximum effect. Would their relationship be able to withstand the scrutiny? Would she? That infamous YouTube clip would be back to haunt her - not that it had ever really gone away, thank you Internet. Was she really strong enough to face all that given she'd only just about survived last time? Her thoughts kept circling back to Rachel. Would Rachel be tarnished before she'd even had a chance at anything?

The images of a tearful Rachel conjured up by her memory were enough to distract her from tapping. With an effort she pushed those thoughts away.

On the other hand, if success looked quite so daunting there was the even bleaker prospect of failure or rejection at any point. What if after the initial meeting she wasn't invited to audition? Just how much more battering could her ego take? Worse, would she be able to handle it if she auditioned but didn't get the part? It was almost too painful to contemplate. Her dreams had been crushed and stomped on before, she knew from bitter experience how much it hurt, could she really go through that again? Would it be another spiral down into depression and self-loathing? Would her coping strategy come straight out of a bottle again? What would the effect be on her and Rachel, their tentative relationship was possibly the best thing that had happened to her in years - no, not possibly, make that definitely - could it survive the appearance of the bitter cynical depressive person she would become if rejected at any stage?

Rachel. Rachel. Rachel.

Cassie tapped the business card on her desk surface a few more times. The risks of success or even failure were just too great, too severe and too far-reaching, not just to her personally but also to her fledgling relationship. It was a no-brainer; she didn't need to discuss it with anyone.

Cassie put on her jacket and headed for the door. Turning off the light, she dropped the card into her recycling bin. It really was time to move on.

Rachel was beginning to regret her remark about not wanting to be a third wheel to Kurt and Stefan's coupledom. Kurt's new life ambition seemed to be ensuring that Rachel never had a moment to herself to consider her gooseberry-like status and she was already feeling smothered and trapped. She knew she wouldn't be able to extricate herself from an appearance at Callbacks that Friday night but Kurt's determined attentiveness meant she hadn't even been able to sneak away after humiliating herself with a Bee Gees classic. She'd even had to sneak into the ladies in order to be able to phone Cassie and even though they'd agreed earlier that they wouldn't be able to meet up later she was still miffed about it. Having to creep away to make a clandestine phone call made the whole relationship seem sleazy and awkward although such feelings disappeared the moment she heard Cassie's pleased purring of her name. Once Callbacks had finished Kurt had insisted on a hot chocolate nightcap that then morphed into a long conversation about the nature of love and relationships. His well meaning but misguided reassurances about a love being closer than she thought had her torn between wanting to laugh and say no, it was closer than he thought and yelling her exasperation that there was absolutely nothing going on between her and Quinn. Instead she kept her counsel, the arrival of another bouquet of flowers that afternoon had only seemed to spur Kurt on in his quest to extract information from her. Stefan had long since retired to bed by the time Kurt finally gave up in the face of her determined obliviousness. She just managed to text Cassie a message before falling into, frustrated and somewhat annoyed sleep.

If a Friday evening micromanaged by Kurt had seemed torturous, it paled into insignificance in comparison to Kurt's Saturday plans to ensure she was included in absolutely everything. Her early morning workout was the only time she actually got to herself. The day started well with a 'morning gorgeous' text from Cassie but once Kurt emerged bleary eyed and practically mute from his bed any alone time instantly evaporated. A leisurely breakfast with a note by note analysis of their Bee Gee tribute followed - usually this would be Rachel's idea of a good time but she was distracted by thoughts of what she could be doing with Cassie if only Kurt would stop trying to be quite so inclusive. When as an after thought as breakfast finally dragged to a close he'd asked her if she had plans that day to do anything or meet anyone, she'd made up some plans to go shopping. She quickly realised the error of her ways as Stefan and Kurt both enthusiastically welcomed the idea. She'd managed to stutter something about wanting to buy some lingerie and that it was a personal private solo activity in her book. She nearly cracked under the pressure of Kurt and Stefan's palpable disappointment until she reminded herself that she had no intention of purchasing underwear and it was all in fact a ruse in order to be able to spend some precious alone time with Cassie. So while the boys were bickering over a shopping list for a light lunch and an evening meal at Stefan's - that she was the guest of honour at - Rachel managed a sneaked phone conversation in the bathroom with Cassie. Plans for a visit to a museum were pushed aside instead they settled for meeting up for a coffee. These arrangements then adapted to Cassie buying some lingerie on Rachel's behalf after Kurt and Stefan decided it would be best for her to head directly from her 'essential shopping trip for the essentials' to Stefan's. Rachel was beginning to wonder how anyone ever managed to lead a double life; Kurt was already expressing concern about her far too frequent trips to the bathroom.

The irony of being quite so pleased to escape the 'food, film and friends day' that Kurt had organised and that Rachel had long fantasised about wasn't lost on her. At least a coffee with Cassie was a different kind of tense to that of fear of saying or doing something wrong. They'd sat opposite each other, uncertain about rules around touching each other in public and so settling for just gazing longingly at each other. When their hands briefly met as Cassie passed Rachel's lingerie excuse across the table it was as if suddenly the tension was broken. Cassie had explained that with no idea of preferred size, style or colour to guide her so she'd been obliged to go with what she thought would look good on Rachel. Cassie's mischievous expression along with her teasing words were enough for Rachel to light up like a beacon and hurriedly stuff the purchases in her bag without looking at them. As their fingers interlaced across the tabletop Rachel recovered sufficiently to bemoan Kurt's sudden overly attentive behaviour impacting detrimentally on the time they could spend together. Cassie could rest assured that Sunday would be different. Cassie had smiled indulgently, hoping Rachel was right but fearing she'd be spending her time watching yet more subtitled French police procedurals in a bid to stop thinking about either Rachel or that little rectangle of cardboard currently residing in her recycling bin at work.

In the end Rachel's reluctance to leave meant she was seriously at risk of only just making it to Stefan's apartment on time when she finally headed off. Given Rachel's long proud track record of never being anything less than half an hour early when meeting Kurt, she knew she was risking raising his suspicions. Yet she and Cassie had stood awkwardly in each other's orbit outside the cafe, neither able to make the first move to part. Rachel was quivering with the faint hope that Cassie would succumb to the temptation of kissing her in broad daylight and in public, no less, and Cassie was reluctant to let the only successful distraction to her long dormant Broadway dreams leave. Finally Cassie had pulled Rachel into a sudden tight hug even as she wrestled with the urge to lure Rachel back to her apartment. From the almost desperate way Rachel clung to her she obviously wouldn't have required much luring. Just a week, Cassie sternly told herself; besides, Rachel deserved her full undivided attention rather than her current slightly distracted self. She hardened her heart in the face of Rachel's coy 'come hither' look with added lip lick and blocked images of how Rachel might look in her Cassie-chosen lingerie from her mind. A long freezing cold shower had suddenly been added to her list of things to do.

By Sunday a resolute Rachel had shaken off all Kurt's suggestions of activities they could do together and persuaded him that while his thoughtfulness was greatly appreciated she was planning to have a quiet day in so he should venture out and enjoy some alone time with Stefan. It was all she could do to resist phoning Cassie the minute Kurt stepped out of the apartment. She managed to wait nearly five minutes, a feat of restraint worthy of public recognition. The dinner party at Stefan's had consisted of seven NYADA gay boys plus her and although that made for witty, occasionally bitchy banter, the downside was their preference for Lady Gaga music - which brought Cassie's skirt ripping performance to mind - and the gleeful increasingly outrageous speculation about all aspects of Ms July from appearance to personal life. Rachel could only assume the fact that Cassie's reputation - for a level of bitchness that made others' efforts seem pale and amateur in comparison - made her a prime target, simultaneously revered and envied. Rachel hadn't realised she'd gained quite such a widespread notoriety, or was it fame?, for her ability to provoke and stand-up to the in equal parts loathed and admired dance teacher. She'd listened to embellished dramatised tales of her stand-offs and dance-offs with Cassie and quickly realised, after her initial attempts to correct inaccuracies, that truth was willingly being sacrificed in favour of gossipy scandalised entertainment. The need for there to be a gap between Cassie's employment ending and any hint of an involvement between the pair of them had never been clearer. She was only now beginning to wonder with any seriousness about what impact the news of her relationship would have on others - more specifically, on Kurt. Her sympathy for him was short-lived. He was the one fixated about her being involved with Quinn and after him daring to peek in her very private shopping bag against her clearly expressed wishes, then making some remark about her preference for black lacy lingerie...well, that removed any obligation on her part to worry about his feelings.

The weather was ideal for a meander around Central Park with hats and dark glasses their only concession to not wanting to be noticed. Rachel's baseball cap pulled low over her eyes managed to knock years off her actual age and her excited bouncing from foot to foot only reinforced the idea of a young teen. Cassie managed to sidle up to her unnoticed and said, in an accent that travelled around the old Eastern bloc almost by the word, "Ze birdz in Prague fly backvards in zee springtime." Rachel spun round and looked at her aghast until Cassie had to assure her it was a reference to spy movies of the Cold War era and that she really hadn't been drinking. She couldn't believe Rachel had never heard of 'Tinker, tailor, soldier spy' only for Rachel to counter that unless a book was required reading for school or Broadway related, she'd have gone nowhere near it. Now If le Carre had shown a little more imagination in naming his book say 'Singer, dancer, actor, spy' then maybe she'd have glanced at it. Rachel's slightly outraged deadly serious delivery had Cassie momentarily stumped until a mischievous twinkle in Rachel's eye gave her away and they both burst into laughter. Rachel confessed she allowed everyone to think she was Barbra and Broadway fixated because she was but not, as most people chose to believe, to the exclusion of everything else. This reminded her of Cassie's claim to being a closet Barbra fan so they ambled around the Conservatory gardens testing obscure Barbra facts out on each other. The respectable distance between them gradually disappeared until Cassie's arm had found it's way around Rachel's shoulders and they were laughing at some outrageous completely fictitious gossip Cassie had made up about Barbra's diva antics on the set of Funny Girl.

They sat sprawled on the grass with a take out lunch, people-watching - or rather a variation on that theme. In the Cassie and Rachel version one would indicate a person and the other would come up with the matching ideal Broadway role, the more obscure the better. When Rachel pointed to herself Cassie earned a light slap for repeating her previously stated response of Maria von Trapp, Willy Loman or Shrek. Rachel's suggestion that Cassie was ideal for the role of Miss Trunchbull, Matron 'mama' Morton or maybe Daisy Werthan had Cassie snorting with mock outrage before her suddenly watery eyes had her looking resolutely away from Rachel. So much for moving on she scolded herself - she'd have snapped up any of those roles in a flash. Once her wayward emotions were under control she could once again catch the eye of an uncomfortable looking Rachel.

"I didn't mean.. I wasn't serious," stammered Rachel. Maybe she'd misjudged Cassie's sensitivity about their age difference? Cassie's thoughtful contemplation of her was increasing Rachel's nervousness.

Cassie sighed. Where, or even if, to start?

"Rachel, there's something I think I need to share with you," began Cassie as Rachel suddenly became wide-eyed and paled in front of her, "Just so you're in the loop. Total honesty and all that."

Cassie's attempt at reassuring words had only made Rachel look more alarmed. She placed a hand on Rachel's arm in what she hoped was a calming gesture. Rachel gazed at the hand and tried to control her racing thoughts about honesty always being the preface to intensely personal insulting 'truths' in her experience. She willed herself to stoicism.

"Mark 'Midas' Beaufort wants to talk to me about a new project of his," blurted Cassie in order to break the tension that had suddenly sprung up between them. There was a pause as Rachel allowed the unexpected words to seep into her brain and connections to be made.

"Redemption?" breathed Rachel in a hushed reverential tone.

"Well I'm not sure that could be achieved through just one conversation," quipped Cassie dryly. There was a moment's pause before Rachel's sudden burst of laughter had Cassie grinning at her affectionately.

"So?" prompted Rachel.

"Carmen thinks he might want to offer me a part," muttered Cassie her attention suddenly fixed on the middle distance. Rachel eyed her carefully; all that casual indifference suggested she was missing something. She waited for Cassie to continue but no further explanation was forthcoming

"That must be," started Rachel and Cassie braced herself for the over excited exuberance of youth only to be surprised by Rachel finishing the sentence with a thoughtful, "terrifying."

Cassie's gaze switched to meet Rachel's. Terrifying was the most apt description of how it felt.

"Terrifying?" Cassie repeated, hoping Rachel would continue.

"You know deep down you have this amazing ability – you know you do – but at auditions you're reliant on some stranger recognising all of that in the half a song or reading you're allowed to perform," mused Rachel, "Everything rides on it, so the fear of failure is almost paralysing." In her head Rachel was reliving that awful moment when the words for 'Don't rain on my parade' disappeared from her memory as all her hopes and dreams came to rest on that one crucial moment.

"I'm not going," stated Cassie. Dealing with disappointment or broken dreams was just not an option she wanted to countenance.

Rachel nodded with understanding. For all her bravado about auditions she really didn't know if that freezing was a one-off or if faced with a role she desperately wanted the same would happen. How much worse would it be to gain a coveted role and then have it snatched away by a moment of madness? Probably a good idea if she wasn't the one to bring that up.

"After I froze during my audition with Ms Tibideaux and the future I'd planned from when I first learnt to say Broadway was over at the first hurdle, I thought the only role left for me was that of a Lima housewife," said Rachel quietly.

Cassie bit back the urge to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the idea.

"Well I don't want to cast aspersions on your acting abilities but Lima housewife definitely isn't a role I can see you in," said Cassie gently.

"To be fair the plot was uninspiring and predictable; the intended co-star and I shared no chemistry and yet… and yet it felt so much safer than any alternative." Rachel's accompanying smile was didn't reach her eyes, "I'm not sure I could survive feeling like that again."

"Oh don't worry Rachel I'm living proof that public humiliation to a far bigger audience doesn't kill you," replied Cassie uncertain whether she'd managed to keep the bitterness from seeping into her voice, "and I have absolutely no intention whatsoever of opening myself up to that possibility again."

When she reflected back on the conversation Cassie recognised that that statement should have been the end of the matter. Instead Rachel had shared her fears about future auditions and Cassie had been reassuring, supportive and offered advice about never giving up. Somehow that had morphed into her relating her experiences around her disastrous somewhat brief Broadway appearance – she'd never really shared it all before - and her explaining why that was so different to Rachel's case. Rachel's sympathetic yet adamant support of only Cassie being able to make the call as only she could know what was right for her, had Cassie spilling more about her fears of that Youtube video resurfacing and what adverse effect that might have on their relationship. Rachel validated her concerns at every opportunity although her rephrasing of Cassie's concerns often made them appear slightly ridiculous, she was convinced at the time that it was an unintentional consequence of all that Rachel earnestness. So quite how the conversation went from Rachel being totally supportive of Cassie's no-truck-with-Broadway stance to Cassie deciding that actually she'd contact Mark 'Midas' Beaufort thankyouverymuch – again with Rachel's full support – Cassie didn't really know. She wasn't sure whether she'd been played by Rachel and didn't really care until Monday morning found her scrabbling around elbow deep in her recycling bin and cursing under her breath.

Cassie's last week was flying past and Rachel's stress levels were steadily rising. Kurt was proving hard to shake as he insisted on practically accompanying her everywhere after her late return on Sunday night. She also had the performance of a lifetime to prepare for. As circumstances contrived to keep her and Cassie apart, bar their lessons, the performance at Cassie's leaving party was gaining greater significance in her mind. Somehow long conversations into the night, although enjoyable and reassuring, weren't really doing anything for her permanently turned on state. Rachel was determined to at least have tasted Cassie's talented lips by the end of that evening – that was her minimum expectation – and in her more optimistic moments she was expecting to be in Cassie's bed in Soho relieving all this pent up sexual frustration, repeatedly and frequently. She had a five-minute slot to convey that need through song, to show how ready she was to be seduced or do the seducing. To that end she'd splashed out on a sparkly clingy black dress – Kurt had finally proved useful - booked herself in for a full body makeover, had Cassie approved lingerie to wear– thanks again kurt- and found the song she thought would make her irresistible. Now she just needed to overcome all those Cassie protestations about 'needing to be patient and wait a little longer', along with her stubborn determinedness. Friday evening couldn't arrive soon enough.

Cassie was pleased when Paul accepted her rather late invite to her leaving do. She expected it all to be a bit of a damp squib, bar Rachel's performance of course but even she wouldn't be able to bring life to a half empty hall. She'd invited Paul as her chaperone – the very idea made her laugh at herself – but she didn't trust herself to be anywhere near Rachel. They'd only managed to meet in lessons and she'd had to start keeping a physical distance away as the urge to just touch Rachel in a decidedly unteacherly way became harder to resist. Fortunately the initial meeting with Mark had kept her partially distracted, as brief and broad as it had been. They had a tentative meeting pencilled in for the following week but the general chitchat of their first conversation had reminded Cassie about the gossipy nature of the entertainment business. It served as a salutary wake up call, if one was needed, that a clean break between her employment ending at NYADA and 'starting' a relationship with Rachel was needed. Perhaps Paul could stay for a couple of months?

Kurt could think of better uses of his time other than waiting to meet Quinn at Grand Central Station but he'd invited her so she was his responsibility – for the moment at least. Kurt smiled to himself. Both Quinn and Rachel were going to be forever in his debt once he pulled this off. He'd managed to persuade Rachel to invest in a new dress for no reason other than her 'being worth it'. Now Quinn was on a train hurtling towards New York and the worst kept 'secret relationship' would finally be unveiled. He could hardly wait.

Quinn sat on the train wringing her hands. She'd missed her planned train just because she was so nervous she needed to visit the bathroom with far greater frequency than normal. It was make or break time with all signs pointing to make. She was finally going to share with Rachel how she felt about her. Quinn hadn't really decided on what she'd say, everything just sounded awkward in her head, and anyway there was no rush – she had the whole weekend. Kurt's unsubtle hints had led her to believe that maybe Rachel felt the same way too. Quinn's heart raced at just the thought of that. She knew she didn't really deserve to be forgiven for the appalling way she'd treated Rachel during their school years even if with hindsight she could now discern her misguided motivations. Quinn pushed the thoughts away. Last night she had skype'd a bright-eyed, excited Rachel who chatted enthusiastically about her upcoming performance – it was going to be her best one ever. Quinn just kept replaying in her head that part where Rachel had met her eyes on screen and said "it's a shame you won't be here to see it." It was all she could do to stop blurting out about her surprise visit. Just a little longer now. Quinn stilled her hands and smiled. Rachel was going to be so pleased to see her.


	21. Chapter 21

As Kurt paced the Grand Central Station concourse cursing Quinn’s inability to do something as simple as catch the right train, Rachel was applying the finishing touches to her understated make up. She’d decided to change at NYADA so that she’d have an everyday outfit to change into next morning if her attempted seduction of Cassie should prove successful. Rachel smiled at herself in the mirror – was it still called a seduction if both parties were willing participants? Realistically they’d still need to be careful in front of everyone else but in reality Cassie’s employment was finally ending so beyond being seen as unduly hasty there was actually no practical reason to be apart – appearances be damned. She just needed to convince Cassie of that fact. Rachel adjusted her cleavage and tried a flirtatious licking of her lips. Hmmmm, maybe not. Given the raw materials she’d started with this was as sexy as she could make herself. The dress was suitably demure for the upper half, short sleeved with a gently curving neckline that hinted at the possible existence of breasts however its length – or rather lack of it - was where the ‘wow-factor’ as Kurt called it came into play. The hemline was just about low enough to cover her rather skimpy Cassie-selected underwear but any sitting down would need to be in a side saddle fashion unless she wished to display her new risqué lingerie to all and sundry. In the unlikely event she dropped the microphone during her performance it would have to stay dropped. The plus side though was that in these heels and with this hemline her major assets – her long shapely tanned legs – were displayed to perfection. Not being able to be seated was worth the sacrifice, besides she didn’t intend to do any sitting down unless it was to straddle Cassie in the privacy of the blonde's own apartment. She took a calming breath. She definitely needed to focus on her performance and keeping her excited and lurid imagination in check.

Cassie spent the entire cab journey to NYADA trying to tone down her brother’s expectations of the evening. She wasn’t the most popular member of staff – in fact a long way from it – so he needed to be prepared for a rather empty hall and… Paul had cut her off with a big grin and a hand wave. He had merely jumped at the opportunity to meet Rachel and the less people present the greater the opportunity for him to warn Rachel of the error of her ways. Cassie was unamused. An unrepentant Paul merely teased her about how serious things must be if she couldn’t take a bit of joshing. Cassie rolled her eyes at him and chose to focus her attention out of the cab window. She was a whirlpool of emotions. Excitement warred with fear and trepidation. Nothing was settled, everything was uncertain from employment to her fledgling relationship. Cassie had been counting down with anticipation to today with the knowledge that she would no longer need to fear discovery of whatever it was she had with Rachel but now that the moment was approaching she was beginning to be paralysed by doubt. Maybe she wouldn’t be quite such an attraction for Rachel when her prestigious NYADA teacher status was removed. Once she was working all hours to make the dance instructor job work and Rachel’s peers were busy being young, carefree and going out to express this freedom, would Rachel realise she’d settled for much less than she deserved? Paul’s hand on hers interrupted her dreary thoughts and she turned her head to meet his concerned expression.

“If you say something allegedly inspirational like Carpe Diem I’m going to be forced to Google Latin profanities,” she warned him.

He held his hands up in mock surrender, ”Nothing uplifting or motivational I promise,” Paul grinned at her, ”although I can help on the Latin profanity front if that’s what tickles Rachel’s fancy and speaking of tickling Rachel’s fancy…”

The rest of that sentence was cut off by a rather forceful slap although the fact Cassie suddenly couldn’t contain her laughter rather lessened the pain of the blow. She was still laughing as the cab dropped them off so her protests at him paying for the cab ride were merely tokenistic.

“Paul,” started Cassie, her tone suddenly serious as her gaze moved from the building to focus on him.

“Trust me,” he said just as seriously back. She eyed him carefully before nodding almost imperceptibly and turning for the entrance.

“Cassie,” he called. She stopped and turned to look at him. He held out his arm, ”Could I have the honour? You look absolutely stunning.”

He placed his finger on her lips to silence her protest at the compliment, ”Just accept it, you’re a beautiful woman and she’s lucky to have you.”

He watched unexpected tears form in his sister’s eyes and his heart clenched at her fragility. 

“Well when I say have you, I suppose technically that isn’t yet entirely accurate,” he mused only for Cassie to growl his name warningly. A quick hug and they were on their way. 

 

Rachel made her way to the auditorium only now beginning to wonder where Kurt might be. After being under virtual house arrest all week and only allowed out with a Kurt escort it was a bit odd to find herself Kurt and Stefan-free. Carmen bustled over to greet her almost as soon as she entered the room. Chairs and tables were set out around the edge of the room with drinks on one side and finger food laid out on the other. Carmen consulted the list in her hand and checked Rachel had everything she needed for her performance before rushing off to talk to a group of people Rachel didn’t recognise. She made her way to the drinks table and chose an apple juice. The room was steadily filling up, current students congregating together as staff mingled with people Rachel assumed were past students. There was already a hubbub of acoustically perfectly projected noise. Lydia joined her by the drinks and encouraged her back to where her peers were gathered around two tables trying to spot famous NYADA graduates. The pursing of the lips of her fellow female students was the subtle indication she needed that this was an outfit that made her look good. She sipped her juice, tuned out the conversation around her - particularly all the comments directed her way about her amazing top but hadn't she forgotten her skirt? - and tried to surreptitiously watch the doors from where she stood. Surely Cassie should be arriving soon? The thought alone was enough to have her heart rate accelerating. 

Cassie was surprised that the room was busy enough to make spotting Rachel a bit of a challenge, although Carmen’s need to introduce her to absolutely everyone was hardly helping. The turnout was much larger than she expected but maybe the offer of free food and drinks would always prove enough to lure unemployed starving would-be performers from their cold damp cramped garrets. Some faces she recognised instantly some had a vaguely familiar air about them and others were a complete mystery; she greeted them all with the same polite smile. For some reason the faces and names of her first ever class were seared into her brain and a few had even managed to make a living in the fickle world of entertainment although not all as performers. There was an impromptu gathering around her and soon she was trying to smile rather than wince as her long ago ex-students recalled particularly choice criticisms she had levelled at them in her bid to toughen them up for the world of showbiz. As they then moved on to compare and contrast her efforts with particularly scathing reviews and cutting comments from auditions they’d received she realised that she had indeed helped prepare them for the knocks even if bitter resentment had been her original motivation. As Paul left in search of liquid refreshment a bronzed chiselled handsome man, well aware of his own high level of attractiveness strode over to join them and the group around her began drifting away with some eyerolling aimed in the direction of her new companion.

“Cassie,” he murmured as he grasped her hand and raised it to his lips, ”You're looking as delightful as ever.”

He held her hand for slightly longer than necessary before oozing charm and relating what a talented inspiration she had been for him. She eyed him sceptically as he paused in his praise of her to allow her to speak and return the effusive comments. Was it plastic surgery or the overuse of steroids that was making him so unfamiliar? He was clearly expecting her to remember him. She fought back her natural cynicism and wariness aiming instead for politeness even if she couldn't quite bring herself to mutter inane pleasantries.

“I’m sorry am I supposed to know you?” she finally asked not too impressed with how this man encroached on her personal space and blocked her view of where she thought her current students and thus where Rachel might be seated. His aftershave was either over powering or he was too close - possibly both. 

“Ahh Cassie, always the joker,” responded the bronzed Adonis with a dazzling white-toothed smile. His face skipped along the edges of her memory until suddenly it came to her. He had an extremely small part in some cop show - CSI Hicksville, Law and Order ad infinitum, wasn't he the tough looking monosyllabic eye candy character with a heart of gold?

"So enjoying life on the small screen?" she asked trying to disguise her total lack of interest in his answer. His self-preening occupied him sufficiently to miss her nuanced tone. In the time it took for her unwelcome companion to puff out his chest she had spotted Tyrone and Julian - surely Rachel had to be somewhere near them? Unfortunately the man in front of her wasn't self-absorbed enough to not notice her distraction.

"Well Cassie," he drawled as he swung an over familiar arm round her shoulders to focus her attention on him, her preoccupation with locating Rachel meant she was ill-prepared for the manoeuvre, ”busy, busy, busy and then of course there's all my fans to keep happy. Would you like me to sign something for you?" His eyes slid to her cleavage and she felt her skin crawl.

Cassie attempted to slip from under his arm but his grip was firm and unrelenting. Normally she'd have made a scene by this point but she was sure Carmen would never forgive her if she had to be thrown out of her own farewell party. Gossip sites would have a field day about bitter Broadway failure kneeing handsome future A-lister in the groin in an alleged fit of envy.

"Do you mind?" Cassie maintained her polite tone even as she fixed her unwelcome companion with a less than friendly gaze.

"Not in the slightest. We really should go out some time and catch up,” added the oblivious hunk as he leaned closer to add quietly and no doubt what he thought of as rather winningly, "You're still a looker even after all these years."

Cassie snorted with disbelief even as an "I could show you a really good time," followed hot on the heels of the previous remark. Why this man's on screen character had very few words became patently apparent with every smarmy word.

She spun out suddenly from under the arm that had been weighing her shoulders down and responded with an "I seriously doubt that," even as her brain raced with quite what physical injury she would in an ideal world inflict on him.

"Feisty women are my thing," he drawled as his smile widened.

"Mine too," she snapped back, pleased to see a slight flicker of doubt in the impossibly blue eyes.

"Listen Tony, Tom, Todd, Tim or whoever," she waved away his attempt to interject his correct name, " believe me you're really not my type," she allowed the words to slowly sink in, "I'd like to say I'm flattered," she ground out between clenched teeth " but really I'm not and..." 

It wasn't necessary for her to finish the sentence as the no longer smiling fake-tanned hulk was already striding away to find a more receptive audience to his charms. He wouldn't be crossing 'former teacher' off his wish list with her today, or ever.

Cassie sighed with relief even as Paul rejoined her.

"Fat lot of use you are," she scolded him and then observing his drink-free hands she added, ”I thought you'd gone to fetch us a drink."

"Yes well I had to intercept a brunette ballistic missile about so high," Paul paused to indicate a level just above his waist, "headed on an intercept course for you and your unwelcome admirer. It took an apple juice and a considerable amount of charm to deflect her."

"Rachel," breathed Cassie as she looked around him scanning for her. She was undecided whether Rachel making her way towards where she was being manhandled was a good or a bad thing and hoped a glimpse of Rachel's expression would settle the matter of whether she was in trouble or not. 

"Carmen hurried her away to prepare for her performance," added Paul. 

Cassie decided to forego dragging details of his encounter with Rachel out of her brother, as he'd just gain far too much enjoyment in stringing her along and making her work for every word. He grinned at her as if he could read her mind.

"She's wearing a rather impressive outfit," he prompted.

"Carmen?" queried Cassie with as much nonchalance as she could muster.

"No, Rachel," Paul's smirk indicated she wasn't fooling him for a moment, "if you can call it an outfit."

Cassie settled for a non-committal "Oh," even as her mouth watered with just how little of an outfit Rachel could be wearing. She brought her thoughts back under control, "We're taking things slowly."

"Hmm, well good luck with that," he laughed as the lights in the auditorium dimmed and they both turned to face the stage where a slightly flustered Carmen stood adjusting the height of the microphone stand. The evening's entertainment was about to commence.

 

Rachel had noticed Cassie the moment her soon to be ex-teacher entered the room. Cassie's long strapless red dress alone would have made her stand out as it clung elegantly to her shapely figure, however she had taken extra care to ensure her makeup and hair accentuated her natural beauty. Make up as a highlighter rather than as a disguise - it had been a while. Cassie’s blonde hair was pinned up with a few stray tendrils hanging down to tease the flawless expanse of lightly tanned shoulders. Rachel's heart thudded noisily in her chest, that this stunning woman was even remotely interested in her was just unbelievable. Her eyes drifted over the figure of Cassie's brother - her plans to end the evening in the arms and hence bed of one Cassandra July had possibly become just the slightest bit more difficult. Her annoyance was merely fleeting, as it was obvious the brother doted on Cassie, judging by the indulgent looks he sent her way in between smiles. Rachel sipped her drink and wrestled against the urge to join the group currently engaging Cassie in conversation. She needed to be mindful about appearances and besides her time would come. She could do delayed gratification - she'd been doing it for over a week! - now was the time for calm measured coolness. Rachel placed her empty glass on the table and watched as the group dynamics around Cassie changed to leave her standing alone in conversation with a man who'd probably be considered quite handsome if you were into, well, men. Part of her growth into adulthood was her moving on from irrational jealousies, she told herself as she watched the man encroach into Cassie's personal space and congratulated herself on her adult serenity in the face of such provocation. It was a brief moment of serenity for as soon as an unwelcome arm found its way around Cassie's shoulders Rachel's cool collectedness evaporated. She found herself striding purposefully - or rather, striding as purposefully as her heels allowed - towards where Cassie was being manhandled without any clear idea of what she was going to say or do but driven to intercede. 

"Rachel isn't it?" a friendly voice asked as a smiling smartly dressed man stepped into her path and held out a drink to her. The red mist cleared sufficiently for her to recognise Cassie's brother, the issue was how did he know who she was? She smiled an acknowledgement of her name and accepted the proffered apple juice even as her mind raced with concern at just what exactly this man knew about her and Cassie - if anything.

"I'm Paul, Cassie's brother and it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you and I can hardly wait to hear you sing as Cassie says her recordings don't do you justice and you sound phenomenal on them," Paul gave his most winsome smile and waited for Rachel's gaze to focus on him.

"Er thanks," muttered Rachel still uncertain as to what information Paul was privy to. Her singing would need to impress as she was hardly wowing him with her conversational skills.

"But more importantly I wanted to meet the woman responsible for putting such a big smile on my little sister's face after so long," Paul paused to watch a delightful blush make its presence known on Rachel's cheeks

"I didn't really do anything," muttered Rachel awkwardly. 

"Thanks for helping her to value herself. Not many people have the patience to see beyond the walls she puts up," Paul leant forward, "and you'll have to tell me how you managed to persuade her to even consider the possibility of returning to Broadway because I've been trying for years..."

Any further conversation was cut off as Carmen joined them, urging Rachel to take her place by the stage, as the entertainment was about to start. Paul managed to express the wish that he and Rachel would be able to chat later even as Carmen hurried her away. Rachel managed a quick glance over to where Cassie seemed to have extricated herself from the clutches of the unwanted admirer and all without needing her assistance. She'd need to thank Paul for saving her from making an idiot of herself. As she trailed in Carmen's wake towards the front of the auditorium she realised just how little time she had had this evening to think about tonight's performance. Her thoughts had been mostly preoccupied with how she hoped a rather private post performance party would go. Rachel could feel a calm confidence settle over her even as Carmen made the introductions. Once the first note was successfully sung she'd be in her performance zone, invincible, with her attention focussed on one particular member of the audience.

Quinn was doing her best to surreptitiously hurry a dawdling Kurt along but her verbal prompts were going unnoticed and unless she was prepared to drag him along by the arm there was little she could do. She waved away his suggestions that they stop for her to 'freshen up' and tried to ignore the sneaking suspicion that he was revelling in her impatience. Quinn was keen to see Rachel again and her thoughts about how Rachel was always so pleased to see her helped her tune out Kurt's irritating witterings about expensive flowers, secret admirers and the folly of trying to fool friends. Who knew how gay boy brains worked? He seemed happy delivering his soliloquy even as the auditorium finally arrived in sight. They were barely through the doors when the lights dimmed and a spotlight focussed the audience’s attention to a petite figure standing on the stage. An expectant hush descended. Quinn felt a thrill race through her as she drank in the sight of a confident Rachel swaying gently to the introduction of her song with her eyes closed and one hand lightly holding the microphone stand. The sight of those tanned exquisite legs alone made the journey from New Haven worthwhile and the thought of tracing their length with her fingertips or - God - her tongue quickly had Quinn in an overheated state, her pulse pounding loudly in her ears. She needed to focus so she could hear the song. Around her the crowd quieted and conversation ceased as everyone's attention settled on Rachel.

Cassie's heart raced as she finally laid eyes on her Rachel as her eyes greedily took in the perfection in front of her. Dry mouthed she allowed herself a longer lingering look at the sumptuous legs in front of her exposed by an almost indecently short dress.

"Want help picking up your jaw from the floor?" whispered Paul, "Or wiping up your drool?"

His comments hardly registered as a mesmerised Cassie waited for Rachel's eyes to open.

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin 

Rachel's gaze was immediately fixed on Cassie and her purring of the words sent an immediate jolt of arousal through Cassie.

Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in

Rachel's sultry delivery of the lyrics as she wrapped her arms around her chest and gently undulated to the music had Cassie mesmerised.

Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove   
Dance me to the end of love   
Dance me to the end of love

 

Of course Rachel would choose a song about dancing, it was after all how this all began. With her teasing smile, carefully controlled soft tone and gentle movements, Rachel quickly created an intimate atmosphere. The gentle suggestive swaying on her hips, the caressing of the microphone and her arms gently wrapped around herself all contributed to the suddenly cosy atmosphere. But it was her delivery that was having the impact as she managed to mix a vulnerable tone with her sensual purring. That knowing look between coy glances had Cassie incapable of coherent thought - spontaneous combustion in a ball of lust suddenly seemed a distinct possibility.

Kurt's insistence on providing a running commentary on Rachel's performance - or rather how he had found that dress and persuaded her to buy it and if it wasn't for him... - was initially easy for Quinn to tune out as she just enjoyed being wrapped in the sounds of Rachel singing in her distinctive style but now with adult facets added to her performance. Rachel so deserved to be with someone who could fully appreciate and worship her; she was just amazingly impressive. Quinn smiled. Her sense of contentment and pleasure was abruptly interrupted as the idle wish that Rachel was singing to her morphed into the realisation Rachel was singing this song to somebody. A cold sense of dread ran down her spine. This performance had the familiar features of Rachel seducing someone through song - how could she have missed it? The tell tale hair sweep just before she started, that oh-so-familiar coquettish glance through an imaginary fringe, that extra huskiness in her tone, never mind all that heart-squeezing emotion she wrung from every word. Quinn dragged her eyes away from Rachel to follow her eye line, desperately searching the crowd for the recipient. Her job was made harder by the rapt attention of the swathe of people in Rachel’s direct line of sight but for some reason her attention was pulled to where an elegant, vaguely familiar woman in a red dress stood enamoured and totally engrossed in the performance. It was now obvious that this person was the focus of Rachel's efforts.

Quinn impatiently cut across Kurt’s ramblings, ”Who’s the blonde in the red dress?”

He followed her gaze, “that my dear is the reason we’re here,” he paused dramatically for effect and Quinn fought the urge to punch an answer out of him, “Cassandra July, Rachel’s arch nemesis and tormentor. The ice-cold heartless beauty commonly known as...”

Quinn didn’t need to make the effort to tune Kurt out as suddenly flashbacks of various events were running through her brain. Rachel’s reluctance to talk about that damned woman - ever, that awkward pause before Rachel had lamely finished her blurted 'she’s incredibly' with 'talented', Rachel’s impatient waiting for ‘an e-mail about her work’, the sincere honesty of her explanation and the feeling she’d dismissed at the time of something being not quite right about it, but the clincher (so damned obvious with hindsight) was that awkward conversation about ‘Sandra’ (no eye contact) from ‘her dance class’ (full no-holds-barred eye contact) - why had she not seen it before? She fixed an icy cold stare on Ms Cassandra July. Wasn’t she the woman she’d met – where was it- ah yes, the ladies room at Callbacks? What had that been all about?

Quinn reined in the urge to scream her rage and concentrated on freezing her emotions. She needed to draw on her dispassionate skills as HBIC to properly assess the situation here and decide how to move forward. Not that it was difficult to see what was going on here, naïve unworldly Rachel was being effortlessly manipulated and played by that older scheming bitch of a woman. Rachel drawn to someone who had had a taste of the stardom Rachel craved - even if it had been as brief and disastrous as Kurt said. It didn't take much imagination to see how easily Rachel would have been lured in, desperate for any extra guidance on how to improve after being ruthlessly publically criticised by that bitch – probably reluctantly (hah) offering extra after school lessons provided Rachel didn’t tell anyone about them. Extra lessons - what a cliche. Quinn seethed quietly. Poor sweet Rachel was always such a sucker for any sign of affection that her dance teacher would hardly need to groom her ready to sexually exploit her. Quinn could feel the bile rising so she dragged her eyes away from the vile creature and swept the room with her gaze. 

Hadn’t Kurt mentioned something about that woman sleeping with another student and a former potential love interest for Rachel, Brady? Brody? Just how many of the people here had that miserable cowardly predatory excuse for a dance teacher actually fucked? It was a major abuse of trust playing on the weakness of others like that – in fact words were hardly adequate to express the true extent of her outrage. Quinn glanced back to the stage as Rachel danced and sang her way to the climax of the song and suddenly felt embarrassed that an emotionally innocent Rachel was practically prostituting herself for the scheming Ms July. Just another notch on the bedpost of an immoral bitter woman. The urge to commandeer the microphone and point out just why NYADA should be pleased to see the back of Ms July was nearly overwhelming but Rachel being part of the collateral damage stopped her – that and the total lack of any proof other than the sick feeling in her throat. Rachel was already in too deep and Kurt was obviously completely oblivious. Another chill made its way down her spine - what should she do to rescue Rachel?

 

Rachel hummed her way through the final few notes. She had had the crowd in the palm of her hand and although usually that was all she needed, this time it was only one particular audience member she was concerned about. Cassie's eyes had been fixed on her throughout the song but it was practically impossible to read anything else from her gaze at this distance - she hoped she hadn't overstepped any boundaries. There was a moment of awed silence as the song finished before thunderous appreciative applause and whistles greeted her. This post performance high was what she spent her life craving only now she was partly preoccupied with topping this off with a Cassie inspired emotional buzz. The combination of performance-induced adrenalin rush crossed with a delicious anticipation of a later sexual high had her weak-kneed with excitement. She gave a beaming acknowledgment of the acclaim and then stepped down from the stage. The applause tailed off as she found herself immediately engulfed in a crowd of her peers, suddenly eager to claim her as their own. Rachel’s eyes were fixed on watching Cassie making her way towards her even as she tuned into chatter of the admirers around her. Her heart was racing faster than when she'd stepped on the stage. She smiled at the suggestion of her nobility in pulling out all the stops for Car Crash when Car Crash had been such a bitch to her all year – she joked Wicked had taught her to ‘rise above it’. She felt reassured when Julian claimed that Any suggestions she couldn’t do sexy had been well and truly dispelled. It was the reassurance she needed just as Cassie finally reached the group. Cassie's mere presence caused most of the crowd around Rachel to scatter.

As soon as Rachel descended from the stage Cassie was quickly moving towards her wondering where the nearest classy hotel was because she had an overwhelming need to get Rachel alone, horizontal and out of that dress right now. The pair of them would never make it back to her loft apartment without breaking a dozen cab bylaws. Okay maybe she had invited Paul to stay to stop her doing anything as rash as what she now planned but... fuck it, Rachel and her were both grown-ups and they’d waited long enough. Paul was a grown-up too so he could fend for himself. Cassie made her way to the front of the appreciative group currently surrounding Rachel. Her efforts to be suave were rather ruined by her croaky voice

“Rachel, that was… incredible,” she finally managed, her voice an octave lower than her usual register.

“Why Miss July, I didn’t know you could do praise,” teased a sparkly-eyed decidedly smug Rachel.

“Well only for exceptional performances like that,” replied Cassie “and please, now that I’m no longer your teacher, call me Cassie.”

“Thank you... Cassie,” beamed Rachel. 

"That's a stunning dress," added Cassie using the opportunity to run her eyes over Rachel, lingering slightly longer than politically correct on her legs.

"Nothing you haven't seen before," Rachel paused to enjoy the slight blush on Cassie's cheeks, " in Dance 101."

"Definitely haven't seen you in heels that high," replied Cassie, "I can see your eyes rather than the usual top of your head." 

They smiled at each other communicating far more in a non-verbal manner. The intensity of their locked gazes was suddenly broken.

“Rachel you were amazing and that dress is sensational,“ Kurt’s voice was unmistakable, ”and even more amazing, look who’s here. Tah dah!"

Kurt pulled Quinn into view with a suitable Kurt-like flourish.

“Quinn”, muttered a wide-eyed Rachel scarcely able to believe whom she was seeing and uncertain quite how she felt about Quinn being here. Pleased obviously but also incredibly frustrated that her seduction plans were rapidly being thwarted by circumstances beyond her control. She was sure Cassie had been on the verge of suggesting they left together, judging from her smouldering gazes just now but Rachel could see she'd retreated slightly upon Quinn and Kurt's arrival.

Kurt’s self-satisfied smirk at the way Rachel was practically speechless with shock and delight at the unexpected appearance of her girlfriend quickly withered as Ms July’s glare settled on him. The woman always looked at him as if she wanted to tear him limb from limb and this time was no exception. He dared to pull his gaze away to focus on where Quinn had pulled Rachel into a fiercely protective hug and managed a rather strangled "Rachel." Quinn's reluctance to release Rachel was obvious and as an added bonus Quinn sent a hostile stare in Ms July's direction - there was a hint of the old Quinn they'd all known and hated in that look. Even Ms July's smile wavered momentarily or maybe he had imagined that. Rachel was beginning to look a little uncomfortable and Kurt cursed Ms July silently in his head for not moving on from where she so patently wasn't wanted. It was a shame that she seemed impervious to all that intense dislike Quinn was projecting.

"Quinn," Rachel moved to break the silence and the unexpected tension that seemed to thicken the atmosphere. She had looked forward to introducing the two most important women in her life to each other but now the moment had unexpectedly arrived it no longer seemed like such a good idea. She had wanted to be able to introduce Cassie as her girlfriend but that certainly wasn't appropriate at this particular moment. She shook off her sense of foreboding - it was just nerves - fixed a smile to her face and tried to exude happy thoughts, "this is..."

"Cassandra July," Quinn's tone was neutral and the smile was merely perfunctory, "We've already met."

Rachel was so surprised by the fact the pair were apparently not strangers - how was that possible? - that she didn't pick up on the hostility Quinn was directing at Cassie. They couldn't have met, it just wasn't feasible.

"Have we?" drawled Cassie knowing exactly who this glowering woman in front of her was even as she acted out searching her memory and coming up blank. She shrugged nonchalantly, "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Quinn."

Quinn eyed the extended hand suspiciously before deciding she didn't really have a choice other than to shake it. Ms July's raised eyebrow and knowing smirk when Quinn tried to crush her hand only served to infuriate Quinn further. Quinn was more familiar with this kind of person than she cared to admit.

Rachel glanced between the two women in front of her; something was going on beyond the smiles they were exchanging. For some reason there was a tension in the air and everyone seemed to be slightly out of character, even Kurt's manic grinning was proving unsettling. She needed to stop that smile-off or whatever it was going on between Quinn and Cassie.

"So Quinn what brings you to New York?" Rachel's attempt to project a cheery bright tone struck a jarring note across the group. 

Quinn's gaze switched from Cassie and softened as she looked at Rachel before glancing down. Her whispered emotion-laden response of "you" would have been enough to have a romantic like Kurt swooning if he thought anyone would notice but he didn't think anyone would so he skipped the dramatic impulse.

"I couldn't resist the opportunity of watching you sing live," added Quinn hastily matching Rachel's faux cheery note. She was afraid she'd allowed too many of her feelings to slip out with her previous answer.

Cassie's immediate thought that Quinn never could resist the opportunity to comment negatively either, given all the skysplitz postings on Rachel's videos, led to her trying to choke back a snort of derision. She was partially successful as it travelled to Quinn's ears only. Suddenly Quinn's attention flicked back to Cassie and she sent one of her best most venomous glares in her direction. She'd been able to reduce any of the cheerleaders to tears almost instantly with that look. Unfortunately Cassie's taunting smile towards her didn't falter in the slightest. 

"Your performance was impressive - I wouldn't miss the opportunity to watch you sing live in the future either." Paul took the opportunity to join the conversation stepping forward from the fringes of the small group to try and help lighten the atmosphere, "So how did you choose which song to sing?"

Paul's intervention was masterful forcing the group's attention first to him and then back on to Rachel.

"By the way, I'm Paul," he added nodding towards an irritated looking Quinn and an inanely grinning Kurt.

"Well Paul," beamed Rachel, relieved at his intervention, "only a song about dancing would be good enough for a dance teacher..."

Rachel's planned detailed reply was cut off by a sudden blast of sound from the stage and this time a group of singers stood in the spotlight. All eyes turned to the stage even as Carmen magically appeared to lead Cassie away to where some rather old, suit-wearing men stood. Paul excused himself quietly to Rachel with an "I'll let you catch up with your friends," and a friendly wink.

It left a smug Kurt, a disappointed Rachel and a decidedly irritated Quinn standing together, allegedly watching the performance in front of them but actually all immersed in their own thoughts and feelings. Only one of them was happy with how the evening events were panning out and that was because he'd completely missed the nuances of what had been going on right under his nose. As the melody of songs on stage ended and the lights rose, Kurt found himself on the receiving end of a rather hostile Fabray look. Never let it be said that he couldn't take a hint.

"I'll leave you love birds to it," trilled Kurt happily as he skipped away to go and do who cared what.

Rachel decided that even if all her plans were going to hell in a hand basket she could at least sort out with Quinn what Kurt's fanciful beliefs alluded to in his parting remark. Now would be a good time to clue Quinn in and laugh together at the preposterousness of Kurt's ideas.

"Kurt has this ridiculous notion that just because we're happy showing our affection for each other then we must be attracted to each other," blurted Rachel, "I mean how daft!"

"Hmmm," managed a surprised Quinn, uncertain how to reply. Was now the time to gather her courage together and tell Rachel how she really felt? Maybe she could save Rachel from any further entanglement with that woman?

Rachel took Quinn's non-committal response as evidence of just quite how put out she was at the idea. So she rushed to reassure her.

"Head Cheerleader Quinn Fabray and loser Rachel Berry," Rachel smiled at the incongruity of that statement, "Most of our high school friends would have enough difficulty comprehending the idea of us being friends, I mean have you even told Santana or Brittany?”

“Well... I... er... no but..,” Quinn struggled to form her response. She’d wanted to keep her friendship with Rachel to herself, besides Santana would have dragged the truth out of her and then she would have had to endure Santana’s rather peculiar idea of humour.

“Oh don’t worry Quinn I’m not offended,” smiled Rachel, ”It just proves my point about the total absurdity of us being intimately involved.”

Rachel's amusement was too much to contain and she laughed merrily as Quinn smiled a little stiffly.

"Maybe not that absurd," managed Quinn only to be met with another wave of Rachel laughter.

"Oh come on Quinn, you and me?” Rachel had to stop because of her laughter. Quinn tried not to look offended – what was so wrong with that idea?

“Let’s leave aside the thorny issue of sexuality for the moment,” a full-on disarming Rachel Berry smile was directed at Quinn as Rachel finally managed to control her amusement enough to speak, ”look at you, you’re beautiful, you could have anyone you ever wanted." 

Rachel paused sufficiently for Quinn to wonder about the viability of wailing "but you're the only one I want" but her courage deserted her and she managed only a stuttered ”but you’re beautiful too,”

Rachel waved her remark away, ”Oh Quinn, don’t try and spare my feelings now, we both know I’m not and that’s okay.”

“You are,” Quinn insisted softly.

“Years of high school feedback says otherwise,” replied Rachel and then realising the oblique reference to the bullying that Quinn had spearheaded might make her feel uncomfortable she hurried on, ”Besides you know you find me loud, irritating and pushy in anything other than small doses."

Quinn’s emotions were all over the place. She made a supreme effort to try to control the turmoil inside while lightening the conversation.

"Oh I don't know," she managed even as she felt tears forming, "we've managed a long weekend together without me wanting to kill you."

Quinn suddenly found herself engulfed in a Rachel hug and being told what a wonderful friend she was. She hugged Rachel tightly, able to see through the blur of her tears Ms July staring intently at them across the room. When Rachel released her she made her excuses to head off to the bathroom, discouraging Rachel from joining her by sending her off for drinks. She just needed a moment to pull herself together.

Cassie knew Carmen was trying to help her network with all these introductions but it was hard to concentrate when her focus was on Rachel. She smiled politely as the Chair of whatever arts committee continued to tell her just how important he was. Over his shoulder she’d watched Quinn’s conversation with Rachel uncertain what to make of Rachel’s amusement and the obvious discomfort of Quinn. The hard stare Quinn had directed her way before heading in the direction of the restrooms had had a hint of challenge about it. She extricated herself from the current 'conversation' and made her way to follow Quinn even as she watched TV sleaze guy approach Quinn with a “hey beautiful.” You didn’t need good lip reading skills to be able to read her succinct instruction that he should go away and make love to himself. Her amusement was short lived as Paul gently tugged on her arm and asked what she was up to as he glanced pointedly in Quinn’s direction. He kept pace with her as she walked.

 

"Look Paul she obviously has some issues with me that she isn't prepared to raise in front of Rachel so I'm going to give her the opportunity to get them off her chest," explained Cassie. It just felt like the right thing to do. If they could resolve whatever issues there were - surely about her treatment of Rachel in the classroom - then Rachel wouldn't have to feel torn between friend and girlfriend in the future? Now was as good a time as any to nip any misunderstandings in the bud.

"Are you sure that's wise?” asked Paul concerned.

Cassie shrugged. Maybe not wise but it felt right. Paul sighed on recognising Cassie’s stubborn expression.

“Hostile would be an understatement of her attitude towards you and I'm not sure she's ready for rational debate," Paul warned, ”I’ve no idea what you hope to achieve by orchestrating a show down”.

“Not a show down, just a frank exchange of views.” Grinned Cassie before becoming more serious, "We both have Rachel's best interests at heart so maybe a little clearing of the air is needed." 

Cassie smiled reassuringly at him as they stopped by the doors, "Your job is to distract Rachel if she looks like she's heading this way."

"Cassie?" Paul called her back as she started to walk away, "Be careful, there must be something more than just a dislike of your teaching methods to engender such animostiy. Maybe you were right and she likes Rachel too so sees you as a potential threat..” He trailed off unable to back up the feeling he had. 

Cassie grinned at him, "Don’t be silly, as far as she's concerned I'm the bitchy teacher who gave Rachel a hard time and she probably wants to call me out on it. No sweat, I’ll let her say her piece.” She leaned over to whisper conspiratorially in his ear, “Besides Quinn's in no position to lecture me on the treatment of Rachel."

Paul watched Cassie push open the door of the ladies bathroom. He had a feeling the meeting wasn’t going to go as Cassie envisaged it would.


	22. Chapter 22

Quinn stared intently at her reflection in the mirror, pleased to note there was no sign of her inner turmoil. She inhaled slowly trying to separate her swirling emotions - her anger at Kurt's oblivious meddling, building her up to have false hopes that had been so completely dashed was only surpassed by her rage at that manipulative blonde bitch who had ensnared Rachel so effortlessly, ready to use, abuse and throw her away. Slow exhale. Quinn glanced down to where her hands gripped the edge of the sink and willed herself to relax. Rachel was vulnerable to the influence of friends; she and Rachel hadn't danced around each other for years just for some old crone of a dance teacher to step in and ruin things. She breathed out slowly again - she could do this. All she needed to do was to point out the unsuitability of Miss July and then prove herself a better - so much better - alternative. Okay, she'd need to start discussing their current closeness and unusual relationship through school but with the right build up Rachel would finally see her as less of an ex high school bully and more of an ideal love interest. It would just require more time than she'd originally thought. Finally Quinn's knee jerk panic and despair were subsiding. She just needed to persuade Rachel to open her eyes to the possibilities around her rather than grasping desperately at the first suggestion of love interest - from a distinctly unsuitable and unsavoury character too.

As Quinn's gaze returned to her reflection in the mirror she became aware that there was someone standing next to her - inappropriately close given that none of the other washbasins were in use. All her efforts to calm herself were instantly undone as she immediately recognised the woman alongside her, the nerve of the bitch with her smug, gloating expression. How dare she even stand there? Quinn managed to hold back a snarl as she turned to face her. Surely carefully applied make-up wouldn't be able to disguise the toll that age and excess alcohol took - Quinn scoured the woman in front of her for evidence of either to no avail. All that beauty wasted on someone so unworthy... Quinn noted the woman's amusement at her scrutiny and brought her racing thoughts to heel. Cassandra July's presence next to her could hardly be a coincidence; the witch was here to revel in Quinn's impotency.

Cassie glanced at Quinn and schooled her features into what she hoped was a neutral expression. As uncomfortable as this conversation might be now she needed to bear in mind it was about smoothing the way for her and Rachel's relationship later. 'We must stop meeting like this' flitted through her brain as possibly the least appropriate way to start the conversation and her involuntary smile of wry amusement wasn't missed by the other girl. The hostility Quinn was projecting only seemed to have intensified. Cassie concentrated on not reacting to the animosity being directed her way. She needed to give Rachel's friend the opportunity to vent - although quite why that was a good idea was becoming less apparent with every glower Quinn aimed at her. Time to get the show on the road.

"I wanted to give us the opportunity to talk as I sensed a little hostility earlier," Cassie finally managed once it became apparent that Quinn wasn't going to be the one to start the conversation. There was a silent tense pause when a dropping pin would have been deafening.

Quinn's expression didn't falter from a something-unpleasant-I've-stepped-in look. The nerve of the woman.

"Sensed a little hostility? - How very perceptive of you," Quinn's sarcastic withering tone encapsulated everything Cassie found so intensely irritating about teenagers. All that self-important worldly-wise sneering cynicism without the benefit of any life experience to justify such a stance. Cassie swallowed down her irritation and reminded herself that this was Rachel's best friend. Rachel's rather bad tempered, rude best friend. The best friend Rachel ran to when Cassie had upset her so one who probably wielded far too much influence than was healthy.

The silence lengthened so Cassie raised an eyebrow inquisitively as an invitation for Quinn to say whatever it was she needed to about Cassie's teaching methods. It was a bit rich for Miss-plank-in-her-eye Skysplitz to be annoyed with her about her giving Rachel a hard time but hey, angry teenagers were hardly known for their self-reflective skills and if it smoothed the path of her relationship with Rachel, well she was prepared to grit her teeth and ignore the hypocrisy. She wasn't sure what to make of the arched eyebrow Quinn raised in response to hers - hopefully this wasn't going to degenerate into some kind of face-pulling contest as the cat's bottom expression Quinn was pulling would be hard to beat. She eyed Quinn coolly and considered her options carefully. Maybe she'd misread the signs and Quinn had no wish to talk to her. No skin off her nose, she might as well cut her losses.

The stillness and silence that had grown between them was shattered by Cassie suddenly straightening up and glancing at herself one last time in the mirror before she said, "I was under the mistaken impression you wanted to talk, my apologies."

Cassie turned to head for the door trying to keep her relief in check.

Quinn's inner turmoil increased as the opportunity to have her say seemed to be slipping away. Should she say anything? Was there anything she could say that would impact on the behaviour of this amoral conniving woman who seemed intent on despoiling Rachel? Would she be able to live with herself if she didn't even try to save Rachel from making a big mistake that she'd live to regret? Quinn looked at herself in the mirror - it was potentially now or never.

"I'm on to you," Quinn finally managed to say in a low quiet voice. For a moment she thought the other woman hadn't heard her until she stepped back to her previous position. Quinn kept her stare resolutely fixed on herself in the mirror even as fear raced through her. She didn't have time to assess quite what she was afraid of.

"On to me?" queried Cassie, uncertain how that remark made any sense.

Quinn allowed herself a wry smile at the puzzlement the former Broadway actress managed to project through her speech alone. Quinn didn't check but she suspected a wide-eyed politely bewildered look accompanied that remark. All that false confusion when she'd obviously come into the bathroom to gloat in some way over Quinn – she didn't fail at Broadway because of her acting skills then, noted Quinn's inner bitch.

Quinn's ill concealed irritation erased any last vestiges of doubt Cassie had that this conversation was a really bad idea.

"On to you," affirmed Quinn. Oh please, it was hardly complicated. She glanced down at where her hands gripped the sink tightly before adding, "I'm not stupid."

Cassie stared at the tense girl in front of her as her brain raced to find meaning in her words. Somehow she didn't think this conversation was about her role as Rachel's harsh dance teacher and yet there was nothing else it could be about - just her own slightly guilty conscience nagging at her. She pushed memories of kissing Rachel aside - Quinn couldn't be 'on to her' about that.

"And cryptic conversations give me a headache so if you've got something to say..." Cassie didn't need to finish the sentence, as the implication hung clearly in the air.

Quinn was again paralysed by indecision. It was one thing to run through in her head all the things she would say given the chance, to relish the imagined stunned-into-silence recipient of her cutting but accurate comments suddenly pleading for forgiveness after a tear sodden confession. Reality was however somewhat different - no one listened to a verbal onslaught, justified or not, in silence (except maybe Rachel and she was a notable exception rather than the rule). She knew this dance teacher had a reputation for a malicious turn of phrase so what would she do - to Rachel not to her - if provoked by Quinn? Quinn had spent much of her life being silenced by fear - fear of angering her father (she'd still managed to do so rather spectacularly), fear of losing her popularity (ditto), fear of rejection (on so many fronts but the most recent being the reason she was currently in this awkward situation) but never fear of saying what she thought (once the first three fears had been considered). So maybe now was the time to speak out? She tried to channel her outrage to give her the courage to speak. She was committed now. Rachel needed her to do what Rachel was incapable of doing for herself.

"Stay away from Rachel," Quinn growled as she shifted her gaze in the mirror to the dance teacher's face to try and discern whether her words were having any effect. The face that met her look remained impassive. "Or is that too cryptic for you - shall I dumb it down?" Quinn knew she was being deliberately provocative but the cool sophisticated air the woman projected was beyond irritating.

Cassie felt a flash of alarm that she quickly damped down. Various responses jockeyed for position in her head, the initial ones more scathing than the later ones as she gave herself time to think. She reminded herself that this was an over protective friend of Rachel's - although a warning off about her treatment of Rachel was laughably too little and far too late now that their lessons were over. She smothered the start of a wry smile that had threatened to show on her face. This was about lessons wasn't it?

"Quinn, you might not have noticed when you crashed the party but this is my farewell do, so..." Cassie might be censoring her remarks but she couldn't help her tone from dripping with as much patronisation as she could muster. The tightening of Quinn's lips let her know her efforts hadn't been in vain. Cassie slowed her delivery of words further as if explaining to a rather clueless child, "I won't be teaching Rachel anymore."

Quinn seethed at the wilful misunderstanding. Maybe not teaching Rachel dance but instead teaching lessons on betrayal and being used.

"Oh this isn't about your treatment of Rachel in the classroom even though that was outrageous," snarled Quinn as she struggled to contain the urge to slap the smarmy faced older woman as hard as she could, partly as an outlet for her growing anger and partly to see if she could literally wipe that smile off of Ms July's face. She was an adult now and words, not violence, were her weapons.

"Pot meet kettle," snarked Cassie as her hand gestures mimicked a formal introduction. There was a beat as she paused to consider the wisdom of her next remark and then threw caution to the wind. "Or do you prefer Skysplitz?"

The words had an immediate impact as Quinn's face suddenly turned a bright red and she pulled her gaze away from Cassie's. If she hadn't been so caught up in painful memories of her own culpability in bullying Rachel then she'd have had time to wonder how Ms July knew about her old online pseudonym - she could only have acquired this information from Rachel and it was hardly a topic of conversation that would have arisen in dance class; ergo her feeling of something more than teacher-student going on would have gained a somewhat firmer foundation than it currently had. Unfortunately Quinn's intense guilt about her previous treatment of Rachel blinded her to Cassie's unintentional slip. It took an immense effort to enable her to look at the self-satisfied expression of the dance teacher in front of her. Time to take the metaphorical gloves off.

"At least I didn't have the ulterior motive of trying to lure Rachel into my bed," stated Quinn clearly, pleased to see the effect her words had on the stunned older woman. She kept her expression neutral even as she rejoiced inside at finally scoring a point. Not so damned smug now. Hah.

On later reflection Cassie knew this statement was patently false - Quinn's motives for picking on Rachel were remarkably similar to her own - but at the time she'd been shocked by the accurate implication of Quinn's words once she realised her ears had actually heard what her brain was finding hard to compute. The mere mention of Rachel and bed in the same sentence was enough to have her burning with embarrassment. Her thoughts raced at whether Rachel had inadvertently or even deliberately let something slip - Quinn was her best friend after all - so she only managed to form a weak (and in the context of the previous conversation, illogical) response of:

"But she's my student..." Cassie winced internally at how evasive she sounded but she didn't know how much Quinn knew so she needed to tiptoe through the conversation. Besides, her slight delay in responding had practically confirmed the truth of the accusation.

"Oh right, like that's stopped you before," sneered Quinn trying to rein in her glee at having so easily ruffled Ms July's feathers, time to rattle her cage a bit further, "Is Brody one of your more recent bed notches or is he a bit down the list now?"

Cassie had been in performance and teaching long enough to know how to keep her face expressionless, particularly when something hurtful or upsetting was said, however her blood vessels were less obliging and the truth of Quinn's words was borne out by the renewed redness of her face and neck. Fucking Brody - an unfortunate phrase and an even more unfortunate act. Cassie allowed herself a moment to berate herself before refocusing – she couldn't change the past, nor could she defend her behaviour. Arguing it was only Brody, just that once, would hardly make any difference to the harsh opinion Quinn held about her.

"I don't care if you're some serial student seducer with a pathetic need to live vicariously through your most talented students - just leave Rachel out of your machinations," hissed Quinn. She had Ms July on the ropes so now was the time to press home her advantage.

"Well I wouldn't consider Brody one of my most talented students…" quipped Cassie immediately, the unintentional double entendre making her grimace internally. She sounded like some kind of sex-crazed vamp. The remark however served its purpose; it infuriated Quinn causing her to lose her train of thought and it gave Cassie a moment to collect herself. It was only a fleeting moment as a disgusted Quinn quickly found her voice.

"Rachel deserves better than being used by an aged alcoholic bitter has-been..." Quinn was frustrated that her outrage at Ms July treating this all as some kind of joke had robbed her of her more carefully planned insulting epithets. She'd just have to settle for free-style cussing. The woman had all but admitted to being the lowlife that Quinn had suspected - being right didn't make her feel any better.

Cassie could see Quinn's lips moving but tuned out the words. There really wasn't an insult Quinn could hurl at her that she hadn't already been called or directed at herself in her darker moments. Yadda, yadda, yadda, water off a duck's back although - woah - 'depraved sexual predator' would have to count as new. Rachel's incredibly rude, deserving of a slap friend, she reminded herself even as the urge to exact revenge made her jaw and fist ache from all the clenching.

Quinn had shocked herself into silence - maybe her last insult had been a bit out of line. She'd been trying to gain a reaction from the once again insufferably calm dance teacher but maybe she'd gone a little too far.

Cassie exhaled in a deliberately loud and controlled manner, pleased to note a look of apprehension flit over Quinn's features. She was right to be afraid as her remark was bang out of order and in a previous life Cassie would have risen to the bait.

Quinn resisted the urge to swallow nervously as the awkward tense silence extended while Cassie scrutinised her.

"Out of interest, who appointed you the guardian of Rachel's chastity?" asked Cassie calmly and conversationally - it was time to move things along. Quinn's bewilderment at the switch in topic and tempo allowed Cassie to continue, "because last time I looked," okay maybe not the most tactful choice of words, because looking was all she was allowed to do at the moment, "Rachel was an adult and hence capable of making her own choices," she leaned into Quinn's space in an intimidating manner, "even if they're ones you don't like."

How Quinn hated the supercilious manner of Ms July, the hint of a smirk that just played around her lips, her arrogant assumption of superiority and her sneering dismissal of Quinn's right to be concerned.

"I'm her friend," managed Quinn defensively, annoyed at how her voice quivered slightly.

"Oh right," drawled Cassie enjoying Quinn's discomfort, "so you've spoken to Rachel and you're intervening at her request?"

Quinn didn't need to respond as her inability to meet Cassie's gaze and her awkward posture spoke volumes. Cassie clamped down on any hint of gloating, tempting though it was.

"Of course you haven't and the reason I know that is because there is nothing going on between Rachel and me." Quinn's disbelieving gaze snapped up to meet hers as Cassie added a barely perceptible, "at the moment," before continuing more confidently, "not that I expect you to believe me but hey feel free to ask Rachel."

Cassie stepped back as they continued to glare at each other. Quinn pondered the significance of 'at the moment' - maybe it wasn't too late to save Rachel from her trusting naïveté.

Cassie weighed up the futility of adding anything extra to her denial. Quinn had made her disdain for Cassie completely clear so she'd merely be wasting her breath adding anything further. Maybe she owed it to Rachel to try and smooth things over slightly - perhaps something vaguely reassuring in the way of an olive branch?

"I care about Rachel," Cassie said sincerely. She felt an embarrassed blush cover her face even as her eyes flicked around the room in a guilty manner. The bathroom was thankfully still relatively empty.

Quinn fought the urge to sneer her disbelief and had to bite back an array of caustic responses.

"If you truly care about Rachel, " started Quinn wrestling with strong emotions and even stronger language poised on the tip of her tongue, "then you'll find someone your own age to fuck with," Maybe it was just too much to ask that she be civil.

Cassie sighed resigned "If you truly care about Rachel then you'll let her make her own choices." It wasn't a conversation that was going anywhere.

"Not if that means..." Quinn's angry response was cut off by the sudden dramatic slamming of the bathroom door against the wall. As they both turned instinctively to look at the origin of the commotion, a slightly flustered, wide-eyed, heavily breathing Rachel burst into the room.

 

Once Rachel had realised that both Cassie and Quinn were in the bathroom - thanks Lydia for the heads up - she'd rushed here, barrelling through the door in her haste to... well she wasn't sure what she was afraid of. Nothing was going the way she'd anticipated - she'd be lucky to even gain a kiss from this evening, never mind her now wildly out of reach grand plans to finish the evening in Cassie's bed. There had been a moment, as she stood alone in a crowded room when she was tempted to scream her frustration to the rafters but it quickly passed. Paul's unexpected presence was an obstacle that was solvable but then Kurt had to up the ante. He had scuppered her careful plans with his well intentioned organising of Quinn's surprise visit - she could hardly hope to sneak off for a passionate evening with her now ex-teacher without eagle-eyed Quinn noticing (even if ignoring her genetics and being a poor host were even a remote possibility). Kurt implying she and Quinn were a couple barely caused her to bat an eyelid but Quinn had looked so shocked. Rachel decided the evening had one redeeming feature in that at least she and Quinn had cleared that ridiculous notion up. Still a sense of foreboding was difficult to shake.

So as soon as Lydia had mentioned she'd seen both women having an intense conversation in the ladies room Rachel couldn't help but be alarmed. Quinn had a preference for showdowns in bathrooms and had even slapped Rachel round the face in one. Bathrooms were Quinn's home ground but surely her and Cassie chatting was mere politeness rather than a moment of high drama as implied by Lydia's gleefully excited declaration. Rachel had raced to the bathroom as a feeling of dread invaded her senses - some kind of showdown wouldn't have surprised her at this point because that was exactly how her evening was going.

"There you both are," Rachel breezed as she quickly stood between the pair of them totally ignoring her slightly louder than intended entrance. Was the atmosphere tense or was that her projecting? Maybe her unintentional door slamming had just scared the life out of everyone?

Rachel barely noted the surprised somewhat guilty looks both women cast her way, as she was too busy anxiously scouring Cassie's face for sign of injury - no hand prints on her cheeks, phew. Rachel disguised her relief as she glanced quickly at Quinn, no signs of injury there either although Cassie's verbal beatings didn't leave physical scars. She took a calming breath and scolded herself for her active somewhat paranoid imagination fuelled by Lydia's fantasist tendencies. Both Cassie and Quinn looked a little red in the face come to think of it but then it was quite warm in here. Maybe she'd just completely over reacted?

"So what were you two chatting about?" asked Rachel with a light friendly tone hoping her slowly dropping level of anxiety wasn't leaking from every pore. Rachel was too focussed on her own feelings of awkwardness and projecting the absolute opposite to pick up on Cassie and Quinn's guilty air.

Rachel's beaming smile raked first over Cassie and then more briefly Quinn. Quinn suddenly felt like she was five years old and had been caught scribbling on newly painted walls with indelible ink. It was hard to read anything from Ms July's face beyond a tightening in her expression.

"Cassie?" Rachel looked from one to the other. Her anxiety levels were rising again so the concern in her voice grew, "Quinn?"

The slight raising of Ms July's eyebrow at her told Quinn she was being left with the responsibility for clueing Rachel in to their discussions - or not. She didn't know if that was a kind move (although given the manipulative woman in question, probably not) so she fired a quick glare at the dance teacher just to cover the bases. The minor eye roll she received in return irked her but the increased frequency in the nervous tapping of Rachel's foot warned her she didn't have time to delay a reply.

"I was just thanking Ms July for allowing me to attend her retirement party," explained Quinn with a sweet smile that dropped as soon as she caught Ms July's eye.

Cassie laughed - managing another eye roll for Quinn's benefit before saying, "and I was just explaining that rather than retiring I was moving on to explore virgin," Cassie flicked a meaningful glance at Rachel, "green pastures." Cassie could see Quinn bristle, "thoroughly."

Rachel looked slightly bemused. Her mind raced to understand the green pastures reference, hindered by her nervousness. Then she suddenly realised Cassie must be referring obliquely to her possible return to Broadway. Here she was expecting the worst with some kind of hostile exchange when in fact Quinn and Cassie must have been getting along rather well if Cassie had shared that very private piece of information.

"Hardly virgin, it's not as if you haven't been there before," added Rachel, happy to be able to join in the conversation and feeling all tension dissipate from her body.

Cassie burst into laughter - rather more exuberantly than her remark required in Rachel's opinion but seeing Cassie laugh so uninhibitedly was a rare treat so she wasn't complaining.

Quinn stood looking distinctly unamused. It was hard not to notice Rachel's dewy-eyed adoration directed Ms July's way. It was harder still fighting the urge to cry as Rachel slipped her arm through Quinn's and gushed about how pleased she was to find her and Cassie getting along because they were really quite similar with tough exteriors that hid fluffy caring interiors - Quinn had barely managed to control her snort of disbelief. Rachel missed it as she continued on with how it was reassuring to know Quinn had grown out of the need for bathroom showdowns and how daft was she (Rachel) for even thinking it was a possibility? Rachel's verbosity was an indication of her nervousness and judging by Ms July's indulgent expression she wasn't the only one who found it endearing. The lack of attempt by the dance teacher to rectify Rachel's incorrect assumptions annoyed Quinn until a glimpse in the mirror made her realise she was guilty of exactly the same behaviour. There wasn't an ideal moment to point out to Rachel she'd called Ms July a depraved sexual predator and that was one way at least in which they differed. She hadn't grown out of bathroom showdowns either.

Further conversation was curtailed by a flustered Miss Fairweather appearing and fussing about Cassie not being where she needed to be - the disparaging look directed Rachel and Quinn's way clearly indicated who she held responsible for such an inconvenience. A reluctant Cassie was being dragged away for Carmen's speech and presentation but not before she and Rachel exchanged some meaningful eye contact. It made Quinn feel nauseous at just how easily Rachel was being played.

"I thought Ms July was responsible for making your life miserable and singling you out for undeserved ridicule. It's hard to see how you would become friendly," Quinn mentioned as they made their way back into the round room. A crowd was gathering near the stage where Carmen was again wrestling with the microphone.

"I wouldn't have any friends if I bore grudges on that basis Quinn - Kurt and you weren't always very nice to me..." Rachel smiled to soften her words. If she was honest she wasn't really sure how she and Cassie became close. She still couldn't quite believe Cassie was attracted to her.

"Ah but we were also immature, stupid and in high school. Ms July doesn't have those excuses," replied Quinn trying to keep her annoyance out of her tone at the dreamy look Rachel had at the merest mention of Ms July. Sowing the seeds of doubt needed to be her first step in saving Rachel from her desperate need to be loved that made her such an easy prey.

Rachel stopped so she could face Quinn. She'd had to listen to so much unwarranted criticism of Cassie from her NYADA peers that she had no wish for Quinn to begin joining in.

"Cassie has made me improve my dancing to a level beyond what I thought myself capable by challenging me to be better," Rachel paused to gather her thoughts as she scanned Quinn's face for understanding. "She might have been exceedingly harsh at times but nothing compared to how it gets in the real world competing for roles."

Quinn's unconvinced, "yeah well," served only to prompt Rachel to expand further.

"Bottom line being I don't have a problem with Cassie so you're hardly in a position to have one on my behalf," she smiled to lighten her words and then added, "I thought you two were getting along." Rachel paused to scrutinise Quinn carefully as another more uncomfortable thought struck her. "And if not, what were you really talking about?"

Rachel's confused expression was one which always caused Quinn's heart to melt. Fortunately she was spared from answering by the timely start of Carmen's speech. After ensuring she held the attention of the entire room, Carmen eloquently expressed her sincere gratitude on behalf of herself as well as students past and present for Cassie's extensive and rich contribution to dancing at NYADA - Quinn resisted the urge to eye roll at what was obviously a speech rolled out with minimal adaptions every time someone left. As Rachel eagerly hung on to every word about an 'outstanding if somewhat unconventional teacher' with humorous examples of Cassie and Carmen clashes and then examples of all the times Cassie had gone the extra mile for students, Quinn searched the audience for Kurt. He and she needed to have words somewhat urgently so once she spotted him she kept an eye on him before allowing some of her attention back to the stage.

Quinn grudgingly acknowledged the sense of camaraderie Ms July's witty self-deprecating speech managed to create in the room. The embarrassed laughter from the crowd as she referred to her many nicknames - from her perfect driving record leaving her puzzled as to the origin of 'CarCrash Cassie' through a succession of less than flattering terms to a brief mention of Wicked Witch of the West which seemed to have Rachel blushing. Fortunately thanks were kept to a minimum - Carmen for taking the chance on a 'mentally unhinged menace to performance', which seemed to be a quote from some caustic review judging by the knowing laughter - and future plans were left suitably vague after a jokey plug for her private lessons. There was a brief serious moment where she thanked 'those who have given me the courage to move on' and Quinn thought Ms July's gaze flicked momentarily to Rachel but that hardly seemed likely. Finally the band was introduced and the guests encouraged to dance the night away. Quinn was already making a beeline for Kurt before the applause had even died away and it wasn't to ask him for a dance.

Cassie was surprised that the applause, which greeted her off the cuff speech, had her on the verge of tears. She had thought about performing a song - her dress was far too expensive to be dancing in - but once on the stage with all eyes upon her (she was only concerned about a particular dark brown pair which still shone with admiration and hence her fears of what Quinn might have said were temporarily alleviated), she realised there were too many people beginning to suspect something so singing to Rachel would have to wait. Carmen's far too casual remark of only 'needing to look for Rachel if she wanted to find Cassie' combined with Quinn's more bluntly expressed accusations in the bathroom caused Cassie to rethink the saying-it-through-song idea. She managed a significant if somewhat brief look at Rachel and had to hope that Rachel had picked up on the heartfelt sincerity of her words. She'd watched Quinn striding across to Kurt and felt her heart sink - events were rapidly spiralling out of control. Quinn sharing her suspicions with the gossip addicted Kurt could soon see the mood of the party shift. Surely Quinn could foresee the impact on Rachel of making her suspicions public and telling Kurt was equivalent to making a public announcement. Such scandalous gossip of a possible teacher-student liaison would spread lightening fast via the gayboy jungle drums. Maybe she owed it to Rachel to précis her earlier conversation with Quinn and warn her of her impending notoriety.

Cassie was thwarted by Carmen's arm suddenly encircling her waist and directing her to where a group of individuals were waiting to talk to her. Cassie managed to manoeuvre herself so she could keep an eye on Rachel as yet more former students surrounded her to chat. Rachel had been joined by Paul although his teasing smile and wink at Cassie followed by Rachel's amused glance in her direction had her inwardly groaning. Rachel's gales of distinctive laughter floating across the hall only confirmed what she suspected - Paul was recounting his version of childhood tales at her expense. Paul had far too many amusing tales of a younger Cassie-in-denial and her intense focus on performing, never mind that story of how long she'd been willing to queue for Streisand tickets. Cassie tried not to show her impatience to escape the tales of 'who was where now and how much she'd been an inspiration'. She'd had to concentrate when asked about her future plans because she really couldn't think much further than getting Rachel alone.

Mind you, Paul's embarrassing stories of her younger self were a minor irritant compared to what was potentially going on between Rachel's best friend and Rachel's flat mate. From the glimpses she gained through the smiling faces that surrounded her, there was an intense conversation happening. She was waiting for Kurt to shoot a disapproving or outraged glare her way but either she'd missed it or Quinn was taking a long time to reach the punch line. It suddenly occurred to her that this might be her only chance to have a few words with Rachel while both Quinn and Kurt were otherwise distracted. Her motivation to extricate herself from the current conversation increased exponentially as she noticed that Kurt's expression was becoming angrier by the minute. She abruptly excused herself with some lame excuse about neglecting her brother and hurried to where Paul and Rachel were stood chatting amicably. Cassie paused to allow herself to take in the sheer beauty of Rachel laughing uninhibitedly with one hand on her chest and the other holding on to Paul's arm as if she was in danger of collapsing from amusement. Her heart swelled further with affection at the widening of Rachel's smile as she noticed her.

"A former cheerleader eh?" grinned Rachel before adding mischievously, "I may well have a thing for cheerleaders."

"I'm sure Cassie can show you some of her old routines," added Paul.

"Play your cards right and I'll be more than happy to jiggle my pom-poms for you Rachel," said Cassie suggestively noting the blush rise on Rachel's face. Over Rachel's shoulder she could see the Kurt-Quinn conversation had moved on to a somewhat heated exchange and it reminded her she needed to warn Rachel of the imminent gossip explosion.

"But first you and I really need to talk," Cassie's serious tone caused the smile to quickly vanish from Rachel's face even as Paul stepped away to allow them some privacy in the rather busy room. He held his phone to his ear as if in conversation.

Rachel's worried expression and anxious searching of Cassie's face for some clue to the nature of the problem made Cassie feel a bit guilty about spoiling the mood so abruptly. She smiled reassuringly which seemed only to worry Rachel further. She wanted to lay a soothing hand on Rachel's arm but touching was out of the question. Carmen had her beady eye on them; Quinn had been watching Rachel like a hawk even during her conflab with Kurt and to the right of them she could see the attentions of her Dance 101 students were directed their way. Still, looking at Rachel's anxious face maybe cutting straight to the chase would be a bit harsh.

"I just wanted you to know that under any other circumstances I'd ask you to dance," whispered Cassie on impulse. The dazzlingly smile that rewarded her remark would do little to dampen down suspicions.

"And if I was wearing any other heels I'd accept," replied Rachel, relieved to see the serious expression fade from Cassie's face.

"If we weren't under such close scrutiny, rest assured I'd be caressing your face with my fingers, teasing your lips with mine," Cassie murmured hearing the hitch in Rachel's breathing at her words, "and dancing with you pressed tightly against me."

Rachel's overheated brain could only manage a rather ragged, "Oh," in response.

Cassie leaned in to whisper in Rachel's ear, "I want you. Don't ever doubt it," she drew back, "but your peers from dance 101 are avidly watching, hoping to see me tear into you and Carmen is watching this exchange as well so..."

Cassie reached into her purse and proffered one of the new business cards Paul had given her. Rachel finally managed to extend a steady hand to reach for it even as her heart raced. Her fingers touched Cassie's and they both stood eyes locked with Rachel trying to convey through the little physical contact they shared all the feelings she couldn't find the words to express.

"Soon," Cassie promised before the outside world so rudely intruded on them. She hadn't had the time to mention her suspicions about Quinn.

 

Kurt was struggling to contain his outrage as he stormed towards where Ms July was futilely trying to persuade Rachel to pay for extra lessons judging by the business card she was trying to press on to a distinctly reluctant Rachel. He was speechless with indignation, brimming with a sense of injustice and he wasn't going to take such blatant misunderstanding of his motives lying down. He was poorly used by his friends; his efforts were unappreciated and as for Quinn's ungrateful, unfair, ill-timed and ill-judged haranguing of him - well...'Not being able to see what was right in front of his face'. How dare she? Rachel's deliberately clumsy and unconvincing denials of anything going on with Quinn were designed to mislead him into thinking the complete opposite. How skilfully she'd dragged him down the wrong garden path, practically forcing him to believe what she so half-heartedly and unconvincingly rejected. It wasn't as if there were an excess of possible candidates for a romantic liaison with Rachel besides Quinn, so excuse him if he'd jumped to the obvious conclusion. Apart from interacting with Quinn, Rachel spent most of her time and efforts trying to avoid being singled out for ridicule in her dance lessons. Maybe Quinn thought Ms July was Rachel's secret love interest? Kurt snorted at the ridiculousness of the idea before refocusing on his outrage. He barely had time to register Rachel's surprise as he saved her from Ms July's unwelcomed attentions.

"How could you?" accused Kurt his voice quivering with outrage as tears formed in the corners of his eyes. He pushed away the hand Rachel reached out to reassure him with. How dare she look all confused and hurt by his rejection of her attempt to comfort him, he was the victim here.

"Kurt?" Rachel queried, bewildered by the rapid turn of events and just exactly what she was being accused of.

"Don't even," Kurt trailed off to wipe his eyes in a theatrical fashion and considered briefly how he should end that sentence before abandoning it. "You deliberately... I can't believe... We're meant to be friends."

Kurt couldn't find the words to express the depths of the betrayal he felt at being deceived by Rachel - distracted by Rachel's deliberately awkward denials into believing Quinn was her secret admirer when really it was someone else.

"You're upset," diagnosed Rachel as she yet again reached out a comforting hand only to be rebuffed but this time slightly more fiercely. She wasn't sure quite what she was supposed to have done but seeing Kurt so distressed over rode her bafflement for the moment.

Kurt managed an inelegant snort at Rachel's statement of the glaringly obvious, but the tart remark he was going to make at her amazing perceptive abilities died in his throat as Ms July's growl of displeasure at his forceful knocking back of Rachel's hand reminded him of her presence. Perhaps now wasn't the time for this conversation. He made an obvious effort to control himself and dismissed the idle thought that for someone who hated Rachel, Ms July spent a lot of time in her company voluntarily. Probably only Rachel was well mannered enough to be civil to her.

"I'm staying at Stefan's indefinitely, effective immediately - not that you'd care - because I'm just too... just too..." Kurt shook his head in frustration, "If you ever decide you want to talk to me, or I don't know maybe apologise for how you've treated me then you know where to find me." He turned and strode away pleased that he had been magnanimous enough to give Rachel a chance she didn't deserve to atone for her behaviour. She and Quinn could feel guilty together in an apartment rendered cold, quiet and somewhat less bright without his presence.

Quinn watched the Rachel-Kurt interaction unable to hear precisely what was said but perfectly able to imagine Kurt's woe-is-me performance while blaming Rachel for his mistakes. She should have known when she berated him that he would feel the need to pass that on to Rachel. Watching the concern and hurt on Rachel's face as Kurt walked away, barely giving Rachel the chance to speak, made her suddenly realise an ironic truth. They'd all thought themselves too good to bother being friends with Rachel in high school when really it was becoming increasingly apparent that Rachel was and had always been too good for them. Quinn closed her eyes - too good and therefore vulnerable to Ms July's manipulations. She should have stayed happily oblivious in New Haven.

"Quinn, are you okay?" Rachel's suddenly close worried voice caused her to open her eyes to find Rachel gazing in concern at her. A quick glance around confirmed Ms July was not in tow.

"Kurt's already left," explained Rachel when she noticed Quinn looking around, "I think he could still teach me a thing or two about storming off." Rachel's smile to accompany her weak joke was less than half hearted and quickly dropped. There was a moment as Rachel gazed at her as if she was trying to puzzle something out. "Why is he so annoyed with me? What were you talking about?"

Quinn sighed and closed her eyes momentarily to fight the onset of tears

"Sorry Rachel but I'm feeling a bit under the weather" Quinn replied softly, resisting the urge to drag the back of her hand across an imagined fevered brow, "so I think I'll head back to yours if you can lend me some keys."

"Lend you keys? Don't be daft I'll go with you," insisted Rachel as she carefully placed an arm around Quinn's waist and decided her questions about Kurt could wait, "Is it your back?"

"More a severe headache," exaggerated Quinn. She wasn't sure quite why she felt so drained of energy - beyond having all her hopes and dreams dashed and alienating Kurt, it was a fairly standard evening out "but you really don't need to leave the party on my account."

"Quinn what kind of friend would I be if I didn't look after you? Come on let's get a cab," replied Rachel leading Quinn gently towards the exit. She tried surreptitiously searching the room to find Cassie but without success. Her explanations would have to wait.

It had been Paul's hand on her shoulder that had prevented Cassie from following Rachel as she made a beeline for where Quinn was stood alone with her eyes closed. She hadn't had time to ask him about it as suddenly her former work colleagues surrounded her and blocked her view of whatever was happening in the Rachel-Quinn exchange. She found herself presented with a card and a neatly wrapped gift. A few embarrassed thanks, handshakes and hugs later she'd lost track of Rachel and there was no sign of Quinn either. She could feel the fear that Rachel was in someway angry or disappointed with her even as she shared amusing memories with her work friends. Had Rachel left? Why hadn't she said or texted anything? Cassie was so distracted she found herself agreeing to come back as a guest judge at a NYADA showcase in the future. Paul again saved the day by insisting he danced with the sister he so rarely got to see when an appropriately slow number was played indicating the evening was finally drawing to a close. He held her gently, guided her around the floor and reassured her that she and Rachel hadn't come this far just to be derailed by an overly dramatic flatmate and a jealous lovelorn best friend.

Once in a cab, with Quinn brushing aside any attempts to make conversation, Rachel texted Cassie to update her on her location and to apologise for not saying goodbye. It took a torturous number of minutes for Cassie to reply giving Rachel a small insight into how Cassie must have felt when she had ignored her texts for days on end. Cassie's long reply about how amazing Rachel had looked, how wonderfully she'd sang and how hard Cassie had found it to be near her and yet not allowed to touch her caused any unease at leaving without saying good bye to dissipate. Rachel basked in the warm glow brought about by Cassie's text. She sent an equally long text back in a similar vein – that dress, the effect of Cassie's last spoken words to her, how 'soon' couldn't come soon enough and that she'd phone if the chance arose as she just wanted to hear Cassie's voice before bed. Rachel was unaware of Quinn watching her as she smiled her way through her texting. The evening hadn't turned out at all how Rachel had expected it to but, despite Kurt being angry with her, Quinn feeling under the weather and avoiding conversation, she felt it had been a partial success. She was finally sure Cassie felt the same way she did and now she was no longer her student, it was only a matter of time before their relationship moved onto a more intimate level. First however she'd need to soothe Kurt's injured ego and coax out of Quinn whatever it was that was causing her to retreat into herself. For the first time ever the treacherous thought that her life had been easier when she hadn't had friends feelings to navigate flitted across her brain. She quickly dismissed it – if there wasn't still the need for secrecy she knew if she shared with her friends her good fortune in finding love they'd just be happy for her and cheering her on.


	23. Chapter 23

Quinn awoke the next morning feeling groggy and disorientated. The gods had been using her eyes for marbles in a sandpit while she slept judging by how gritty and sore they felt. Gradually the events of the previous evening seeped back into her memory. She had to suppress a groan that rather than awaking triumphantly in Rachel's bed after confessing her long suppressed desire, she was in fact in Kurt's room trying to fight back feelings of despair tightly wrapped in a veneer of outrage. She had missed her opportunity to make Rachel hers - again. She should have said something when they had that moment up the Empire State building, or when she'd been in the wheelchair and Rachel had been so solicitous of her welfare to the exclusion of everyone and everything else including her so called fiancé. But no, she'd delayed and procrastinated thinking she had all the time in the world to conquer her fear of rejection and reassured by the misapprehension that Rachel would just wait for her. That Rachel felt the same way too. Quinn sighed, they were meant to be, Rachel was meant to wait. Someone hadn't given Rachel the script so instead Quinn had lain in bed last night listening to Rachel having a murmured conversation interspersed with muffled laughter in her bed on the other side of the apartment. It didn't take a genius to work out whom Rachel would be flirting on the phone with so late at night. Quinn's heart had ached in her chest.

An opportunistic, decidedly unworthy, Ms July had stepped in to her world to crush all her hopes and proving only too willing to capitalise on Rachel's near desperate need to feel loved. Quinn felt the tears form again in her eyes; she'd spent much of the night weeping silently for herself and for what should have been. It was all just so incredibly unfair, some kind of massive cosmic joke at her expense. After surviving teen motherhood, homelessness, parental separation and total rejection by her father because of her lifestyle choices she eventually gets herself to a place where she's finally ready to confess to a long harboured love for Rachel only to find Rachel has moved on, blinded in her naivety by the attentions of an exploitative seedy nobody who had once briefly experienced the fame Rachel craved. Un fucking believable. Quinn should have slapped Ms July when she'd had her cornered in the bathroom. She'd at least feel a little better now - or maybe not, Ms July was the kind of bitch who probably would have slapped her back. 

As if Ms July really cared about Rachel anyway - Quinn's snort of derision sounded disproportionately loud in the silent room. That miserable excuse for a teacher was interested in one thing only and it didn't look like Rachel was going to be putting up much of a fight. Quinn wiped away her tears angrily and tried to calm herself. Regrets about not making a move sooner were a waste of energy. Inevitably Ms July wouldn't be around for long once she'd .... Quinn tried to stop that train of thought at the idea of anyone other than her touching Rachel was just too painful. The mere idea of that woman's thin snide lips or wrinkled meddling fingers caressing Rachel was just nausea inducing. More hot tears fell as her imagination conjured up images to torture her with of a rough arrogant Ms July dominating a pliant meek Rachel. She needed to stop thinking like this.

Quinn had two choices - she could either try and stop Rachel from becoming any further involved with Ms July (that "not yet anyway" gave her hope that nothing had happened beyond wistful longing glances on Rachel's part and smug teasing on the old has-been’s side) or she just needed to wait the little time it would take for Rachel to be brutally cast aside. Ms July would have no qualms moving on once Rachel's amusement as a plaything faded and the fresh blood of the next unsuspecting victim moved into view. Quinn rolled onto her back to gaze at the ceiling. The problem with the first choice was that Rachel was in that infatuated stage where adversity would play into her rose tinted, romance-sodden view of the world. Any suggestion that her and Ms July were a mismatched unsuited pair would have Rachel imagining herself in a real life version of West Side Story. All that Berry determination and stubbornness would be fixated on proving the entire world wrong - she'd seen it before, with Rachel and Finn as well as Rachel and Jesse. The doomed pairing would last longer than necessary as Rachel insisted on applying CPR to an already long dead relationship; her desperate need to rescue it ironically being the final nail in the coffin of its survival. 

Alternatively she just waited patiently like the concerned loyal friend that she was, making absolutely no damning judgments about the creepy cradle snatcher that Ms July was and wait for the whole arrangement to fall apart - like it undoubtedly would. Once Ms July had smarmed her way into Rachel's pants - or should she say leotard? - then Rachel would find herself ungraciously dumped and abandoned. She (Quinn) would selflessly step in to nurse Rachel through the heartache, murmur reassuring words about how she deserved better and gently lead her into seeing what had been obvious all the time - that Rachel and her were meant to be.

The hard part would be the waiting. Or maybe listening to Rachel gush enthusiastically about finally finding the right person. In fact far worse would be watching smirkface run her hands over Rachel while Quinn needed to pretend to be happy for Rachel. Or maybe the hardest part would be watching Rachel fall apart as she was disappointed in love yet again. This was obviously the better strategy - to wait out the inevitable crash and burn of Rachel imagining herself to have found the love of her life with someone that anyone else with half a brain could tell was unsuitable. Rather than preparing her tear soaked heart- breaking rendition of 'It should have been me', she just needed a little more patience. What would a few more weeks be compared to the years it had taken her to reach this point?

Quinn's resolution to wait lasted longer than her first glimpse of a radiant Rachel wrapped in a cuddly dressing gown humming her way around the kitchen making coffee. Her adorably mussed hair suggested she'd only recently risen and her contented sigh after her first sip of coffee was just too damned cute. Quinn could feel the tug on her heartstrings and stepped silently back into the shadows to compose herself again as Rachel hummed her way to the sofa. Soon Rachel had her knees curled under her, coffee in one hand and phone in the other as she checked her phone for messages. Quinn's appearance was delayed by the sudden beaming smile that lit up Rachel's face as a squeal of pleasure escaped and she hugged her phone momentarily. On the one hand it was endearing to know Rachel behaved in the same slightly dramatic way regardless of whether she had an audience or not - on the other, it was hard not to conclude the text was from Ms July and her seduction plans were obviously well under way. 

Rachel was mid text response which required both hands and her tongue peaking out of her lips in concentration when Quinn chose to announce her presence with a quiet 'morning'. Rachel's guilty start and the sudden flare of embarrassment across her cheeks gave Quinn a momentary flash of satisfaction. Rachel's stuttered greeting and then hasty 'nothing important' in reply to her query only served to confirm her suspicions of who the texter was. Rachel was quickly up to make Quinn a coffee even as she finished off her apparently unimportant text. The buzz of a texted reply, Rachel's coy smile as she read it followed by the tell-tale brush of hair behind her ear as she turned away from Quinn were enough for Quinn's earlier decision to just let events take their course to be overturned. Beautiful naive Rachel needed saving from her own too trusting nature and her pathological need for validation through being in a relationship. Quinn just needed the right conversational opening - the potentially tricky conversation about Ms July would need to flow in a seemingly unplanned manner.

"Sleep well?" asked Rachel as she passed a mug of coffee to Quinn. They sat at the dining table.

The first opportunity to broach the subject was too soon and Quinn couldn't find an elegant way to link not being able to sleep to doubts about Ms July's integrity so she managed a " fine thanks and you?" even as her smile failed to make it to her eyes.

Rachel recognised the untruth in Quinn's words even as she joined in with "like a baby." So Quinn had had trouble sleeping, no doubt she'd lain awake worrying about her fall out with Kurt while Rachel had been having a late night conversation with Cassie and then pondering how soon 'soon' could realistically be. Maybe her lack of concern about Kurt made her a bad person.

There was an amicable silence as they sipped on their coffees and Quinn sneaked glances over the edge of her mug at Rachel. She was torn between wanting to engulf Rachel in a tight hug against her as she confessed everything and shaking Rachel by the shoulders whilst screaming ' what the fuck do you think you're doing?'

"Okay Quinn," Rachel said putting her mug down gently on the table," Out with it, why are you looking at me like that?"

Quinn's shocked expression would have been comical if Rachel didn't think she was about to receive a lecture on her selfishness. Quinn had never been good at being upfront about anything and her spluttering now suggested she still struggled with direct questioning. 

Quinn's floundering was thankfully interrupted by the buzz of yet another text on Rachel’s phone. ‘Saved, or at least reprieved, by the buzz’ thought Quinn.

Rachel read the message and gave Quinn a wry smile. “It’s just a text from Kurt," she paused to see if Quinn wished to venture a damning opinion of her," to remind me that he’s so disappointed in my ‘selfish betrayal’ of him after all he's done for me that he isn’t talking to me.”

There was a moment’s pause as they looked at each other assessing the seriousness of the communication before they bursting into shared laughter. Kurt’s idea that texting didn’t count as talking allowed him the perfect opportunity to ensure no one was in any doubt as to how he felt. Quinn’s phone buzzed in the distance.

“And there’s my personal copy of the same text no doubt,” added Quinn, garnering a sympathetic smile from Rachel.

Rachel’s hand on Quinn’s arm as she leaned forward and asked in a caring soothing tone exactly what had happened with Kurt made Quinn feel like a bit of a heel. Unlike anyone else Quinn knew, there was no accusatory tone, no demand to know exactly what Kurt was accusing her of and no pre-emptive judgement that Quinn must in some way be in the wrong. Rachel was projecting concern for Quinn with a sincerity that only emphasised all the big-heartedness Quinn would be missing out on. As big brown eyes brimming with empathy met Quinn’s she gave a highly Disneyfied version of her conversation with Kurt. In essence she had expressed disappointment in him not listening to or believing what Rachel had told him and Kurt had been offended. Rachel translated the Quinn-speak into meaning Quinn had torn a strip off him for daring to have the audacity to suggest Quinn could have a romantic interest in her. So she didn’t press for further details and instead wondered aloud if her ‘selfish betrayal’ was anything more than failing to correct Kurt’s misconceptions more forcefully. 

"Who knows how or even if Kurt's brain works," offered Quinn. Time to move the conversation on before the accusation of Kurt not being able to see what was right in front of him played on her mind - she'd so nearly dropped Rachel right in it, “In case I didn't mention it, your song performance yesterday was just..well.. Incredible," She started, only to be alarmed at finding tears had sprung to her eyes. Tired and a touch emotional was never a good combination on her. Quinn sought refuge in coffee.

"Oh, er, thanks Quinn," replied Rachel. Her performance must have been quite amazing to move Quinn to tears - maybe Cassie hadn't been exaggerating the effect of Rachel's singing during last night's rather steamy conversation.

"To be fair I was expecting a bit of Babs," prompted Quinn. Maybe song choice would lead into conversation about Ms July.

Rachel mock pouted.

" There's more to me than just Barbra songs," She protested even though a Barbra number had been her first immediate thought when Cassie coerced her into performing. She'd then considered the audience beyond just Cassie and finally settled on a song that most people in the room would be familiar with - whether from Bob Dylan or The Civil Wars - which carried a suitable message to Cassie," So I’ve moved on from my usual Barbra, Broadway or Britney but stayed in the B's with Bob."

Quinn's smile was still a bit watery so Rachel didn't expand any further on her search for a song. She'd spent time carefully considering songs by flicking through her playlists and laughing at her more outlandish ideas - somehow the choice of the old dance number 'Horny' although accurate, didn't have the required gravitas or subtlety for the occasion. Besides amusement at the imagined shock of her peers there was that delicious thrill of uncertainty over precisely how Cassie would have responded; no doubt by twerking incredibly close to Rachel to raise her temperature yet further.

"You looked stunning by the way," Quinn's remark cut through Rachel's distracted thoughts, "I have a hunch Kurt might have helped choose your rather eye-catching outfit?" Quinn's tone was playful.

"Oh did he mention that?" Rachel's over acted wide-eyed with wonder look had the pain in Quinn's chest intensifying. 

"Only the once," downplayed Quinn before adding," continually, throughout your entire performance."

They shared a smile of amusement at Kurt being so typically Kurt. Somethings just never changed.

Rachel ran her finger round the rim of her coffee cup as she tried to think of a way of asking Quinn in more detail about her run-in with Kurt without causing Quinn to retreat into herself as she had the previous evening. Closed down emotionless mute Quinn when her feelings threatened to overwhelm her was also something that definitely hadn't changed. Rachel just didn't understand what was the cause and so tiptoeing through a minefield of potential triggers seemed a daunting task.

Quinn watched Rachel's circling finger and decided to head off whatever query Rachel was building up to.

"Ms July seemed to appreciate your efforts," volunteered Quinn with as neutral a tone as she could muster. At least her chosen topic of conversation was now out there.

Rachel's dopey grin at the voicing of that woman's name meant the distraction from Kurt that Quinn sought was easily achieved. Now Quinn need to find a way to gently challenge Rachel's highly favourable view of Ms July.

Rachel's hand moved from the coffee cup rim to gentle caress the leaf of one of the flowers from a tasteful display on the table as she "hmmmm"ed in agreement with Quinn's remark. Cassie had yet to appreciate Rachel's efforts in the manner she desired - 'soon' was a cruel teasing word.

"I've heard she's quite a tough taskmaster so praise from her must have a disproportionately pleasing effect," pronounced Quinn trying not to wince at her clumsy manipulation of the conversation. Rachel cast Quinn a puzzled glance.

“Well I don’t think she sugar-coats anything so any praise is hard won,” mused Rachel, uncertain of Quinn’s point. She smothered a smile as she remembered exactly what praise she had earned from Cassie and not for her dancing. Maybe she should use the opportunity to find out more about that bathroom conversation.

”What impression did you form of Cassie during your chat?” asked Rachel.The name rolled far too easily off of Rachel's tongue for Quinn's liking, “The opinion of a neutral party, unsullied by NYADA gossip, would be refreshing. Oh and where do you think you met her before. In fact what exactly were the pair of you talking about – you both looked so ….serious when I arrived.” 

Rachel bit her lip to stop all the other questions bursting out of her. She just wanted someone to be able to see what she could. The second opportunity for Quinn to pursue her agenda arose and was in danger of sliding past. Quinn's mumbled explanation of possibly mistaking Ms July for someone else and then fumbling around for an account of what they’d been discussing in the bathroom (beyond her mentioning something about Ms July being a bit unkind to Rachel) was merely to allow her to build up to sharing her real feelings. 

Rachel leant forward a little too eagerly for Quinn's liking as she sought clarification on who exactly had said what but Quinn kept her recollections suitably vague. Rachel's instant defence of her teacher and her ludicrous suggestion that giving students a tough time in some way hurt Cassie more than it hurt them stirred Quinn to further action.

"Well you'd think with all her years of experience she'd have found a more effective way of preparing her students for the future other than ridicule," stated Quinn as Rachel yet again attempted to defend the indefensible.

"Look at how many ex-students turned up yesterday. Testament to getting something right when preparing them for the harsh realities of the entertainment business," responded Rachel trying to keep her tone light.

"I'm sure she's passed on all the benefits of her experience - I mean how long did she last on Broadway a couple of weeks?" Quinn retorted unable to control her annoyance that Rachel was defending Ms July.

Rachel took a calming breath. "The length is irrelevant, she wants to stop us making the same errors."

Quinn laughed humourlessly, "Oh Right. She's all about noble self sacrifice rather than cynical.."

She was cut off by Rachel's plaintive,"You don't know what she's really like!"

"And you do?" asked Quinn leaning back in her chair with her arms folded. Rachel was flushed and biting her lip as if struggling to keep words back.

"All I know Rachel is that she made your life so miserable that.you were on the verge of going home.." started Quinn before explaining in response to Rachel's angry glare,” Kurt told me. And she.."

"Kurt?" Rachel's voice was dangerously low," Gossip guru Kurt who has a tendency to exaggerate absolutely everything," She drew in a noisy breath before adding in a sarcastic tone," No doubt he was the one who saved me from giving up on all my hopes and dreams." 

An awkward silence followed as Rachel glared angrily at Quinn. Kurt's version of events was eerily similar to what Rachel had surmised.

"No-one's saying Ms July hasn't proved an inspirational dance teacher to you - we all know you thrive on adversity..." Quinn's conciliatory smile was weak at best.

"But?" prompted Rachel arms folded across her chest and eyes flashing dangerously. 

"But it doesn't make her NYADA's equivalent of Mother Teresa," managed Quinn as she backed away from the confrontation that she had been hurtling towards moments before. There was leading a horse to water and then there was forcibly holding its head underwater. Subtlety was needed.

Whatever Rachel had expected her to say it wasn't that. She laughed at the sudden incongruous image in her mind of Cassie in a nun's habit trying to be humble.

"You're right. Cassie's no saint," grinned Rachel," yet I doubt she's had time to do half the things that the NYADA rumour mill would have you believe."

Quinn seized the moment.

"Hmm true, she'd hardly be so unprofessional as to sleep with her students," mused Quinn noting the instant blush of embarrassment across Rachel's face followed by a mere hint of a pained expression. At least Rachel couldn't claim ignorance about Ms July's reputation as some kind of mitigating factor in the poor choices she was teetering on the edge of making. 

Rachel's eyes narrowed as she gazed at Quinn with momentary suspicion before dismissing her paranoia.

"And I doubt she really supplemented her NYADA income with all those alleged part time jobs ranging from pole dancer to high class escort - never mind having the time to bed the entire cast of Les Mis ... twice," challenged Rachel before softening her tone,"But then I don't need to tell you about the damage idle gossip does to a reputation eh?"

Quinn ignored the refernce to her reputation being decimated on the tongues of high school gossips while Pucks rose exponentially despite being guilty of the 'same crime'.

"Yes but there's no smoke without fire," suggested Quinn, ignoring the nagging voice in her head reminding her she sounded omniously like her father.

"Do you know how many cast members there are in Les Mis?" Rachel's voice rose in outraged disbelief.

"No, I mean, I merely meant that the exaggerated rumours might be based on an under lying truth that Ms July is sexually promiscuous," Quinn rushed through her sentence aware of Rachel positively glowering at her,"as is her right." She added as a weak sop to her feminist conscience.

Rachel struggled to control her temper. Maybe devil's advocate was the chosen conversational style at Yale but she really wasn't appreciating it here in her own home.

"You know Quinn it really sounds like you've taken against Cassie based on nothing other than innuendo and gossip," Rachel's eyes scrutinised Quinn for some clue to her thoughts,"unless something came up in conversation that you haven't yet mentioned?"

"Um no, nothing really, I just," Quinn fumbled around but couldn't bring herself to voice her suspicions about Ms July's motivations. She sighed before deciding to take a different approach,"So what's your opinion about Ms July?"

Rachel weighed up whether Quinn was really interested in her thoughts or just looking to further the argument.

"I think she's harshly judged, much maligned but despite that a gifted teacher...," Rachel caught the hint of a Fabray eye roll so cut her explanation short.

"You're too forgiving and see good in everyone," criticised Quinn.

"And you're one of the many people who has benefitted from that,"replied Rachel. She reached out and placed a hand over Quinn's," Everyone deserves a chance without being dragged down by previous mistakes or others misinformed opinions."

"People will disappoint you Rachel," said Quinn softly,"or even hurt you."

"They have already and that's to be expected,"Rachel laughed gently," All part of life's rich tapestry of learning experiences. Let's agree to disagree because I'm starving - what would you like for breakfast?"

With that Rachel released Quinn's hand and was soon quickly delving in the fridge for food options.

The morning went downhill from there fast. The atmosphere grew tense and yet more awkward between them as they both used vastly contrasting methods to ignore the pogo-ing elephant in the room. Rachel moved to unfailingly-cheerful-and-oblivious-to-any-subtlety mode that had been a familiar feature of her high school years. She easily batted away Quinn's attempts to discuss anything remotely connected to Ms July and countered by pressing Quinn for more details about her conversation with Kurt. So while Quinn retreated into her tried and tested, uncommunicative-and-closed-off-emotionally mode - frustrated and slightly angry that Rachel couldn't see what everyone else could - Rachel became garrulous and frighteningly enthusiastic about the single word responses she managed to wheedle out of Quinn.

Quinn cracked first. Rachel's upbeat telephone conversation with her dads where she downplayed her singing performance from the previous evening, claimed to be focussed on her career in response to a question that had to be about her lovelife and asserted more times than Quinn cared to count that there was no-one 'in the wings or on the horizon' that she was remotely interested in - was just too much for Quinn to swallow. When had Rachel learnt to lie? Rachel might be able to fool her dads but her body language and facial expressions were at odds with her words. Quinn needed to get away so she began gathering her belongings as Rachel trilled happily on the phone in the background.

Rachel wasn't sure quite where things started to go wrong - one minute they were laughing about Kurt and the next Quinn was hurrying out of the apartment with almost indecent haste, suddenly eager to 'return to New Haven as soon as possible as she had copious amounts of assignments to complete before the fast approaching Spring Break'. It was the longest sentence Rachel could extract from Quinn as she rapidly retreated into herself. Surely it couldn't be about her criticising Quinn for being too quick to judge people? Quinn's indifferent shrug when Rachel suggested accompanying her to the station would have deterred anyone with less steely determination than her. Shutdown Quinn indicated strong feelings she didn't want to deal with so Rachel was determined to give her every opportunity to share. She decided Quinn must have been feeling guilty about her run in with Kurt or unduly hurt by her earlier criticism. It had to be about Kurt. So she countered Quinn's stoney silence for the entirety of the journey with her experiences on how quick Kurt was to take offence as well as to forgive. Quinn shouldn't worry about having hurt Kurt because a new drama would soon take centre stage in his life. Quinn had raised an eyebrow until Rachel clarified that rather than having any psychic insight she could be sure 'because one always does'.

Rachel knew her words had an impact from the fierce prolonged hug Quinn gave her just before she headed off for her train. It was the only sign of the turmoil beneath the icy Fabray facade. It encouraged Rachel to make a point of looking Quinn directly in the eye and using her horse-whisperer voice to ask if she was sure there wasn't anything she wanted to tell or ask her. The Fabray stiff upper lip had wobbled for a fraction of a split second before HBIC Quinn - so reminiscent of high school - had slid back into place. She had matched Rachel's synpathetic gaze with a cold emotionless stare and asked in a far more accusatory tone whether Rachel was sure there wasn't anything she wanted to share or say. Rachel couldn't bring herself to apologise when she didn't feel she'd done anything wrong - even with Quinn so angry with her. 

Quinn's "I thought not" cut Rachel deeply. She watched Quinn walk a few steps away before her trembling voice called after her. 

Against her better judgment Quinn turned to see a young vulnerable looking Rachel gazing at her with tear filled eyes and trembling lip. She felt a fierce pang of guilt.

"Quinn," Rachel fought to force the words out even as her voice dropped to a whisper,"We are still friends aren't we?"

"Don't be silly Rachel, of course we are," reassured Quinn resisting the urge to hug Rachel again and concentrating instead on her own smile.

Rachel's smile in return was weak and she hastily wiped her eyes even as she muttered an embarrassed "Sorry."

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime looking at each other but neither speaking, Quinn resolutely walked away ignoring the feeling that Rachel was staring at her and probably crying silently. Quinn didn't have the energy to stay. She managed to hold her own tears back until the train pulled out of the station. She'd be back to build bridges when she was more emotionally robust or to pick up the pieces of the devastation Ms July was certain to wreak.

 

Cassie and Paul enjoyed a far more leisurely start to the day before finally venturing out for brunch. It was Paul's treat for his recently unemployed but hopefully not unemployable sister. From there they had ambled from swish art gallery to art gallery while Paul looked for a classy but inexpensive piece for his office. They were still bickering about style and possibly colour of what would make a suitable choice – his ‘I’ll know when I see it’ was distinctly unhelpful - when Cassie’s phone rang. Paul could have guessed who it was just from Cassie's warm tone but her excited breathy "Rachel" confirmed his suspicions. The disapproving looks of the gallery staff did little to deter Cassie from taking the call. It was amusing to watch how Cassie's tough outer shell melted so quickly and to see the smile that danced around her lips just from hearing that voice as she made her way to the exit.

“So how’s NYADA’s most talented freshman doing this morning?’ asked Cassie as she emerged into the sunlight on the street.

“No idea because he still isn’t talking to me and is awaiting my apology before he returns to the apartment,” grumped Rachel. The sting of the memory of Midnight madness always came back in her low moments.

“Sounds like a good reason never to apologise,” grinned Cassie before adding,” Besides, I was referring to you not your incredibly self orientated flatmate.”

“Well it’s hard to apologise when you don’t know what you’ve done,” added Rachel, ”and Quinn was no help.”

“So ask her again what she said to him but this time don’t let her off the hook,” suggested Cassie, hoping she didn’t sound too bossy.

“I will next time I speak to her but she’s on the way back to New Haven at the moment,” said Rachel. She had to concentrate to keep the wobble out of her voice. It had been hard enough to summon up the courage to actually ring Cassie’s number. She’d tried to keep busy in the quiet apartment but everything seemed set to remind her about Cassie, from the songs on the i-pod, to the flowers on the table, to the washing from last night in her room. Once Cassie had answered the phone, all Rachel’s doubts about being pathetically needy set in with a vengeance - she should never have called. Just because her flatmate wasn’t talking to her and her best friend (were they even friends) wasn’t really talking to her either it still didn’t make it right for her to interrupt Cassie’s quality time with her brother. 

“Oh,” replied Cassie trying to keep her tone neutral as she cheered internally that Quinn was out of the way.

“She needs to catch up on some college work,” added Rachel in the silence that followed.

Cassie was both pleased and surprised that Quinn hadn’t stayed around to cause trouble. Maybe she’d misjudged the woman- who in their right mind would choose college work over a weekend in New York with Rachel?

“So what are you and your brother up to?’ asked Rachel brightly – the total opposite of what she felt.

“Well we’re busy scouring high class art galleries for a not too modern, not too traditional, not too large not too small, neither too cheap nor too expensive masterpiece to grace Paul’s office wall,” responded Cassie before dropping her voice, ”I could have painted him something in the time this has taken.”

“I didn’t know you could paint,” said Rachel softly. Cassie just had this power to surprise her.

“I don’t, but I think I could have learned in the time this has taken,” grumped Cassie, pleased to hear Rachel’s surprised bark of laughter down the phone,” What about you, what are your plans?”

“I um I’m just looking forward to some sorely needed alone time,” replied Rachel. She shouldn’t feel snubbed just because Cassie hadn’t invited her to join them. She wiped away an errant tear,” I intend to fully pamper myself.”

“Sounds great,” replied Cassie but any further conversation was interrupted by Rachel’s abrupt, “Anyway must go, I’m about to get on the subway. Bye”

“Okay let’s…” Cassie stopped as she realised her call had been cut off. How odd.

“So how fares loves young dream?” asked Paul as he finally caught up with Cassie.

Her smile had faded and a thoughtful look replaced it.

"Rachel okay?" Paul tried to ask casually as he watched Cassie slide her phone into her pocket.

"She says she is," muttered Cassie and then didn't add anything extra.

"But?" he prompted. 

"It's nothing,"replied Cassie quickly because really it wasn't about anything that had been said. Kurt was still annoyed with Rachel - no surprises there from the resident drama queen- Quinn had had to head off to do college work and, after she'd told Rachel that Paul and her were art hunting, Rachel had paused only for a moment when asked her plans and then said brightly that she was looking forward to some alone time to pamper herself. So it was more about what hadn't been said and just an unsettled feeling she had. 

"Rachel's part of the texting generation," said Cassie slowly,"I don't think she's ever phoned me before.." She trawled through her memories; no it was always her who rang Rachel, never vice-versa. Then there was that oh-so-telling pause before that overly cheerful enthusiasm for 'alone time' - surely 'me time' was the correct phrase? Maybe she was being over sensitive but….Cassie rang Rachel’s phone only to go directly to voicemail. She didn’t leave a message and decided to push her misgivings aside. She could always call later.

“Okay one last gallery and then we need to cut our losses,” Cassie told Paul,” after that it’s home to change and my turn to treat you to dinner.” 

 

Rachel had switched her phone off after the sound of Cassie’s voice only momentarily gave her the lift she needed. She knew realistically she was probably experiencing a delayed post-performance downer emphasised by her now stilted friendships with Kurt and Quinn and her frustration at not being able to monopolise Cassie’s time. But understanding where her feelings were coming from didn’t make them go away or any easier to deal with. The apartment was spotless from the thorough cleaning she'd tried to distract herself with; there were piles of freshly baked cookies cooling on the side and still hours of the day to kill. She dismissed the idea of a long hot shower, decided against indulging her self-pity with her usual polka dot leggings and large sweater, and began looking through the DVDs for a suitably distracting movie. Nothing was holding her attention. One complicated home made fruit smoothie and time spent flicking critically through the music video channels later and she was almost relieved about the knocking on the door. Maybe it was worth enduring an evening of Kurt's self-important lecturing about her faults just to distract her from her loneliness. At least she could scold him about never remembering his keys.

Cassie's heart was threatening to beat its way out of her chest as she nervously waited to see if she'd made a massive misjudgement and Kurt would open the door. Her nervousness was only slightly lessened as Rachel's "You have keys for a reason Kurt, I could have been in the shower" preceded the opening of the door.

"Well I for one wish you were," drawled Cassie," and then you'd be answering the door clad only in a towel."

Cassie presented Rachel with the bunch of sunflowers - her rather weak excuse for visiting if Kurt had opened the door - and enjoyed watching Rachel's wide-eyed surprise changing into barely contained delight.

"Cassie," breathed Rachel in a tone that quickened Cassie's already speedy pulse,"Where's Paul?"

Rachel had stepped back to let Cassie into the apartment so Cassie took a step forward so they were barely touching but incredibly close. She tossed the sunflowers on to the table behind Rachel. Energy thrummed in the tiny space between them.

"He's downstairs waiting in a cab," purred Cassie, fighting the urge to touch Rachel so she could enjoy the delicious torture of anticipation, "Kurt?"

Rachel moistened her suddenly dry lips, "Still out," she managed to croak. She was determined not to make the first move and hence be seen as weak but her resolve was fast evaporating as a desperate want washed over her.

Cassie bent her head closer so their foreheads touched. Her warm breath ghosted over Rachel's lips as she murmured," We agreed to wait." 

Had they? Things had changed. Weren't they now on soon?

"Hmm wait," croaked Rachel even as her eyes flickered shut and her lips accidentally brushed Cassie's with the lightest of touches and a jolt of intense desire shot through her. 

"I don't think,” moaned Cassie as she pressed a gentle kiss on Rachel's lips,"I can." The next kiss was slightly firmer. 

"Then don't," groaned Rachel before she became too distracted by the sensations Cassie was causing with her tongue to form words. She was light headed, weak kneed and in danger of sliding to the floor in a pool of desire.

Rachel's hands reached up into Cassie's hair to press her face more firmly into Rachel's even as Cassie's arms slid round Rachel's waist to press their bodies closer together. Rachel’s last coherent thought was about not shutting the apartment door. Then her brain was overwhelmed with processing the sensations caused by Cassie’s teasing lips and tongue. The kisses deepened as the temperature between them rose steadily. One moment their tongues were duelling for dominance and the next they were exchanging softer kisses with gentle lip tugging. Rachel was a little overheated yet a desperate moan from Cassie took her to another level of arousal. Hot. Wet. More. 

Cassie was in a sensory haze. Rachel’s talented lips. Rachel’s flexible strong tongue. That incredibly hot mouth. Cassie pulled Rachel’s hips tighter against her. She couldn’t resist squeezing the firm buttocks under her hands and Rachel’s reflexive gasp into her mouth made Cassie even more turned on. Her need to touch Rachel’s skin was alleviated by sliding her hand inside Rachel’s shirt and up her smooth warm back. When Rachel’s hand lightly brushed the side of Cassie’s breast on its journey to her waist she couldn’t stop the wanton moan that escaped from her. She was so close. Just from kissing. Cassie was moments away from shamelessly rubbing herself against Rachel in a desperate search for release when a ringtone of Lady Gaga’s 'telephone' sliced through the heavy breathing and moans. The lust haze faded. Rachel pressed her flaming face into Cassie’s neck as Cassie fumbled for her phone.

“Paul,” she muttered, too breathless to manage a full sentence. She gently stroked Rachel’s hair with a soothing motion.

“I think I’ve practically bought the cab now judging by the meter – are we going soon or should I..” Paul’s voice was loud in the space. She could hear his amusement and imagined the knowing smirk on his face.

“We’re on our way,” replied Cassie, willing her heart rate to slow,” see you in five.” She cut off the call.

“Rachel,” she coaxed as Rachel snuggled into her, “I came to ask if you wanted to come out for dinner with us before we..er.. became side tracked.”

“I need a cold shower you’d better go without me,” replied Rachel in a small voice. She’d just..She'd almost...Anyone could have seen her.

Cassie eased Rachel away from her – the mussed hair, dark eyes and kiss swollen lips left no doubt as to what they’d just been doing. Cassie doubted she looked much different.

“Rachel you look stunning,” she placed a gentle kiss on Rachel’s nose and tried a little used pleading look,” Please?”

Rachel caved quickly in the face of this little seen side of Cassie. It turned out to be a sensible choice as Cassie's next plan had been to insist on takeout with Paul in Rachel's apartment. Instead they scrambled to make themselves more presentable - delayed only be the necessity of touching each other- and as a last minute thought, Rachel took a bag of cookies with her.

Paul’s knowing grin was enough to cause Rachel to blush before she was even in the cab. She passed him the cookies avoiding his eye as she took her seat. He ignored Cassie’s warning glare.

“So I’ve been stuck in this cab watching my hard earned money drain away while you’ve both been upstairs,” he swapped to his best Barry White voice,” busy making sweet magical,” he paused as Rachel blushed an even brighter shade of red and Cassie actually growled at him, “cookies.”

"Paul can't help being a bit of an ass sometimes," explained an unamused Cassie as her thumb traced circles on the back of Rachel's hand," but he'll turn into the perfect gentlemen or I'll start on the Missy McFaddon tales.."

Paul's laughter halted abruptly even as his face suddenly flamed red. Cassie wouldn't would she? It was a long time ago and he'd been young, infatuated and foolish. 

"You wouldn't?" he gasped.

"Try me," Cassie replied and her solicitous gaze at Rachel changed as she switched to glare at him.

Oh yes, yes she would.


End file.
